A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:How long do you wait for sex with a guy so he doesnt think you are a hoe or slut? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 There is nothing to gain by waiting months or weeks before making your first move on girl you are dating and hoping to have a relationship with. And i dont mean trying to steal sly grope or begging for sex or anything underhand. A guy can (or should be able to) tell when the right time is by how receptive the woman is. And it will be ok even if she does stop your wandering hands. Unless your completelly out of tune with her she isnt going to dump you or slap you just for that. It doesnt make the girl any more virtuouse if your own morals tell you to wait a month before trying it on when she was up for it the second date. And if you dont try it on how are you going to know ? There have been times when i have thought afterwards that maybe some women could have played a little harder to get. But at least you know right from the start what kind of girl your dealing with. You will also be able to tell what kind of level of experience she's at. I'm not going to go in detail here but how soon it happens isnt going to tell you as much about her as what does happen when your in the sack together. If out of "respect" you wait weeks dont think she's going to be thinking "oh he respects.He's a gentleman and he's the one for me". She's thinking WTF is wrong with this guy. What is wrong with me ? Does he fancy me ? Is he gay ?What the hell is he going to be like if he finds out about my past ? Will he handle it or should i lie.
A
male
reader, heartfullalove  + ♥, writes (13 October 2009):
 Q...high-five! That was one of those bulls-eye perfect-throw jackpots Q hits every 50 posts or so.
OP...Most guys probably wouldn't even think of you as a slut if you have sex on the first date. They're doing it too, and you can be sure they're not thinking 'but will she think I'm a slut?'
Men don't think the same way women do. They process sexual attration in their minds far more quickly and directly, whereas with women, it's more often something that dawns on them gradually over a period of time.
It all depends on the guy, and what sort of society you live in, but this phenomenon of girls deciding 'I think I maybe definitely sort of possibly want to sleep with this guy, but I'll make him wait a few weeks/months' may well result in the guy thinking 'she's not really into me' and deciding you're just friends. That's good in a way, but it can mean the sexual chemistry is completely defused and he'll no longer think of you that way if you eventually decide to go for it.
The salient factor in deciding when to sleep with someone is whether you both want to and it feels right, not 'oh I've only known him a month, is that too quick?'
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (13 October 2009):
 I'm not sure I would think a girl would be a slut for sleeping with me on the first date :-). But, it depends on the guy. I believe, however, that Oldersister gave you a good answer: don't change your values from guy to guy.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (13 October 2009):
 The terms slut and whore are subjective. Until lawmakers codify slutty behavior, it will remain subjective. A woman becomes a prostitute when she has sex for money. When is a girl a slut? Five guys or fifty. A one night stand. A first date ending in sex. If a woman demonstrably proves her self to be a slut, what does that make the guys that sleep with her? Slut mongers?
The problem with society is that it still holds women accountable for having a libido. As if it is up for debate. Men get a free pass on promiscuity, yet still sit in judgment of women. Women who ostracize other women for claiming the same sexual freedom as men, are worse than the men who judge them.
Until women support a woman's right to sexual freedom, you ain't ever going to get it from men.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (13 October 2009):
 "unless its really provably earned by the other woman"- Oh Puhlease, anyone that believes they are entitled to play 'judge' and 'jury' and who then calls a woman a deragatory name is no gentleman to begin with- a complete moron.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 + ♥, writes (13 October 2009):
 If he's the kind of guy that refers to any woman as a slut or any other derogatory term, unless its really provably earned by the other woman, I'd have to say never.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (12 October 2009):
Thanks, Yos- you put very succinctly in one sentence what I was trying to unsuccessfully explain in a few paragraphs. Poster, this is what you need to determine before you date anyone. Your values shouldn't shift from guy to guy, in other words.
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A
male
reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (12 October 2009):
 Depends on the guy.
More importantly, how long should you wait to sleep with a guy so you don't feel like a hoe or a slut?
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (12 October 2009):
Caring guy. Do you mean months are a few minutes. I am unclear on your meaning. Months are a collection of weeks, that are a collection of days.
I would OK with that but my penis would be all up in arms.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (12 October 2009):
Dating is the process of getting to know someone and deciding whether that person is worthy of further involvement. Say you date guy A and sleep with him on the first date or third date only to find out he's not over his ex or isn't ready for a relationship. Chances are, he won't think you are some whore but at the same time, he's no where near what you want. It takes more than a few conversations to determine what someone's intentions are.
If all you are worried about it whether they will think you are a whore or not- then you have the wrong mentality while dating and will miss important cues they give off about other values and goals in life. Most people put on their best front during the dating process and it can take a couple of months or more for anything weird or unusual to surface. If you are the type that can separate sex from love, then it shouldn't matter but you wouldn't be asking this question if you were.
You sound like a girl who has not decided what her standards are, actually. If you are asking this question, then your standards are all about what the guy you are dating thinks of you when it should be the other way around. Your willingness to have sex revolves around what they think of you so it's going to be different with every guy. Instead of bending over backwards trying to assess what they want, you should be well aware of what you want and don't want and willing to discard them immediately if they don't demonstrate the values you are comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz + ♥, writes (12 October 2009):
I also agree, it depends on the guy. A guy may think you're some slut because you waited months, a few days, or the first night. I don't agree that every guy you sleep with on the first night will think you're slut, it's such a double standard, the guy's a stud and the girl's a slut. Whatever. I've known some women that waited months to sleep with a guy and he gave her the axe. I've known women that slept with a guy the first night and they've been in a longterm relationship.
So again, it's about waiting until YOU are comfortable and whenever that is, if he is still going to think you're a "ho" or a "slut" then he's just an asshole. No girl needs a judgmental guy anyway.
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (12 October 2009):
 It all depends on the guy you want to have sex with, because some guys will call you a slut even if you waited a yr to have sex with them, or even if you never had sex with them. you have to be the judge of the guy, if you are ready to have sex with this guy then thats your call.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus + ♥, writes (12 October 2009):
 There is no rule, it depends on the guy and lots of other factors.
I disagree with CaringGuy on the few months thing, thats not a reflection on whether the guy is good or not, for example he could just be a patient asshole. I consider myself a "good guy" afterall would an asshole be giving other people help? and I slept with my girlfriend for the first time on our 4th date in our second week of dating. Would I have waited a few months? yes I would, but I don't consider her a slut for wanting to sleep with me from the moment she met me, I know now that she would've slept with me from day one if I made the moves that soon and I would never consider her a slut for that.
He is right that whenever you feel comfortable is the right way to go, unless you feel comfortable on the first date, the first date is really the only time you shouldn't sleep with a guy if you want more than a one night stand. Most guys see women that sleep with guys on the first date as sluts.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (12 October 2009):
Depends on the guy. If he's a good guy, he really won't try much for a few months because he'll want to get to know you. Do it when you feel comfortable wiith the man and not before. Don't let yourself be pressurized. Take your time getting to know him so you know what he's after.
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