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Is ignoring someone a good way to break up with them?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 June 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2009)
A male Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am breaking up with my girlfriend. I plan on doing the whole ignoring treatment.

I stopped talking to her, I stopped calling and I am ignoring her txt msgs.

She has a feeling that I will be doing this.

Is this a good method and what would be the effects of such?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009):

I think you should avoid the "ignoring" tactic - it really does not help matters - if I were you - I would be direct and polite - so as to take the moral highground ie. I feel the times we had were special but for a multitude of reasons - no finger pointing - things just havent worked out between us. I do not want us to hate one another and this is why I am being direct - I feel that both of us must go our own separate ways for the sake of each other's own individual happiness. I am telling you this as I do not want things to become childish and stalkerish between us both - then ask if they have anything they want to add - they normally dont add anything - let them know that it wont do either of you any good to text back and forth - and that for each others sanity - it is the best step forward to the future and then your basically free to go!!

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A female reader, monica76 United States +, writes (18 June 2009):

Don't be a coward . Just talk to her.

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A female reader, babymama99 United States +, writes (17 June 2009):

babymama99 agony auntNow you know this is wrong that's why you're asking the question. You should sit down and talk to her like a man and not run away like a wimp.

Tell her how you feel, nicely. This will bring closure to the relationship and won't leave her wondering what happened. When you leave the conversation you both will leave with the knowledge that the relationship is over and you both can move on.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (17 June 2009):

Yos agony auntIt's a cowardly way to break up with someone.

The 'only' proper way is to meet up and do it face to face. Be kind when you do it, remember the good times you had together and emphasise the positive.

But be honest about why, without attacking them. They'll benefit from knowing the truth, it will help them in future relationships.

And be very clear. Don't leave it hanging or make them think you might change your mind, or be open to persuasion.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009):

certainly not a good way of ending things with your girlfriend, you could at lease be a man and do it face to face, if you wont to end it she will want to know y, and this is the reason you should'nt do that because you will crush her self confidence, she will start questioning herself which take it from a women is'nt a good thing for a man. this way of ending things will follow your girlfriend in her next relasionships. How would u feel if a girl u were with ended like it like your planning to?

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A female reader, [email address blocked] United States +, writes (17 June 2009):

[email address blocked] agony auntIf you ignore her as a way of breaking up with her she's going to have this really bad image of you. If you just sit down and break up with her face to face (don't do on a text message or online or on the phone) then it's possible that even if you two don't remain friends, you'll at least be civil towards one another.

Besides - it's rude and thoughtless to just ignore someone as a breakup method. It makes you look really immature, from a girl's point of view.

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A male reader, Flash71 Australia +, writes (17 June 2009):

You have to be up front with her first. I'm not a big fan of staying friends with the ex simply because I think people need space to move on and it's not fair for the ex factor to impact on new relationships any more than it has to. But you still need to be honest and up front with the break up.

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (17 June 2009):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntYou are doing the "fade away" method. Be a man and tell her face to face.

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A female reader, betty_black United Kingdom +, writes (17 June 2009):

betty_black agony auntIts a horrible way of doing it. I know, its happened to me a few times, men chickening out from finishing it or telling me they dont wanna go any further so they just ignore me. It drove me insane and left me alot of unanswered questions.

Its alot better to just sit her down and explain why you dont wanna be with her anymore than just completely cut her out of your life and leave her wondering why.

Cos yeah she'll get the point, but it will break her heart a whole lot more.

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A female reader, xcharlottex United Kingdom +, writes (17 June 2009):

No!! this is a horrible way to break up with someone!!

By ignoring her you're not telling her what it is you really want, she may think you just need space, or that you've found someone else. It's the most horrible way to end things with someone, she's not going to know it's ended untill you tell her! Talk to her, be straight & tell her why, atleast it's decent and she can move on alot easier.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009):

No this is not a good idea. Put yourself in her shoes, would you want your gf do to the same thing to you? Better tell it to her face that you no longer want to continue the relationship with her. Ignoring her will only hurt her more and will make her clueless of what's going on.

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