How do anonymous flings and oral sex differ from having sex with someone you know?
Q. One of the hardest aspects of my being able to accept, get over, and not think about my wife's one night fling (she gave and received oral sex with a total stranger who was much older than her - she didn't, still doesn't know his name) is to ...
A. 29 June 2010: "I understand how you must feel about what I did, but I am not that person any longer, I want you to trust that I am not running from the responsibility of my actions, but that I am no longer interested in doing what I did. I want my life with you, ... (read in full...)
Tortured with the thought of my wife's sexual past
Q. I am dealing with the common problem of having married a woman who had a sordid (my opinion) past. By age 24 she had over 35 sexual partners varying from a 2 year relationship to blow jobs in a club parking lot with strangers. I am conservative by ...
A. 29 June 2010: Just think how much time has passed. People are not fixed, we change over time very much. There's almost nothing left of that young and lost girl, it's another world. Like a dream. It's no longer real, all that is left is an echo of an echo.
Do kn... (read in full...)
Too shy to have sex because I'm worried about the size of my penis...
Q. Hi. I'm 16yo. My penis is something like 5.7 - 6in long when erect. I'm still virgin.. I had maybe 7 chances to have a sex with girls but I didn't do it because I'm too shy and I don't want to get embarrassed when they see my small penis. I know ...
A. 27 June 2010: I read your post to imply she's talking about her ex. If she is still with him then don't have sex with her. Cheating, or being with someone who is cheating, is never a good idea.... (read in full...)
Too shy to have sex because I'm worried about the size of my penis...
Q. Hi. I'm 16yo. My penis is something like 5.7 - 6in long when erect. I'm still virgin.. I had maybe 7 chances to have a sex with girls but I didn't do it because I'm too shy and I don't want to get embarrassed when they see my small penis. I know ...
A. 26 June 2010: Your penis size is exactly average. You have nothing to worry about at all in that department. You are letting your shyness effect your thinking: you say it looks really small, but that's just in your mind. In reality... it's perfectly normal ... (read in full...)
Why does he keep pictures of him with his ex?
Q. I found pictures of my boyfriend with his ex gf in a drawer. They were romantic pictures of them at a beach. Is he not over her? Does he look back at those times and reflect on them as good times? Why would he keep those pictures though ...
A. 26 June 2010: It's his life. He's entitled to keep the memories, I'm sure many of them are good. You can't expect someone to delete a whole chunk of their past. I have photos from my whole life, many with past partners because they were who I was at the time.... (read in full...)
Any men on DC who don't like porn?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Are there any men on DC who don't watch porn? Or never have? If so, why not? Ii'd like a tally please. I've only ever met one man who doesn't. ...
A. 26 June 2010: Hah :)
But seriously, do a google image search for 'sexy fruit' and you'll see what I mean... (read in full...)
Help! She's slept with more people than me!
Q. I am 31 years old and have been dating a 29 year old girl for about 2 months. We get on really well and have become quite serious and have discussed marriage etc. I formed the impression she has had quite a few sexual partners (we also slept t...
A. 26 June 2010: Don't ask any more questions! It's a shame she told you all those details... they're only going to make this worse. But stop now.
This happens often. Your question comes up almost daily here. I write about it a great deal, having been there my... (read in full...)
Any men on DC who don't like porn?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Are there any men on DC who don't watch porn? Or never have? If so, why not? Ii'd like a tally please. I've only ever met one man who doesn't. ...
A. 26 June 2010: I confess to having worked on Madison Avenue. We take advantage of evolutionary traits every day of the week.
Porn very much appeals to our genetic desires. It's absurd to say otherwise (assuming the theory of evolution is correct). The problem ... (read in full...)
How do anonymous flings and oral sex differ from having sex with someone you know?
Q. One of the hardest aspects of my being able to accept, get over, and not think about my wife's one night fling (she gave and received oral sex with a total stranger who was much older than her - she didn't, still doesn't know his name) is to ...
A. 25 June 2010: It's time for you to make a decision.
Reading your words here it's clear to me you've gone about this the wrong way.
But before I go into that. it's time for that decision.
Do you truly and sincerely want to get past this, and stay with... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 25 June 2010: Well done!
Now stay strong, don't respond to him, don't go back. Disconnect completely and stay that way. You'll soon be so incredibly happy that you did.
... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: 'None of your business'!?
That's a rude and confrontational response.
One thing is clear: it can't be good, because he doesn't want you to know about it. If it was fine, he'd not mind telling you.
So you have every reason to be paranoid. ... (read in full...)
Any men on DC who don't like porn?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Are there any men on DC who don't watch porn? Or never have? If so, why not? Ii'd like a tally please. I've only ever met one man who doesn't. ...
