A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are dying to have kids although we'd like to wait until we're married first. Although if we were to have a child now we'd be over the moon. We haven't been using condoms and he came inside me 6 times last month over my "high fertility" time however my period is due on monday and we really hope it doesn't come, however im starting to get period pains.. We've been in this similar situation over the last 3 months, if my period turns up i am really stressing that i can't have children. Please help! Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): Not wanting to get your hopes up but cramping can sometimes be a sign of pregnancy - i crampted a heck of a lot before i missed my period and even crampt afterwards too ... it wasn't quite like period cramps but still, i felt like i was gonna come on but i never did. I'm now six months pregnant :) I'd say try not to stress about being pregnant or not being pregnant, have fun with your partner and if it happens ... then it'll happen, most likely when you least exspect :) Juts relax and enjoy what you have right now, kids will come along sooner or later :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): You are still VERY VERY young to be having children.
18-21 years old? You are only just adults yourselves! Would it not be more beneficial to your child to have life experience to pass onto them? As soon as you have kids, your ability to have new experiences declines. Have you wanted to go to uni? Travel? Work in a random job? Once you have kids, all thoughts about what YOU want will go out the window.
Firstly, a lot of women take months or years to get pregnant. If you have been on the contraceptive pill, that also makes a difference, and it can take a good 6 months before your system is completelely clear of the hormones.
Also, stressing isnt going to help, so try not to think about it. Often couples who give up trying for a baby because they think they cant have one will suddenly find themselves pregnant because the stress has gone. They dont care, and then WHAM it happens. SO relax!
Secondly, and most importantly, I know you WANT a child, but can you actually support a child financially? Do you own your own home? Do you both have jobs that pay? If the answer to any of those is no, then really you should wait, because you are not in a position to have a child. Its like driving a car. Would you let someone with no licence drive a formula 1 racer? No. Why? Because they dont have the right skills or knowledge or support. Its not fair to bring a child into the world when you cannot support them by yourself and cannot give them the best quality of life. Do you know how much babies cost? HUGE HUGE amounts. You wouldnt have a social life, you couldnt afford it, bills, nappies, food, clothes, equipment...all adds up.
Do you live with your boyfriend? Have you any idea how much bills cost? Water, gas, electric, TV, internet, council tax, insurance etc etc etc, thats on top of groceries..... have you got enough spare cash left over from that to buy all the stuff a baby needs?
Or do you think that the state will pay, give you a house and pay for everything? It is irresponsible to rely on state handouts to support your children if you can avoid it by being a bit more sensible and waiting until you are in a position to support yourself. It is also exceptionally selfish when the country is in such a terrible state to put even more burden on the benefit system.
Also at 18-21 your boyfriend may not be around in a couple of years. Guys are notoriously fickle and could easily bolt and leave you as a single mother. Are you ready and prepared for the what ifs? Im not saying it will happen to you, but there is always a risk. So better to be aware, rather than end up in a terrible mess.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 May 2010):
 You should try to get pregnant for a year. It doesn't always happen right away, although you have age on your side. While you are trying for a baby, both of you should take a look at your lifestyle - diet, exercise, not smoking, alcohol, low caffiene intake etc and you should take a good quality prenatal vitamin supplement. Let nature take its course and if you find after 12 months you are still not pregnant then it is time for a trip to the doctors for some routine tests for both of you. Try not to worry as even if there some medical issues it doesn't mean you cannot have a baby - there are lots of treatments available for subfertile couples.
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