Obsessed with my wife's past...
Q. I have been married to my wife for 14 years,we have three children and on the whole we are happy. I was 19 when i met my wife and she was 23 and we got married two years later. Before i met her i'd only slept with one other woman and my wife tells ...
A. 27 March 2010: "I can't help but feel that she had real enjoyable sex with him and now she is just going through the motions with me and the more i think about what they done the worse it gets in my head."
If you let yourself have that thought it is just goi... (read in full...)
Obsessed with my wife's past...
Q. I have been married to my wife for 14 years,we have three children and on the whole we are happy. I was 19 when i met my wife and she was 23 and we got married two years later. Before i met her i'd only slept with one other woman and my wife tells ...
A. 25 March 2010: You're obsessing over this. Thinking about the same things over and over, and making yourself jealous and upset about it. Then damaging your relationship because of your jealous behaviour: eg asking too many questions and not trusting her answers. ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable to want him to cut contact with the mother of his unborn child?
Q. my ex got another grl pregnant wile we were apart and now he wants me bck. crying to me all time trying everything to get me bck. but he still has contact with this grl every week. i feel if je really love me and have no feelings for her and dont ...
A. 24 March 2010: The simple solution is for you not to get back with him. Why would you want to get back with a guy that's crying and begging to you, whilst he has another woman pregnant?
He will need to stay connected to the child. I suggest you don't stay con... (read in full...)
Will not having sex early mean I will never lose my virginity?
Q. I know, I know this is such a dumb topic to talk about but I'm at a loss. I'm 17 and still a virgin, nothing unusual right? But here's the thing I recently found out that out of all of my friends I'm the only virgin. I was totally shocked by this, ...
A. 24 March 2010: 17 is a very normal age to still be a virgin. Don't worry about it at all. It's great that you don't want to lose it to just anyone (that usually comes with big regrets afterwards), just wait until you're sure you're with the right guy: you'll be ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has had a lot of partners and one night stands
Q. Hi Ive been with my Girlfriend over a year now, things are good between us and i love her lots. But im struggling to deal with her past sexually. I know from chatting that at 41 shes had 'about' 27 partners, maybee half a dozen of them bein...
A. 24 March 2010: Wow. That's quite a poem! Powerful stuff. Did you write that? I can identify with the sentiment 100%.
I have to say though, do understand that this is a particularly male perspective. Men and women are just different in this regard. Meaning,... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has had a lot of partners and one night stands
Q. Hi Ive been with my Girlfriend over a year now, things are good between us and i love her lots. But im struggling to deal with her past sexually. I know from chatting that at 41 shes had 'about' 27 partners, maybee half a dozen of them bein...
A. 24 March 2010: I've rationalised the feelings that same way a lot. Yes, in some vague sense something about sex does feel 'cheapened' because of this.
But all that really means is that your sexual experience is with fewer people, so individual women feature ... (read in full...)
I'm woried that anal sex on my bf might turn him gay!
Q. I am a young lady thats enjoys anal sex every once and a while. I also like to perform anal sex on my guy( it turns me on in a weird and powerful way). However,it seems that he really enjoys it now. B4 he did for my benifit.I used to have to begg ...
A. 23 March 2010: It's all good. It won't turn him gay. Personally I think quite a few guys (including plenty of straight ones) are into this but most are ashamed to ask, or even ashamed to admit it to themselves. It can be very pleasurable for a man to have his ... (read in full...)
He sends out mass texts to girls he's slept with. He thinks I'm being jealous. Please help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We also live together. About once a week, he sends out a mass texts to about ten girls. Most of them he has slept with and flirts with them. Most of these girls I have never met. To the ...
A. 23 March 2010: Ugh. Sorry but that's really unattractive behaviour. Sounds like he just wants the attention and the ego-kick of communicating with women he knows find him (or found him) attractive. Which points to insecurity and other relationship issues.
There... (read in full...)
How do you touch a woman so she knows your interested without being too forward?
Q. How does a man touch a woman to communicate interest in her without being too forward or too stiff?...
A. 23 March 2010: Start off by gently touching her hand when talking to her. Not for too long, but make it deliberate rather than seem like an accident, and do it at an appropriate moment (when you are feeling some warmth between you).
Try it a few times. I... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to be more attractive physically or am I just too old to be considered attractive?
Q. I would like to hear a sincere answer. Not a mean one, but a sincere one. I've been feeling very depressed about my age and my appearance lately. I feel like I'm very plain and unattractive and I want SO BADLY to be attractive and desir...