A. 25 June 2010: Answering this one might be more of a tails I win, heads you lose situation. But hey, I'll bite.
My opinion: I think all men 'like' porn. It's simply an animal reaction to be aroused by images of attractive naked women who are themselves sexually... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: Have you asked him what he's up to?
Can you hear a lot of typing? He could be talking on messenger to someone. Or he could be looking at porn. Or he could be addicted to something like a game, or gambling.
I suggest trying to have an open yet... (read in full...)
I tried to give him my virginity, but couldn't. Now he won't text me anymore!
Q. hi, i am chelsea... well i went to my friends house and i met her cousin jake. we had been talking for the past month on myspace but we really hadnt met. he seemed very sweet and he used to txt me everyday first. well we talked about the day i was ...
A. 25 June 2010: Friends with benefits means that he gets to have sex with you when he wants, but gets to ignore you the rest of the time.
This is going to be really horrible for you.
There's nothing you can do to make him love you. He may pretend to to ge... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 25 June 2010: "Thank you all for the advice... i realize this situation is not good.. but i feel bad for even thinking about leaving him... he needs help... i feel i should be there for him and it would be wrong for me to leave... i dont want to just give up on ... (read in full...)
To text or not to text him - that is the question.
Q. so i know this guy and sometimes we flirt over text. about three weeks ago i texted him (he only replies when i ask him a question such as: are you going anywhere cool this summer?) he doesn't really ever reply when i just say "hey". so anyway thre...
A. 24 June 2010: I hope you have lots of free texts on your phone plan.
Just bear in mind that texting is no substitute for face to face communication. You learn more about someone in half an hour of direct interaction than a month of texts.
Honestly, fro... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 24 June 2010: He sounds really dangerous, you need to get out right away.
He'll threaten all sorts of stuff once you leave it sounds like. Including suicide. You have to NOT respond to that, but stay away. It's essential. Block his email / phone number, ... (read in full...)
He doesn't ejaculate often. Is it me or him?
Q. Hi everyone ive been sleeping with this guy on and off for a couple of months now and only once has cum and that was from a blow job, Anyway sorry to sound disgusting but last nite when having sex, he kept saying he wanted to cum inside me,...
A. 24 June 2010: This is a good article about it:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/physical_health/sexual_health/difficultyejaculating.shtml
On the bbc of all places! ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that I am just not "girlfriend material"?
Q. After my last "almost-relationship" (see the question "He's with another woman, but still comes to me to talk about sex!"), a big heartache and working through it and analysing my life and relationships with guys I do realise that I am "just not ...
A. 24 June 2010: "If men cannot love a woman who is confident when it comes to sex and really loves sex in all possible ways then I guess I cannot be loved.
Rationally the whole thing is ... so easy!"
But you know this is actually irrational right? You are d... (read in full...)
How do I accept that I am just not "girlfriend material"?
Q. After my last "almost-relationship" (see the question "He's with another woman, but still comes to me to talk about sex!"), a big heartache and working through it and analysing my life and relationships with guys I do realise that I am "just not ...
A. 23 June 2010: That's a bit sad to read. Reading it I don't think you are not girlfriend material. I think you maybe have lived in a way that has not involved meeting your emotional needs: not treating yourself with the kindness you deserve.
Perhaps you are ... (read in full...)
My girl's sexual tally is less than mine but I am still bothered by it
Q. I recently discovered that at my girfriend at the age of 23 has had 22 sexual partners including me. Let's forgo the truth part as I believe her but what's bothering me is the number. I didn't think I'd be bothered but when she counted up and told ...
A. 23 June 2010: You say this is 'really playing on my mind'.
That's a warning sign, you need to be careful. Plenty of guys come her having had something like this bother them for too long: and it tends to get worse and worse.
The sooner you can pull out of ... (read in full...)
Dating, Age, Time, and Celibacy...Recipe for being Alone Forever?
Q. I have been alone- without being on a single date- since 1997. When I was younger, out of college I worked 8 years, 7 days a week, year round, 10-24 hours a day. The only time I had off was extremely rare and I was normally mentally exhaust...
A. 22 June 2010: "Please don't focus on the career or anxiety issues, those are separate from my issue"
Except these have everything to do with your issue. Separating them doesn't work.
Your lack of career is preventing you from meeting people in a sustained w... (read in full...)
My b oyfriend has anger towards me for my past.
Q. "OPs Own Title"My boyfriend has anger towards me for my past. Most days are wonderful - we have a great time together, enjoy doing the same things, and want the same things out of life - marriage and children. But, the anger builds up (he says that ...
