A
male
age
30-35,
*gonyunclechris
writes:i recently asked my girlfreind if She would ever have sex with this guy, i know she thinks is good looking, although she told me she is not intrested in anybody but me.She told me she doesnt just sleep with anyone, the fact she has only spoken to this guy 2/3 times so i said what about if you got to know him a bit more? Would you ever have sex with him then?she said, after two or three years of texting? I said yeah, she said, yeah i would probably.i asked her later on why did you say you would have sex with him? she said she didnt say that but she deffo did.So im torn, and dont know what to do, shes 19 im 18. anyway she seems the 'wifey' type, im her first real boyfreind shes my first real girlfreind, and she said she could see me as her husband maybe.But the fact that this other boy is a Flirt, and he is 100x better than me, even though i dont let her know this....its making me worry,that she will get freindly with him, without even having an intention to cheat on me, but then she will find herself slowly and surely in love with him, and then break up with me to go out with him, and be at the age to marry him and then boom im screwed.what, can i do, what should i do about it, now i know that she would have sex with him on top for the fact she finds him attractive, it is sending me paranoid. i feel like just dumping her, but im very attached to her she was my best freind before we decided to go out.HELPPPPPPP
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 " he is 100x better than me, even though i dont let her know this"
This is your problem. You have some kind of inferiority complex with this guy that's making you insecure and jealous.
She's not into him. Your question was a trap that wasn't a fair question. She's even said she could see you being married! It doesn't get more committed than that!
You need to realise that your imagination is creating this problem. It has nothing to do with her. You are pushing your false perceptions onto her, and probably confusing and making her feel bad too. This stuff is happening in your head only, not hers.
The way I found to deal with jealousy is to accept it without thinking about it. When you feel jealous or insecure about him, just allow yourself to 'feel' bad for a bit but don't start thinking about it: those 'he's better than me, she'll leave me for him' thoughts. Just keep your mind empty or distract yourself with something until the feelings pass. If you don't think about it, the feelings pass a lot faster than if you dwell on them.
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 I don't understand. Do you mean she would have sex with him if she wasn't with you? Or that she would cheat on you in order to have sex with this guy?
I am assuming that she meant she would have sex with him if she wasn't with you. If that's the case, then hey. She was kinda stupid for admitting such a thing, but can you really blame her for her answer? I think you are both young and you two are your first real 'serious' relationships, and I think that maybe she should have answered completely different. Like "Nah, because I'm with you!" or something to that affect. However, he's an attractive guy. Don't you ever see women that are attractive and you've thought about having sex with? If you weren't with your girlfriend of course. People like sex with attractive people. Doesn't make you any less attractive to your girlfriend, and it doesn't mean that she'll actually have sex with him. If she loves you, she'll stay loyal.
But it's another thing entirely if she is actually going out of her way to contact this guy. After saying that she would actually have sex with him, that should immediately mean that she doesn't talk to him if it makes you feel uncomfortable. After admitting her sexual feelings toward him, it's not entirely healthy if she is pursuing a friendship with this guy (at least now that you know how she really feels, of course it's not going to be ok with you). However, you make it sound that you are assuming everything. She isn't his friend, and he isn't a hundred times better than you. After all she is with you! Not him! She picked you over him! :) And that action speaks louder than words.
My advice to you would be not to ask your significant other whether or not they would actually have sex with someone else (theoretically), because you might get an actual answer that will make you feel uncomfortable. Feel more secure about yourself and know that she wants to be with you, not this guy.
But hey, if you really can't get this trust back, then it is time to break up. Relationships aren't anything without trust. Ever. I would just try to see if you can build up your security first before leaving. Good luck!
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