A. 22 March 2010: I know how tough dating can be in your 30s. You start to feel less desirable and rejection starts to hurt more, plus there's the sense of time running out. And a desire to have deeper and more meaningful relationships ups the stakes in terms of ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has had a lot of partners and one night stands
Q. Hi Ive been with my Girlfriend over a year now, things are good between us and i love her lots. But im struggling to deal with her past sexually. I know from chatting that at 41 shes had 'about' 27 partners, maybee half a dozen of them bein...
A. 18 March 2010: On the comment below this one: anon makes good points about evolution, I basically agree with them.
However this isn't about having different 'morality'. Remember that our contemporary western morality is based on 2000 years of Christia... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has had a lot of partners and one night stands
Q. Hi Ive been with my Girlfriend over a year now, things are good between us and i love her lots. But im struggling to deal with her past sexually. I know from chatting that at 41 shes had 'about' 27 partners, maybee half a dozen of them bein...
A. 18 March 2010: This is a fairly common problem, you are by no means the only person to experience this. I had a similar thing happen, it took a while for me to get past it and was very difficult for a bit. I've commented on this issue here a great deal, I suggest ... (read in full...)
Tempted to sleep around with a lot of men, as I have a high sex drive! Will I regret doing this?
Q. I would like some advice from fellow adult females. I have just got out of a long relationship and don't want to get into another one for a good while. I have a high sex drive and miss that aspect of relationships. At present, I am tempted to sleep ...
A. 16 March 2010: You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with sex. We all need to explore.
Having said that, understand that one day you may find yourself in love with a man that you want to spend the rest of your life with that wou... (read in full...)
I hate the idea that my girlfriend was using birth control with her ex, I wish she had used condoms with all of her ex's!
Q. Hi. I need some good advice on how to deal with my own thoughts. Last night my fiancé asked me what kind of protection I would use before with my ex girlfriends. I told her I always used condoms. Right now my fiancé is on birth control. So she is ...
A. 11 March 2010: I suggest you do the following:
- Decide that you want to stop this bothering you. Enough is enough
- That means you make an agreement with yourself to stop thinking about it
- Then, every time you find yourself thinking about it, distr... (read in full...)
Uncomfortable about going to a strip club with my boyfriend
Q. Tonight my boyfriends roommate texted me asking if I wanted to go a strip club with them and a few of their friends. He said my boyfriend wouldn't go unless I went too. It was already too late for me, so I said no, but he still wants all of us to ...
A. 11 March 2010: Don't let people pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.
You (and your boyfriend) don't want to go to a strip club. So don't go. Either of you. (Your boyfriend not going unless you go is a nice thing for him to say by the way.)
... (read in full...)
I've got the opposite problem to most. So how can I come sooner?
Q. I know this is an odd problem, and most guys would ask why I'm complaining, but what can I do if I'm lasting way too long in bed? I'm not very sensitive down there to begin with, and wearing condoms only makes this worse. Whenever I get with my ...
A. 8 March 2010: First thing to try: avoid masturbating for several days before you see here.
Second thing: http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sex_and_sexual_health/probs_difficultyejaculating.shtml... (read in full...)
My wife wasn't honest about her sexual past and now I hate her
Q. Hi, I and my wife came in contact 5 years ago. At that time she had a boyfriend. It was a strange relationship; we both got attracted towards each other. In the beginning she was treating me only as a friend. Finally she broke up with that boy and ...
A. 4 March 2010: You do realize that you have a serious obsessive jealousy problem?
You have been interrogating your wife over and over again.
You have been reading her mails, and even setting her traps.
This is very unhealthy behaviour. But do you re... (read in full...)
She said I was a boring skank! Why would my best friend do that?
Q. my best friend called me a boring skan.k cos i said i wont get drunk and sleep with strangers when we go on holiday. i took off our marriage on face book.. she called me pathetic and started swearing at me,calling me a weirdo, fool, stupid..al...
A. 3 March 2010: Frankly she sounds like she has some serious problems.
Are you sure you want a best friend like this? If she's trying to drag you down to her level you're only going to have a bad time.
I suggest you find friends who are not going to use you... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's past bothers me so much, and I think it might affect our relationship!
Q. My girlfriend is the best girlfriend I have had and think I ever will have, but it's just her past that keeps bugging me! See, my girlfriend 15 and lost her virginity at 12 to a 13 year old boy who she no longer speaks to. She said they did it b...
A. 1 March 2010: 10 sexual partners by the age of 15 is not a good thing any way you look at it. Thinking about it isn't ever going to make it better, or make you feel better about it.
You need to decide whether you want to be with her despite this.
If you ... (read in full...)
How do I accept my gf's promiscuous past if I've only been with her?
Q. I've seen a few questions on here that are similar to mine, but I think mine has a special little twist on it. My girlfriend, whom I've been with for 6 years, has a very promiscuous past. Around 40 - 50, she can't remember exactly. And before her ...
