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female
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anonymous
writes: I have 4 sons ,all of them over 20 years old, 3 moved out from the house,one is living with us.I'm absultley stunned by the fact , that none of them ever had a girlfriend,and they are all virgin,they are also very self distractive on different ways.I can't believe how could this happen, as they are all very handsome and intelligent/ I have no clue what can cause such a dysfuncton,when it seems all 4 of them effected by it. My family keep asking about it, are they still not ....? And I don't know what will happen as this is making them more and more depressed.They think, it is some really very special thing, as they see all their friends getting into relationship.So I have few question, 1, how common is that?2,what could cause such a thing?3,How can I help?4,Can parents cause such thin AT 4 CASEI would understand 1 but not 4..What is going on here?Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): how do you know for sure they are virgins. they could be lying. i would never discuss sex with my mom and i dont plan to either. i think sex is a very hard subject to talk to a parent about.
if they are virgins yes i understand your concern but maybe they are jsut looknig for the right girl.
i know many people who have had sex at a very younf age and have not told there parents.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 I don't think it is a problem, unless you make it a problem. Your boys are in their 20's - they are not 40 or 50-something batchelors! It doesn't have to be seen as a negative thing. If they were players messing about with lots of women you would be worrying about them too. I think all you can do as a parent is to support your children through the choices they make in their lives. By suggesting that they date women then you may push them into action but they might end up with the wrong sort of relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Maybe its in the way you brought them up? Or how close your sons are to each other?
I just want to share that there was a time, at the age of 20s. My sisters and I including my brother were all single for years and our relatives also wonder why, when our cousins get married here and there, got pregnant by batches.
What can we do? Us siblings are very close to one another we felt there's no need to add someone from outside. We love hanging out together whether alone or with our relatives. We also have difficult times in our family that the thought of being romantically involved did not enter our minds.
It was when my sister met someone that the situation changed and eventually, we all met someone for ourselves later. Everyone is married now except me.
Right now, my Uncle's 4 sons ages 20s too are in the same situation. They are too hooked with their interest in music and too busy with their musical instruments that they have no interest for romance at all.
Sometimes it happens. And it will change in time.
Another thing, maybe they are actually having these things but they just don't share it with you yet?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 A: They might be gay/asexual.
B: They might be lying to you.
C: Statistics often say that something like 50% of people lose their virginity before the age of 18. Intrestingly, such reports rarely mention the genders.
I presume that with distractive you mean destructive? How so?
And if you meant to say they got a louse attention span, then maybe that might be the reason? Even the easiest woman in the world expect a guy to pay attention for more then 5 seconds.
You know them, what is so different about them? And don't look at them as a mother but as a sexual woman. Would you be their gf if you they weren't your sons?
For that matter, do they even try to get gf's? Asexuality is not often mentioned but it does exist. Maybe they just don't want a gf?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): whats the problem???
they are great boys, you said it yourself.
don't encourage them into something that they should save until they get married!
you've done a great job and been able to achieve what most can't.
leave them, and then when they do find a girl that they like and love it will mean so much more to them and YOU...
Well done.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): are they a virgin by choice or is it because of their religious beliefs? As a Christian I believe that the Bible teaches that virginity is a better more holy option.. that a person should make God first in their life instead of sex, but the Bible also says that if a person struggles with sexual desires then it is not unholy to marry- In other words there is nothing wrong with sexual desires, but the lack of sexual desire is a blessing because you don't get distracted as easily by your life's purpose. Also if they do not believe Christian beliefs..then maybe they just havn't found a girl who wants to date a virgin. But there are plenty of girls who would.
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