A. 22 June 2010: I think anonymous below makes some good points about 'compatible styles'. This is in many senses true.
Personally I believe we have every right to choose to be with someone who has a similar sexual history to you.
If you don't want to be with ... (read in full...)
My wife was a teenage slut - accepting her promiscuous past
Q. I just wanted to post this due to all the posts re girls with promiscuous pasts. Here is my story. I fell head over heels for my now wife when she was 22 and I 23. Our relationship progressed and soon we both realized we were utterly in love ...
A. 21 June 2010: That's really good to read. And I think you are describing something possible for many: very often a promiscuous past is no indication of how some one will be in a committed relationship. Often it's a case of either a youth spent learning to find ... (read in full...)
My wife's sexual past that I didn't know about has made me a different person today.
Q. My wife lied to me about her sexual past and has now told me... 12 years later!!! Hi guys, I just wanted to say how much this site helped me become a different person i am today. what ive learned is that if my wife would of told me about her sexual...
A. 21 June 2010: Thanks for coming here and saying that. It's responses (and results) like yours that keep me here.
Well done getting to that place in your relationship. You show that it is possible to have this experience and come out appreciating more from the... (read in full...)
I don't enjoy giving oral sex, is this normal?
Q. I don't enjoy giving my boyfriend a blow job. Is that normal? Last night i kept trying and then gagging within a few seconds. He knows i don't enjoy it and can't understand why. Last night he told me that i should enjoy it really which made me feel ...
A. 21 June 2010: If you're gagging, you're putting it too far in your mouth.
Just lick / suck the end only whilst using your hand on the shaft. Don't let him push it into your mouth. Guys will try that having seen in porn, but that's a serious 'stunt' and certainl... (read in full...)
I have an oral sex fetish which I find unnerving and am morally against..
Q. I'm bi, and in the last few years I've realized that I have a fondness for women who are submissive in giving their male partners oral sex. Male submission doesn't do it for me, and neither does lesbian submission. It's only when the woman is doing ...
A. 20 June 2010: Many people have extreme fantasies that are different from how they think they should be in their everyday life. That's totally ok. You do not have to act on your fantasies, and it is not wrong to have them.
I recommend a book called My Secret G... (read in full...)
My b oyfriend has anger towards me for my past.
Q. "OPs Own Title"My boyfriend has anger towards me for my past. Most days are wonderful - we have a great time together, enjoy doing the same things, and want the same things out of life - marriage and children. But, the anger builds up (he says that ...
A. 20 June 2010: This has nothing to do with morality.
I've seen this over and over.
Men use 'morality' as an excuse to have negative and judgmental feelings towards women they label as 'promiscuous'. It's a convenient excuse to put someone down; to make th... (read in full...)
Farewell from an aunt
Q. After being an aunt on this wonderful site for well over 5 years, I've decided to finally see the writing on the wall and call it quits. I truly gave it my best shot and spoke the truth as I know it to be. I will always treasure my time here and the ...
A. 20 June 2010: Best wishes to you... (read in full...)
Our relationship is great, except for her past
Q. I know other people have had similar issues so I'm hoping maybe someone can help and suggest ways to deal with it. My fiancee and I have been together almost a year, she means everything to me and I truly do love her. Anyway, she is the first person ...
A. 20 June 2010: This comes up a lot. I've been in your situation, and have posted here a lot about it. If you check my post history you'll find many discussions about it. Here are some of the better ones:
http:... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 19 June 2010: Thanks for clarifying. I didn't think you meant that! Only that you've heard people use that as an excuse and that upsets you.
I have heard people use the excuse of 'its our animal nature' (or similar) to justify bad behaviour. Stuff like 'men are... (read in full...)
Why won't she tell me her real number of sexual partners if she loves me?
Q. I am involved in my first relationship since divorcing my wife of 20 years. I have been in it for 9 months, and it has been wonderful. However, there was an instance a month into our relationship where I caught her in a bit of a lie and it made me ...
A. 19 June 2010: The slippery slope that leads only downwards...
Forget reasons. Forget rationality. Forget the insecurities we hide behind 'morality'. Forget STDs and 'risk' and all that stuff. It's all unimportant in this.
There's one simple thing you need t... (read in full...)
Does the number of her previous sexual partners, make her an unsteady person?
Q. Hey, There is this thing that's been bugging me for a while now and I will appreciate any honest answer to my question. I've been involved with a girl for the last 7 months and at one point we actually discussed one of the 'not so good to talk...
A. 19 June 2010: "Actually, the "essence" of morality is following a system of conduct that you feel is virtous. If you think compassion is part of that, that is great for you, but perhaps not for everyone."