A. 18 February 2010: I'm not sure if it's within your means, but you might benefit from some therapy. Not only for this issue, but for your self-esteem in general. You two are in danger of a highly codependent relationship.
Here's some other discussions on this sub... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: "I have alot of friends who are now married and the men are very much in love and there is no problem with worrying about thier womans past."
Of course. No one is arguing this effects everyone. Only that it's surprisingly common, and given th... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: I've been contributing to and reading this site on this specific issue for quite a few years now. I'd agree with k_c100's points.
This tends to bother men more than women, although it can occur to both sexes.
When it does occur, it tends ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 3 February 2010: "the evidence against evolution is that there is no evidence for it."
Arguing for or against evolution is not the subject of this article. So I won't do it. Other than to say there is more evidence for evolution than any other theory ever discover... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 2 February 2010: Evolution is one of the two best supported scientific theories (in terms of volume of evidence) that humanity has ever discovered. The other is quantum mechanics. There is no 'extreme evidence' against it, just some highly flawed 'intelligent ... (read in full...)
Can't handle girlfriend's sexual past!
Q. Alright. So I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 months. She's wonderful. I believe I'm in love with her. I'm 25, she's 21. At the beginning of our dating, I asked her how many guys she had been with. The number she told me shocked me. She said, and ...
A. 24 January 2010: You need to decide if you want to stay with her. If you do, then you need to take the decision to get over this. It's not an easy decision to make, because it involves changing some things about yourself, and making compromises.
To stay with her... (read in full...)
Is my penis small?
Q. I'm 20 years old and my penis is 6 inches in length and 5.5 inches in girth, and I feel like its so small. Sometimes I get nervous with new girls because I think they will think its small also. So i really want to know if its small. (Mod Note - O...
A. 23 January 2010: You're above average in both length and thickness. Look at the graphs...
(NSFW) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size... (read in full...)
He has trouble ejaculating and it's made me feel inadequate! Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He was single when I met him but his ex has been particually nasty as she was annoyed he had moved on. She told me he had premature ejaculation when he was with her, but doesn't have it with me because ...
A. 15 January 2010: It's more common than people expect. And it's almost certainly not about you. There's a good article on it on the BBC website of all places! Here's the link:
http:... (read in full...)
I was willing to have sex with no strings but my friend turned me down
Q. Hi I was wondering what may be going through this guy's head? We met a few months ago and before New Year's he came over to my friend's house one night and was being very flirty with me, and kissed me a few times and we cuddled up on the couch ...
A. 15 January 2010: He may be looking for strings-attached sex, rather than no strings-attached sex. Some men actually are!
Your offer of no-strings sex might have turned him off you. ... (read in full...)
Are my friends right or are they just all sluts?
Q. My friends all think a guy should last an hr in bed, but my bff and i dont. we were both virgins and lost it to one another, and we are still getting use to it so therefore he cums quickly. do you have any proof that this is a normal thing, and my ...
A. 14 January 2010: Your friends are most likely the exact opposite of sluts, because they clearly don't know what they are talking about! Most guy's won't last longer than 10 minutes usually.... (read in full...)
What do women mean when they say they only want to be friends cause they are not ready for a relationship?
Q. I've recently started talking to someone, she knows i have strong feelings for her, but she just had her heart broke by a guy and says shes not ready just yet and this is an email she sent to my ex gf who both get on well and are actually talking ...
A. 6 January 2010: The other's are right. She's not into you.
A tip:
"I understand him he really likes me and wants to impress me and show what he really is and i see that"
Sounds like you've been trying a bit too hard.
Whilst it's good to let a gir... (read in full...)
How do you get over insecurities for good?
Q. To start things off, I'm 19, turning 20 in March. My boyfriend is 22, and we've been together for 7 months. Lately, I've become unsatisfied with the most basic and essential things in our relationship. I've discovered though, that most of these ...
A. 4 January 2010: I highly recommend this book, by one of the best psychologists specialising in this:
http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Chain-Self-Esteem-Marilyn-Sorensen/dp/0966431502... (read in full...)
Haunted by my girlfriend's past?
Q. I am on my girlfriend's account, hence the female part. She has given me permission to write a question here, and has been very supportive in trying to solve this with me. She has even posted a question herself. My girlfriend is 17, and she's a ...
A. 2 January 2010: It can be very difficult to get past these things, it's not uncommon for guys to feel how you do.
However, your girlfriend really has had very little previous sexual activity. You need to remind yourself that she is a virgin. Not only that, bu... (read in full...)
Slept with 2 brothers, now what do I do if I see them?
Q. I met a man this summer and i fell for him really quickly, we had sex after a few dates and then i found out he was seeing someone. I carried on chasing him and slept with him a few more times until he stopped calling. I recently bumped into his...
