How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 28 May 2009: It sounds like you handled that as well as you could. She's of course not going to like to hear it, but you did the right thing in telling her it's your issue not hers. That's the most important thing.
I recommend not discussing it too much mor... (read in full...)
13 years old and pregnant. Unsure of what to do?
Q. This will be quite long so lease bear with me. I came from a good loving family and has good reputation. My mom, my aunts, all the ladies in my family were married first before sex. Except for one, my aunt who was left by the man who didn't know ...
A. 27 May 2009: Abortion is your choice at the end of the day. If you want to do it, you should do it even if your boyfriend does not agree. I guess that when you are at home each night looking after the baby, he will often be out having fun with his friends. So he ... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 25 May 2009: should i talk to her more deeply about this?
No. Well, it is good to tell her what you are feeling so she understands why you're behaving strangely. But don't question her about her ex any more, or criticise her past behaviour, or make her feel... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 25 May 2009: A: will it get easier with time and if i try my best (distracting myself)?
- Yes, but it takes patience, determination, and there will be setbacks. But it's worth it.
B: will these feelings pass if i have sex with her?
- No. And they can in... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 20 May 2009: "so what youre saying is i need to change my thoughts?"
Yes, kind of. You can't change your initial thought, but what you can change is how you react to your thoughts. One thought leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another.... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 20 May 2009: "...he took a part of her she can never give me. he ruined something i wanted in my life. it was so close to perfect."
You have to stop thinking in those terms. Your jealousy towards her ex is twisting your logic, you're not really making sense.
... (read in full...)
A poll regarding virginity
Q. I am wondering at what age most people lost their virginity? This is a really interesting subject to me and I am just curious, I googled it and it says the average age is 16, but thats seems a little old to me. It also said like only half of the ...
A. 20 May 2009: 17 for me.
Not sure i really agree on your interpretation of the statistics. 14 is very young, whichever way you slice it.
Do bear in mind that there is a lot of peer pressure to 'lose it', so many young people tend to lie about their expe... (read in full...)
Can't cum quickly
Q. Hi I have the opposite problem to premature exjaculation, in that I take ages to cum. I can get close on a number of occasions, (have pre-cum), but I can last for ages. Most of the time this isnt a problem, but sometimes it is nice to have a ...
A. 19 May 2009: A short but good article on the BBC website about this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sex_and_sexual_health/probs_difficultyejaculating.shtml... (read in full...)
Does the amount of lovers you've had in the past matter?
Q. Hi, I'm 24 and just broken up with my boyfriend. He made me feel pretty bad a lot of the time and one of the things he said which upset me was that I've slept with loads of people and I'm a slag. He used to count on his fingers the people he kn...
A. 19 May 2009: Unfortunately many guys are bothered by this. I've fallen victim to it myself. It's not fun for anyone, but unfortunately it's very hard to do much about, and tends to not go away.
It's good you were honest. Being dishonest about it has a tendency... (read in full...)
I need help to boost my self-esteem!
Q. I have extremely low self esteem. I wasn't like this before. I became this way after my relationship with my sons father ended after 3 years. I begged and pleaded, because I couldn't understand why it was over. That was 3 years ago. Since then I'v...
A. 19 May 2009: Gina's advice is good. In terms of books I recommend this one, which is written by a very experienced clinical psychologist (rather than being just a feel-good self-help book):
http://w... (read in full...)
Do girls lie about being a virgin?:
Q. When girls have a bad experience their first time in sex, or regret having sex for their first time. Do they later on lie to their future boyfriends about remaining a virgin?...
A. 19 May 2009: Sometimes. There is a lot of hypocrisy and mixed messages in our culture about female sexuality. On the one hand we are supposed to be progressive and liberated, with women (now) having the same rights and freedoms as men. Yet at the same time we ... (read in full...)
Relationship starts within two weeks of meeting and now he wants sex?
Q. I met this cute guy in my local gym two weeks ago. We had a little chat, two days later he asked for my number. I gave him and immidiately he told me he liked me and wanted me to be his galfriend. I didnt take him seriously at first because it was ...
A. 18 May 2009: There is a way to tell if he's serious. See him but stay off sex and make it clear he has to wait. If he honestly likes you then he'll be willing to do that. But if he's just looking for a fling then he'll lose interest.
The only thing to watch ou... (read in full...)
Why was I wrong to entice older men?
Q. I started having sex when I was 13, and every one of my partners were adult men. There was no coercion or force involved in any of them. I consented to the encounters, and I initiated the sex on each occasion. This did not negatively impact my life. ...
