The guy I'm dating is too clingy
Q. I've been dating a guy for the last few months, we've had sex and he was a virgin. I have a history of sexual abuse which I have told him about and told him sometimes I need a bit of space around sex or I feel pushed and suffocated. He said he ...
A. 29 November 2023: Is this normal? Do guys need to be told exactly?
No, it's perhaps "normal" for a "rookie" but what ISN'T "normal" is his total disregard for your boundaries.
NO is a complete sentence. And no means no. Not, "try harder" or "ignore her wish... (read in full...)
Controlling & jealous boyfriend and the man I fancy at my local hangout
Q. I have a boyfriend for 6 years now and while we have a great relationship, his very jealousy and controlling …A few months back I broke it off because of his constant jealousy tantrums…I was also going through some personal family issues (my only ...
A. 26 November 2023: So your solution to your OWN bad behavior is to act like your BF who has "constant jealousy tantrums"?
I mean, really?!
It doesn't make any sense!
You are a GROWN up not a tween! ACT like a grown up!
Stop going to the bar. The waiter int... (read in full...)
I've fallen for an alcoholic
Q. Hello. I’m at such a loss, I’ve really fallen deeply in love with a man (we’ll call him Larry) who is an alcoholic. I try to tell myself that it isn’t an issue, but deep down I guess it always will be won’t it? I have known Larry for a long tim...
A. 22 November 2023: You can bring it up to him that you feel he needs to seek help, that YOU would like for him to stick around for decades to come and it's not likely he will with his drinking.
HE has to make the choice to get help and stop drinking. Unfortun... (read in full...)
Am I wrong not allowing my family to stay at my house during the holidays?
Q. About 20 years ago, I went low contact with my parents and my older brother. My dad favored my brother and expected me to look up to my brother like you would expect to see on TV. My brother ended up thinking it was OK to go into my bedroom and t...
A. 22 November 2023: No, you did the right thing (FOR YOU)
Sounds like you parents are still as entitled to your stuff and time.
Offering to pay for a hotel is totally fine. You didn't tell them to stay in the hotel room all day. It was just WHERE they needed to g... (read in full...)
Women love experienced men, what do novices do?
Q. I've noticed a lot of women love men who are experienced. A lot of them say it's a turn on and a preference. So I have to ask; where does that leave guys with none or limited? You can't gain experience when you're not being given a chance. ...
A. 17 November 2023: I think you are generalizing.
I think women WANT someone who is willing to "give" and much as they "take".
There is absolutely NO guarantee that a guy with "experience" is a better lover than some guy who takes the time to find out what their p... (read in full...)
Tired of being a bank
Q. Hi, So, I met someone online. We chatted for about 7 months before I went to visit him. He was going to come to see me, but his visa was declined. Before I first met him, he would ask for money. Usually, it is about 300 or 400 monthly. I sent...
A. 17 November 2023: Sounds like a Nigerian romance scam. (google it)
He is just using you. Part for "telling you" how much he cares about you, he is just keeping you sweet so you will send money.
You ARE being taken advantage off. Because you LET him.
Be HONES... (read in full...)
I just want peace not drama
Q. This will be a bit long winded so I apologise in advance I (female 36) was contacted a few months ago by my estranged sister (41) on social media. I will admit I felt my anxiety spike when I saw a message from her. We have always had a rock...
A. 17 November 2023: Remember this,
YOU do not OWE your mom or your sister ANYTHING. Not contact, not sympathy, not an ear to whine at. Nothing.
If you feel life is BETTER (for you) without your sister, I would be honest with her and let her know that you don't w... (read in full...)
Should I see a therapist or move out of the area?
Q. I have a 'partner' who I have been 'with' for 30 years, since I was 26 years old. I am now 56, he is 51. I apologise sincerely for the very long post but I am at my wits end and don't know how to summarise things concisely. When we met I was go...
A. 16 November 2023: Glad you clarified "moving out of the area" :)
Yes, it would make a lot more sense to be closer to your daughter and grandchild IF you can find accommodations and a job that pays enough for you to live on.
Still, I think your first priority s... (read in full...)
