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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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Should parents knock before they enter a kid's room?
Q. This is a question to all parents I want to know what do u think of the concept of a) knocking on you kids door before entering their room? 2)How do you get them to open up to you more,what if they are constantly texting,do u check their...
A. 22 March 2013: (a) Parents should absolutely knock before they enter. For one thing, it helps model common courtesy. For another, once kids start closing their doors, they may well be wanting privacy. I for one never cared to walk in on something I neither ... (read in full...)
Have you ever regretted your first time?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles. Have you ever regretted your 'first time'? I'm a 17, soon to be 18, year old dude that is thinking about losing his virginity. When I hit puberty i never virginity or sex in particular was ever going to be a concern...
A. 5 March 2013: I had some very dumb ideas about virginity when I was in my teens. I felt it was a curse and couldn't wait to get rid of it.
When I did finally lose it (at 16) the circumstances were very unfortunate, starting with a great deal of alcohol ... (read in full...)
For mothers -- would you appreciate this sort of heartfelt message?
Q. This is more of a personal question than relationship wise. If there are any mothers on this website, this question would be for you! It's mothers day this sunday coming and I wont be home for it because of university, so instead I want to send s...
A. 4 March 2013: As a father I can tell you that sentiments genuinely expressed like that would bring a tear to my eye. I would value a card like that more than gold.
My brother-in-law got a Father's Day card like that from his daughter. Know how difficul... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't like sex, won't let me have someone else. I'm at my rope's end!
Q. Me and my wife have been married for 5 years now, she was 30 and I was 25. She wanted to wait until we were married to have sex, for religious reasons. I was ok with this because I always try to be a gentleman. I was her first boyfriend, and there ...
A. 3 March 2013: It's important that your wife understand just how frustrated you are. If you're at the point where you feel that the marriage is in jeopardy, she has to understand just how serious the situation has become.
Is your wife active in a church o... (read in full...)
Second-cousins dating -- we're afraid the family will have a problem with it
Q. I have been seeing my second cousin for a little while now and we both have very stong feelings for each other but we are scard what are family and other people will think of us being together, its driving us both crazy and we dont know what to ...
A. 3 March 2013: There is no law in the U.K. preventing cousins from being together. If you are second cousins, that means you share a great-grandparent -- not a particularly close blood relationship.
Family dynamics may be a different matter. If the relation... (read in full...)
He says the problem is the condoms -- should we try a different brand?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been seeing each other for a while now and things are escalating pretty quickly in the physical side of our relationship. I'm a virgin. He's not. I want him to be my first. But every time we try to have sex, he ...
A. 17 February 2013: Can't hurt to try a different brand.
I have to wonder if it's something else though. For a guy within sight of middle age, a 22 year-old virgin would usually get the heart racing. Could he be feeling guilty about taking your virginity? Uncertai... (read in full...)
How do I fix my relationship with my dad?
Q. Hi. My problem is about me and my dad. We haven't always got along. After my parents got divorced, when i was nineteen, i lived with my dad and brother for 6 years. My dad used to do a lot for us, as my brother and I both didn't have jobs at the ...
A. 14 February 2013: It’s great that you want to have a relationship with your father. He seems to be making it clear on what terms he’s willing to have one; it’s up to you to decide whether those terms are ones you can work with. If you’re not willing to compromise ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't really ejaculate, he says that's normal for him but I don't think so?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just started getting really intimate and I have noticed that he doesn't ejaculate.. not really anyways. Like I'll keep doing things to him and he will get really hard and talk about how good it feels and that I give him like ...
A. 14 February 2013: Not to be indelicate, but you say "very little" comes out. Do you have anything to benchmark that against? The norm for men can range down to 1 ml or less (a teaspoon being 5 ml.)
If it's nothing at all, it could be retrograde ejaculat... (read in full...)
I hate the guy who will be the best man at our wedding! How do I deal with this?
Q. Ok so I've been with my partner for 8 years, just recently got engaged. His best friend used to make my life hell but I dealt with it. His previous girlfriend would flaunt herself all over my boyfriend and I would spend night after night crying bec...
A. 9 February 2013: I’ve heard that Australians have a culture of “mateship”. So maybe you really need to hear from Aussies about this. But I have to think that an eight-year courtship ought to have resolved this kind of nonsense. Are Aussie women still expected to ... (read in full...)
Is it unhealthy or bad to make love every day?
Q. I live with my bf and we make love almost everyday,very often. Right now I am thinking on how bad it could be for me as a girl,I don't really think it good to do it everyday. I spoke to him about it and he explain how much he loves making lov...
A. 9 February 2013: You don't need to do it for him - not to "control his sexual feelings". It should happen when you both want it. If you don't want to do it at a particular time, it's perfectly reasonable to say 'no'. You did not become his girlfriend solely to ... (read in full...)
