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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 16 July 2015: Congratulations. I wish you every happiness.... (read in full...)
Is my desire to be bitten weird?
Q. hello everyone i wold like to thank anyone in advance if you answer this question, i has been bothering me for sometime now. my question is, is it weird that i like to be bitten? now let me fully explain. when my husband and i are lets s...
A. 30 December 2014: I seem to recall hearing that for some people the wires get a bit crossed during extreme arousal, so that pain is interpreted by the body as pleasure. It's not that unusual, as the existence of S&M shops indicates. So as long as you're being safe, ... (read in full...)
WISHING ALL THE AUNTS AND UNCLES A VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY!
Q. It has been a most enjoyable year being on Dear Cupid, and reading all of your wonder articles and advice. I am very inspired by the powerful advice given by all of you, and I am proud to be amongst such intelligent and thoughtful people. I ap...
A. 25 December 2014: Thank you, WiseOwlE, and the very same to you. I'm often in awe of the input people receive here -- what an amazing resource!... (read in full...)
Abusive manipulative ex bought me an xmas present. I' ve gone no contact but feel guilty for not saying thanks.
Q. Dear all. Happy Christmas!! Please advise. Thanks. I jave recently finally got out of a long horrid relationship with a guy My feelngs have almost gone, and I'm doing ok. Anyway, to get to this point I decided no contact was best, so changed ...
A. 25 December 2014: You answered your question when you said he was manipulative. That's exactly what he was trying to do by leaving the present and the card from both him and his sister (is she even capable of initiating giving a gift?). He's trying to play on your ... (read in full...)
Not dating question...but help for getting through Christmas with my sanity intact!
Q. Hello, I see lots of questions on here that do not always relate to relationships, and most of you guys have wonderful answers so maybe you could help me... Christmas is hard. Not just in the sense of "oh there's so much to do...I haven'...
A. 20 December 2014: I can relate to some extent. Christmas was a magical time in my family until I was 12. My siblings would move home for a few days, and we would laugh and enjoy each others' company. My father loved Christmas and his enthusiasm was infectious.
... (read in full...)
How do guys feel about that playful, affectionate, sweet girl?
Q. I am married with young children and am considered to be an attractive female. I am a very playful, affectionate, caring person, sweet person. I think people see me as that innocent yet fun flirty girl. Anyway, my question is, sometimes when I show ...
A. 8 December 2014: I'm always glad to run into people like you. Provided it's clearly not flirting I appreciate someone who is naturally 'touchy'. Some people, though, find it an invasion of their personal space.... (read in full...)
Is he an alcoholic, or just a heavy drinker? What steps should I take?
Q. I'm trying to convince my boyfriend of three years to seek help for his drinking issues, but he refuses to accept he has a problem and his family aren't helping when they tell me to back off. His father is a heavy drinker, he always has been ...
A. 7 December 2014: The label doesn't matter -- "alcoholic", "problem drinker", "heavy drinker", "drunk". What matters is that it's interfering with the relationship. You think it's a problem.
An alcoholic doesn't usually turn things around because someone else tel... (read in full...)
How to hide teen hard-ons?
Q. Quick note: I have searched the site A TON already, and can't find anything useful on this, and desperately need help. Hello DC, I'm in a bit of a pickle... I'm 15, and "well endowed" so to speak, at 7 inches. In my gym class, we have to wea...
A. 4 December 2014: Have you tried a jock strap? If you put it on while you're soft, with your dick between your legs, it has no where to go if you get hard.... (read in full...)
My needy friend wants more time than I can give
Q. Hi aunts and uncles I'm looking for some advice on how to tactfully deal with a clingy friend. I met my friend through work, she's 4 years younger than me and we have quite a lot in common. We have known eachother since September. She started ...
A. 2 December 2014: Given that the two of you work together you'll have to handle this diplomatically, but it's up to you to set boundaries. Decide how much you want to see of her in your home (if at all). Explain (in a kind way) that she is disrupting your family ... (read in full...)
Is it correct to send a christmas card to my ex girlfriend parents?
Q. my long distance girlfriend and me broke up a few days ago. however her parents have been always good to me, they are very nice people and i appreciate them. i will have no more contact with my ex anymore. would it be politically incorrect to send ...
A. 2 December 2014: To some extent it depends on why you broke up. If you cheated on her or otherwise did something the parents would rightly be offended by, then no. Otherwise I think it would be a classy move to let them know you appreciated them.... (read in full...)
I need to end this unstable relationship without anybody getting hurt physically?
Q. Hey, so I'm having a big issue here in my relationship. I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months, and I'm starting to think that things are not going to get better. I met this guy on a dating website, right after my boyfriend and I of 11 months ...
