A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why dont men understand? If men were the ones who had the babies and their bodies stretched and scarred how would they feel if their women were masturbating over buffed men 20 years younger than them...? I still don't get how men seem to think they can justify porn when married or supposedly commited to a woman... So many women are compromising their values by thinking they need to put up with this or it somehow makes them cool to say porn's ok... How is it ever OK that men evaluate and judge other women naked...? It seems women give give give and men take take take.
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male
reader, daglish  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I think there is a problem. The truth is, porn is destructive but in a very dangerous way. pORN wares down one's guard against infidelity. Sex becomes casual to a regular porn watcher. You get a feeling it is normal to have sex with any woman if nature calls. This is exactly what the devil is looking for. I have been watching porn for 8 years but surely something never felt right. All you live with is unsatisfied desire, immense guilt and a terrible tendency of insecurity. It only makes you prey to the sexual desire and ultimately could kill your control.
Only God knows how many Terabytes porn occupies of an addict's brain.
It slows down your thinking and graduAlly depletes your capacity to memorise important things.
It makes you your own enemy and trust me when i say that it can only get worse if you feel helpless about it.
Am working my way out of it. I know its going to be very hard coz the devil would like to keep me in captivity. It may take months but surely i wont get married a porn-addict. It's got to come to an end. Please fellow young adults say no to porn!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): There are a huge amount of men for whom porn is their only sexual outlet. It is the closest they will ever come to getting laid for as long as they live, and it would be deeply unfair to deny them that consolation. The oft-abused phrase 'dirty old man' is an interesting one, as it combines ageism, inverse sexism, and puritanical judgement - three levels of bigotry going on there.
If, on the other hand, the man is married or in a committed relationship with a woman, I agree that it's unfair of him to watch porn UNLESS his wife/girlfriend is totally happy with it.
But plenty of women watch and enjoy porn too, that's a fact. To reduce it as you've done to a case of 'women give give give and men take take take' bespeaks the sort of belligerent war-of-the-sexes mentality that all of us, male and female, would do very well to move away from.
As a 34-year-old man whose ever-decreasing level of physical attractiveness ensures I get laid about once every two years (and it can be reasonably expected to become less and less frequent rather than more - in fact, I don't realistically expect to ever get laid again) I've reluctantly had to settle for becoming a frequent consumer of porn. (The alternative is going to a prostitute - no, never, just couldn't do it, it's morally dubious and I wouldn't expect it to be anything other than cold and empty.) Does that mean I'm exploiting women?
I find conventional XXX porn, where clearly drug-addicted females are being basically abused and brutalised by steroid mutants, absolutely horrifying, and I think anyone who finds it a turn-on is sick.
But the more modern form of amateur porn, where loving couples who look great are willing to post their escapades online - that's pretty nice, and I'm extremely grateful to them for doing it. I'd trade it in a heartbeat for genuine love, companionship and of course sex with a willing partner who finds me sexually attractive, but that's a wish-list rather than a realistic ambition, and I've got to make my life as tolerable as possible. So, thank god for porn. I respect that you feel differently, though.
By the way, men suffer the ravages of ageing too. I'd bet a few gallons of oil that the average single 40-year-old female has an infinitely better chance than the average 40-year-old male of getting sex when they decide they really want it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): The only person you can control is yourself so are you compromising your values? Forget other women, what about you? If you are with someone that watches porn and you don't think you should compromise your values then leave. If you don't leave then you are compromising your values and you can't scream loud and command other women to not compromise theirs.
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Because you enjoy watching something doesn't make you an addict. It's like a television show, people get "addicted" to them, but it's not a real addiction, it's them wanting to watch something because they like it, and not stopping because other people think it's "wrong"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Nothing I can say will make you feel differently, but it really is true that the vast majority of men look at porn if they get the chance. Maybe it's just us insecure ones, but in that case 99% of men are insecure. Some of us lie to our mums, girlfriends and wives, some know how to delete their search history, and some are honest about it. I know it's not a good thing, particularly for the poor drugged up, screwed up girls who do it, but us blokes are just like that. Would it help if we pretended we weren't interested in it?
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 "Porn is completely natural" (from the comment above)
From the dictionary:
Natural: existing in or caused by nature, not made or caused by humankind.
Porn may be harmless (personally I don't think it is, since it is addictive and can damage relationships)... but porn is certainly not natural. In fact, porn has REALLY changed in the last 5 years since broadband internet has arrived: now people can download infinite amounts of esoteric hardcore porn on demand, straight into their homes. This greatly increases the risks of addiction and over-exposure.
But you are right that porn not real. The problem is not everyone realises this. And this is where the problems start.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Well, I hate porn as does my husband, but I know it's not fair to say that the women who do are compromising their values. A ton of women love watching it, so that's pretty much like saying that all those women are lacking in values.
And the women who don't love it but don't love it, simply don't mind it. It doens't mean they lack or are compromising their values either.
Most of the men i know at least have a line with porn: they love watching it, but only watch when they have to, becuase they don't have girlfriends. Once they're in a relationship, they stop.