A. 17 May 2009: I don't think you'll manage to convince anyone here you were emotionally and physically mature enough for that behaviour. The reason being that we collectively believe instinctively that that behaviour is wrong, and hence not a sign of maturity.
... (read in full...)
I'm 16 but lied to b/f telling him I am 19
Q. hi i am 16 and my boyfriend is 19 :] we've been together for 6monthsi met his family and we're very close to each other now. but i have a problem. i lied to him he know that I'm 19 too.. his family trusted me so well but im afraid to tell him the ...
A. 14 May 2009: "even though im 16 my head is mature enough to understand everything"
Except, if your head was mature enough to understand everything you wouldn't have lied about this.
You need to tell the truth. Living a lie is no way to carry on a healt... (read in full...)
How to overcome obsessive thinking about GF's or Wife's past? The suggestion thread!
Q. Dealing with wife's or girl friend's past has been discussed in many threads. Yos and Troubledtoomuch have been very helpful in replying to people who have issues in dealing with their GF's of wife's sexual past. However, I would like to have thi...
A. 14 May 2009: Would be nice to be able to edit the posts. When I said 'step 3 is the key' I meant step 4. Namely learning to stop thinking about it.... (read in full...)
Why was I wrong to entice older men?
Q. I started having sex when I was 13, and every one of my partners were adult men. There was no coercion or force involved in any of them. I consented to the encounters, and I initiated the sex on each occasion. This did not negatively impact my life. ...
A. 14 May 2009: You're asking for a philosophical rationale for why your behaviour is universally morally condemned. That's a complex question!
It comes down to ones particular interpretation of ethics, but I'll try to explain why I believe this is the case.
... (read in full...)
How to overcome obsessive thinking about GF's or Wife's past? The suggestion thread!
Q. Dealing with wife's or girl friend's past has been discussed in many threads. Yos and Troubledtoomuch have been very helpful in replying to people who have issues in dealing with their GF's of wife's sexual past. However, I would like to have thi...
A. 14 May 2009: I've been to hell and back with this one. I could perhaps even write a book on it by now. But in the end, the 'solution' I came to is disarmingly simple:
1. Decide if you want to stay together and work through this. If you don't, break up (with as... (read in full...)
FWB: should I pick a guy who I don't really like or who I do?
Q. So there is this guy I like. But I don't like him enough right now to date him. I'm kind of more looking for a FWB. What should I do ?? If I tell this guy I like him but just want to be FWB maybe he will just see me as that and then later on not ...
A. 14 May 2009: I recommend waiting until you meet someone that you have a strong mutual attraction with. Then try the whole boyfriend / girlfriend / relationship thing. It's worth it :) FWB usually leads to heartbreak and problems on one side or the other.... (read in full...)
Can't stop thinking about girlfriends past
Q. I cannot stop thinking about my girlfriend's sexual past. I have asked about it and regret doing so because I can't stop thinking about it and have found out she has had sex with more people than I have but she hasn't said how many and won't. She ...
A. 12 May 2009: This does come up a lot. Here are some previous discussions that might help:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
http://www.de... (read in full...)
He took a purity vow, and now no sex
Q. My bf took a purity pledge when he was 17 and in a youth group.But he hasnt gone to church since then. We are now 24 and he still wont have sex. We do oral with each other, and he uses toys on me but wont have sex, even though we talk about getting ...
A. 9 May 2009: Purity vows are strange things. Not qualifying oral sex as sex is also a strange thing. It even has 'sex' in the name. Odd.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend would rather climax watching porn, than satisfiy me, what can I do about this, please help?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He enjoys porn alot. I mean alot. At first we had sex frequently and he appeared to enjoy himself. I have always had a high sex drive myself. However, when we were first together he did not ...
A. 8 May 2009: Simple solution: he needs to either completely cut out or radically cut down on the porn. Your sex life and relationship is more important than his self-gratification. I suggest being crystal clear with him on this, and unflinching.... (read in full...)
He says he only cheated for sex...can this be true?
Q. My question is can a man (or woman)who cheats on their partner with the same woman and says it was only for sex nothing more over seveval years can it be true? He would go to her house for coffee and sex,and have gropes in the car if he gave her...
A. 28 April 2009: Yes it can. That doesn't make it ok by any means, but it is probably better than being in it for the emotional connection too.... (read in full...)
He can't cum!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have started having sex. He will not come. we have had sex like 10 times but he will not come. I can feel his penis pumping, i have tried oral sex. He says it feels good, but he just want come. We had sex for 2 hours last night ...