Should I see a therapist or move out of the area?
Q. I have a 'partner' who I have been 'with' for 30 years, since I was 26 years old. I am now 56, he is 51. I apologise sincerely for the very long post but I am at my wits end and don't know how to summarise things concisely. When we met I was go...
A. 13 November 2023: Start with a therapist and go get a full checkup at your GP.
Save up, if you can find a job you can do.
Exercise if you can. Nothing over the top, but go for long walks, a run or to a gym (if possible). Working out can help "energize." you.... (read in full...)
Friends daughter has put me in awkward situation. Do I tell the truth?
Q. I absolutely regret trying to help a friends daughter as she has behaved so poorly! I’m part of an amateur dramatic club - we put on various theatre productions at our local theatre. My friends daughter (19) is currently studying theater make up ...
A. 13 November 2023: I forgot to add
I would NEVER let this friend's daughter come back and "help".
... (read in full...)
Friends daughter has put me in awkward situation. Do I tell the truth?
Q. I absolutely regret trying to help a friends daughter as she has behaved so poorly! I’m part of an amateur dramatic club - we put on various theatre productions at our local theatre. My friends daughter (19) is currently studying theater make up ...
A. 13 November 2023: "Shall I just be blunt and tell her the truth about how her daughter behaved or shall I just let things go?"
Absolutely BE BLUNT.
And then give her some pointers on what WOULD be appropriate in the future.
I volunteered at the High ... (read in full...)
Grandmother of family I'm a nanny for is making things difficullt
Q. Hello, I am writing this to get help in terms of my job. I work as a nanny. I have worked in the field for 10 years. I don't expect any job to be perfect. I have had positions that involved a difficult parent, but have always been able to work out a ...
A. 7 November 2023: Find another job.
ASAP
The baby can be a darling little thing, but that is beside the point. IF they want grandma to take care of the baby, then SHE can take care of the baby.
If the mother of the baby CAN NOT talk to her mom and the fathe... (read in full...)
Why did she randomly change her number
Q. When I met my so she was seeing a guy just as a hook up. Take note she had been hooking up for 6 years racking up around 600 men. She was dealing with a lot of life trauma and drugs and sex were her distraction from life. Anyway when we first go...
A. 7 November 2023: I think you should perhaps reconsider WHY you are with her in the first place.
You don't trust her.
And probably because she has quite the background.
Are you staying with her because you love her? Or because you feel you have to "prove"... (read in full...)
Mistrust my 'friend' and have intuition that she's playing on my insecurities
Q. It's been a long while since having to deal with this type of issue, but I feel that one of my 'friends' isn't too much of a good friend! Have noticed in more recent time that she somewhat seems to like playing on my insecurities! Th...
A. 31 October 2023: Instead of TESTING your friend, ASK her directly next times she gives a "dig" at you. Ask her to clarify. In a non-aggressive way. Play dumb and curious. THAT is what I would do.
If she then tries to gaslight, you or make it seem innocent... (read in full...)
I think he fancies me but I just want to be friends
Q. I have a guy friend I care about and close to. Sometimes I feel he may be interested in me as more than a friend even though I stress our friendship so it may frustrate him I noticed sometimes in our conversations he will end it stop being as respo...
A. 30 October 2023: You don't seem to understand that HE made friends with YOU in order to get to know you and for YOU to see HIM as a potential BF at some point.
He doesn't want to hear you gush about other men, do that with your GF's.
You "think" he is yo... (read in full...)
Double standards Co worker reported me for speaking inappropriately
Q. I have a hard time explaining to people that my primary reason for not wanting to date or have a relationship is because I don't want sex stuff - including kissing. I generally don't even like touching skin (even my own thighs or armpits touching is ...
A. 28 October 2023: Reported you for what exactly?
And if it was reported did someone TALK to you and hear your side?
It makes no sense, whatsoever.
But maybe keep private matters out of the work place around that coworker, she seems off.
... (read in full...)
Difficult parents to support
Q. Hello, I am very tired dealing with my mum because she has been complaining about my dad and the marriages for years. They have been married for more than 50 years and she never been happy but have stayed with him, He is very controlling, she...