A. 23 November 2014: To add to what the others have said, his wellbeing is not your responsibility. Most likely he is using the threats of self-harm to contol you -- that's how he got to you in the first place. Even if not, even if he really is a danger to himself, ... (read in full...)
Does a blow job require this in order to feel good?
Q. Guys when a girl gives you a blow job, does a girl have to deep throat for it to feel good for you. Answers from guys only please. ...
A. 17 November 2014: Absolutely not. If he's telling you that it's a load of rubbish.... (read in full...)
I walked on egg shells around his wife and my relationship with my son have changed from good to bad! How can I show my son that I love his wife and children?
Q. My son and I have a close relationship until he got married. He's 33 years old and a wonderful son but now I felt like I walked on egg shells around his wife and my relationship with my son have changed from good to bad. I called him one day and I ...
A. 17 November 2014: Your daughter-in-law is calling the shots here. For whatever reason your son feels he has to choose between you and her, and it's clear what choice he will make when push comes to shove. You may not like it, you may not understand it, but that's ... (read in full...)
If domestic violence, in the past, has affected me, then where do I go for help in the UK to deal with it?
Q. Okay, so I haven't been on here for a while and after having a lot of thinking time I think I have finally cracked the code of something which I have been trying to work out for a long time, and it is very sensitive to me so please don't be too ...
A. 7 November 2014: Good for you for thinking this through and realising you could benefit from outside help.
We have a page here for helplines:
http://www.dearcupid.org/pages/crisis-helplines.html
I wonder if childline.org might be of use, or could steer you ... (read in full...)
Cheated on and now stalked
Q. I broke up with my on/off bf of 5 yrs in mid sept. He was acting weird so I let him go. I found out in Oct he cheated on my with at least 2 girls this summer. We still were hanging out and he wanted to get back together but after finding this out ...
A. 6 November 2014: Good advice already. I would add that you should document every contact you have with him. Make a note of the date, time, place and subject of ever conversation. Keep all text messages from him. That will help show the police that they need to ... (read in full...)
Send BF a naughty video but he has not responded to it yet.
Q. Hi everyone. My boyfriend is on vacation with his family in China. He will be back in a few days. Yesterday I sent him a naughty video of myself talking dirty and looking very sexy. I was fully clothed but I really stepped it up. Like a real fant...
A. 30 October 2014: "Are there any other men on this site that would agree?"
You bet. I love your attitude!
I suspect that Sage has a point, though -- Chinese communication standards are quite different from what we're used to in Canada. He'll probably let you... (read in full...)
Married almost 20 years. Now ED is a problem. How to spice things up and be more adventurous to improve his mental stimulation?
Q. I am very frustrated. My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. He has been experiences ED problems the past couple of years. He needs mental stimulation (such as him picturing me having sex with someone else) or just being ...
A. 24 October 2014: This is such an individual thing, I don't know how people who don't know him can help. It could be anything from a school-girl fantasy to being tied to the bed and stroked with a feather. I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you.... (read in full...)
Strict parents and I'm nearly 16. How can I convince them to allow me to be more independent?
Q. Hi everyone :) I need some advice on how I could convince my parents to let me be more independent when I hang out with my friends. This is what I mean by independent: I am almost 16 (in 3 months), whenever I go out like to hangout with my ...
A. 20 October 2014: Are you an only child? Or the eldest child? Parents the first time through tend to err on the side of caution and over-protection. Or if you had an older sibling go off the rails.
Have you ever given them any reason to mistrust you? Have you... (read in full...)
Married almost 20 years. Now ED is a problem. How to spice things up and be more adventurous to improve his mental stimulation?
Q. I am very frustrated. My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. He has been experiences ED problems the past couple of years. He needs mental stimulation (such as him picturing me having sex with someone else) or just being ...
A. 20 October 2014: Kudos for the effort you're putting in! Your follow-up makes it sound a bit one-sided though. It's very true that "it takes two to tango" -- if he's not really trying, it's not fair for you to exhaust yourself. Is your communication as good as it ... (read in full...)
Married almost 20 years. Now ED is a problem. How to spice things up and be more adventurous to improve his mental stimulation?
Q. I am very frustrated. My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. He has been experiences ED problems the past couple of years. He needs mental stimulation (such as him picturing me having sex with someone else) or just being ...
A. 20 October 2014: Have you told him any of your fantasies? The more turned on you are, the more he will be. And of course you'll want to work through as many of his fantasies as seem reasonable to you.... (read in full...)
We love making out with each other, so do we have a unique friendship?
Q. So i have this unique situation with my friend, but I've came to terms to it but I would like some input and some advice on how odd this situation is.. So I met this girl at a party 6 months ago and from the first moment we met in about a couple o...
