A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im a gay female, im quite isolated in the gay community and amd alone and am attempting to make friends/dates through a dating website.over a year ago I was chatting to X on an online dating site, X seemed nice initially and we were going to meet in person, then X got into a r/ship,with someone else briefly, then they broke up, she contacted me again and we then chatted again, but soon so i lost interest as X seems to be a game player, so I stopped chatting and didnt hear from X for ages, I forgot about X.yesterday X sends me a message through this lesbian dating site im on saying "hi, how have u been?" that they really like my online profile and want to meet up sometime - and can they see my photo - im not interested! im chatting to a couple of other ppl and dont want to go down that road with X again, ( X knows lots of ppl on the dating site and can be very nasty) due to what ive heard and the games X played with me before. My friend briefly dated X, a while ago now - then they stopped seeing each other. X was quite nasty after they stopped seeing each other, X then began to talk nasty untrue things about my friend to their friends and other ppl on the dating site, soon X's whole circle of friends knew about my friends "faults" X was nasty and said a lot of untrue things. X is a game player and likes to charm people and date people and then sleep with them, then leave them, and not take dating seriously, X has a reputation for chasing people and then leaving. i have been warned by my friend about X. I dont want to meet or chat with X! i want nothing to do with X - how do I tell X this? as X is nasty if i reject them they may talk about me to others on the site, should I lie and say Im dating someone else? help.. my friend has had so much trouble with X she doesnt want to date now. shes warned me many times about X. the lesbian community is not big where i live and X has lots of friends, sooner or later ill meet someone who knows her.. i just dont want my name spread badly around the community before i even meet people!!plse help!! thanks in advance
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 You shouldn't worry about X gossiping about you whatever you say to her. Basically if people know her to be a nasty gossip then they hadn't see her as credible or important. I would lose the anxiety about being talked out and treat your recent experience as a narrow-escape from heart-ache. I think you should also be extra careful on dating sites because as you are learning there are many players, cheats, liars and psychopaths lurking on these websites. I think sometimes being lonely gets in the way of common-sense as we search out for like-minded people. However you should take care and perhaps not disclose your name and details until you are VERY sure about a person.
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