Guys, do you prefer shaved or natural/trimmed pubic hair?
Q. Dear guys, This is just a question for you: Do you prefer women to be all hairless/shaved/waxed in the pubic area or is it also okay for you if a woman is just a little trimmed or even completely natural? Would it be a turn off for you if you ...
A. 8 February 2013: SVC, I'll step up to be your first -- er, in terms of liking unkempt forest, that is. I think the way my lizard brain works on this is that part of the thrill is in seeing something that's forbidden. If the garden's been tended, then it's intended ... (read in full...)
Confused about masturbation and things related.
Q. Right some questions, masturbation when in a relationship - isn't the whole point of masturbating because you can choose who you want to look at as in porn/think about and not many people think of their own girlfriend because there is no point? ...
A. 4 February 2013: “… isn't the whole point of masturbating because you can choose who you want to look at as in porn/think about and not many people think of their own girlfriend because there is no point?”
Well, everyone’s different, but I wouldn’t necessar... (read in full...)
Are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another?
Q. Aunts and Uncles... Have any of you (honest answers please) had a physical fight with your current spouse? I just want to know if there are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another. Again, please be honest. Th...
A. 3 February 2013: My (then) girlfriend told me that if I ever hit her she would immediately end the relationship. Period.
I`m not inclined that way anyway, but I`ve always admired her forthright stance on the issue. I've told our daughters what she said and reco... (read in full...)
Can a man have sex and cum if he's not even enjoying it?
Q. This is a question for the guys; is it possible for a guy to NOT want to have sex with somebody, but then go ahead and do so, and still cum, even if he's not enjoying it? My bf always says he's not into one nighters, but he told me that whilst ...
A. 27 January 2013: Lot's of guys can have physical pleasure without their head being there. That said, you're right, the story doesn't hang together all that well. I have to wonder why he brought it up in the first place?
I'd let it go -- if there really i... (read in full...)
Can a man have sex and cum if he's not even enjoying it?
Q. This is a question for the guys; is it possible for a guy to NOT want to have sex with somebody, but then go ahead and do so, and still cum, even if he's not enjoying it? My bf always says he's not into one nighters, but he told me that whilst ...
A. 27 January 2013: Yes, absolutely. The younger and healthier, the more it's possible. The thing that tends to prevent performance in young, healthy men is guilt. If his conscience isn't getting in the way, he can certainly do it.... (read in full...)
How do you raise your self-esteem as a teenager?
Q. I'm not necessarily a young teenager, but I'm 19. I've always had low self esteem and confidence, which I've always been content with because I guess that's just a part of my life and who I am. But I kind of wish I knew the building blocks ...
A. 21 December 2012: What worked for me was to take on challenges that were personally meaningful. It's a long process -- I don't think there are any quick fixes. For me it was completing a difficult university program and being hired by an organization I considered ... (read in full...)
I desperatly need help from the male readers to understand my husbands behaviour.
Q. I desperatly need help from the male readers to understand my husbands behaviour. We have a very active,loving(sometimes wild!) and happy sex life. So what does it tell me, if he sometimes has to sit down at the computer watching porn to please h...
A. 1 December 2012: If he's a good guy then he will make an effort to ensure that you're satisfied when the two of you have sex. If he's getting himself off he can be completely selfish, not have to worry about your orgasm, and still have a satisfactory one himself. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was raped and I'm not sure what is the best way to deal with her?
Q. I am 20 yr old and have been dating my girlfriend Meg (who is 18) for almost a year. I have two very important questions regarding our relationship. 4 months ago she was attacked, raped and beaten. When she was found she was so badly beaten tha...
A. 1 November 2012: I commend you for your sensitivity and for your obvious caring. She's lucky to have you at her side.
Partway down this link is a list of rape crisis lines for various Canadian cities:
http://ww... (read in full...)
I can't have sex with my wife because it feels dirty. I cheat instead
Q. this is more of a question to guys. I believe there 2 types of women, 1 a woman who you love sincerely, and the other ones who you attend to sexually. The problem is I'm unable to have a sexual relationship with my wife who I love with all my hear...
A. 1 November 2012: You asked for a response from men, so I'll give it a shot even though I really can't relate to your situation.
For what it's worth, I don't find anything 'dirty' in the idea of sex with my wife. Personally I think a fulfilling sex life is a com... (read in full...)
First meeting with his parents and I. Do I take a present and if so what?
Q. My Boyfriend said he wants me to meet his parents next weekend and I am scared. We have been together now for 6 months and this is the first time he has suggested this. He said to me to not be bothered by his Mother. I asked him what he meant an...
A. 27 October 2012: It's helpful that the two most common gifts, flowers and chocolates, have been ruled out. Lots of us are trained to not show up empty-handed, so good for you for scoping it out.
