A
female
age
30-35,
*opper09
writes:this guy and i have been together for about 8 months but never officially dating. its driving me crazy that i want to be his actual girlfriend. we act like we are anyway. he's always asking me about my past. i dont have a good sexual reputation and i think thats whats holding him back. is that a good reason for him not to date me? or should my past not matter and i should move on?
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male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (17 June 2009):
 People can say the past doesn't matter all they want, but for a lot of guys it really does. It sounds like this guy is trying to decide if he can handle yours. I would move on and find someone who doesn't ask about or, more importantly, care about your past.
For many men who deal with retroactive jealousy like myself, its not so much "how many" as it is "what kind".
Short term flings, one-night stands, and meaningless hookups mess with our minds the most. We tend not to care about the sex had in committed relationships as much.
In any case, it also sounds like this guy is getting the benefits of having a girlfriend without having to commit to a relationship. Why would he want to give that up anyway?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Should it? Shouldn't it? Either way the bottom line is that it does matter.
Guys are naturally built to care about this stuff. They don't choose to care for the fun of it. If this guy had the power to wake up tomorrow and never care about it again, I guarantee you that he would.
But it's like trying to turn off your attraction for someone. Natural emotions don't have on/off switches and they don't obey reason.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Congratulations, because most girls wont admit they had a bad rep sexually speaking. I last was with this Girl who saw nothing wrong with making out with other guys just for the sake of getting away with it. Well even though it happened before me, that held me back and you cant really blame him for that. everybody makes mistakes. But if u are interested in this guy, try to show him you've changed your ways and that he is everything you are thinking about right now.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 It does matter to a lot of guys, and it's something that tends not to go away over time (at least not without a lot of effort on the part of the guy). For him it may well be a 'good' reason not to date you. If this has been going on for 8 months with no change, it's unlikely to change now.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Your past has nothing to do with your present relationship. We need the freedom of past experiences to grow and become the people we are today. Its the kind of person we have become that should be important to your partner. You mentioned that you didn't have a good sexual reputation so what? Experiences do not need to be labelled good or bad they are just events and experiences, nothing else, its when we label them that problems occur. Wanting to know about a persons past is like analysing what has been done to determine that persons value, your value is who you are now and thank god for the person you have become, be proud of yourself.
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