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Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can.

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Is my wife testing me? My sister in law is way too flirty. My wife wants me to get on better with this woman.

Q.   My wife has family in San Diego that we visit sometimes and over the past few years, on and off, her sister, who is also married, has been flirty with me. There have been instances where she has "accidentally" exposed herself, talked to me about ...

A.   8 April 2012: I hate playing games, but if it's forced on you you gotta cope. Sounds like you're holding your end up fine.... (read in full...)

My sons are angry and think I am a bad mother when all I tried to do was give them a good life

Q.   I have just had a very heated conversation with my teenage sons aged 17 and nearly 20. Both them feel they have had terrible childhoods because I use to smack them and threaten them with implements when they were younger and according to them also ...

A.   27 February 2012: Parenting is an intensely difficult thing to do. Being a single parent is that much harder. Personally I don’t think the verdict on our success as parents can be rendered until our children become parents themselves. That’s the point at which ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend no longer interested in sex at all and I feel like I have to close down a part of myself

Q.   Hi, I've got a sort of luxury problem I suppose. I've been dating a girl for a few months now, and everything was perfect. We met up often, texted naughty things, said suggestive things over skype, even went a little further than just that. Had ...

A.   20 February 2012: I agree with jannipeg. She mentioned steps your g/f can take. One that comes to mind would be a medical check to ensure that her hormone levels are appropriate. She may well still be strongly affected by her past abuse. If she's willing ... (read in full...)

What are my rights as a patient?

Q.   Sorry, this'll be a bit off topic. I moved to Canada last August and I've just signed up to a medical centre here. I found most of the staff to be extremely rude and they signed me up for all sorts of tests without telling me what any of them...

A.   17 February 2012: At 18 you cannot be compelled to have any medical procedure. Be very clear with everyone at the outset of your appointment what you consent to and what you do not. If you have specific examples of information they have shared with your mother, ... (read in full...)

What's up with this attraction to a historical figure?

Q.   Is it possible to be in love with someone who has been dead 67 years? I have recently seen a picture of someone who died at the age of 18 during the holocaust and ive found myself pining for him. i cant seem to let him go. what is this?...

A.   13 February 2012: What it is? You have connected to someone who's story is very compelling. You have understood, in a way that few have, that this chap was a very real, living person. That's to your credit -- that he's real to you. Why not learn more about hi... (read in full...)

Huge family bombshell dropped..i don't know what to think!

Q.   Hi, i'm 15, and when I was 13, my grandmother died of cancer. We found out a week before she died. She had a very, "i don't care. You wanna hurt me? You wanna kill me? I dare you." attitude. She was sometimes a bit cold, a bit mean to her daughter ...

A.   12 February 2012: Family secrets like that are always shocking, and it's perfectly reasonable that you're having trouble absorbing it. But it really sounds like you didn't get the whole story. The world, and especially Germany, was a very unsettled place after th... (read in full...)

Au naturale...

Q.   I read in a newspaper recently that a lot of women are beginning to stay 'natural' i.e no shaving their arm pits, etc, I am wondering what readers of 'dearcupid.org think about that suggestion....

A.   8 February 2012: I think not shaving legs might be a deal-breaker for me, at least if her hair were dark and thick. I don't love the ideal of underarm hair, but I could cope. But pubic hair is a must. I can't imagine being with someone bare. Appeals to me not at ... (read in full...)

Is my wife bi-curious?

Q.   Thinking My Wife is Bi Curious?? Here's my story, and I'm hoping you guys/gals can give me some insight, and opinions. My wife and I have been together for 9 years, our sex life is pretty good and has actually improved the past couple of years. I ...

A.   1 February 2012: What the first reply said. Great that you've found a hot fantasy. Leave it there. I don't see any value in pressuring your wife to be more open about this -- you don't plan to encourage her to act, so what's the point? Sounds like you're a... (read in full...)

Advise required on how to keep our affairs on the boil

Q.   i had sex continually with my wife's good friend who too is married for many monthes. we know its wrong but we both want to continue. please advice what we shud do to continue our relationship....

A.   29 January 2012: You know it's wrong, but you want it to continue. OK, then do the right thing. Confess to your wife and ask to end the marriage. You clearly don't belong in the marriage with her, and she certainly deserves better.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend hates animals and wants to get rid of my dogs!

