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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Head over heels in love with a guy who doesn't love me back
Q. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've tried eveything possible but i can't help it, i am totally head over heels in love with this guy that clearly doesn't love me back. He could make me the happiest girl in the world if only he loved ...
A. 7 May 2009: You write that if he loved you, then you would be the happiest girl in the world...sadly that is not true, the only person who can make you happy is YOU. Inner contentment is the first step to finding a lasting and loving relationship with someone ... (read in full...)
Should I meet my online fling?
Q. met a guy on a social networking site and now we talk everyday on msn. weve seen each other in pics and on cam. we share a lot and i really like him but He wants to meet. should i? im worried he's not going to like me and the way i look in real ...
A. 7 May 2009: There is always a risk it won't work out in the real world. If you are sure about meeting him, then make sure you stay safe until you really know him - there are some very odd people in those networking sites who can pretend to be normal online. I ... (read in full...)
He cheated before on his wife and on me, now what is up?
Q. has my partner really changed? we have known each other since he was married 6 years ago. i was also friends with his wife at the time. they split up on several occasions and this resulted in me and him sleeping together. i concieved a baby but was ...
A. 7 May 2009: It is common-sense if this man cheated on his wife with you, and whoever else may have come along during his marriage, then he is capable of doing it again, and again, and again...it honestly sounds like a saga befitting of the 'lovely' Jeremy Kyle ... (read in full...)
Am I diabetic?
Q. My mum is dibetic, and i had symtoms of diabities, dizziness,blurred vision,thirsty all the time and going to the loo alot a feel like am gonna faint all the time. so i used my mams one touch to take my blood sugar levels and it came back as just ...
A. 7 May 2009: As the other people have advised, it is very important you go to your doctor right away for a simple urine test. Diabetic meters are usually accurate - they have to be, they save lives!
It is a very simple procedure to be tested for diabetes... (read in full...)
What is the process on IVF? Is my boyfriend lying?
Q. I have been dating a guy for 10 years. He says he loves me and one day we will be married. He says he has a shitty relationhip with his frigid life. His wife went through IVF last spring and they were succesful in Nov. He now says he new nothing ...
A. 7 May 2009: Yes I am sniffing some smelly country air here. Basically if he wanted to be with you, he would have left his wife long ago. With IVF both partners have to go through a counselling programme as part of the medical ethics procedures for IVF. This ... (read in full...)
Random question hope you can help
Q. hi i know you guys are not doctors but i was jsut wondering whether anyone has had this before or whether someone recognizes it? on my tongue it's like a chunk of it is coming off looks like an ulcer but IT'S NOT! i know because i[ve had it for ...
A. 7 May 2009: It would be very difficult for anyone to diagnose such a problem without seeing it - it certainly needs looking at by a doctor because your tongue is a very important part of the body. It could be something straightforward like a thrush infection or ... (read in full...)
Would this be a good idea?
Q. this probably sounds like a really stupid idea i was just curious really. i get really painful heavy clotted periods which i hate! i was trying to find a natural remedy and it got me thinking... if i ate more anti-coagulatory (blood thining)foods or ...
A. 7 May 2009: There are various complementary/ alternative remedies and nutritional supplements that claim to work wonders on period pain and flow problems. The trouble is that most lack clinical evidence, even though they might work for some people. If you are ... (read in full...)
He looks down on me like I'm the worst person in the world...
Q. I met this guy in 2003. He told me that him and his wife were not together because she cheated on him. He said that he was staying in the home util he got enough money to get out. He said he could not be with her after what she did to him. He said ...
A. 6 May 2009: You have done nothing wrong as it was hardly cheating on him. If this man wanted you, he would have moved out years ago. Unfortunately you are his comfort blanket - he knows you love him and he likes being loved by someone. He sounds bitter about ... (read in full...)
My husband has a big attitude problem and wants to rule me!
