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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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We're related by adoption does that make it incest if we get together?
Q. Im a female I live in the us and ive made out with my cousin a couple of times and maybe have sucked his Dick but mine and his grand ma adopted his mom so were only related by adoption and I think I wanna take it to the next level I'm fifteen and ...
A. 3 September 2012: There are two ways of talking about incest. Biologically it means a blood relationship which could be a problem for offspring. That isn't an issue in the case of adoption. Socially it means that families have a problem with it. That's what ... (read in full...)
I have questions about male performance
Q. I have a question about male performance. I was married for 16 years, and my husband never really satisfied me. His age was 24-39 and mine 33-48 at the time. He could easily become erect, but then as we had sex, he could only keep thrustin...
A. 3 September 2012: It depends. If it's been a while since he's had sex, PE is hardly unusual. If you've done it several times in a short interval and he's still having trouble holding off, then it sounds more like 'clinical' PE. It differs for the same man ... (read in full...)
My marriage lacks a sex life so I have a friend with boundaries. How do I be happy with my husband?
Q. I am a happily married woman (20+ years). Hubby is great, we get along, we have grown children, built a nice life, etc. We work great together, have some of the same hobbies, and almost always agree. He is sweet and nice and we are happy together. I ...
A. 1 September 2012: I know I'm not answering your question, but is your husband really that unteachable? He knows you're not satisfied, but he's unwilling to do what it takes to get it right? Have you given him the information he would need to learn?
I ask that bec... (read in full...)
Should I confront the man my wife had a one night stand with?
Q. My wife had a one night stand behind my back. She was in school with this guy and he knew she was married. I know where this guy lives, my question is do i go round there and hit the shit out of him?...
A. 25 August 2012: Beating the hell out of him will make you feel much better -- for about 12 hours. Then the police will take you in to custody, you'll be in the court system for a year or so, pay a barrister several thousand pounds, and might just end up in prison ... (read in full...)
His Mom undermines my ability to discipline my child. We live with her. Would it be wrong to leave my Bf?
Q. I have been in a relationship for the last 3 years, the last year and a half has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster. Earlier this year we had financial troubles and so we moved back into my mother in laws house. I have a daughter...
A. 21 August 2012: Completely agree with Honeypie. If you have an alternative, take it. It's your responsibility to raise your child in the best way you know how, and these people aren't helping. Plus your child will pick up on your tension. It is not wrong for ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to a married man, what should I do?
Q. I have never dated a married man,. There is one man , he is 38 I am a youthful 50 year old female. I work out a lot and take good care of myself, I get a lot of attention from men. I really do not seek it out though. Anyways, I am in this man's ...
A. 17 August 2012: What do you do? Wait until he puts words into action. He's posting on Facebook that his marriage is doomed?! Then his wife is seeing that, too. They need to work it out, one way or another. Until they divorce, he is off limits. In the ... (read in full...)
My two year old is not progressing vocally the way people tell me he should. Do I have cause to worry?
Q. My beautiful toddler has just turned 2. He's not talking though. He makes sounds but no real proper words except grandma and mama which he uses to describe everything. He is a good communicator and lets me know what he wants non-verbally, an...
A. 17 August 2012: As others have said, kids develop at different rates. My first two (girls) were perhaps a bit ahead of the curve. The next, my son, was quite a bit slower. We were becomming concerned at his very poor enunciation by the time he started school, ... (read in full...)
Preferably guys' opinions- Friendship between guys and girls, What do you think?
Q. I know a lot of experts on dearcupid.org think men normally don't befriend girls unless they want something more from the girls - either sex or romance. So what do you guys think about this?Do you agree that a lot of the time, guys and girls b...
A. 14 August 2012: When I was younger I had 'friends' who were girls, but I always had a thing for them. There is presently a woman who I would consider a friend for whom I have no other feelings at all, but it's taken me a long time to get here. Wasn't possible at ... (read in full...)
Need help in personal finance- straight out of college guy
Q. Hello All, This is not a question on love/sex etc but I am posting here anyway because I have been getting really good answers from the Dear Cupid community. This is a question on personal finance. I am a 25 year old guy who just graduated ...
A. 6 August 2012: Good for you for getting started on saving. CharliesDevil gave you very good advice on working on your credit rating, and yes, CDs are worth looking into.