A. 26 October 2023: I think she just wants to vent. Now, if you don't want to listen to it (over and over again), find a reason to get off the phone.
Would one of you/your siblings be willing to take her in and have her live with you? If so, I would suggest that. Sh... (read in full...)
Ex still in the picture
Q. Hello, I've been seeing a guy for since his divorce, about 1 year. He's had several doctor visits recently in which he needed a ride home because of a sedative given. I've offered every time to take and pick him up as I was available the days of his ...
A. 25 October 2023: "I did ask. He said "If you don't know why you must be stupid""
Wow! I would say, nice to have known you, we are done, then cut all contact and block him.
... (read in full...)
I think my husband likes my friend
Q. I think my husband (common law for 11 years; don’t ask why we haven’t gotten married I don’t know either) likes my friend. I noticed when we went on vacation he would suggest her presence where we were gonna be. I don’t doubt her at all, she’s a ...
A. 23 October 2023: The BOTH owe you loyalty - but only your BF owe your faithfulness.
Your friend doesn't seem interested in him and is doing the right thing.. almost.
Has she told you that he is being "overly friendly"? That he is lowkey hitting on her? Or is he... (read in full...)
I'm sick of being friend-zoned by girls I like
Q. I'm sick of being friendzoned by girls I like. I know there's a difference between friendship and friendzone too. Friendzoned is when you go out of your way to show someone you'd make a great boyfriend/girlfriend, they soak...
A. 23 October 2023: I can only imagine the frustration here, OP
However, if this has happened several times maybe you need to change how you approach women (not girls, I hope).
Be upfront that you are looking to find a partner, not another friend from the beginni... (read in full...)
Ex still in the picture
Q. Hello, I've been seeing a guy for since his divorce, about 1 year. He's had several doctor visits recently in which he needed a ride home because of a sedative given. I've offered every time to take and pick him up as I was available the days of his ...
A. 23 October 2023: Ask him, we can't know - we can only guess.
Maybe she was available and didn't have to take off work (whereas you might have to take off work to do this? and he didn't want you to be inconvenienced?)
Some people stay friends after an amicabl... (read in full...)
My ex has finally been able to cut daughter out of my life
Q. I'm at another crisis point in my mental health!!!!!!!!!! Have experienced parental alienation at another low blow point... my ex has officially decided to cut me out of our daughters life and has blocked contact... Don't know how I've survi...
A. 20 October 2023: I'm so sorry you have gone though that kind of hell. Is it possible to give up your parental rights? So, you are no longer responsible financially either?
I feel sorry for you kid, (depending on her age) your ex has her mind so warped that she... (read in full...)
FWB not working out and I want more
Q. I stopped sleeping with FWB recently because he insulted me. He said I wanted more and was into drama because I questioned him about a woman that was in his vehicle (ex wife) because they had to take care of a bank issue. Not questioning WHY she was ...
A. 18 October 2023: You want more from your FWB, he doesn't so he created a situation that made you upset.
FWB is more often than not a BAD idea.
Friends should remain friends, not someone you sleep with cause you are single, horny or bored.
If you want to ... (read in full...)
Whirlwind vacationship gone wrong
Q. Thank you all for reading my story: I am 35 years old, and on a recent trip to the Pacific, I met a man 10 years older and we fell in love. After a brief week together, we parted ways, only to reunite in Thailand weeks later to see where things...
A. 17 October 2023: Nope, let him go.
He wasn't as into YOU as he was into what you could OFFER to him.
If I were you, I'd wish him well and block him on all fronts.
Just like you do not go back to a "dud" firework you DO NOT go back with a "dud" partner.
... (read in full...)
Why do FWB get so possessive?
Q. Why do fwb get so possessive? I really never had a good experience, that's why I want to give up on it. Even pleasant conversation and flirting and cuddling goes away as soon as the sex starts. I've had several year long friendships go away as soon ...
