A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found out I was pregnant about a week and a half ago. I told my parents the next day I found out. My mother has become supportive to non supportive to some-what supportive within this past week and some. My parents boyfriend are also aware, but don't come from a stable enviroment or a great source of income, but are pleading me to keep the baby.I'm being forced to face some tough desicions and that's where you guys come in. I'm only fifteen and almost six weeks pregnant so my days are numbered.My parents first instinct was to get an Abortion. They brainwashed me basically, until I felt like I was forced to get one. My mother also has depression issues.My boyfriend was supportive at first, but now is having doubts and saying things like, "well, we're really young, so just do what you gotta do"My boyfriend does not have a job either. Lately I have felt like I really want to keep the baby, but without my boyfriends support I'm wondering how I can do so, if he chooses not to be there for me?Please don't tell me to put my baby up for adoption, because I'm sorry it's JUST NOT HAPPENING. So if thats your advice - don't bother.Somebody please give me some words of widsom.. shed some light on this situation. I'm willing to get a job and save up.. but I'm worried about my education as well.Thx
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shelbyrayanne +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Hi,,,,
I know it is hard because this almost happened to a friend of mine but it was a false alarm. What we did was we got a bunch of candy and two of her favorite friends and we had a sleepover it really help her calm down and think about it for awhile.
i hope im being helpful! but when it comes down to it, it is your decision! Take a day to your self and really think about what is best for you right now! dont think about how anybody else will reacted just do whats best for you.
i hope i was some sort of help to you in your time of need!
3 good luck!
-Shelby, 15.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Hello,
I am a 30-year old woman who feels for your situation. I have never been pregnant, but I am proud of you for making a decision to keep the baby. Whether you change your mind and give the child up for adoption or you keep it, I'm just proud of you for keeping him/her alive. My advice would be to surround yourself with people who love you, support you and who are truly good for you. Someone who has the best intentions for you and the baby. That might mean you have to cut ties with someone or even a lot of your current friends/family. Be strong. Love your child unconditionally. Find rest when possible so you don't stress yourself out and take it out on the child. I came from a single parent household and I just wish my mother would have let her 'true' family and friends help more. Don't turn away good people...let them help you. And of course, turn your back to people that will harm you or the baby...emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually....whatever. Good luck and please email me if you need to talk. I will do my best to help...as a neutral party! ;)
God bless,
Mandy
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I was in this situation once and was in the middle of reading a wonderful spiritual book. In that book, the woman was going through the same thing as me, so she went to her pastor... her pastor told her to close her eyes and try to relieve herself of any other thoughts, opinions, the others in her life. He said to pretend as if she was no longer pregnant. Did that fill her with a great sense of sadness, or a great sense of relief? It is normal to feel a bit of both, but which one trumps out the other?This really helped me out. The decision is about YOU and what you feel is the right thing to do for your own values and your own quality of life. Either decision you make will be a hugely emotional choice... having a baby, or termination. Do don't undervalue either of these choices, they are both valid and both come with strings attached.Your education will be easier without a child. For sure. However, it's never impossible and you can definitely still pursue all of your hopes, dreams and diplomas, it's just going to be more challenging. But if you are ambitious, it can and will happen. You're just going to have to have a solid support system and outstanding will power, and you can succeed in anything you put your mind to. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (6 August 2009):
 I wish people would stop with the "I dont believe in abortion" nonsense - this is not someone asking you about your personal beliefs and you cannot force them on someone else!
I hope that you (the girl who has asked this question) ignores those replies from people who are purely offering their opinion and not anything constructive. This decision should have nothing to do with anyone else's beliefs - it is entirely down to your own beliefs and values.
Just because someone believes abortion is wrong it doesnt mean it is wrong for you. Consider both options carefully and you will come to the right decision, ignore these narrow minded people on here. They are just expressing their own beliefs rather than providing you with real helpful advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, topgirl93 +, writes (6 August 2009):
 hello Alot of people say that your just gonna be giving up your life if you have a baby, but your not. Yes a baby gets in the way of school and your social life and maybe even give you a bad name for a small period of time because of your age but you got to do what you feel is right.I dont have a baby of my own but 8 months ago i was blessed with a beautiful baby girl, my niece, she is the best thing thats ever happened to my family espacially my sister who is her mother and my mom, because she has her first grandchild. I babysit a couple of nights a week just to help out my sister and let her have some peace for a night and i love it.Even though she is hard work and i cant leave her in the room alone, she is a pleasure to be with.I can remember when she first smiled,and when she first laughed,when she got her first teeth, and when she first started sitting up on her own, when you see babies do things for the first time you get this huge glow in your heart the feeling is amazing.I dont believe in abortions, because to be honest you have to face up to the consequences and if you have unprotected sex then the consequence can be pregnancy.If you feel you have enough support from family and your boyfriend for when the baby arrives then you go ahead and have the baby. This will mean that you will have to grow up quicker and act 20 years old and not 15.Im sure you will be a fine mother. Do what you feel is right. Listen to your heart.I hope this helps your situation. Good luck..xx
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 August 2009):