A. 28 April 2009: It's him not you. And I'm sure he's struggling with it too. It's actually the second most common sexual function problem with men after premature ejaculation.
Here is a good article about it:
http://www.bbc.c... (read in full...)
Insecure over the casual sex she had before me.
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months now and have a great relationship, a month or two into our relationship, we were walking down the street and this guy grabbed her from behind in a friendly sort of way. When he left, she casually ...
A. 27 April 2009: Two things. First, she's very likely to downplay it to you, thinking that's what you'd want to hear (so you're not threatened by him). Strangely that can make it worse, as you've experienced, despite her attempts to explain it away and make it ... (read in full...)
Is his "number" too high?
Q. My boyfriend recently told me that he has been with 7 girls and he lost his virginity at 17. He is 23 and I am almost 20 and have only been with 2 people in my life. I know he is telling the truth because I overheard him telling his guy frie...
A. 20 April 2009: When guys sit around and brag about this they tend to massively inflate their numbers. So when they say numbers like that, it's often much higher than reality. The average number of lifetime sexual partners is a lot lower than 20, more like 10.
... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he text me back straight away?
Q. Me and my friend who is a boy talk but when I text him and he texts me its only for a short while then he doesn't. I hate asking him questions and him not answering. People tell me that he's not right for me but I like him and have strong feelings...
A. 19 April 2009: It partly depends on how much you text him. A couple of times a day is fine, but if you're sending 5, 10 or more each day and expecting quick responses then you're asking too much. And what's more you may end up irritating him by 'spamming' him with ... (read in full...)
What is a "rainbow kiss?"
Q. I'm 13 my boyfriend is 16. We are both non virgins from other relationships. We have had sex and done everything. Finger, BJ, 69, toss off, lick out ect. We were keen to move onto a rainbow kiss he said, I don't know what a rainbow kiss is.. What is ...
A. 19 April 2009: Sex at 13... I guess it's like Pokemon... 'collect them all'.
Sorry, but sex isn't about trying every move and ticking every box. I suggest you focus on intimacy, communication and showing each other affection. The way you are talking makes se... (read in full...)
I feel too fat, he says too thin ...
Q. I'm 5'2" and 97 lbs. My boyfriend of four years is 5'7" and 185 lbs. I constantly feel overweight, though. I feel like I want to lose at least ten pounds! My boyfriend tells me I'm crazy for thinking that. That I'm stunningly beautiful the way I am ...
A. 19 April 2009: Using a few online body mass indicators, they say you are underweight. So certainly you are not overweight! Since your perception is clearly not in line with reality, you should believe your boyfriend. And if you find that impossible, then I ... (read in full...)
Double standards?
Q. how come if a women has slept with lots of men people see her as a slapper but if a man has slept with lots of women everyone sees him as 'cool'?...
A. 16 April 2009: The reason is not societal: it's nature. And very simple: it's because women are the ones who get pregnant. A man can have sex and run away, whilst a woman has to be more careful because she could end up with 9 months of pregnancy and decades of ... (read in full...)
I love her but she's sleeping with alot of men, do I stay or go?
Q. hi. im 19 and have a problem. in the short time I've been on this earth I've lived quite a long life. I've seen and lived thru the worst of the worst (and I mean like dad put in jail mom hates you and sister is psycho) I've been poor all my life and ...
A. 16 April 2009: Sometimes a woman sleeps with many men because she feels she can't trust any of them. By 'covering her bases' she knows she'll get at least a bit of support and attention from some of them: rather than putting all her faith in one man and having her ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't DC be a judge-free zone?
Q. I've noticed that a lot of people have posted questions on this site asking about anal sex [how to do it/tips/tricks etc]. And last time I checked this was a site designed to give people advice and and information about relationships and and ...
A. 10 April 2009: It's a public online forum: you're going to get insulted from time to time. It's an unfortunate but unavoidable part of this format.
With a subject like anal sex, some people are going to react badly. You have to remember for some people it's jus... (read in full...)
I was an escourt and my b/f of 4 years can't seem to get over it
Q. 10 years ago I worked as an escort. I met my boyfriend 4 years ago and, as soon as the relationship started to get serious, I told him of my past. I wanted to be honest from the outset, and give him an opportunity to walk away. He stayed with...
A. 10 April 2009: I agree with Eddie: it's going to be difficult for most guys to deal with something like that. Men are territorial, it's in our nature, and this cuts right into that.
I have two suggestions.