A. 18 December 2009: Just be friendly and 'normal'. What happened happened, but there's no reason not to be back to business as usual now. Don't feel the need to compensate with them, you don't. And especially don't feel the need to get some kind of reaction / ... (read in full...)
She was sexually liberal and tried a lot of things. It's intimidating!
Q. Ok I met a gorgeous girl a while ago who I like loads and have never felt so connected with someone. Anyway we were making love and I made her have mulitple orgasms and asked her later on whether she had them before. She replied with yes and the ...
A. 16 December 2009: I've been in a similar situation: trying to 'forget' thing i learned about my partners former sex life that I found really hard to handle. In the end I realised a few things, and in time did manage to overcome it. Some thoughts: - You'll never ... (read in full...)
She was sexually liberal and tried a lot of things. It's intimidating!
Q. Ok I met a gorgeous girl a while ago who I like loads and have never felt so connected with someone. Anyway we were making love and I made her have mulitple orgasms and asked her later on whether she had them before. She replied with yes and the ...
A. 15 December 2009: "I asked her later on whether she had them before."
The moral of this is: be careful what you ask because you may not like the answer.
I suggest that you don't ask any more questions like that.
As for the number: don't worry. Work on you... (read in full...)
I found a video of my girlfriend and her ex having sex and now I cant get it out of my head!
Q. i have been going out with this 24 years old girl from foreign country for 6 months now. she got 8 years old daughter which she gave birth during her young and innocent age. then she leave her country to my coutry and work in pub as a PR and never ...
A. 14 December 2009: Why she lied is fairly obvious: she most likely wanted you to feel special. It's a very common 'lie' for women to say things like that. Personally I don't ever ask that question, because I don't want to know if i was the first or not, or put her in ... (read in full...)
I found a video of my girlfriend and her ex having sex and now I cant get it out of my head!
Q. i have been going out with this 24 years old girl from foreign country for 6 months now. she got 8 years old daughter which she gave birth during her young and innocent age. then she leave her country to my coutry and work in pub as a PR and never ...
A. 14 December 2009: "the point is, she lied about she never have anal sex before..."
The other point is you were snooping in her private email... and in the trash even.
If you go snooping in your partners personal stuff you are bound to find things you don't... (read in full...)
How many times a day should you masturbate?
Q. i know it sounds weird but i really want to know. how many times should a person masturbate. because i do it 5-6 times a day which i think it is unhealthy. i tried stopping but i just cant. so tell me how times so i can be convinced and limit ...
A. 14 December 2009: Once should be enough most of the time. It's possible to get an obsessive compulsive disorder focussed on masturbation, which can be very damaging.
If you really can't reduce the amount by yourself, you might need some counselling / therapy ... (read in full...)
I found a video of my girlfriend and her ex having sex and now I cant get it out of my head!
Q. i have been going out with this 24 years old girl from foreign country for 6 months now. she got 8 years old daughter which she gave birth during her young and innocent age. then she leave her country to my coutry and work in pub as a PR and never ...
A. 14 December 2009: What were you doing in her email trash can?... (read in full...)
Opinions needed... What can I do to stop thinking about her past?
Q. help! i've been with my gf for nearly a year. We can get on great, but im finding it harder and more often to forget about her past. I now find me analayzing everything, I met my gf 3 years ago, she and her bf at the time and of 4 years came to a ...
A. 14 December 2009: You knew all this before you got together with her. You aren't in a position to hold it against her now. Nor should you.
You need to decide whether you want to be with her. If you do, then don't make this an issue or bring it up. You have to put i... (read in full...)
Angry about the double standards of sex
Q. Ok, I don't want to be polemic here, but I'm really shocked and angry with the double standard. You see, my boyfriend suffers with retroactive jealousy, even though I wasn't a slut (I was a virgin when we met, granted, I was just 17 so it was normal ...
A. 4 December 2009: Most men suffering from RJ have it because they don't have much sexual experience, or have less than their partner. Not all, but most.
The double standard exists for the same reasons that RJ exist: biological ones. Namely that, whilst women al... (read in full...)
He can't let my past go...
Q. My boyfriend wont forget what has happened to me in the past, he is always saying how it affects him and makes him upset, but he still says that he loves me loads and its only when he is reminded about what happened he hates me and wonders why he is ...
A. 27 November 2009: There isn't much you can do. The past can't be changed.
This problem is your boyfriend's problem, not yours. Only he can get his head out of that negative place.
All you can do is make sure that you know it's not your fault. You haven't done... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 28 August 2009: The arguments being given are based on evolutionary psychology. The idea that we can understand much of our behaviour by looking at our evolution, and in particular whether certain behaviour made our offspring survive and multiply more readily than ... (read in full...)
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