Q. Hi, Recently my husband has been having high ego and attitude problems. He wants me do things exactly he says, if not done that way there are fights. He wants to rule me. If i take any decision he says "you have to ask me before you do anythin...
A. 6 May 2009: Your husband can only rule you if you let him! His behaviour is emotional abuse bordering on domestic violence. It is all about power and control for him based on him feeling quite bad and weak really in the world at large (so he picks on you to ... (read in full...)
How can we show are parents that we want to take resposibility for our mistake and be good parents?
Q. Hi aunts, I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 19. We have been dating for almost 3 years now and I love him a lot. We both are normally very careful but I accidently missed a few birth control pills and since we are faithful to each other we ...
A. 6 May 2009: Basically both parents know from their personal experience that parenting can be very tough (it is rewarding too). No one can tell you what to do about the baby as that is an entirely personal decision for you both. As you seem committed to keeping ... (read in full...)
Help needed! What should I do...? I really like him!
Q. Basically I fancy my Brothers mate (Harry) and we both kind of like each other the signs he gave me were: The signs he gave me where: • Staring at me in to my eyes • Makes me laugh • Comes out and knocks on my door too see me NOT my brother o...
A. 5 May 2009: You have already had lots of advice on this boy from plenty of people here at dearcupid in your previous numerous posts...why not take some of it.... (read in full...)
I get severely depressed at random times and guys run away when they realise they can't help me! Please advise.
Q. Dear Cupid, Guys always run away from me. It hurts. I'm 21 and I suffer from Uni-Polar (Major Depressive Disorder) and I have been on meds for years but they don't "cure" anything, they just help a little and I can't keep a relationship. I'm not ...
A. 4 May 2009: It maybe that you haven't been in relationships with men who are prepared to stick out those tough times, but living with someone who has clinical depression can be hard work! It doesn't sound like your medication works for you and you should see ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified of giving birth again.
Q. I'm terrified of giving birth again. I know you probably get this alot but i dont know what to do.I had the most awful time the first time round, i was abroad so nobody could understand me and visa versa, they wouldn't give me any pain killers (i ...
A. 3 May 2009: I didn't have the nicest maternity experience last year so you have my sympathies. You need to alert your midwife to your concerns right away and nearer the time you can obviously push for an elective c-section, based on your psychological trauma ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me to give him 125.00 for a speeding ticket!
Q. My ex bf has just asked me for 125 2 pay off a speading ticket he got and 6 points, i said i have 2 think about it i know i will get the money back, but he has a new gf and hasent even told her he has got caught speeding Im also not sure if hes ...
A. 3 May 2009: When you get a vehicle-related offence, you are permitted to pay by cards as well as cash. 6 points is a significant blow to a drivers license and I personally hate dangerous drivers. He may have acquired late penalties on the fine, or it could ... (read in full...)
He had sex with me and I haven't heard anything from him!
Q. Hello. I have been seeing a guy for three months. He is 38, divorced with four children (they don't live with him)I am 35 no kids. I like him a lot, he told me that he really liked me and said he wanted to take things slow (despite the fact that he ...
A. 3 May 2009: I am really sorry but I think that mental preparation is justified in your case. If the man was busy he could have made 5 mins in his hectic schedule to phone and say 'hello'. He sounds like he was just after one thing and that is ok - you are a ... (read in full...)
Infertility/pregnancy problems
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to have a baby for over a year. I hadnt had my period in over 8 months. I went to the Dr's and apparently I have HPV. No cancer. Everything is good. They did the vaginal ultrasound and everything was good. They ...
A. 3 May 2009: There are loads of issues here for you. I have had two miscarriages myself and I have lots of medical conditions which have messed up my fertility. I also have a 1 year old son and doctors didn't believe pregnancy was possible for me so it can ... (read in full...)
I'm the other woman..who got her married man. But now it's all going wrong! Help!
Q. I fell in love with a married man 5 years ago who was funny, attentive and loving all the time and spent most of his time with me including weekends and holidays. He did finally leave his wife who has move on and got remarried with a new child 2 ...