A. 16 October 2014: I had a similar thing many years ago. We dated a bit in grade 10 but it never went anywhere. By grade 12 she was in a committed relationship with a much older guy. We were studying together one evening and found ourselves overwhelmed by ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my daughter never having a family
Q. My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...
A. 15 October 2014: I wouldn't be surprised if this generation ends up making quite different choices than we did. Of my three kids, two are very sure they'll never have children of their own. And that they'll never marry. Neither of the girls is anywhere near where ... (read in full...)
I'm just having a really hard time dealing with my uncle's death and the guilt is pretty overwhelming at the moment
Q. Hey everyone, this isn't a relationship question but I've been using this site for over a year now and love the advice and help people give on here and thought you guys could give me some for my current situation. Unfortunately my uncle passed ...
A. 29 September 2014: My condolences on your loss.
I agree with everything Euphoric said. The saddest part of alcoholism is that the alcoholic doesn't change his behaviour, usually, because of what others say to him. He changes when something makes him look at himse... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my cousin and want to get rid of these feelings
Q. Dear Cupid, i think i maybe be in love or infatuated with my cousin. Him and i met at a funeral a couple of months ago, the attraction from my side was instant, we didn't know we were related.We exchanged numbers and have been in constant contact ...
A. 27 September 2014: Cousin marriage is legal in New Zealand, so as far as the law is concerned you aren't doing anything wrong. Is it your families' reaction that you're concerned about?... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 27 September 2014: OK, kids are another matter. At 41, you are rapidly running out of time to choose, for one thing. For the other, if he's 57 it's unlikely he will still be a strong provider when your kids are in their teens. Think carefully!... (read in full...)
How can I be less awkward about not drinking?
Q. At parties/bars can you not drink and be successful with girls there? I ask because I dont drink because Im an athlete and drinking weakens my performance. I am not the most socially confident though so when a girl asks me why im not drinking I cant ...
A. 22 September 2014: I would think that being serious about athletics, and therefore taking good care of your body, would be something people would find attractive. Rather than being shy about it be proud and confident.
However, if you want to stick out less, yo... (read in full...)
My ex says if I date before my kids are grown he'll keep my property
Q. My last Question was in March about the living situation with my ex. Well the relationship could not be repaired and we went our seperate ways shortly after. We are still in contact having a child together, and we are in a legal battle over some ...
A. 13 September 2014: If you met him in March 2013 and didn't live together until some time later, and didn't get married, then his case isn't all that strong -- I doubt it would legally qualify as a common-law marriage. Yes find a lawyer. As soon as possible. This ... (read in full...)
Do you think I should've had sex with him?
Q. Please help me!!! I had been going out with this guy for 2 years until he dumped me round 7-8 months ago. The reason for this was because he asked me if I'd have sex with him and I said no because we're waaayyy too young, (we're both 13) He sai...
A. 11 September 2014: The words "if you loved me you'd ...." are the surest sign in the world that the guy is a selfish ass. As far as he's concerned it's all fun and it feels good -- he doesn't recognize any consequences for him. As you very rightly pointed out to him ... (read in full...)
His step-dad has banned all sleepovers!
Q. So both me and my partner (let's call him Alex) are 23 and we've been together since we were 19. I live in shared housing at Uni but Alex is studying from home. After the first few months of getting together we were allowed to stay at each other's ...
A. 10 September 2014: Sorry, I'm with Mark on this one. I have to be comfortable with what's going on under my roof. Perhaps to your generation it's nothing out of the ordinary to expect to sleep together where ever you happen to be -- my eldest daughter seemed to ... (read in full...)
I'm his first and only -- will he regret not having played the field?
Q. We've been together over 2 years. We've talked about marriage and kids and I really think, even though we are young, we're going to be together for a long time and I see him when I think of raising a family together. We got together when we...
A. 6 September 2014: A friend of mine is in his 50s, married close to 30 years, and he's only ever been with his wife. To the extent he ever was dissatisfied with their relationship it wasn't about sex or wanting to try someone new. So it is possible. It depends on ... (read in full...)
Money and promotion, or job satisfaction?
Q. Quick question.. When it comes to work, would you rather choose a job you adore and could see yourself doing forever, but has little chance of promotion and low pay OR a job you tolerate, but the chances of promotion are high, and the pay i...
A. 5 September 2014: Really the answer to this has to be put into a broader context: what do you want from life?
At the beginning of our work lives we typically have to take low-paying, unfulfilling jobs to gain experience and credibility. And lots of times we're do... (read in full...)
Is this a lesbian attraction?
Q. I am TY student, 19 years old, good in studies. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend. I have a teacher in my college,she is married and have a year old son. she may be of 28 or 29 years of age. she is a good teacher. she is very friendly, frank ...
A. 5 September 2014: It sounds like you are tremendously grateful for the kindness and consideration this teacher has shown you. From what you describe there's been precious little of that in your life, so it's understandable that you would be confused by your ... (read in full...)
