Retroactive Jealousy: how do I overcome it?
Q. Right, so I am not even really sure how to start this. Basically, I suffer from what many other men (and few women) seem to suffer from as well. Retroactive Jealousy, or "her past"... Its horrible, its utterly disturbing and self destructive. I have ...
A. 5 August 2010: I'm writing this as someone who has experienced crippling retroactive jealousy at one stage of my life, and over time overcome it. Noting that having done so, it's not a permanent guarantee of being free of it, but rather a place where some ongoing ... (read in full...)
Arguments about anal!
Q. My fiance is always getting sexually frustrated with me and it is always about the same thing -- him wanting to perform anal sex on me!!! I'm not down with that. We've kind of tried before. Last night, we had a slight argument about it. Of course I ...
A. 6 January 2009: "what you won't do for your man, another woman will"
That is totally out of line. He's saying that if you don't do it, he'll find another girl that will.
You should treat this as a MAJOR WARNING SIGN about marrying this guy. If he cared about y... (read in full...)
He has trouble staying hard and letting himself cum.
Q. Dear Cupid.. I was searching ANYWHERE for an answer to my question, and I stumbled along this site.. I read someone else's question: "My boyfriend does not ejaculate during any sexual acts, is it because of his prior masturbating?" and the person...
A. 5 January 2009: He may have difficulty ejaculating for a number of reasons. It's probably nothing to do with you. Nervousness is a likely candidate.
This is a good article on ejaculation difficulties:
http://www.bb... (read in full...)
Is a girl not a virgin if the tip of the penis is in her?
Q. if a boy sticks the tip of his penis inside a girls vagina does that mean she lost her virginity?...
A. 4 January 2009: The common / dictionary definition is that virginity is lost when the vagina is penetrated (to any degree) by a penis. Others would say you're no longer a virgin if you've had anal sex, and some even add oral.
But as you can see, opinions... (read in full...)
Do males enjoy giving oral, or do they just do it to keep us happy?
Q. Do males enjoy giving oral, or do they just do it to keep us happy?...
A. 4 January 2009: Sure! Personally I find it very enjoyable, and a huge turn-on. ... (read in full...)
Questions about pubic hair....
Q. How do women prefer their man's pubic hair?Completely shaved/Trimmed/Etc? Also why do men like a woman's pubic hair completely shaved? I haven't seen a Vagina or a girl naked in person,but I know I'd prefer for her to have some form of hair oth...
A. 4 January 2009: I'm with DoubleM, I prefer trimmed enough to not be messy, but that's it. And I agree with you, all shaved does seem too pre-pubescent. That's not to say it's not fun to shave it all off from time to time, but it's not the best long term, for me at ... (read in full...)
My g/f said "you're tiny!"
Q. Me and my girlfriend had recently progressed our relationship to taking off our clothes.But when I was gaping at her,she laughed at me. She said "Your tiny".I'm a virgin but she isn't. I measured myself and I am a little over 4.5 Inches. I have...
A. 4 January 2009: What she said is cruel and hurtful. Also, it's very normal to like some pubic hair.
Your girlfriend sounds insensitive and rather rude. It's really not all about who's had sex and penis size: good relationships are about connection and communic... (read in full...)
Retroactive Jealousy: how do I overcome it?
Q. Right, so I am not even really sure how to start this. Basically, I suffer from what many other men (and few women) seem to suffer from as well. Retroactive Jealousy, or "her past"... Its horrible, its utterly disturbing and self destructive. I have ...
A. 3 January 2009: I've just found this question. There are some great responses here. I was wondering if the OP is still around, and if anything here has helped at all?... (read in full...)
Help with anal, oral and videotaping it all?
Q. Hey my bf wants to try anal and he wants me to swallow his cum and videotape it all im cool with the videotaping part though. i just need to know how to give him the most pleasure in anal and how to recieve anal, also i need to know how to give a ...
A. 2 January 2009: Don't record it unless you're comfortable with the video being available on the internet and being seen by your friends. Because that is often what happens to these types of tape. Do you trust him enough that, after you have broken up, he won't want ... (read in full...)