A. 2 May 2009: You had a relationship with a man who is prone to cheating - are you sure he is spending all this time with his children, or is there someone else distracting him? You knew he had children when you met him and if he is spending all this time with ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's flat mate treats him like dirt and I'm slowly boiling up inside!
Q. Dear cupid, I'm having trouble with my boyfriend's flat mates. He has been living with them for 2 years now and they are not very nice people. He only lives with them because he has nowhere else to go. His parents live 4 hours away from the ...
A. 2 May 2009: You should do nothing...we have all been there as tenants sharing with people from hell...it drives people to buy. I could tell you a few stories about the nutters I rented with when I was a student...they drove me to train as a psychologist I can ... (read in full...)
His ex is wanting to play happy families!
Q. hiya can sum1 pls help... ok ive bin with my bf for 6 years everything is fine we have two small children and he has two older girls from previous relationship ( he is older than me) then about two months ago one of his girls was found out to be off ...
A. 1 May 2009: For a start your emotions are all over the place right now and will be for some time because of the miscarriage. I have suffered two miscarriages and each time I have been a bit emotional for weeks/ months afterwards. His ex may claim they should ... (read in full...)
Parenting advice please!
Q. Ok some parenting advice please!!My daughter is 4 1/2years old and currently going to pre school 3 1/2 hours a day(due to start full time in sept). She is a lovely little girl but she has a very short attention span!Her teacher has told us that she ...
A. 1 May 2009: I think lots of children of her age have a short attention-span. I think you should focus on rewarding the good behaviour (star charts leading to a sizeable reward after 10 have been awarded). She is definitely of an age where she can relate to ... (read in full...)
Help me! Big crisis!
Q. i hav been goin out with my gf for a long time but theres another girl who wants me and i dont know what to do someone help me please :(...
A. 1 May 2009: This is no big crisis. If you are happy with your GF then stick with the relationship, if you are unhappy leave her and date the new girl. Just don't get into the tangled mess of an affair and cheating on your GF. Make a decision based on how you ... (read in full...)
What can I do. Any mantras I can repeat or something. Maybe garlic and a holy cross?
Q. Things didn't work out after I dated a girl in my class. She says she's crazy about me but chose to go out with another dude. As if she expected me to believe that messed up logic. Forget friendship, I'm not wasting my time siting on her back ...
A. 30 April 2009: I don't think you are overcome by lust for this girl, just overwhelmed by personal anger and disappointment that things didn't work out the right way for you. I suggest putting that garlic clove down next to the cross as this girl isn't Morticia ... (read in full...)
My daughter is taking drugs how can I help her?
Q. Hi i dont know if any of you will be able to help me with a problem i have with my daughter here goes. A few weeks ago my daughter went away for the week end and she was not back in time for the baby sitter to go to her exam they spoke on the pho...
A. 30 April 2009: I am assuming that social services got involved as a result of allegations of child neglect. You don't say from your post if they gave your daughter a warning or if they continue to be involved with this family. Clearly leaving a 12 year old in ... (read in full...)
She lied about having cancer but I feel like I want to be back on speaking terms with her again!
Q. Hi I was wondering if you could help me as I am at the end of my tether and tearing up inside. I had a massive fall out with a friend 3 years ago, and have heard nothing from her in all the years then out of the blue I get a text message from h...
A. 30 April 2009: My advice would be to leave this woman alone. I had a needy friend like this a few years ago who also took a dislike to my now-husband. She made up a series of drama's as you describe and even rang my mother (who she had never met!) up at midnight ... (read in full...)
I'm not pretty, will anyone ever love me?
Q. ok i am going to be 100% honest and realistic about my situation however sad it sounds! Recently i fell in love with a guy. The first time i have ever fell in love. I don't think he felt the same way but he gave me a taste of how amazing it is to...