Q.   My boyfriend off and on for the past 6, years wants me to give away my dog who is 9 and my rescue puppy who is 3 then find a job in his state and move in with him he moved away 5 years agao and we stay in touch meeting when we could in talking ...

A.   27 January 2012: There's no way that a 'dog person' can have a good, fulfilling life with someone who doesn't care to have animals in their life. The very idea that he'd tell you to get rid of a rescue puppy says that he is absolutely not the person for you. Good ... (read in full...)

Do I tell my husband about this incident I had with an ex boyfriend?

Q.   I don't know what to do. I cheated on my husband. I've only ever had sex with my husband, but I did have a boyfriend before him. We've been married for a few years now and everything is great. This ex-boyfriend contacted me on facebook, and I ...

A.   21 January 2012: You've taken the appropriate message from this experience -- you're not going to be in contact with 'J' again. From what you've told us about your husband, no good will come from confessing. If he happens to ask you why you're no longer in conta... (read in full...)

Older male cannot understand what's happening!

Q.   Hi, I am 62 and change. Exactly 1 year ago I met a woman 14 years younger in a retraining program. She chased me, and even when I tried to point out the age difference, she insisted it was not important. We've been seeing each other several ti...

A.   18 January 2012: I have to wonder if the two of you ever discussed what you wanted out of the relationship? What you describe here is someone who is shying away from commitment. If that's the case, then it's really your call as to whether you can accept something ... (read in full...)

How Dear Cupid has allowed me to be myself and express myself. How strangers saved me

Q.   Dear Cupid is one of the only places I can express myself; liberated from self-consciousness by the mask of anonymity, I can write from the heart. There was a time when writing was the love of my life; my understanding of the English language and ...

A.   18 January 2012: Thank you for sharing your story, and the sample of your writing. It's always affirming to hear that DC has made a difference for someone -- sometimes we don't hear that for a while and lose sight of why we're here. Although I don't think the site ... (read in full...)

He wanted sex. I had my period. Finally I agreed to do it, as I was horny. But it all ended badly, with him freaking out. Was his reaction excessive disgust?

Q.   This may gross some people out with I need some honest opinions... I have a fwb and we have sex on a regular basis. Well the other night he came over and I was on my period (a very light one) so I declined sex and just gave him head. Well the ...

A.   17 January 2012: Here's another vote for Ciar's answer. Someone that fragile should have stayed a virgin.... (read in full...)

Is my wife testing me? My sister in law is way too flirty. My wife wants me to get on better with this woman.

Q.   My wife has family in San Diego that we visit sometimes and over the past few years, on and off, her sister, who is also married, has been flirty with me. There have been instances where she has "accidentally" exposed herself, talked to me about ...

A.   16 January 2012: If your wife is testing you, it doesn't sound like it's that tough a test. You don't like the sister and you're on to her game. So -- under no circumstances are you ever alone with the sister. ... (read in full...)

How should we advise our 15 year old daughter who wants to date?

Q.   We need some advice for our daughter. She is 15 and wants to start dating. We've told her that this summer she can start to have 'parent supported' dates. This means we drive her to whereever she and the guy want to go, like the mall, a movie, out ...

A.   10 January 2012: No, you certainly don’t give your children details about your dating life. It’s wonderful that you have the kind of relationship with your children that such questions come up. You and your wife have done amazingly well that a child would even... (read in full...)

Obsessed with wife's prior sexual history

Q.   I have been married for 25 years. We have a wonderful 11 year old son. My wife is a wonderful person. Everyone loves her except my family. My problem(s) stem mostly from my lack of self esteem. I have suffered from clinical depression and a...

A.   10 January 2012: I think this is a point where you should be asking yourself what you want from life. You know and I know that there are fewer days ahead than behind. At the moment you are wishing away the remaining days. Not only wishing them away, but wasting ... (read in full...)

My messy housemates aren't helping with the cockroach invasion!

Q.   I live with two messy lazy men. Recently they have begun to clean up around the kitchen a bit more, but they are still leaving dishes in the sink, crumbs on the counters and floors, and I'm still finding (and cleaning) sticky nasty spills off of ...

