A
male
age
41-50,
*ddieg
writes:ive been with this girl for 6 months.im 32 she is 30.last week monday and tuesday was great wed and thurs she didnt return calls. thurs she send me an email and tells me she needs some space.she feels smothered and its stressing her out.her dad died a month b4. ive been there for her thru everything.she even asked if i wanted to get involved.i never met her dad he always asked about me.cuz i treated her with respect like woman should be treated.she had a seizure and cant drive for 6 months i know she has alot going on.i dont get when you have someone that is there for you,why would you walk away. now she isnt calling or anything.we were going to have thanksgiving together,but that has fallen thru.we meet on a dating website and when i asked her if she was getting rid of it she told me what is to you.she told me she loved me first and wanted to have a family and future with me. her best friend left her husband. could this have anything to do with the way she is acting? how can you feel smothered when we havent seen each other in a month and we live 40 minutes from each other? im confused and scared im willing to give her the space she wants.but she doesnt call.should i stop and start all over and find someone new?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I am sending you encouragement. Move on. I also agree that even if she comes back, some damage has been done to your relationship (and your self esteen) so you should not take her back. She'll also think that she can come and go as she pleases with you and you are not a doormat. Believe me, there are many, many women out there looking for a great guy who will treat them right. You deserve better and those great women are waiting.
A
male
reader, eddieg +, writes (14 November 2007):
eddieg is verified as being by the original poster of the question i want to thank you guys for the advice. just need some encouragement now.
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A
male
reader, eddieg +, writes (14 November 2007):
eddieg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe also said that we were sent to each other.
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A
male
reader, eddieg +, writes (14 November 2007):
eddieg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe also said that we were sent to each other.
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A
male
reader, eddieg +, writes (14 November 2007):
eddieg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe doesnt care about the mileage.nor do i.i know she is upfront she said she would tell me if she found someone else.i dont get how she would tell she wanted a baby with me. then say she feels smothered. i do love her and she knows how i feel i wanted this one to be the ONE. i slowly watch her change and i thought with her dad dieing that was the reason. i want to wait and move on at the same time. ive talked to other women but i feel like im cheating. i try talking to her she wont answer calls texts emails. should i say the hell with it?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I'm in agreement with Irish49, except in two points. Irish's answer suggests she might come back; I don't think she ever will, precisely for the same reasons Irish is giving. Second, my advice is this: give her the space she is asking for, but, if she should contact you again, don't take her back. I know it will be painful and I know you will feel like calling, looking for her, et cetera (who hasn't been there?). But, don't take her back if she should call again. You're not a toy.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 November 2007):
I would say your friend is in an evaluation process which does sometimes occur when big changes like a death or a medical issue occur. Likely she is spending energy supporting her friend's divorce and maybe this is also causing some re-evaluation of your relationship. At this point with not seeing her for a month and no firm plan for a future meeting, the writing may be on the wall for you I am sorry to say. I agree with the others, move on. She may or may not come back to you when she has sorted out her issues and for your sake, I too hope you have moved on and found someone who is mutually INTO YOU! Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Get out of this immediately and stop all contact. She asked for 'space' so give her just that and you need to recover. When a females's behaviors change so suddenly like this, I am betting she has another interest. Why do I think this? From what you are saying, you have become enamoured with a female who has a lot 'on her plate'. (Father's death, best friend marriage problems, etc) Let's just say that if she was into you...wouldn't she want to have your comfort, moral support, your backing, and love upholding her through this tough time. Wouldn't she want to be in contact with you, connecting, bonding? I would think she would want your support and friendship through all this. Leave her be. She knows where you are if she wants to pick up where you both left off. Hopefully by that time you will have healed and moved on. All you can do now, is simply consider her just a friend and not expect a whole lot at this point. I am sorry.
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A
female
reader, Emajayne  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 i have a friend, my ex actually, who is head over heals in love with this girl about 40 minutes away. I keep telling him to go for it as she feels the same way, they are having some difficulties with things though because of the distance and her ex's all want her back at the same time. I tell them to just ignore the ex's cause if they were anything special it wouldn't have ended correct? Anyways, my point is distance shouldn't be an issue...i know what distance feels like, i had the biggest crush on a guy in scotland and i didnt notice the distance so why should they. I think she is freaking out. Ask her why she is acting the way she is, and if she gets mad just let her let it all out. Girls tend to do that. Her dad has just died, shes had a seizure, thats a lot to take in in a short period of time, and the fact that you live so far away must also be taking its tole. Just...talk to her, if she snaps back at you for trying to get in her personal bubble, just accept the fact you tried and move on. There could be something deeper here that you aren't seeing.
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