A
female
age
30-35,
*lovedannyjones
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 16 year old girl and i love my boyfriend very much. We have been going out for almost 11 months and i can say that he hurt me several times intensionally. But sometimes it's my fault. So i really do not know what to do because we ALWAYS get into fight, like everyday. And we had a fight today. He does not let me talk to my male friends and he always suspects me. He doesn't trust me at all. But he says that he loves me a lot and wants to marry me but i do not believe him and i am always depressed. I cried all day. But nothing happened. He hung up on me and told me not to call him. He always makes me cry. He sometimes gets mad at me for no reason, for eg: he got pissed at me today for a SIMPLE reason. It was so stupid. And i will never say sorry to him because there's no point and he says that i will never change. I am seriously very upset. :( HOW DO I EMOTIONALLY BLACK MAIL HIM AND WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE REPLY ASAP. BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK TO HIM TODAY.Thank you.
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female
reader, cutz  +, writes (21 February 2011):
hi dear,
i been going through the same situation as you are going through and i know how it feels, but if the person actually loves you fight for him and show him that even though he doesnt care abbout you and your happiness you do that how i been fighting and one day came up everyone left im and i waz there for im and he changed to be the best husband eva, fight for your love it just a test you have been put throught leave it in god hand and believe me fight for it, because him fighting like that doing wrong stuff if you truely love im you wuld try take im out of the wrong path i noe its hard but believe me once you won his faith you will b the happiest gurl on earth.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 I have to disagree:
Suspicion is a sign of immaturity, insecure, jealousy-- I don't think you should tolerate this--this mean no trust..
may point out your not his property, your not his wife, your not his daughter,,,you are his girlfriend and he should be treating you like a princess, he should be spoiling you, He should be courting you,, so early in the relation and the romance is gone...and if you tolerate it and think its ok, you will grow and up and marry and think if they abuse you it going to be ok because he loves you--no no no I have to totally disagree with male anonymous
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (6 May 2010):
We get treated bad if we allow them to treat us bad, you tolerated his behavior, you tolerated his abuse, and you tolerated his neglect, what more are you willing to tolerate? I'm a strong believer that the strong will live as long as the coward allows them too. Translations He feels strong because he feeds of your tears, and fear and you allow him to do as he please and as long as you continue to allow him to treat you this way he will always live, because the minute that you set yourself free, than your free and he can no longer feed on you. You can put an end to all this abuse by saying enough and leaving him but you have to see it first and unfortunately I don't think you see it yet, so good luck and I really hope you get out of this relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Dear girl,contrary to most of the advices here, i would say it is all normal. the fights are sign of love and attachments. suspicion is sign of him being normal guy who love you and is insecure about you. becoz, still you are not married, he needs to protect you and relationship. all do not call me and and all that is natural and normal. he wants you to just keep trying and say sorry. it is also ok in serious relationships.my advice : keep doing what you are doing, it will mature over time, you both are just a kids after all
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (6 May 2010):
What I am going to say might come out a little bit mean and immature. However, I have been through a similar phase where the guy would make me feel bad and cry and then wont even talk to me. And I would sit and wonder as to why he is doing that. I thought he really loves me and blah blah. The key is to pretend to care less. I am not saying don't love him or don't care about him. But whenever you get into a fight, do not come out needy and try not to call him and stuff. See what he does then. Ignore him for a while. When you ignore the person, it gives enough time for both the people to relax, think about it and be logical before a hell lot emotional drama happens. Yes, this guy doesn't sound great. But we all deserve a second chance. So try this. Don't keep saying sorry and calling him. Wait till he makes the first move. Trust me girl, it'll be worth it
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Ok, let us review: " he hurts me intentionally"??But sometimes it's your fault?? RED FLAGS, SIRENS, WARNING SIGNS ARE EVERYWHERE, little sister! Hurt? Depressed? Cry? This is ABUSE, this IS NOT LOVE!!! And we DO NOT emotionally black mail ANYONE, doll. EVER. Don't call him, again, Don 't talk to him beyond "take a hike, Buster!" You're headed down the absolutely WRONG road here. He does not hurt you intentionally and it's your fault!! This is ABUSE by any definition. Run away from this monster FAST! This is the most unhealthy and saddest thing you can allow yourself to be subject to, sweetie. This guy has problems you CANNOT fix or help him with. If you believe nothing else, believe this HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Period. Get it on down the road, doll. He's dust in the rearview.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Hello oh dear please remove yourself from this toxic relationship. You deserve someone who can make you smile :-) and make you laugh. Not someone who makes you sad and depressed. You're young and you'll find that special someone who loves, and respects you.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Don't emotionally blackmail him, there is no point. This is an abusive relationship that will not improve. It doesn't matter if he says he loves you and wants to marry you. His actions speak louder than words. His behaviour is controlling and he uses arguments as a form of emotional abuse to get his way. It may escalate to physical violence if it hasn't already. There is no future in a relationship that makes you this unhappy. I think you should walk away before he erodes your self confidence even more. Stop thinking about him and start putting yourself and your need for happiness first.