A. 30 April 2009: In the crazy world we live in, it often seems that good looks are the key to a happy life. Unfortunately there are a lot of disappointed beautiful people in the world! That old saying about beauty being in the eye of the beholder is very true. What ... (read in full...)
I have Social Phobia and am paranoid about my boyfriend cheating
Q. First off, I have Social Phobia - i'm scared of people, I can't leave my house alone. Now, my partner's aunt's anniversary is coming up soon and they're having a big party for it, mainly punk music, you know. All his family and some of their fr...
A. 30 April 2009: I think there are far bigger issues here than the family party. If your social phobia is not under control then attending the party will be agony, and worrying about this party distracts from the real issues in your life. You recognise that you have ... (read in full...)
I like my teacher... I just want to say hi to him but I'm too shy!
Q. hey. i'm 14 and theres a teacher at my school that i really like, he doesnt teach me for any lessons, i just want to say hi to him but i'm really shy. will he think its weird because i havent really spoken to him before. sorry if this seems like ...
A. 29 April 2009: This is just a harmless crush on your past. Few people go through their teenage years without having feelings for someone in authority, but you cannot act on how you feel. The basic facts are that this man is attractive because he in unobtainable ... (read in full...)
Help!!! My prom dress doesn't fit me any more as I've gained a ton of weight!
Q. Hey Guys :o) Here's the dealydallyo, I bought my prom dress just under a month ago and I can't fit into it any more! I have no idea what's happened, or well other than I've obviously gained a tonne of weight, and I've literally tried everything...
A. 29 April 2009: I think you have to do a few things to solve your problem! Look around for someone who is good at sewing in your community and make inquiries about the cost of adjusting your dress for your new size - it maybe entirely possible to slot in some ... (read in full...)
Views on sex based abortion
Q. This is a question for those who are pro abortion or against it. I know of a person who has been pregnant 3 times and each time she found out she was having a boy and decided to have an abortion because she wanted a girl. Do you think this is ...
A. 29 April 2009: The decision to have an abortion should always be a personal one, but ultimately there is a risk of long term infertility and other complications from multiple abortions. Termination on the grounds of sex of foetus would not be a valid reason here ... (read in full...)
I don't want my boyfriend to go to jail...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for five months now - since about a week before he and his ex broke up. They were together for two years and I'll admit, he was not the nicest guy towards his ex. For two years, he emotionally and physically ...
A. 29 April 2009: So, how long do you reckon it will be before he is beating and committing acts of rape on you in a park then...or perhaps dumping your body somewhere. If you testify for him in court then you risk a criminal record yourself since the court maybe ... (read in full...)
Abusive, violent, jailbird boyfriend and I think it's my fault!
Q. Hi, I really need some advice. I am so confused I dont really seem to know wrong from right anymore. So have been with my bf for like 10 years now, and we are planning to get married next year. The problem is he has hit me in the past - alot. H...
A. 28 April 2009: This is a classic case of domestic violence and mental illness on his part - the need to criticise you all the time comes partly for a sense of inadequacy on his part (he feels like a loser so calling you a loser makes him feel better) and a need to ... (read in full...)
Why won't this serial cheater marry me?
Q. hello...im trying to figure out why is it that my boyfriend of 15yrs (he's 40 and im 39) first off will not marry me and make a formal commitment and second of all will not leave this other woman alone? i've forgiven him for having a baby on...
A. 28 April 2009: He won't marry you because he doesn't have to...you stay with him no matter how badly he behaves so his life is sweet just as things are. People are treated the way they let others treat them! It doesn't matter how many times he cheats or sleeps ... (read in full...)
Good Relationship, Bad Teeth.
Q. Ok, here's my problem. I love my girlfriend to death, but I can't stand her teeth. Well, her front teeth. One crosses over the other one like... A LOT. Now I don't want to hurt her feelings, and she has a self esteem problem, but she wants to...