From my readings on this site, the men don't stop once they hit committment.
Others, hate it altogether.
Men are all different. You just have to find the one who fits you.
~Sy.
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet +, writes (19 June 2009):
Eh, i'm a guy who kinda felt the same way when my wife used to be unable to with-hold comments on the attractiveness of men that we would see when we were out and about..One night in particular we were out at a restaurant, and my wife felt the need to blurt out to me that our waiter was ridiculously hawt. I actually got quite upset with her, because i felt it was somehow an affront to me and disrespectful. SHE in turn got quite upset because she worried that maybe i wasn't at the same comfort and confidence level in our relationship as she was...And to be honest, i eventually came around to seeing her point. No matter what her commentary on men that she saw out in public, i was the one she was sleeping with at night.Just because we enjoy appreciating the beauty of the human body doesn't mean that YOUR body isn't appreciated, too.
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A
female
reader, xcharlottex  +, writes (19 June 2009):
Woah, woah woah. I may not have a boyfriend but I am dating a few guys & if any of us were to get serious I would be fine with them watching porn. I think women that aren't are the ones that aren't secure in themselves. It's just porn for crying out loud!! it's not real! they're not going to meet these women, and even if they did, they'd be disgusted by them. Porn is completely natural, and it serves a purpose. If the majority of men had sex with us EVERYTIME they were feeling horny rather than useing their hand, we wouldn't be able to walk! I honeslty don't get women like you, who have such an issue with porn, when, it's just porn, I personally find it enjoyable & I'm sure I'm not the only one.
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Well personally speaking i see nothing wrong with porn and actually would join in watching it if my boyfriend wanted to, which he doesnt really. The only thing that annoys me is the fact that taken men always feel the right to eye up other women and usually right infront of their girlfriend/wifes eyes. I mean, are they not content enough with the gorgeous lady they have sitting right next to them? It makes no sense.
And yes a woman does give a lot and not recieve the same back for the simple fact, men and women are from COMPLETELY different planets. We wont see eye to eye on a lot of things for that point. I know from being friends with boys all my life and the things they say about women, the things women want are too much for men to handle.
A mans natural being is to fight, drink and shag. A woman wants children and marriage. And thats just a generalisation but ive never met a man whose said his dream is to get married and have kids and ive known plenty men as friends and lovers. I guess commitment just scares alot of men.
It may even seem to men like they give alot and dont recieve anything but grief back as well. Its just a very mixed up world. And if it wasnt for birth been needed, im sure we'd all choose to be gay.
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (19 June 2009):
I don't think that it's fair to call the females who don't mind porn insecure and problematic. I don't mind porn, it doesn't bother me. My boyfriend doesn't really care about watching it too much but I certainly don't mind when he does. I like to watch it too. It's a personal preference and I think that if you're a girl who is against porn then you find a guy who doesn't watch it, because like you said.. not all men watch porn.
He and I both realise that the people depicted in the porn are both fake and unattainable. It doesn't bother me that he watches it, at all. I am confident in our relationship and with myself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I agree to some extent and am still amazed at the inequality that exists today. The way I deal with it as a 37 year old female is to be the most attractive I can, for myself and those who want to look, and decided that porn is false, insincere and simply not real life. You are a real woman. Women in porn are not living your life - so its time to focus on you. If you are with a guy who is content to undermine your confidence and he knows his actions make you unhappy then you have to ask yourself why you are with someone like that. Find out how you can 'take' and 'get' as much as you can out of life through nourishing things that make you uplifted and motivated and hey excited about life - you will find that porn becomes a 'joke' and you can put it into perspective which is just a visual stimulant for those who need or want it.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (19 June 2009):
I think men understand that. But they also see porn everywhere: you can hardly turn your head without seeing something pornographic. With it so present, it's hard to argue that it's wrong, since our eyes are telling us quite the opposite. It's like telling someone swimming is dangerous when they live on a small island.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Well I agree with you 100%!I think females that agree with all that shit about 'all guys view porn' and 'it's a guy thing' and they 'are cool with it' get to me even more than the selfish stupid insensitive males that view porn themselves.Generalisations about 'all guys love porn' I just hate them so much it's so not true. Many of my guy friends say they are disgusted by porn and hate it and have stopped viewing it and my bf of about 2 years finds it yuck and why the hell would guys rather watch it than have the real thing? Why would they want it while they have the real thing. So they are guys out there who DO GET IT. :) but stupidly the marjoity of them are just sad stupid fools.I would seriously love to chat about this and it's so refreshing and amazing to hear about a female who isn't stupid and insecure enough to 'be cool' about guys and porn! They say it's the insecure ones who have problems - but the thing is if they were insecure they would feel like they have to let their bfs/husbands have it - as if they are not enough compared to pixelated images on a computer screen... it honestly makes me so angry - but also makes me appreciate my own bf so much!It's us, the ones with self respect that will stand up for ourselves and not be ok with it!:)
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