What sort of meeting is it? Is it tea in the afternoon, a meal at ... (read in full...)
Hubby won't get healthy for his own sake!
Q. My husband used to be in very great shape (he was in the military.) But for the past several years, he's pretty much doubled his size (he's now 350 lbs.) He was working full-time until a couple of months ago, but now all he does is sleep all day - ...
A. 27 October 2012: I have to wonder if his military background might not be a clue here. Was he deployed to a conflict zone? If so, he may have an OSI (Operational Stress Injury), or its more serious cousin, PTSD. People tend to discount the non-visible wounds that ... (read in full...)
If I become a Chartered Accountant will it turn off girls? Will they see me as boring?
Q. I'm already a bit shy and not good with girls. I'm trying to figure out what do to as a career, and I'm considering becoming a Chartered Accountant as I'm good at it and it does pay exceedingly well. But I'm worried if it will turn girls off. ...
A. 24 October 2012: LOL, you're killing me.
My wife is a CA. Yep, some CA's are boring as all get out. And some of them are completely out there. The fact of the matter is, sometimes CAs need to be out there and recruit new business. There's no way you can assu... (read in full...)
Is giving a blow job to another guy cheating? My Bf is getting all worked up about what I did.
Q. This is just a quick one so you guys can help see my bf that he is over reacting. We've been going out for just over 1 year and we are very much in love. at the start of the relationship we did everything that we could possibly do both socially an...
A. 20 October 2012: A dozen or so years ago a certain president of the United States swore he "did not have sex with that woman" after it was discovered that an intern was giving him bjs. A very clear consensus emerged that bjs were definitely "having sex". Sorry, ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 16 October 2012: I completely agree with the other two guys. If you'd like to have sex once a day, there is not a blessed thing wrong with your drive. Making you cry, insulting you -- those should be all the flags you need. You deserve far better.... (read in full...)
GF doesn't like her engagement ring, what do I do?
Q. I recently proposed to my girlfriend who said yes. Our wedding is in March and she just finally told me that she doesn't like her ring because people don't know it's an engagement ring when they see it and it won't match her dress and clothes. It's ...
A. 16 October 2012: I suppose that some would applaud her for being forthright and telling you honestly what she thinks. I do know people who prefer to live their lives that way, let the chips fall where they may.
Personally what she's said to you seems to just rea... (read in full...)
Family Guest arriving soon. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) mattress cover on the double bed where they will be sleeping alone?
Q. Okay, this is an odd question and probably doesn't belong here, but... We have some guests coming soon. One of them is a bit mentally challenged. The last time we saw this person, they smelled terribly of urine. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) ...
A. 15 October 2012: We had mattress covers when we moved our kids into beds from cribs as there was the occasional issue. Sounds like a sensible precaution to me. There's no need for your guests to know that it was done specifically for them.... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 15 October 2012: I am so sorry for your loss. You are living a parent's nightmare.
Even if people don't know how to manage grief, even if they don't know what to say, most can at least figure out how not to make things worse. Except, apparently, this woman.
... (read in full...)
Is it a sin to masturbate?
Q. So, i'm 16 years old and i'm basically wondering if you think msterbating is a sin or a bad thing. Even though i don't go to church i still want to be a really good person and not do anything that's considered a sin. Whenever i look this question ...
A. 14 October 2012: I don't think it's a bad thing, not at all. It can help you deal, harmlessly, with urges that otherwise might lead you to do things you're not ready for. It helps you learn about your body, which will be very handy in the future when you're in a ... (read in full...)
A year after my husband's death - should I start dating again? Even though I'm still grieving?
Q. Hi agonyaunts, I was married for 4 years About a year ago I my husband died from a disease! my life has become a mess since,every day I decided I would do something productive but all I do is wear his shirt and cry myself to sleep.. everything ...
A. 13 October 2012: I'm sorry for your loss -- that must be a very difficult thing to go through.
Everyone grieves at a different pace. No one can tell you when you ought to be done. Dating will only be a pleasant experience and an emotionally healthy thing to... (read in full...)
How can I stop dreaming about a threesome with my brother in law? Do I have to stop?
Q. Help, My Brother in law turns me on but I don't want to have a threesome. I've always liked the idea of threesomes, I even tried two when I was younger. One mmf and one mff. Neither one was as good as imagined. My husband had never had one be...
A. 12 October 2012: Check out some of the other questions that relate to threesomes on DC:
http://www.dearcupid.org/keyword/threesome
What you'll find is a signifcant number of people who wished they'd kept it a fantasy. That's all you need to tell your husband... (read in full...)
I fantasise about ugly old men! Is this normal?
Q. I'm a 31 year old female in a relationship with a man a couple of years younger than me. But, by far one of my most potent sexual fantasies involves far older men, usually 60+, having sex with me or other women in their 20s or 30s. Usually the ...