A. 28 April 2009: I think you need to have an open, diplomatic conversation with your GF about her teeth. If you are in a relationship that is progressing towards marriage then you should be able to talk about pretty much anything! I am sure no-one is more aware of ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I don't want him anymore with him harming himself and emotonally blackmailing me?
Q. iv been living with my fiance of two years and all we seem to do is make up and break up. iv had enough of it. when i decided to move back in with my mum he broke up with me. then he wanted me back and said he will move in the area that am liv...
A. 26 April 2009: If your BF is self-harming as your post suggests then he needs specialist treatment. People who are suffering from significant psychological disorders can be extremely manipulative and emotionally dependent on those around them. In many instances ... (read in full...)
I hate my dad because he cannot offer me the lavish lifestyle that has been my dream!
Q. hello dear cupid, i am 22 and i have a strange problem.... I hate my dad! i know he is my god and my caretaker...but still i hate him because he cannot offer me the lavish lifestyle that has been my dream although he has always provided me with the ...
A. 26 April 2009: At your age there is no reason why you shouldn't crave possessions like cars and a nice home. If you want to live in the city, move there and get a job. I moved out of home at 18 and I have largely had to fight my own financial battles ever since - ... (read in full...)
Do I need to go to the doctor?
Q. I am/was pregnant for about 3-4 weeks. I began heavily bleeding and I had a miscarriage. Do I have to go to the doctor, cause I haven't been yet? I really don't want to. And how do i tell my bf?...
A. 25 April 2009: I am very sorry you had a miscarriage, I have suffered two and totally understand that your hormones are probably all over the place right now! Generally there is no need to go to your doctor unless you have signs of an infection (on-going pains, ... (read in full...)
My mum is not helping my anxiety disorders.
Q. Hi, i have an odd problem with my mum which i hope to get some advice on. Over the years i have had to deal with alot of anxiety issues and panic attacks. For a while i became almost recluse and all my mum did was nag and told me to get over ...
A. 24 April 2009: I have a suggestion...move out, get a place of your own or with understanding friends. You seem to have made huge progress with your anxiety disorder and it helps to be around positive people. Your mother may have liked the fact that when you were ... (read in full...)
Does anyone believe in fortune tellers?
Q. My question is quite short, I'm wondering if anyone believes in Fortune Tellers? xx...
A. 22 April 2009: If fortune tellers were regulated by a professional body so that you could monitor their conduct then I would keep an open-mind about them. At the end of the day they give 'advice' just like counsellors and therapists on a wide range of problems. ... (read in full...)
Am I a bad mom?
Q. I'm wondering if I'm a bad mother? My kids are 4 and 20 months. Both boys. My oldest is very hyper and we actually had him screened for ADHD and he isn't. But I swear he is! he bounces off walls. It doesn't matter what we do he's all over the place, ...
A. 21 April 2009: I don't think there is anything wrong with you! After all you have two infant children and that could drive anyone close to the edge. Your toddler is too young to be diagnosed with ADHD reliably, but you could try finding trigger foods...it is not ... (read in full...)
My husband has said if I don't partake in his sick fantasy he will leave me!
Q. Hi, I have been married for last 5 years and am madly in love with my husband. Since last year he has been fantasizing for a threesome. He is forcing me go for it with him, at the same time he does not want to commit that this is his fantasy and ...
A. 21 April 2009: Forcing you into sexual situations that you are not happy with is all part of emotional abuse and physical abuse, which is technically domestic violence. I hear him talking about his wants and needs in your relationship to the point of dictating ... (read in full...)
I had tubal ligation, but could I be pregnant?
Q. I would really love some feedback about this, it is important. 7 years ago I had a tubal ligation done, but last month I found out I was pregnant only it was in my tubes. Now it's the following month and I am experiencing some of the same symp...
A. 21 April 2009: I recommend that you see a doctor at the earliest convenience as you definitely need to be checked up urgently given your medical history. This is not necessarily because you are pregnant but there maybe some other stuff going on with your ... (read in full...)
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