Obsessed with wife's ex-lover/experience
Q. This sounds ridiculous but I need some perspective. I've been married 10 years. Good enough marriage. My wife isn't great in bed, and isn't enthusiastic about love-making, even though I sometimes make her howl with delight. However, I've been ...
A. 30 December 2008: In answer to your last question: yes plenty of others 'dwell' on this in the same way you do. Here is a post where its discussed in detail, plus do follow the links that troubledtoomuch provides too;
http://w... (read in full...)
What is it like to have a significant other who can't get over your past.
Q. There are a lot of questions on this site from guys who couldn't deal with their girlfriend's pasts. I'd like to know what it is like for the girl that has had a boyfriend or husband like this. What happened in your case? Did he ever get over it...
A. 30 October 2008: Being a guy, I can't answer your question. But I'd like to thank the previous poster; your comments are insightful and helpful. Despite overcoming these issues myself, it is always possible to slip back into that way of thinking (and feeling), this ... (read in full...)
Are our lives predestined?
Q. We all know that things happen whether they are good or bad.... but do you think that whatever happens to you in your life was supposed to happen to you? I mean is it to teach you a lesson or is it just that things happen? What if it was bad, am I ...
A. 30 October 2008: Christian religious philosophers have spend the last 2000 years trying to resolve the contradiction implied by:
- God, who is omnipotent, knows everything, including the future
- We have freedom of choice
After 2000 years they don't appear ... (read in full...)
Are our lives predestined?
Q. We all know that things happen whether they are good or bad.... but do you think that whatever happens to you in your life was supposed to happen to you? I mean is it to teach you a lesson or is it just that things happen? What if it was bad, am I ...
A. 30 October 2008: Life is not predestined. Every moment we make choices which effect our futures. What happens to you is in your hands.
But at the same time, actions have consequences. If you do bad things, they have a way of coming back to haunt you. What we do, a... (read in full...)
We fight about her past all the time, I can't accept it as I feel she always belonged to me!
Q. Hi iv been with my girlfriend since we were sixteen and im now 21 and shen is 20, im intelligent and have a photographic memory of everything in the past which is a big problem. we have broken up a few times in between that but now we have been ...
A. 29 October 2008: This really sucks, I know exactly how you feel. This kind of problem comes up a lot here. See if either of these links (and the links on those pages) help at all:
http://w... (read in full...)
My anus is bleeding from a foreign object. Too embarrassed to go to the doctor..will I be ok?
Q. I am a young woman. I have stuck a foreign object in my anus and it started bleeding last night. It is still bleeding when i try and make bowl movements. Its only been a day but i am worried that it will keep bleeding. I know i probably only ripped ...
A. 22 October 2008: Doctors see this kind of thing all the time, they won't be phased at all. My ex is a doctor, and she told me of a conversation she had with a bunch of doctors (whilst performing an operation removing a bottle from a guys ass!) about the strangest ... (read in full...)
I can't get the graphic details of her sexual past out of my head!
Q. Hi after reading different problems on this site it has given me courage to seek help. I'm 33 and my partner is 25, we met nearly two years ago and things were very confusing for me. She was very open in how she would talk about her sexual past - ...
A. 21 October 2008: Ah you are just starting the therapy. Well I suggest you focus your energies on that. It seems like you have gotten a very positive view overall (ie not blaming her for this, but seeing it as your issue).
My recommendations with the therapis... (read in full...)
I can't get the graphic details of her sexual past out of my head!
Q. Hi after reading different problems on this site it has given me courage to seek help. I'm 33 and my partner is 25, we met nearly two years ago and things were very confusing for me. She was very open in how she would talk about her sexual past - ...
A. 20 October 2008: This problem comes up here frequently, as you've noticed. On this page there are some good links to discussions about this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-elusive-sordid-past-is-making-me-insecure.html
You have my sympathy.
Ho... (read in full...)
Do we have double standards whenever a woman "cheats"?
Q. its funny that.....when men come on line asking for advice about cheating on their girlfriends, you never see many men being judgemental and condeming them. However, when you see a woman who betrays her husband, all the men are so quick to respond...