A.   8 January 2012: An effective home-made remedy for roaches is a mixture of half borax and half icing sugar. This slowly poisons the roaches that eat it. And since roaches are cannibals, it poisons the ones that eat the deceased. Put small amounts of the mixture in ... (read in full...)

When is the right time to tell someone about how sexually experienced you are?

Q.   This might seem like a funny question, but when do you think is the right time to tell someone about how sexually experienced you are ?. Should you wait until you actually become sexually active with them, or should you tell them before that ?. I ...

A.   22 December 2011: Oh for goodness sake. What on earth difference does your experience or lack thereof make? The only question that matters is whether your relationship develops to the point where *you* decide that he's the one. If you think that your being a ... (read in full...)

Has anyone ever spent New Year's Eve alone?

Q.   Hey aunts! So, I'm going through a pretty rocky phase in my life (my mom passed away last spring, I recently broke up with my 5year bf and I'm very heartbroken). Looks like I'm gonna be spending New Years Eve alone. I know it's a super loser thing ...

A.   22 December 2011: Hun, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that time is working its magic and that you feel the hurt less keenly. December 31/ January 1 are dates on the calendar. Nothing more. When I was a kid I pestered my grandmother about NYE 1900, thinking... (read in full...)

No matter how much I spend my gift isn't likely to please his mother

Q.   My boyfriend's mom is ridiculously materialistic. She's like a walking talking brand name. She makes fun of poor people and judges them. Well this year she's holding a huge party and giving away extravagant gifts for Christmas (perfumes, Luis ...

A.   22 December 2011: From what you describe there's no way you can play on her field, so don't even go there. Get a tasteful card (consult your b/f on whether it should be religous or secular, i.e. Jesus or Santa), and write in it something along the lines of "Your son ... (read in full...)

My husband's family don't respect my kitchen

Q.   My husband had told me that some of his fathers friends were stopping by because they were driving up from Florida to Ny and they were stopping through. I had never met these people but it turned out they were actually staying at our house. No ...

A.   22 December 2011: I get what you're saying. When I was growing up my mother wasn't all that in to cooking so I had to do it for myself. And if the kitchen wasn't left 'just so' there was hell to pay. So I learned to clean as I went, and to leave it spotless when I ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend needs a rather large loan. What to do? Help!

Q.   My 24 year old boyfriend took out a loan to get some repairs done on his car, without realizing that he would have to change his insurance to be eligible for the loan. Now he's paying double what he would pay for car insurance AND an extra $50 per ...

A.   22 December 2011: If you're serious about making a loan, with interest, that you expect to have repaid, then you go to a lawyer and have a contract drawn up and have it witnessed and notarized. That's the only way it's enforcible in a court. And all of which will ... (read in full...)

My wife's dad only addresses cards and letters to her

Q.   The subject says it all. I have been married to my wife for 19 years now. Her dad lives in Florida and we live in California, so we don't see him but once a year or so (twice this year). However, when we do meet it is very cordial. There's...

A.   22 December 2011: Of course most people would have done as you think, would have included you. You see him regularly, so you know whether or not there's some sort of 'bad blood' there -- since you haven't alluded to it, I presume there isn't any. That he hasn't i... (read in full...)

I'm not sure I can manage to go to the funeral!

Q.   Its my cousins funeral on Friday, he was 19 and had been suffering with cancer for 18 months. We were so close and im crying my eyes out writing this. My mum really wants me to go to the funeral but I dont know if i can bear it. Any tips or help ...

A.   12 December 2011: Hun, why would you not go? Because you can't keep your composure? What's wrong with that? It's a sad occasion, your crying is appropriate. You loved him, you will be with others who loved him. You will cry together. And then you will laugh ... (read in full...)

I'm 15 and my family hasn't talk to me since I told them I'm pregnant. How do I get them back?

Q.   I'm 15 and having a baby what should i do? i'm keeping the baby but my family hasn't talk to me since I told them. I want my family back, so what should I do? I can't do this on my own, they want nothing to do with me. ...