A. 10 October 2012: I can't begin to tell you how reassuring this post is. Bless you. ;)... (read in full...)
Wife touched friend inappropriately while drunk. Should I be upset?
Q. Should I be concerned? Two weeks ago we were at a friends house. My wife had been out boating and drinking during the day while I was working. That evening we went to our friend's house and joined 3 other couples for evening cocktails by...
A. 5 October 2012: While your wife crossed a line, it sounds like it wasn't by as much as one might think given your group of friends. If flirting is common, and if the guy she was touching said it meant nothing, and given that she did it in front of you -- it may ... (read in full...)
Pushy jerk won't take no for an answer
Q. So, i'm in college, a junior, and a guy recently let me know that he was interested in me. i, on the other hand, am not. i don't like him very much, as a person and also physically. he's very arrogant and obnoxious and comes off very pretenti...
A. 2 October 2012: Bless you for trying to keep things polite and civil. Unfortunately there is a sub-species of men who are certain that they are God's gift to women; any woman who doesn't swoon is clearly deluded, and it's his mission to help you see the light ... (read in full...)
Help! Any tips on making a presentation to my class on Thursday, and how to be confident and calm my nerves?
Q. So i have to do a pitch in front of my class on thursday and i'm really shy and nervous. Any advice or tips on how to calm my nerves and build my confidence up for it. ...
A. 2 October 2012: A couple of things:
Prepare. If you're confident that you know your stuff, it will be a big help with the nerves. Rehearse your pitch thoroughly, but have notes in front of you when you do it for real, just in case.
Understand th... (read in full...)
Am I bound by this contract?
Q. I live and am employed in California. When we were hired, we signed a contract stating we must give a 1 months notice before quitting. I want to leave as soon as possible because I have a new job offer but I still have to stay an extra month. Do I ...
A. 25 September 2012: You signed the contract, so unless there's some clause that they didn't live up to, you're stuck. By all means ask to be released early, and if they agree get it in writing. But your employment record follows you for a very long time. If someone ... (read in full...)
Long Distance to Married w Kids?
Q. I've been dating a man for 11 months now. It is a long distance relationship but we see each other every two weeks for four days at a time or more and we talk every night. It didn't take long after we first started dating to start talking about a ...
A. 25 September 2012: At 49 and having successfully raised your kids, you're entitled to want things to be "a little more about me". In spades.
If you aren't enthusiastic about living with him and his kids, don't do it. Maintain the status quo. If he's not comf... (read in full...)
How do I take on a company protected by the Government?
Q. Hello all, I'm writting about how the world lets law breakers break the law. I was hurt in a bad work accident were a law was changed on crane operations. I had 3000 lbs of pure hard concrete fall on me and ruined my life and made my life ...
A. 11 September 2012: People have been incredibly frustrated by the WCB for years. Google "WCB support groups" and you'll find some links that may be helpful. Since the WCB is a provincial organization, contacting your MLA would be appropriate.... (read in full...)
Is stealing a shirt really such a horrible thing? Will this affect my job application?
Q. Hello again, I posted a question a few days ago about a test I had to take for a job. Well I passed the test, yay! But now I am into the background check and then onto a lie detector/polygraph test. I have a couple questions about this. One, has a...
A. 7 September 2012: Well said!... (read in full...)
Is stealing a shirt really such a horrible thing? Will this affect my job application?
Q. Hello again, I posted a question a few days ago about a test I had to take for a job. Well I passed the test, yay! But now I am into the background check and then onto a lie detector/polygraph test. I have a couple questions about this. One, has a...
A. 7 September 2012: I suppose there are different levels of dishonesty, and I would imagine that most people have failed at one point or another to be perfect. Being given too much change at a store, for example, and not saying anything. But actually, actively ... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there who actually don't like strip clubs?
Q. Are there guys out there who actually DON'T like strip clubs? I live in a mining town and strip clubs are starting to pop up everywhere, and since mining is a very male dominated field, guys go there after work to bond, and blah blah. I've been ...
A. 4 September 2012: I haven't been to one in years, but even when I was younger I found strip clubs to be very sad places. I felt sorry for the girls, who often had to put up with verbal abuse from the audience. There's nothing sexy about a woman who is simply going ... (read in full...)
We're related by adoption does that make it incest if we get together?
Q. Im a female I live in the us and ive made out with my cousin a couple of times and maybe have sucked his Dick but mine and his grand ma adopted his mom so were only related by adoption and I think I wanna take it to the next level I'm fifteen and ...
A. 3 September 2012: There are two ways of talking about incest. Biologically it means a blood relationship which could be a problem for offspring. That isn't an issue in the case of adoption. Socially it means that families have a problem with it. That's what ... (read in full...)
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