A. 15 October 2008: Men and women have different definitions of 'cheating', and different standards about it.
Men find sexual infidelity the most threatening and damaging. If a man's wife is sexually unfaithful, even if 'it meant nothing' and was a random one-off ... (read in full...)
We split up 5 months ago but he won't move out!!!!
Q. I split with my boyfriend (and father of my 3 year old twins) 5 months ago after years of him lying and stealing from me but he still won't move out. Nothing has changed, I still do all the cooking and cleaning and look after the twins by myself, ...
A. 15 October 2008: Give him an ultimatum, leave by the end of the week.
If not, his stuff goes on the street outside and you change the locks at the same time.
Rough justice, but it sounds like he's not going to move out unless he knows you mean it. And for him ... (read in full...)
My wife lied to me about her past relationships. Should I doubt her faithfulness?
Q. Hi Would really like all your thoughts on this one. We have been married for 11 years and have a 9 year old daughter. Just after marriage my wife told me that she was a virgin - not that i asked her but it was her own input. Well good for me as I ...
A. 8 October 2008: Variations on your question are very common on this site. Please refer to these previous answers (and also the provided links):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-elusive-sordid-past-is-making-me-insecure.html... (read in full...)
I am having severe difficulties overlooking my girlfriend's past sex life!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm going to get strait to the point, I am having severe difficulties overlooking my gf's past sex life. She has told me that she slept with around 20 people, mostly within a couple of years. She has also told me some of the details t...
A. 6 October 2008: This is something that comes up a lot here. I suggest you read this thread, and the links in it too, and post back here if you like. Also search on this site, you'll find lots. Good luck.
http:... (read in full...)
32 year old christian virgin - should I lose it in Amsterdam?
Q. I'm a 32 Christian male, single (and have always been) and still a virgin. All my friends are getting married and I feel left behind. I've never been very out-going and this "no-sex-before-marriage" thing is engrained in me but recently getting ...
A. 6 October 2008: Don't do it. Why?
Because you will soon find that at the age you are entering into (your thirties), finding women that want to marry you gets much easier. Trust me on this one.
Just keep clean and try to hold down a steady job and you will do ... (read in full...)
What are the effects of cannabis use?
Q. can someone explain the effects of the drug weed to me please? is it seriously harmful if smoked daily? my boyfriends smokes it and has been doin for three years now, just abit concerened for his health. x please help thanks x...
A. 2 October 2008: Occasional use is next to harmless imho.
However, there can be problems with it. If you smoke it a lot, then it can mess up your short term memory and ability to concentrate. Not fatal, but a good way to fail exams or upset your boss. It also can... (read in full...)
Has porn really become so prevalent that it has shaped the sexuality of people today?
Q. Are all young men fascinated by porn? After 20 years of marriage to my first and only sex partner, I got divorced and decided to live a little and see much younger men. In the bedroom, they all seem to want to live out their porn fantasies. They...
A. 24 September 2008: Yes, absolutely, as plain as day. And I'm a guy saying this. Monkey see, monkey do, and humans are the same.... (read in full...)
I dislike anal sex, I think it's strange and I'm scared of it, but I do it for my husband's sake; our sex life has deteriorated.
Q. i have been with my husband for over 10 years and married for 5, our sex life was fine up in till a couple of years ago we got a strap on dildo he wanted anal sex. lets put it this way i have never seen him like that before, he really enjoyed it. t...
A. 15 September 2008: It has nothing to be with being gay, you'll be pleased to hear. For some straight men, it's a very pleasurable sensation as well as being a turn on. As for it being the center of what he wants sexually: that might be because it is fulfilling somet... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my husband's reaction to my past?
Q. I met my husband when I was 17. I told him I was a virgin but I wasn't. Below is the story. Its a bit long but you need to understand the circumstances. Please bear with it I really need some good advice. At just 16, I met a 23 year old guy ...
A. 15 September 2008: Glad I could help. I want to clarify what I said about 'not talking about it'. I think my experience and advice is closer to Troubledtoomuch's than it might at first seem. What I said in my first post was rather general, and hence a bit inaccurate... (read in full...)