A.   12 December 2011: You haven't given us much to go on, so our answers won't perhaps help as much as you hope. Please feel free to add information. You've said you're keeping the baby. What that really means is that you're giving your parents another baby to raise... (read in full...)

Is the honeymoon over?

Q.   Hello there. I'm not really sure, but I really think the honeymoon phase in my relationship is gone. We have been together for a year now and the amount of sex we now have compared to before has dropped and it leaves me incredibly frustrated. We u...

A.   12 December 2011: I wasn't quite sure what to say in reply to this question, and have to hand it to bluecow. Well said! A year and it's still daily sex??? While living at your parents'??? Good grief girl! That's really often. That's better than most peoples'... (read in full...)

Questions about my sex life on the first date

Q.   Today I went out with a guy for the first time- we've got some mutual acquaintances and that's how we got to meet. Date went well enough- the standard movie + eating one. He seems cute, easy going, laid back, kind to people and very good looking. ...

A.   12 December 2011: I suspect you will be hearing from him. But I wonder if you really want to pursue this further. To me his questions speak to a fixation that's worrisome. It just doesn't seem appropriate to bring it up on a first date, and uncouth to ignore y... (read in full...)

What's is going on with my girlfriend??

Q.   Ok, I am BEGGING you guys for help here. I've been with my gf for 4 years. We got together when she was 14 and I was 17. I was her first, but she wasn't mine. We had good and bad times like every teenage couple etc etc She came to my college ...

A.   8 December 2011: Only she can tell you what's going on. But I'll take a guess. She got into a serious, long-term relationship when she was 14 while in the limited environment of school. Now she's 18 or thereabouts, and has moved into the wider environment of h... (read in full...)

My husband's family dislikes me and its making me want to leave the marriage

Q.   hi - i would be so grateful for advice as I am at the stage of walking out on my husband. For nearly all of our 8 year marriage (and 3 years prior) his family (specifically his parents) have disliked me. To start with they were not overly obvious ...

A.   7 December 2011: For some people, what others say about them doesn't seem to matter in the slightest. For others, we just can't get past it. For parents to actively undermine a child's marriage is not consistent with how I think people ought to behave. For a sp... (read in full...)

My Dad hates body modification. Should I tell Dad or keep my new large tattoo a secret? My husband says to keep it to myself.

Q.   hello, this is a bit of a trivial question but i'd like peoples opinions. Im a gothic girl and love tattoo's and piercings. My dad is a lot older then my mum, my dad is in his 70s and is very traditional, he hates beauty and body modifica...

A.   6 December 2011: Don't tell him. If it were me (God forbid, when it's me) I'd really rather not know.... (read in full...)

Do you know anyone who has many college degrees, but is working in a job far below his potential???

Q.   Hello all, This is a question on career options. I know...I know...this site is mainly dedicated to relationships/love/sex questions. But I am posting a career question here as my experience with this site has been good so far and I get the most s...

A.   6 December 2011: My cousin earned a MSc in Biology in the late 80s and never found full-time work in his field. He's done a number of things over the years, including quite a lot of time teaching in Africa. Today he manages an apartment building. A sad waste of ... (read in full...)

I feel like he totally missed the boat on the whole chivarly thing.

Q.   We had a big snow storm today. After work my car was frozen shut. I called my husband who drives a 4WHD truck to come pick me up. While waiting my boss poured some rubbing alcohol on the door jam and viola it opened. I called my husband but he had ...

A.   6 December 2011: I was going to beat your hubby up until I saw the first answer. Which was pretty right on. Your husband gave you the big deal machine that was presumably more capable of dealing with the bad roads, so he'd already done something chivalrous. I ... (read in full...)

Chronic ED for a guy in good health??

Q.   Is it possible for a man to have a chronic erectile dysfunction, for 5 years,for psychological causes, what he does not know what are they? Its my husband, he is in perfect health, but we are unable to have sex,as he has no sexual desire, and when ...

A.   6 December 2011: OK, first you want to know whether what he describes as "perfect health" is the same as what a doctor would say. How is his blood pressure, and is he on any meds for that. Have they checked for diabetes, have they checked his testosterone level. ... (read in full...)

Do dads and stepdads deserve to have access to their daughter's information?