 I have worked with teenage girls who have found themselves pregnant in similar circumstances to yourself. They told me how much hard work was involved and what sacrifices they made (they also said their babies were wonderful!) - I am a mother to a toddler and now I understand something of what they mean. Being a mum is HARD WORK - sleepless nights, mountains of nappies and tantrums - but also the most rewarding job in the world when they first say 'mama' or smile at you. It may take your mother a while to adjust to the fact that you are having a child so young - esp. if she is depressed. Only you can decide if you want to keep the baby or not - I suggest you get some counselling about this to make an informed choice. If you go ahead, don't expect support from your boyfriend or his family - they maybe ok now but you cannot predict the future. You need to decide what is right for you, as you will be the one making the life-changing decision. If you decide to keep the baby then you can tell the school so they can make arrangements for your education and you could get child-minding services for when you are in school/ college. I would say there is probably no chance of you managing a baby, a job and an education in the early years. I think finishing your education is an absolute priority because that sets you up in a position of security on the job-front. If you decide you don't want the baby, don't let anyone change your mind but seek termination advice in the next few weeks because the procedure becomes more complicated as the pregnancy advances. Good luck whatever you decide.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emj85 +, writes (6 August 2009):
 I would keep the baby and take responsibility for your actions - your boyfriend will have to take responsibility too!! It sounds like his parents might help and you can always get your mum to 'adopt' the baby and still have it at home and continue your education. I am extremely against abortion because there is a life inside you no matter how small it is now, it is still alive. Its your body at the end of the day and your choice but at least if you did give the baby for adoption (i know you said dont suggest it but hear me out), a couple who are desperate for a baby could have one and give it a loving home its better than killing it, it didnt ask to be made. My brother was 2 when he was adopted and doesnt know any different. I know its a tough decision but you gotta think about everyone involved including and especially the baby. If you do go ahead with an abortion - ask yourself this - will you be able to live with yourself afterwards and be aware it may jeprodise your chances of conception when you really do want a family. Good luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 August 2009):
Only you can make this decision, and you have to do what is best for you. An abortion would be the easier of the two options because you wouldnt have the financial worries and you could continue with your education. However you would have to live with that decision for the rest of your life - so you would need to be 100% certain that it was the right decision for you, you dont want to go through life regretting your decision.
If you want to keep the baby then yes it will be a major struggle and the chances are your boyfriend wont always be there for you. So I guess you have to decide if you could handle being a single mum and bringing this baby up alone? You cant rely on anyone to be there for you throughout this so you need to be prepared for the chance of being a single mum.
I'm pretty certain that your parents will support you no matter what decision you make, after all a parents love for their child is unconditional and while they might struggle to come to terms with you having a baby, eventually they will be ok with it and they will do everything they can to help you. Your parents just want whats best for you, and in their case they just think the best thing for you is not to have a baby right now because of your age. But if you choose to keep it they will still love you and still want to help you out.
I think you need to be realistic if you are going to keep this baby - no-one will employ you if they know you are pregnant because you will have to go off on maternity leave in a few months time. Even if you did find a job you would only really have about 6-8 months worth earnings which is no-where enough to help you support a baby. So you will have to rely on your parents financially and also money from the authorities (I'm not sure what you call it over there in Canada, in the UK the government will give benefits to teenage mums). So would you be ok with that?
Then your next decision would be your education. You could carry on whilst you are pregnant right up until you are due, but then you will have to take some time off so you will fall behind. Then going back to school - would your parents look after the baby during the day while you were at school? Or will you need to pay for childcare? I dont think getting a job after you have had a baby is a good idea, you will end up in a rubbish job with no career prospects because you left school so early, then you would have no chance of giving your child a decent future. And you wouldnt be able to see much of the baby so it doesnt make sense for you to work, staying in school and getting a good education so you can make a better life for you and your child is be best idea.
Your boyfriend would have to pay some form of maintenance to you for your baby, I'm not sure how that works when the father is under 16 so you might want to research that online.
As you can probably see abortion is the easy option I guess and allows you to carry on with your life the way it is now, but it is not the easy option mentally. You have to decide if you could live with that decision to abort your baby, it is a hard thing to cope with mentally so you need to be sure. Having the baby will be incredibly difficult in so many ways and you will be struggling for the foreseeable future with finances and juggling child care.
Both options are perfectly acceptable - aborting a child because you couldnt give it a good life is sometimes the best thing to do. It is nothing to be ashamed of and it takes a strong person to know their mind will enough to make that decision. But equally having the baby and doing your best for that child is honorable too - even though that child may not have the best life and it will be a major struggle, you will still love that baby and thats more than a lot of kids have these days.
Dont listen to your family, boyfriend or his parents. This is your body, your baby and your life. You need to do what is right for you, not what is right for someone else. Both options are tough and both will hurt at times, but you will know deep down which is the right thing for you to do.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): Listen, I was 9 years older than you are now and in no way, shape, or form to have a child. I had a job that paid hardly anything and the guy was beyond flaky. I knew that if I had the baby that I would be a single parent, would still have to deal with the guy the rest of my life, and would have to burden my parents financially. I did not want to do any of that. As time goes by, yes, you do start to grow attached to the baby. But it's mind over matter. I would suggest having an abortion. Just a heads up though, it can be very traumatizing. A lot of feelings of regret and what-ifs. Even some post partum depression...it's hard, it really is. So if you decide to have an abortion, prepare yourself for that. However it's been almost 2 years since and I'm okay with it now. I still sometimes wonder, but I'm okay with the decision I made and know that in the future, I'll have children that can grow up in a loving and stable environment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): i'm 15 and i would hate to be in your position. i wouldn't suggest you putting your baby up for adoption, no way. i would have the abortion, your the same age as i am and there is no way i would be able to cope with a baby. and as for your mum's behaviour, she's realising that her little girl has grown up. she has no idea what to do. your boyfriend is getting cold feet and you are both young, abort the baby and use protection next time. you have many years to have another baby. you have two choices, give up your life or give up the baby, its a tough call. i'm sorry i can't help any more...
...............................
|