I caught my bf making out with a friend but my friends say he was being faithful. What should I do??
Q. My boyfriend and me to a party. Well I caught him making out with a friend. I was so mad slapped him. He keeps tellng me he didnt her let her kiss him. Everyone is telling me (including his best friend) he was being faithful to me. What should I do?...
A. 14 September 2008: Maybe you two should talk...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-wont-she-believe-i-didnt-cheat.html... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend is very controlling. I can't wear makeup, email guys, or leave the house... he thinks I'm looking for sex. Is the age gap just too much?
Q. I'm having an issue....I have been seeing this guy (we'll call him Randy) for a while now, and I'm starting to wonder if the age difference is going to take a toll on our relationship. He's 41 and I'm lets just say younger. Well, heres the problem, ...
A. 13 September 2008: This sounds really really REALLY unhealthy. At the center of a good relationship is ... trust. And he clearly doesn't trust you. He is jealous and controlling, like you say.
I agree with Aunty Em. You should probably get out. And men like thi... (read in full...)
Guys- If a woman who looked like a porn star propositioned you for sex, could you say no?
Q. If a girl who looked like a porn star propositioned you for sex, would you agree? Like if she looked like Briana Banks, a young Pamela Anderson, Jenna Jameson, or Jesse Jane? I was just wondering because I heard that my boyfriend was at a party a...
A. 13 September 2008: Of course men 'have the power to resist a porn staresque woman trying to get them in bed'. The problem with women like that is, whilst they might look good from a distance, close up you can see all the 'made in China' labels on their plastic bits. I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous of my sexual past and is becoming verbally abusive. Will he ever get over this?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we're great, no problems except for one which is big and is starting to make me go insane. I don't know how much longer we will last if we cant get this sorted. So the problem is that he is very jea...
A. 13 September 2008: That last answer was very well written. Whoever you are, I can completely empathise with you. Have hope, it is possible to overcome, but it takes time, perseverance, and you have to take a very deep and honest look at yourself. Best wishes.... (read in full...)
How many sex partners is too many??
Q. I guess what I want to know is what is the average number of people someone my age (22) has been with? I know its different for everyone and Ill get answers saying whatever is right for me. Im just curious is all. I've been with 12, which I ...
A. 13 September 2008: Based on the statistics I've seen (I looked at a lot at one point) you're probably a little over average, but nothing that unusual. Certainly in the realm of 'normal' for contemporary US culture.
79 is possible, but very high. And I quite understa... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to give me oral without actually asking him outright?
Q. iv been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, and we have a great sex life. the only problem is the fact that no matter how many hints i make, he will not give me oral sex. Iv tried everything i can think of except asking. I dont want to ask him ...
A. 12 September 2008: Annalisa your comment made me laugh. Oral sex tips to an unmarried teenager finished with 'God bless' is a little ironic :)
To answer the question, since you've "tried everything other than asking outright" you have a simple task: ask outright... (read in full...)
Were you nervous about asking your partners on your first date? How did you do it?
Q. I like this waitress in my local pub that I want to ask out, but I'm nervous about it? I was just wondering whether readers were nervous about asking their partners out, and what they think I should do? (sounds obvious, but I'd still like ...
A. 12 September 2008: Ok, you gotta do this! Before this thread melts down ;)
I have a suggestion:
Arrange to meet a friend there. Arrange it for a time she's likely to be there, but that's not too busy. But go 30 minutes early. Sit at the bar and order a drink. D... (read in full...)
I found out details about my boyfriend's ex that would shutter the perfect image he has of her - do you think I should tell him?
Q. Dear Aunts, I am having a difficult time obsessing over a past love of my boyfriend's. I will call her Jane and him Jon. This is a woman he met about 18 years ago at a trade show. They were both involved with other people, she was engaged....
A. 12 September 2008: You just put it perfectly: "I started becoming disgusted and angry and obsessed".
YOUR behaviour is making you disgusted, angry and obsessed. You need to break out of it. He is with you now. Focus on having a good relationship with him, try to s... (read in full...)
Where can I learn more about the age laws on sex?
