A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:GUYS, once a player, always a player? The man is 37 and we have gone out quite a few times, known each other for quite some time, have the same upbringing, background, and I really like him. Now, he has quite the reputation of a player. In fact, after we went out, I was "sat down" by some friends and warned of his behaviour. When we go out, we have the absolutely best time, he says "the best 24 hours of my life". He says that I have him "hook, line and sinker" and that he "wants to commit to this relationship and our present, not his past" and how perfect I am to him and all that stuff. Now as to me, I am a petite beauty, who is athletic, successful and independent, and am not looking for someone to support me, nor is my biological clock ticking, as I am not having children. He is tall, dark and athletic, successful in his own way, and buying a bar (red flag!) in the neighborhood. I have told him that this is not casual to me, and that I want a relationship. He doesn't call often, and last weekend we didn't do anything, nor did he ask (said he was busy with work), and this is his MO of being a player. Questions: Perhaps not in this situation, but in your experience, will a man who has a history of being a true womanizer ever settle? Will they ever really settle? Will great sex with their idea of the perfect woman help to keep them from straying?How important is terrific sex to falling in love?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Coliwobbles  +, writes (23 May 2010):
I late last year met a female and I fell head over heals for her . Little did I know before meeting me she was a player . In our 7 month relationship I can honestly say I don't believe she strayed but there was a few times where it nearly ended but we survived however now she has ended it for good . I feel once a player always a player even if they try - I just don't think some like the ties others just fear rejection so wong get themselves into the position where that can happen. I still love my ex but know it will never be
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 November 2007):
 To your question about meeting his friends and family. Do you know if he has introduced other women to them? What did he introduce you as "his girlfriend" or his "friend"? Believe me I do know what it is like to be totally taken by a guy. Secretly, I hope you do settle your player down because that means maybe there is a chance for me to do so with mine.:) There is no harm in dating both and seeing where it ends up. If you have a good self esteem and want to go for the long haul, have at it knowing that it may turn out badly. At least you will have given it your all. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, you are right about the trust issues in the long run, that is a consideration. I may be the right one for him -- right now, that is -- but for how long? I suppose I continue to date both for a few weeks and see what happens, let things unfold. I do like the player (not just for the thrill of the chase, as I liked him ever so much before I knew that) because we are so very similar and have so much in common that we are comfortable immediately. Does it mean anything that he has introduced me to all of his friends and some of his family?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): stick with the nice guy if you want to be happy! the player knows all the right moves, so flowers shouldn't be such a huge surprize....it is all a game and you are one of the pawns that he is playing, don't worry about hurting him it would only take a chip out of the karma he is due
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 November 2007):
I believe your attraction to the player is the thrill of the chase and of you perhaps being the one to settle him down. Your nice man may not be thrilling but in the long run I believe you will have something with which to build a complete relationship with. You will trust him and he will love you completely. With the player you will always have that doubt and I do think marriage-and one woman-will be a challenge for him, if he ever goes down that road. He's pretty old to change his ways now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSurely someone else out there can chime in with an opinion! Positive or negative. I've already told him that I thought he was a player and that I don't believe a word, but now he is laying it on thick and really is begging.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, the player did live with a woman for quite a few years at one point in his life, and they are still friends. I liked the player before I met the nice guy, and the nice guy is quite simply falling for me. I have this attraction to player that is incredible, but this new hope of a relationship on the other hand with the nice guy, and I am so confused.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 Hi,
I'm sorry to say but once a player always a player. There are exceptions , when we lads are young we can be very unfaithful and then clean up our acts in our 20's when we meet a special girl.
If he hasnt changed his ways by his 30's you are betting a long shot if you think its you who is going to change him.
It's the old saying "treat em mean keep em keen". The players mantra, they know there are plenty of women out there who believe they can be the ONE to change them and its great because the lifestyle can continue. The girl expects them to act irrational, not return calls, go out for long periods without saying where, cheating, dating other girls ..its all part and parcel of the allure the player has.
Great sex is great sex, but the player is not about great sex, the player is about sex with as many people as he can get to massage his massively inflated opinion of himself, that's the thing that strokes the ego - great sex is just a benefit.
this player looks like he has already hooked you with his lines ( seriously they are the oldest in the book )Good luck buddy, but your friends have warned you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, now an update. A dozen roses were just delivered to my office with a card that says "I mean what I say". As a side note, I had previously written this man off and have just dated another man who is sweet and kind, perhaps not so well off, but I support myself, and who is a definite one woman man. Someone is going to get hurt here, and I'm in the middle, completely torn....
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