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I'm 13, I want this 20-year-old to like me, is this OK??

Tagged as: Age differences, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2009) 21 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2009)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So im 13 going to be 14 and theres this guy that i like but hes 20 and he always come over or we always text my uncle knows that i like him and he says im not supposed to but i seriously like this dude and we he always listens to my problems and trys to protect me i guess ! So is it okay that i flirt with him ! and i kinda want him to like me, is this okay!!??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009):

im nearly 14 to and i like a 26 year old and im ready for more but im scared, so ive decided 2 wait until im older, and i suggest u to do the same, its fine to flirt but just dont do nothing you know you shouldnt! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009):

thats really weird and im sure he doesnt lke you back but go ahead and embarass yourself young chap.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009):

well if u want him so bad go for it get him but wait till ur old enough to look after urself first and i think age is just a number too. i know lots of wife/husband like about 15 years diffrnt and ofcouse u can have him ,ofcouse darling... but u just need to wait, u know u can wait for 10 years and thats very short to me , you know why becos its not like forever.And one more thing, u can follow ur heart and u'll never give up.

And dont really listen to what people say ok? becos people not always right.

And hope this might help u ...... mmwaaa good luck !!

well good luck hope this might help =]

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (17 August 2009):

RAINORFIRE agony auntHardly anyone in here has answered the qestion. I'm late on this but just because there's one stupid opinion after the next I'm gonna respond.

You can't get in trouble for looking at an underage girl, as some have suggested. If that where the case every man with sight would be in jail. There wouldn't even be enough cops to arrest them.

The answer to her question is yes, it's ok, of course it's ok to want someone to like you. Everyone wants to be liked.

If you're gonna give advice pay attention to what the question is and answer it.

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A female reader, BadderzGirl United Kingdom +, writes (16 August 2009):

In the adult world a 7 year agae gap (or 6 and a bit by the sounds of it) doesn't sound too bad. Some celeb couples are 11 years difference, but when you're a kid..

No. Just no.

You can like from afar but DO NOT FLIRT. Seriously, if this led up to something you would be in SUCH trouble, let alone what a mess he would get into.

If you still know him when you're 18-20 and both of you are single and like each other...go for it. Since he'll have known you since you were a kid it might be a bit weird but take a look at 'The Time Traveller's Wife'. And I know it seems like a long way away (you could maybe cut it down to 17 or 16 pushing it) it'll be worth the wait if you both end up being good for each other, but it's probably just a teen hormonal thing so you'll probs forget about it when you meet someone your own age.

Hope this helped!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009):

no kiddo, leave this older guy alone. he will get into so much of trouble if he even looks at you the wrong way. stop flirting with him. the next older guy may not be so decent. he may just take what you are offering, then what??? and babes, you are offering something.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009):

Not for him no, he'd get in so much trouble.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009):

flirt with him all you want.age means nothing.and it is your choice,as others have said.but as advice,dont let comments like most of these others get you down.

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A female reader, BethBabes United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2009):

BethBabes agony aunti know how you feel, im 14 and i really like this 18yo, hes lovely,hot, always looking out for me and just plain amazing lol.

let me just say, its normal for you to have feelings for an older guy, we can't help who we like. and yeah flirt if you like, it usually comes naturally anyway.

i just advise you not to get yourself into any situations that are illegal. im not going to lecture you because i know that can be annoying and theres nothing really to lecture you about.

hope this helps :) send me a message if you like x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

I was facing a similiar problem as you. This gorgeous guy in his mid-20s was kind of flirting with me, and I flirted back (I'm 15):

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-get-over-the-older-flirty.html

I regret it now, because it is SO hard for me to get over him, although I haven't seen him for months. Please don't make the same mistake I did. It's a lot easier to start this kind of thing than it is to finish it. Just be friends with him, and then, if you still like him when you're (legally) old enough, you can go for it.

Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

okay yall r like freakin out on me he hasnt even said he liked me or anything all i was asking if its okay if i want this older guy to like!!? But yall r saying that hes flirting with me and sex and thats never come up! :D

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A female reader, Jewlz United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2009):

As others have said, it is normal to have feelings for an older guy, and I think most girls your age have crushes on older guys. But, it is important not to act on them. If you like this guy, you wouldn't want him to get into trouble, and he could definitely get in big trouble by interacting with you. Guys his age who fool around with girls your age aren't nice guys, no matter how they seem to you. He is too experienced to be with a girl as young and inexperienced as you. Try to focus on meeting boys who are closer to your age and at your level. Good luck!

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2009):

DrPsych agony auntNormally I would say age doesn't matter, but that is when both people are adults! It is normal for a teenager of your age to have crush feelings on an older male but it is NOT normal to act on them, or have a man take an over-friendly interest in you. If this guy is sending you inappropriate text messages then he is a creep who is grooming you. This is an offence and he may represent a threat to children and young people. You maybe flattered by the attention but it would be a very bad sign if he acted irresponsibly.

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (5 August 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntI wish you could have watched Steve Wilkos today. The show today was about a 14 year old girl and her 19 year old live in boyfriend. The mother allowed the BF to live in the house with them under the guise of being a room mate. She was so naive she said she could not imagine how her daughter ended up pregnant.

The 14r year old ended up pregnant and had to tell this news to her father on the stage. Even after every possible point being made to the mother as to how she could allow this guy to move in under the "roomates" terms she could still not understand how her daughter got pregnant. The show ended with the daughter professing her love for her BF while the family considered statutory rape charges.

I agree that we cant choose who we like, or fall in love with. But unfortuinately for you and for him, in the US in every state any physical relations between the two of you would be considered a sex crime for him.

So with that in mind, if this guy is worth it to you and you are worth it to him, you can flirt all you want, but any physicality is out of the question. I'm sure the last thing you want is to see this guy go to jail. And I guarantee you if you get physical with him, it will lead eventually to just that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

I think several people here are severely over-reacting to this. First of all, no where in her post is sex even mentioned, yet everyone right away jumps to saying it's not legal and that he'll go to jail. It's not illegal for her to want him to like him or for him to like her, as long as nothing physical does go on.

We can't help who we like, many of us have had feelings for someone we shouldn't before but we couldn't help it then either. Also, to the annonymous poster who was freaking out about him flirting with her I'd just like to say that she never once mentioned that he flirts with her or anything like that. It sounds to me like he's just acting like an older brother or a friend, not flirting.

Yes, I think he may be too old for you to have like you or for him to date you or anything, but as long as it's harmless flirting, I don't think it's wrong. You're not having sex with him or anythin (I hope) so just keep those lines from being crossed and it should be ok. I hope this helps some.

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntHun this isn't legal!

you're under age.

he probably protects you because he sees you more as a little sister.

you're at that young age of liking older guys it's natural but he may just see you as a sister a little sister and that's why he listens to you because he feels close like family.

try not to read too much into it hun.

he'd get done for underage activity and probably accused of being a pedophile due to his age and yours.

even if you wanted anything to happen he'd get done because your word is nothing really you're still a child in the laws eyes not yet an adult until 16 and you're at age consent.

hope this helps.

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

age is only a number.and its up to you.if you think it is ok then that is all that matters.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

if you thinks its okay then it is.as long as you are happy it is no-one elses buisness.and it is no-ones right to give you grief over your choice either.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

Its never wrong to like someone. And flirting is fine as well... so long as it stays that way.

You are in no way ready for the kind of relationship a man can offer you or would need. And he would be down-right wrong if he indulged in that.

By all means flirt away. But be careful that is all it is.

Flynn 24

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

no!!! he will be guilty of of child rape and may be sent to jail, u are under-age!! focus on guys yr own age, sorry to tell you but hes out of reach to you til u are older and of age. He shouldnt be flirting with u!!its not the right thing for him to do. please stop flirting with him and find a guy yr age, yr uncle is right - u arent meant to like him and he should not flirt with you - u are 13!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

i know exactly how you feel....im 14 and in love with a 27 year old...its really not okay but its hard to resist it.

try to let it go; he cant be with you because of your age and could get arrested for fooling around with you....you can always be friends just nothing more than that..

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