Q. Can somebody please clear up the age laws on sex, concerning minors, adults, just like age things and what not. Or at least give me a site to read about it??...
A. 12 September 2008: I'm wondering if you tried Google before you came here? I typed 'age of consent' into Google and this was the first hit:
http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
Makes for interesting reading actually. I had no idea it was as low as 13 in Spain! ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my husband's reaction to my past?
Q. I met my husband when I was 17. I told him I was a virgin but I wasn't. Below is the story. Its a bit long but you need to understand the circumstances. Please bear with it I really need some good advice. At just 16, I met a 23 year old guy ...
A. 12 September 2008: Men and women are built very differently emotionally in this regard. I have a great respect for some of the women on this site who have posted here, but honestly I am 100% certain that women can't understand this from a male perspective. I equally ... (read in full...)
How can I cheer my friend up? She's distraught because she cheated, but then so did her boyfriend, but his was just a one nighter.
Q. Hey there, this is more of a problem about one of my friends and i need advice on how to help her out. A few weeks ago, my best friend (let's call her Stacy) went away for a few days. She has a boyfriend (let's call him John) and they both get alon...
A. 12 September 2008: If they've both slept with other people then it seems their relationship is dead in the water. In your situation I'd recommend they cut off all contact and just let time do the healing. You can be there for her, make sure she has fun and do stuff to ... (read in full...)
We found my best friend on a porn website, what should we do??
Q. I honestly don't know what to do! Me and my boyfriend decided to look at some porn on the internet together to try it out and see whether it was fun or not. Whilst we were looking, we found a website for people to post pictures of themselves on it ...
A. 12 September 2008: You need to let her know that you and your boyfriend saw her. You'll not be able to go on pretending you don't know, it's going to come out sooner or later.
I also think her boyfriend has a right to know. If you have seen her, others might, a... (read in full...)
He had a problem with my past and dumped me! I have lost my first love... help me!
Q. I lost my first love. He dumped me like that. It was an on/off relationship. It would've been perfect hadn't it been because of his problem. He had a problem with my past. He verbally and emotionally abused me. He called me too many names and t...
A. 12 September 2008: Love is very hard to get over after a break up. Really you just have to give it time, things will gradually improve. In the mean time just focus on other things, keep yourself busy.
What happened to you can happy quite a lot: many people come on ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got naked at a pool party and I'm not okay with this. Don't you think she needs to respect my feelings?
Q. Hey there. Here is my problem. My girlfriend of roughly three years went to a birthday pool party at one of her friend's houses. I heard from a friend who also went to the party that later in the evening my girlfriend got quite drunk and ended ...
A. 12 September 2008: Going topless at a party with a bunch of naked guys? In my book that's a clear and unambiguous case of crossing the line. In your situation i'd be reacting in the same way: it's not ok. And to hear it second hand because she didn't tell you is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous of my sexual past and is becoming verbally abusive. Will he ever get over this?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we're great, no problems except for one which is big and is starting to make me go insane. I don't know how much longer we will last if we cant get this sorted. So the problem is that he is very jea...
A. 11 September 2008: This is not that uncommon. It's a complicated issue, but put simply, he's locked in an obsessive compulsive cycle. He thinks about your past, sets off his jealousy, tries to 'think his way out of it' and continues to trigger the jealousy. He doesn't ... (read in full...)
Obama for president?
Q. Wow this is so intense! I origanly come from America but live in Canada! But I cant belive it there could be the first black president! I dont have a problem with couler and have been doing about slavery in history and I think we've came so far! I ...
A. 10 September 2008: You know, I've read literally thousands of political forums and I've yet to see a singe person ever convinced to change sides because of it.
... (read in full...)
Obama for president?
Q. Wow this is so intense! I origanly come from America but live in Canada! But I cant belive it there could be the first black president! I dont have a problem with couler and have been doing about slavery in history and I think we've came so far! I ...
A. 5 September 2008: I think politics should not be a part of this site. Please any future moderators don't approve questions like this. There are a thousand online communities any of us can visit if we feel the need to get political. Politics here is like pissing in ... (read in full...)
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