1. Go to a relationship councillor / therapist togeth... (read in full...)
My buddy's dating a nut job because the sex is amazing
Q. My buddy is dating this really messed up girl. They have some really good highs but some bad lows. It's extremely draining for him and he puts up with a lot and I know why he does: The sex is really good. He's got some particular "pref...
A. 8 April 2009: Sounds like my ex. In the end I started to realize how unstable she was, and at that point my friends all made their opinions very clear. It was certainly my decision to leave her, but having all your friends telling you "you're doing the right ... (read in full...)
Does sleeping with 4 guys in one year make me a slut?
Q. I have a question... At the age of 16 I lost my virginity to someone who I dated for only 2 weeks but we went on to be together for 4 and 1/2 years. I dated and slept with 3 other guys. 3 of the 4 guys I ended up being in love with but I am now 21 ...
A. 8 April 2009: Different people have different standards. It's really in the mind of the person judging (or hopefully not judging) you.
Personally I'd say 4 in one year isn't a big deal, especially in your circumstances as you describe them. However, if you d... (read in full...)
On one hand, I judge her for it . On the other, it turns me on...
Q. Hi, i am very confused about my GF's somewhat slutty past because on 1 hand it makes me angry, disgusted, i judge her for it and dont want to be with her but on the other hand it turns me on that she has been a slut in the past! She has slept wi...
A. 8 April 2009: This comes up often here. Yes, being told 'the past is the past' does nothing for you. Neither, however, will 'thinking about it'. What's happening to you isn't a rational thing, it's an emotional one. That's why you can have two conflicting ... (read in full...)
Why is he asking how many boys have I've slept with??
Q. Hey ive been kinda of seeing this boy..i met him a few weeks ago but we get on so well. Anyway was with him tonight just chilling and he started asking questions about my past and how many boys ive slept with etc and was wondering why it concerns ...
A. 7 April 2009: Perhaps one of his exes had slept with a very large number of guys, and that caused problems in their relationship. It's also possible he's a virgin, or very sexually inexperienced, and so nervous about you being more experienced than him. Have you ... (read in full...)
My bf is making me feel like crap sexually :-(
Q. My boyfriend of just over one year has been telling me for months that he thinks I am cheating on him because my "p*ssy feels different and stretched out like I have been f*cking n***ers". He has also then become upset with me when I become more ...
A. 6 April 2009: The others have given good answers. I'll just say that you are not being too sensitive: this guy is treating you incredibly badly and unless he's willing to completely change his tune you should seriously consider leaving him. Most likely he's only ... (read in full...)
He does not forgive my past...
Q. I think that my relationship is about to end. After, 5 years of being there for my bf, going back and forth to visit him, and opened my heart to him; it has finally reached an end... or so I think... The problem is that he does not forgive my past. ...
A. 6 April 2009: It's a common problem, and comes up here a lot. Unfortunately there is very little you can do, it's really up to him to get over his negative emotions. Which can be very difficult, and for some impossible.
If you look in my post history and also... (read in full...)
I'm loose. Will my future husband be put off by this?
Q. Dear Angony Aunt, I am a 17 year-old high school senior. Last summer I lost my technical virginity. Since then I have had sex with six guys.I start college in the fall and I expect to bed a different guy every Friday and Saturday night.Do you thi...
A. 4 April 2009: That sounds like unhealthy behaviour. You might want to give your self esteem and your attitudes towards men and relationships a serious look, before embarking on a lifestyle like that. And yes, you are very possibly setting yourself up for problems ... (read in full...)
Do women brag about their sexual experiences too?
Q. Do women brag about their sexual experiences the same way guys do?...
A. 4 April 2009: I had an ex-girlfriend brag (like a man) about her number of sexual partners in order to try to hurt me. It was effective. I wouldn't call that normal behaviour however... (read in full...)
Am I fat?
Q. hi i just wanted to know , im 5"4 tall and i weigh 165 pounds !! am i fat ?!!!!!!!...
A. 1 April 2009: Maybe a little. But it doesn't mean you're not sexy though. Many many guys don't like skinny girls (despite what the 'conventional wisdom' will tell you)... (read in full...)
If sex is good and beautiful, why is it called or referred to as the nasty?
Q. If sex is good and beautiful, why is it called or referred to as the nasty? What can be more beautiful than seeing another person, especially one you care about in the nude? What can be more enjoyable than being close to the one you care about??...
A. 31 March 2009: Sex isn't good or beautiful.
Sex isn't nasty.
Sex can be either, or both, or neither. You can have sex that can be one the most incredible experiences you ever have and leave a positive mark on your life. Or you can have sex that can be trul... (read in full...)
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