A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I met this man around 4 years ago, he told me he had had a drink problem but it was behind him now. any way it turns out not to be true he became ill once well he came to stay with me untilhe got better thats about 3 years ago. All in the garden was rosy no drinkin best man I have every met hardly fell out. But then he started drinking again and it has got worse and worse but I love him because I have seen the good side of him. When in drink he is like another man never violent just nasty uncareing and selfish. I have discovered I think that he has been having an affair or maybe that is putting it a bit strongly a fling. because of his drinking he has had probs. in the trouser department and bought viagra from a sex shop. recently he baught 4 after we had used 2 I discovered another had gone missing! I put them somewhere else, he asked where they were as he had been looking for them, this was while I was at work. He then went missing for a day when he retured I asked where he had been he said with aparticular frien, I had already spoken to this friend who told me he hadn't seen him all day. i found in his pocket a sleeve of 2 viagra with one missing, he said he likes the way they make him feel ha, ha. I have also foung a girls number in his phone and message to meet he says there is nothing in it ha, ha. The thing is I know he loves me and I know he wouldn't have done this but for the drink I suspect she drinks too so a perfect match. While writting this I thought what the hell do I need any advice for it is simple get rid of him. i just wish I could have the old .... back the man I fell in love with I still do love him but not this new nasty man that has taken his place. What do you think.
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affair, at work, fell in love, viagra, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 May 2010):
 If he is an alcoholic you can not cure him with love. It is something he has to realize, understand and WANT to put behind him.
If he seeks help, maybe you two have a chance, without help.. I don't think you do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Go to a website called gettingthemsober.com and find an Alanon Meeting ASAP. I dated an alcholic for 2 years. And I come from a family of drinkers. You need help to deal with this. You cannot do it alone.
It is very hard to loose an alcoholic. Don't worry he is not going to leave you. He is just tring to scare you so you will do as he wants so he can keep drinking.
As long as booze is #1 for him and it is nothing else matters. Please go to Alanon -
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 May 2010):
 You are dating a man with an addiction. Even when he is sober he is still an 'addict' and prone to relapse. It doesn't sound as if he has ever really addressed his reasons for heavy drinking. Until he does then you will be stuck with a drunk for good. It is important that any addict admits they have a dependency issue prior to seeking professional help. There are little doctors and therapists can do for him until he admits his problem to himself and strives to get treatment. You could support him and put some pressure on him by saying you are only willing to stay with him if he changes and seeks professional help. I would also add that the viagra thing is not helping him at all. If he bought them from a private supplier then he could be taking anything but viagra. Many of the pills supplied are fake and worse-still poison like rat bait. If he has an impotence issue then he should seek treatment from a doctor, but it is probably all related to his drinking. His infidelity maybe down to drink, but it is also easy to blame everything he does wrong on the bottle in his hand. If you banish alcohol from your house and tell him he cannot drink in your home then it would be a first step towards making him face his problems. By making excuses for his behaviour and allowing him to drink around you then you are enabling the dependency to continue.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (3 May 2010):
 If you think that the alcohol is the problem than recommend him to go to rehab and to stick to his AA meetings. Alcohol do change a person but if he doesn't want to change there is not much you can do. Offer him this solution and he declines your request than it will be best for you to leave him.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Um, Ma'am? Don't make excuses for his behavior. I'm fairly certain no one but he is pouring alcohol down his throat. It's called A CHOICE. A disease didn't just fling itself upon him and take away the good ol' reliable, trustworthy man you know. Disappears with the Viagra for a day and has no better excuse than having spent it with a particular friend? So just who might this particular friend be? Is this man an equal, contributing partner in your relationship or is this a petulant, compulsive little boy hanging onto your apron strings? I think you should tell the besotted old buzzard to pull it together, dry out, toe the line and remain that way or send him packing to go crawl off into a booze bottle with his "particular friend" and make (undoubtedly) her life a miserable hell rather than your's.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Alcohol does not make us do things we don't want to do, it makes us do things we always think about doing.
Thus, it brings out our true personalities.
You are with someone who is exposing his true personality, which is dishonest, uncaring, selfish, and nasty.
You should not put up with it.
There is no going back to the old guy.
Once he reveals who he REALLY is and gets rid of the illusion he initially presented you with, its going to be that way for the rest of the relationship.
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