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A
female
reader, SarahEW1 +, writes (6 May 2010):
Sweetheart, sometimes when you are in a relationship you can't see the reality of how it looks from the outside. So take a deep breath and think for a moment how you would react if this was your best friend being treated this way? I think you would be horrified, you'd be worried about her and you'd say she deserved SO much better!
So try and take that thought and use it on yourself... you DO deserve so much better than this treatment and this idiot of a guy isn't ever going to change (believe me).
Emotionally blackmailing him will not work either - e.g. you could try to make him feel guilty, and he might really feel bad - but it wont make him love you any more or change who he is.
Maybe you've got used to a situation where you're crying every day, you're starting to feel like it's normal, but it really isn't. Maybe it feels like it's just a passionate relationship: all those highs and lows, and the fact that he is so jealous and angry, is because of how much he really cares, but actually this kind of thing has nothing to do with REAL LOVE, and that's what you should be holding out for! This current boyfriend will make you nothing but miserable, and the sooner you dump him the sooner you will
a) feel better, calmer and more in control
b) be able to see what an idiot he truly is
c) be able to find yourself somebody much better.
So please honey for your own sake, instead of carrying on with his games, give him a big shock today by telling him it's over. Don't listen to the rubbish he's talking because very likely he won't like it and he will try all sorts of things to emotionally blackmail YOU, make you feel so special, and persuade you to stay. Ignore it and walk away (and don't go back - that's the tough bit). Trust me you will thank yourself for this! Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Hun, there is only one answer here and I know it is not what you want to hear..... you have get this man out of your life.
He is controlling, unreasonable and nasty.
Emotional blackmailing wont work on him because he really doesnt care about how he hurts you, he is emotionally battering you, destroying your self esteem.
This type of relationship is destructive and nothing good will ever come of it.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (6 May 2010):
Hey Sweetie! Please get away from him. He is controlling and abusive. I was involved with a man that was just like him. He would accuse me of being with other men when he was the one with other women. It sounds like he is picking fights with you maybe to have you break up with him first so he will not have to and feel the guilt. I know you love him, but if he loved you he would do whatever he could do to make you not cry. You are 16 years old and you have your whole life to be with someone who is great! Do not settle for this mean boy! Please tell him goodbye today!
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A
female
reader, Dinkie +, writes (6 May 2010):
hes not worth your time anyone who intensionally hurts and upsets you is a waste of space there is no point in the relationship if its like that so i think you need to end it and move on. have some time to be happy and forget about him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Love and crying should not be put in the same sentence unless you are talking about breakup! This boy is foolish and he is making a fool of you too! You keep running back to him when he hurts you and you cry. Well to stop the crying..just move away from him. I have the feeling that you are bust over this guy and will not leave despite the advice... but you are young....you will live and learn hunny! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 May 2010):
You need to get away from this guy. Don't even think about emotionally blackmailing him, because it won't work. Do you really think that a guy who treats you this badly cares? Or that he will change? Or that you can make him feel sorry? You need to end it with this guy now before he destroys you. Get away from him. no matter how much you love him, you will always be treated this badly by him because he doesn't care. Dump him and never speak to him again. He doesn't' love you, he's lying so he can use you.
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