So, I really need some advice on a new relationship in my life (sorry if it's kind of a long story.) I went to my hometown for the summer while I waited to start a new temporary job opportunity in another state more than 1000 miles away. While I was home I met a guy at a summer job and we started to spend a lot of time together. We were friends at first but eventually I told him that I liked him more than a friend and we started seeing each other despite knowing that I was leaving at the end of the summer. In the beginning everything was great! We would talk all the time and go out and he was so incredibly nice to me. He would compliment me all the time and he was so caring. However, things changed after we had a talk about where we stood. It was still early so I explained to him that I wasn't interested in trying a long distance relationship and after that he kind of froze up on me. I think it hurt his feelings. We kept hanging out and spending time together but he wasn't as nice and we would fight a whole lot more. But as much as we would fight we still kept seeing each other.We hung out all summer and I found my really falling for him to the point where I almost didn't want to leave for my new job. He didn't want me to stay because of him and my loved ones wanted me to give the job a chance.So now, I'm here in another state and I honestly am not happy. I'm not happy with the job and I'm also not happy with the state of my relationship. Me and the guy I've been talking to fight all the time. Sometimes I get so frustrated because be won't open up to me and tell me how he feels when I've been completely honest with him. He thinks he's not good enough for me and that I can find someone else while I'm gone but I constantly have to reassure him that I don't want to date anyone besides him. Also, sometimes he gets very irrationally jealous or mad. For example, if I don't answer his texts fast enough he will keep texting me, message me from other social media accounts, and then call me until I answer him. The other day he got extremely mad that I missed two of his calls because I was on the phone with a relative back home and he kept texting me that we were done. I wouldn't answer him because I didn't know what to say so he started calling me multiple times. Also, before he didn't want me to come back home and now he's kind of all about me coming back as soon as possible.Another problem I have is that I really don't like how mean he is to me sometimes. He can go all day without talking to me or responding to me but still post on social media. He also sometimes makes fun of me when I say that I miss him or I try to be affectionate and that is really really frustrating to me. I honestly am unsure of what he wants from me and I don't understand why he has changed so much. He keeps holding the conversation we had about me not wanting to do long distance against me even though I've told him multiple times that I've changed my mind. And sometimes I'm not sure if he even wants me but then he gets upset when I don't answer him fast enough. I'm not sure if I should continue this relationship, how do I know if a guy is really worth it or if a guy really wants you just as much. And if a guy is very good at communicating his feelings how can I make it clear that I need him to tell me what he wants or this thing that we have wont work? Is that too forceful to say? I'm scared if I tell him something like that he won't want to talk to me anymore and that would hurt a lot... Any type of advice on this post would be helpful. Thanks everyone!
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jealous, long distance, text
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reader, C. Grant +, writes (1 September 2015):What you've written includes a number of red flags. I'll focus on two of them.
- getting angry when you don't instantly reply to his texts, and then stalking you on other media. This is controlling behaviour, the kind that only gets worse over time.
- he's being mean to you. Is that what you want in a relationship? Does this lift you up, or make your life better in any way?
Your gut is telling you that the relationship has run its course. Listen to it.
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