Q.   Long story short, I found out my mom decided to tell my stepdad all my secrets, including the fact that I want to go on birth control, and the fact that my last shampoo gave me dandruff, and I didn't know until the lady cutting my hair said I need a ...

A.   5 December 2011: As a father I want to know that my daughters are healthy and safe. If at least one parent has all the information necessary for that, that's all that's important to me. What's really dumb about what your mother did is that you're less likely t... (read in full...)

Told his wife he's cheating.....was I wrong for telling?

Q.   I Recently slept with a married man after talking to him daily for two months and him promising that he would leave his wife within the next 5 months and there is no love between them or sex..just friendship....I believed him and after a dinner date ...

A.   4 December 2011: Do two wrongs really make a right? You were wrong for sleeping with him. Perhaps it's news to you, but what he told you about his marriage was textbook. It's what every guy who is looking to cheat says. So, you participated in killing a ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my husband that I was raped when I was 16 years old or bury the secret?

Q.   I need someone's advice. I'm 26 yo and just recently I got married, me and my husband have together 10 years he's the only guy in my life and love him more anything and I never lie to him no matter what. but during this time I had a secret that I n...

A.   4 December 2011: Claraw had excellent advice. Let me give you a bit from the other side, albeit second hand. A very good friend married a girl when she was around your age. The marriage looked to be on track, except that their sex life, which had been OK when ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's love for anal sex is ruining our relationship

Q.   My man loves Anal sex, but I couldn't be more turned off by it. We are engaged to be married, and have been dating for three years. We have amazing sex, on the daily, but when it comes to anal, I'm just not in to it. This is creating some problems ...

A.   4 December 2011: I'm not sure you have to be precisely on the same page for a marriage to work, but it's best to at least be within the same chapter. From what you describe, I'm not sure the two of you are reading the same book. People should have a reasonab... (read in full...)

I simply don't know how to move on from what I did and no-one is giving me any opportunity to do so because they blank me or look at me with loathing

Q.   I was in an eighteen year relationship with someone who was a binge drinker and I finally plucked up the courage to leave him some months ago. I need help with some of the leftover crap from that please. My background: I got married at 18, p...

A.   3 December 2011: I'm not entirely clear -- you're still completing your PhD? Or you recently completed it? If so, you will have a faculty advisor or thesis supervisor, no? Talk to that person. You're making a bunch of assumptions here -- that because you're from ... (read in full...)

He wants to try more sexual "fun" with me in public. I prefer sexual contact to be in private. How can I explain this to him? .

Q.   I'm having a huge problem with my self esteem.. My boyfriend has stated that he is sexually unhappy with me because I'm more reserved then the girls he was with before me. He has said that he wishes that we could have "fun" together in public, i.e ...

A.   1 December 2011: There's nothing more important than being true to yourself. If you don't care for what he wants, it's more important that you be comfortable than he get his thrills. If it's a deal-breaker for him, so be it. There are lots of guys out there who ... (read in full...)

Man over 20 with a teen?

Q.   I am a 24 year old male and I was wondering is it illegal for me casually date a girl who's 17? Or just simply be good friends with her?...

A.   1 December 2011: The age of consent in Canada was raised to 16 years in 2008, provided there isn't an issue of authority. So -- legal, yes.... (read in full...)

I don't want my children going where I can't get them back!

Q.   Hi, I could do with some advice. My ex husband and I have been seperated for almost 4 years. We have 2 beautiful children together and things are now much friendlier than they were when we first split. My husbands long term girlfriend ( ...

A.   28 November 2011: You say you're separated -- so there's been no divorce, and no legal custody agreement? You might want to speak to a solicitor about this. I have to think that under these circumstances would need to have these details worked out so that it's ... (read in full...)

Obsessed with wife's prior sexual history

Q.   I have been married for 25 years. We have a wonderful 11 year old son. My wife is a wonderful person. Everyone loves her except my family. My problem(s) stem mostly from my lack of self esteem. I have suffered from clinical depression and a...

A.   11 January 2011: We've had a lot of discussion of retroactive jealousy on this site. I suggest you do a search on it, because some of what you are going through is relevant. "I know I am crazy: paranoid, OCD, depressed, anxious... " I'll take you at your word... (read in full...)

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