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
Q. Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
A. 3 September 2014: Sorry FA, I just saw the title now and the post is too old for mods to fix.
To both you and Cindy -- great stuff! Wish I'd seen it 30 years ago. ;)... (read in full...)
How do I know he'll stick around? How do I tell my parents?
Q. I'm 16 and Thursday I took three home pregnancy test and they all came back positive. My bf is 17 and just graduated high school in June. He is going to college almost four hours away from our home town. I still have one year left of high school. ...
A. 31 August 2014: I have two daughters just a bit older than you. I sometimes wondered what I would think if one of them got pregnant at your age. From my perspective, the list of bad things is topped by: death, permanent injury, serious illness -- you get the ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my Mom the things my cousin has shared with me about my father and the affair my father is having?
Q. My cousin [We'll call him R] came with me today with news that really shocked me. He told me my dad has been seeing a woman he graduated with who has a lot of money. The other day, R came to my house (I still live with my parents) and I wasn't the...
A. 27 August 2014: Don't say anything. This sounds like a tall tale. Think about it, she owns a company, has loads of money, and wants to mess around with a lush on disability? No offense, hun, but your father doesn't sound like much of a catch just now. Leave it ... (read in full...)
He couldn't get it up and blamed it on the fact of he doesn't measure up to others I have dated
Q. About a month ago my male best friend and I came clean about our feelings for each other. Last night we were going to have sex for the first time; it wasn't planned. It just happened. But he couldn't get it up! I obviously was so upset because I ...
A. 10 August 2014: Self-consciousness and anxiety are killers of arousal in men just as much as in women. What he told you is a perfectly reasonable explanation. If you've been besties for a long time he knows what guys you've dated, and you've probably shared gory ... (read in full...)
My family don't want me to have a baby because I'm not married
Q. I've never had a great relationship with my family, and we have never seen eye to eye on many things. They are very oldfashioned in their thinking and they are very narrow minded. I moved out with my boyfriend last year, when I was 20. On...
A. 10 August 2014: Your family thinks you're making a bad decision. Because they are "old fashioned" and you don't think their reasons are justified you expect them to be false because it will make you feel better. Have you considered that their objections might be ... (read in full...)
Why do men prefer it shaved?
Q. My question might sound simple but why do so many men seem to like shaved vulva as opposed to a natural hairy one ? I found that the man I am with says he finds it much sexier and several men have said this before . I prefer to go natural as I get ...
A. 6 August 2014: Yes, fashion and porn. Personally I came of age in the 70s so I prefer completely natural and wild. If it's groomed then it's expected that it will be seen, and that takes some of the thrill away. Plus bare makes me think pre-pubescent which ... (read in full...)
Can anyone with dog wisdom give me some advice?
Q. Hi there, This is SORT of a relationship question.. We have just built a new home and we'd like to buy/rescue a dog. I have never owned a dog before so I don't know what to expect. Throughout my life I've adopted sick goldfish and restored ...
A. 21 July 2014: Good for you for thinking about it carefully before you commit. Whatever dog you end up with will be very fortunate indeed.
Our family adopted a dog that was around 8 months old, who the breeder had never managed to sell. The issue with him was ... (read in full...)
My parents cant stand my relationship with my much older B/f. Should I even invite them to my wedding ?
Q. My parents have never been supportive if my relationship with my older boyfriend. We have been dating for three years and he is 19 years older then me and was also a family friend before we started dating. Once we started dating they but me out o...
A. 17 July 2014: We’ve had lots of people on here over the years with toxic parents, and with the same anguish you have. On the one hand they are your parents and we’re raised to respect them, and on the other our need as adults to enhance our mental health by ... (read in full...)
For the last three months she hasn't had time for me
Q. Dear Readers, I am in a kind of difficult situation. my Girlfriend of one year suddenly got self absorbed for the last three months. she stopped texting me or calling me, and when i told her that we should talk, she said she has many things on her m...
A. 8 July 2014: I strongly suspect SVC is right, but I'll throw out another possibility -- that somehow she doesn't understand what acceptable behaviour is in a relationship. If so, you have to make it clear that being in a relationship means making quality time ... (read in full...)
My inlaws have out stayed their welcome and my husband doesn't get it!
Q. My husbands parents live in canada, weve been together 10 years and they've only come to England once in that time (for our wedding). After the birth of our 1st child they said they were coming to see their grand daughter. They kept changing their ...
A. 8 July 2014: Sounds like a good thing you've got an ocean between you most of the time. His parents sound remarkably insensitive, and your husband clueless. Having a new mother sleep on the floor?? I wouldn't do that to my daughter in-law -- I'd be aghast at ... (read in full...)
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