The essence of morality is not a system you feel is ... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 19 June 2010: "...deep down I do believe it's hardwired in there to rape, it just makes me angry that that somehow makes it excusable. "
Fortunately you are very wrong. The fact that something is hardwired into us does not make it excusable. This is one of t... (read in full...)
I can't get the thought of her one night stand before we were together out of my head, and its killing me!
Q. I met my fiance in college at the end of my freshman year. I noticed her from the beginning. I had a crush on her the entire year but she had a boyfriend that went to a school nearby who she had been with for 2 years. They went to high school ...
A. 18 June 2010: You sound on the edge of some obsessive compulsive behaviour, and depression. It might be a good idea to find a councillor / therapist to discuss these things with. I recommend it (worked well for me). If so, I suggest you seek a male councillor ... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 18 June 2010: Sweden is probably the most progressively feminist country in the World. There parental leave is 480 days... which can be divided between the mother and father pretty much as they wish. And the Swedish men love it.
What I find particul... (read in full...)
I can't get the thought of her one night stand before we were together out of my head, and its killing me!
Q. I met my fiance in college at the end of my freshman year. I noticed her from the beginning. I had a crush on her the entire year but she had a boyfriend that went to a school nearby who she had been with for 2 years. They went to high school ...
A. 18 June 2010: You need to snap out of it. If you don't you'll end up destroying your relationship.
Try thinking along these line:
- Imagine you break up because of this.
- Imagine six months later you see her with another guy, they are in love. How il... (read in full...)
Does the number of her previous sexual partners, make her an unsteady person?
Q. Hey, There is this thing that's been bugging me for a while now and I will appreciate any honest answer to my question. I've been involved with a girl for the last 7 months and at one point we actually discussed one of the 'not so good to talk...
A. 18 June 2010: "Eight by 25 is a lot. I would want to go through life knowing eight other men got thier rocks off in the woman Im giving my heart to.
Id dump her and find a girl with some morals. Life is a long time to be with someone your not totally comforta... (read in full...)
Does the number of her previous sexual partners, make her an unsteady person?
Q. Hey, There is this thing that's been bugging me for a while now and I will appreciate any honest answer to my question. I've been involved with a girl for the last 7 months and at one point we actually discussed one of the 'not so good to talk...
A. 17 June 2010: It's a very average number. Nothing to be alarmed about.
It's ok not to like the idea of her being with other men. This is ironically a good sign: it shows that you really care about her. If you didn't care about her, you wouldn't care about he... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 17 June 2010: I'm a man. I consider myself a feminist, and would see it as a compliment if someone labelled me as such.
I believe most women who are anti-feminism don't really understand what feminism is. It has acquired some negative associations. But then fem... (read in full...)
My wife lied to me about her sexual past until 12 years later...
Q. my wife lied too me about her sexual past before we got married, she told me only one partner, too find out 12 year later she slept with four other men when she was a teenager. but she did come out and tell me because it was bothering her for so ...
A. 14 June 2010: On the comment below:
"The value systems are more like a product of the genetics."
You are completely correct that men have a significant biological incentive to care about their partners history, one that women don't have to nearly the same ... (read in full...)
Pleaseee help me!!! was she a virgin or she lied to me?? I'm really confused
Q. Allrite, im kinda freaking out right now.... I was a virgin until today... Supposedly my girlfriend was too and i really believed that. Right now I am VERY confused... We were gonna have sex soon because we were very comfortable wit each other and ...
A. 14 June 2010: Snap out of it. You're being ridiculous.
Here's a thought: perhaps she's masturbated with a dildo or vibrator...
Be grateful you had the opportunity to lose your virginity with someone. No go and show her tenderness and affection. If yo... (read in full...)
My wife lied to me about her sexual past until 12 years later...
Q. my wife lied too me about her sexual past before we got married, she told me only one partner, too find out 12 year later she slept with four other men when she was a teenager. but she did come out and tell me because it was bothering her for so ...
A. 14 June 2010: Despite writing about this for years, it still surprises me how one-sided most people's reactions are to this. And predictable.
Women generally don't think of it as a big deal, and see it as reasonable to under-report their sexual past. Usually ... (read in full...)
My wife lied to me about her sexual past until 12 years later...
Q. my wife lied too me about her sexual past before we got married, she told me only one partner, too find out 12 year later she slept with four other men when she was a teenager. but she did come out and tell me because it was bothering her for so ...
A. 13 June 2010: You say you don't want to destroy your family. And you ask 'what can i do to be normal again'?.
That's good. You realize that this is your issue. And you know the possible consequences. A lot of guys in your situation focus on criticizing their pa... (read in full...)
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