A. 17 October 2023: I think you might have to take a hard look at HOW you (yourself) view sex.
What I mean by that is, if you see it as "something to do" with a casual partner (and yes a FWB is a casual partner in the sense that you give no investment or commitme... (read in full...)
Boyfriend told me that he doesn’t feel love, and I’m having a hard time with this.
Q. Hi Dear Cupid users, I’m glad I remembered what this site was as it’s been at least 15 years since I’ve browsed it. I’ve come back to ask for some advice. I’ve recently (about 6 months ago) found myself in a relationship with the man of my dreams...
A. 12 October 2023: I think your feelings are valid, OP
And you might find that ALL the things you initially liked about him isn't really something HE is willing to share with you. He might not BE the right guy for you.
We have all dated someone we "thought" was... (read in full...)
Boyfriend told me that he doesn’t feel love, and I’m having a hard time with this.
Q. Hi Dear Cupid users, I’m glad I remembered what this site was as it’s been at least 15 years since I’ve browsed it. I’ve come back to ask for some advice. I’ve recently (about 6 months ago) found myself in a relationship with the man of my dreams...
A. 10 October 2023: Feeling "butterflies" isn't the be-all or end-all when it comes to LOVE.
I think he is mature enough to want to be honest with you.
But I do understand why you feel hurt. If I heard that from my husband, I'd feel hurt too. I think that is na... (read in full...)
Our neighbors sold their house and never told us
Q. We lived next to our neighbors for 15 years and always had a good rapport so it came as a bit of a shock when my husband and I came back from 2 weeks away and found they had sold their house and we had new neighbors. They never mentioned ...
A. 10 October 2023: I can see why you think it's odd that they never told you, but again, it's their house and property and they can do as they please.
That is also a really quick sale.
Maybe they had serious financial problems and didn't want everyone to know... (read in full...)
How do we tell family we don't wish to celebrate with them during holidays
Q. My wife and I are unable to have kids. My wife, is a childhood cancer survivor and the treatment she went through made it impossible for her to have children. It's a sensitive subject that she doesn't like to talk about (she did tell me before we ...
A. 9 October 2023: I think you should ASK your wife if it's OK that you tell your parents about her childhood cancer so they will STOP asking about grandkids/nephews/nieces.
They ask because they don't KNOW. Not because they are mean or malicious!
Your wife is ... (read in full...)
How to live with a toxic parent?
Q. How to live with a toxic parent ? I am 38years old,…I am the first born of my fathers children 6(from my mother and (5 children are from different women).Our mother who was officially married to my dad unfortunately passed away 20 years ago whe...
A. 9 October 2023: You need legal advice, which we can not give you.
So you need to find a lawyer that deals with inheritance disputes (as the land was your late mother's).
If a lawyer can't make headway in this (your mom might not have put anything in a La... (read in full...)
Is it too late to learn basic social skills?
Q. I'm 24 and I feel like I've never learned social skills. Ironically, I was raises in a family where they were very strict, religious, big on manners and respect. For example, even if we were eating at a picnic with plastic silverware and paper ...
A. 9 October 2023: It's never too late. I have somewhat bad social skills around strangers. But I'm fine around friends and family.
You can practice your skills by :
Start in small ways.
Engage with others. So if you are out and about say hi to people. You do... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated and didn't use condoms. Why?
Q. Can somebody please tell me why my boyfriend cheated on me with someone and didn’t use a condom? I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years. Our families know each other and we were at the stage of getting engaged. I was busy with work last Christ...
A. 3 October 2023: Why are you still with him?
He has no respect or regard for you! At all!
He was willing to have UNPROTECTED sex with another woman and bring back ANY STI or STD to you, without a second thought. He also thought "pulling out" was "safe enough... (read in full...)
How to deal with a jealous friend when our husbands work together?
Q. A couple of years ago I met the wife of one of my husbands colleagues and we hit it off and started hanging around with each other- drinks, cinema, dinner etc…. Unfortunately she seems a little jealous of the fact that I hang out with other f...
A. 2 October 2023: Personally, I wouldn't want to deal with this.
You are no longer in high school and you DO NOT OWE her your every waking moment.
I get that your husband doesn't want to rock the boat, but HE doesn't have to deal with her, YOU do!
Again, I ... (read in full...)
We are in love but worried what our families will think of our relationship
Q. I’m 40 and for just over a year I’ve been seeing a man who is 66. We are both divorced. I have no children (and not planning or wanting any). He has 2 grown up children and a 14 month old grandchild. We have kept our relationship quiet as we...
A. 2 October 2023: Well, I think HE should sit his kids down and let them know he has found someone he really cares about and he has been seeing her (aka YOU) for a year now.
Then meet them if they are willing.
I would say the "kids" need to know asap. Becau... (read in full...)
Do things for people but then I resent them. How can I learn to say no without feelin
Q. I realized that I have a habit of doing things for people because I feel pressured or it is "the right thing to do" but then I resent doing it and take it out on people. I realize that is an unhealthy thing to do because people know I resent the...
A. 2 October 2023: Practice.
The more you do it, the easier it gets.
I used to say yes to things I really didn't want to do - like babysitting when I had other plans, or cooking for a large crowd - being "voluntold" so to speak. My husband, especially, was ... (read in full...)
Colleague ruined spa day. Do I inform management of her behavior?
Q. My workplace paid for myself and a colleague to a spa day last week as we were the top 2 in our team with the highest sales records. Often they treat staff members who have hit target with things like this and this was both our first time. ...
A. 27 September 2023: I would go talk to your manager IN PRIVATE about her behavior.
Thank him for the spa day and also inform him that should you EVER "win" a spa day again, you will NOT want to go with HER.
Yes, her behavior reflects BADLY on your company so YES, ... (read in full...)
I think he's gone off of me
Q. I have been with my partner for 3 years, when wee meet he loved to party, joke and had a great sex life, he is in his late 40s never married or had kids but always worked hard and still does. So that was his life. I'm in my early 30s loved the young ...
A. 25 September 2023: I agree with the nonny who said:" Um, it kind of sounds to me like he decided he wanted to become an adult?"
Yes, he sounds like he has stepped up to the plate with you and your daughter as a father figure.
Not wanting to party or have people t... (read in full...)
Wife moves all my stuff around. How can I make her understand how much it bothers me?
Q. My wife and I have a very small house and we are both packrats in our own ways. For example, she has a thing with coffee mugs and has about 40 of them while I don’t use them at all but I have a lot of electronics accessories like cables, batterie...
A. 25 September 2023: How about the two of you sit down and have a talk about HOW to organize your OWN stuff?
As someone who likes to sew, embroider, and make jewelry, I have a lot of "things". It's organized and out of the way. My husband has his "stuff" organize... (read in full...)
I am missing my partner after our breakup
Q. I have recently left my partner, who I didn’t want to leave but the relationship was toxic. He blamed me for everything that was wrong, said I didn’t communicate with him. I did, but he didn’t want to listen or compromise on anything. We were ...
A. 24 September 2023: Consider your ex a "bad habit". While I get that you were with him and cared for him, HE didn't return those feelings at all.
What you miss are the GOOD times you had (I'm guessing you also HAD some good times).
Next time you feel like you mi... (read in full...)
Followup to post produce
Q. This is a follow up to my post on the 29th August “ Are we being harsh by no longer giving neighbors fresh produce as they seem to take advantage?” I wanted to thank everyone for backing us up and making us realize we weren’t being harsh for ...
A. 22 September 2023: Thank you for the update!
Well done! And the cheek of her!
There are plenty of ways to find homemade jam, while hers might be a good one you can find better.
Keep it up!
... (read in full...)
Suffering from PTSD from an event from my past
Q. I am in a bit of a mess emotionally and I am wondering what to do. I stupidly took part in a reality TV show 20 years ago. The footage is damaging bot to my wellbeing and my career and I wish to remove rights to broadcasting including airing...
A. 21 September 2023: Two things come to my mind.
1. ACCEPT your past. It's part of how you got to where you are now. Good AND bad. Proud moments and the embarrassing ones.
Once you get past your childhood EVERYONE has made mistakes. Everyone has things they are ... (read in full...)
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