This is a very difficult time to be investing, with interest rates being so low and the stoc... (read in full...)
I am upset that I am being criticized for my parenting!
Q. My daughter is about to be a year old next week and does not walk nor try to. She just crawls and she goes to the furniture and stands up on it. She was born 2 months premature and her doctor always said that some things she might do a little bit ...
A. 24 July 2012: If your child's doctor isn't concerned then no one else should be. Tune out the busybodies -- especially the ones who don't have kids.... (read in full...)
The Beginning of A Wonderful New Life.
Q. In October of 2002, I moved from The San Francisco Bay Area, back to my hometown of Dallas Texas. In November I got a job at the wonderful world of Wal-Mart (said sarcastically) I worked back in receiving, my job was a soft-lines processor. I was ...
A. 13 July 2012: What a wonderful story! All sorts of improbable things happening that you ended up together. Please accept my best wishes for a long and happy life as partners.... (read in full...)
My parent's disapproval has really put a damper on my engagement
Q. Hello All! I am having some difficulties with my parents not approving of my engagement. My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, I am 20, he is 23. We live in our own home, pay our own bills, we are both in college, and are both working ...
A. 11 July 2012: It's hard to let go of your baby.
Raining on your parade like that will not go down in their memories as one of their proudest parenting moments. Yes they're worried that you're too young, they're afraid that it won't work out. They should h... (read in full...)
Besides condoms are there any other precautions we can take to avoid pregnancy?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now and I would really like to take my relationship to the next level and have sex with him. I am not on any form of birth control, we have a condom. but is that enough? I'm scared something...
A. 9 July 2012: You could add contraceptive foam, which is available from pretty much any drug store. That gives you an extra margin of safety, particularly if the condom were to break.
There are lots of other things you can look into, but they tend to require ... (read in full...)
Using Olive Oil to unclog a stuffy ear, does anyone know of this?
Q. Hey guys this question is health related but i need opinions bad and i dont know where else to ask. I heard that a few warm drops of olive oil will unclog a stuffy ear afer a couple days is this true? Also if it turns out its just an ear infection ...
A. 6 July 2012: Usually what doctors recommend is to put a few drops of mineral oil into your ears over a period of a week or so, but the value of that is to soften the excess buildup of ear wax to make it easier for the doctor to remove. The oil itself won't help ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend mentally abusive because he cannot forget my escort past
Q. This situation is extremely complicated, but here goes. I am currently teetering on the verge of insanity due to an extremely psychologically, and emotionally abusive relationship with a man who cannot forget my past as an escort. I met this man...
A. 5 July 2012: Get him out of your home and out of your life, immediately. Enlist the assistance of any male relatives you have, contact the police for a protection order. You owe him less than nothing. You owe it to yourself to have only supportive people in ... (read in full...)
My Adult Sons Are Disrespectful And Verbally Abusive. I Could Really Use Some Advise.
Q. I'm 45 with 2 "boys" aged 20 and 22. Both are finished A-Level and College. The oldest works part time 12-16 hours a week mostly in the in the evenings and other than going to football and the gym spends his time either in bed or in front...
A. 4 July 2012: Of course you’re correct in thinking that it’s not right.
You’re described three different issues here, which are naturally interrelated.
The first is the behaviour of your sons, the second your emotional and physical health, and the third your m... (read in full...)
Should I follow my dream?
Q. Hi all, this is not a relationship question, rather a life question. I have just graduated uni with an accounting degree (I did extremely well and was accepted into a big 4 accounting firm). The thing is, I love film. I figured it out in my last ...
A. 25 June 2012: Those are really good questions, and you're at the perfect age to be asking them.
I know quite a few accountants. The ones who did manage to stick with it are very well off. It's reasonably secure employment, and tends to pay fairly well. B... (read in full...)
How do I tell the man I love the awful truth about my past?
Q. When I was 12, I found out that I was the unfortunate result of my mother's adultery. My "dad" was disappointed and extremely disturbed by it. Growing up I had always felt different and I was never given the love I felt my 2 half sisters were and it ...
A. 21 June 2012: The others are correct - you will benefit greatly from the help of a qualified professional. And the sooner the better.
The good guys I know all love to play the role of 'knight in shining armour'. We want to give our girl a big hug, make eve... (read in full...)
When she was a teenager, why did my wife walk around the house topless in front of her parents?
Q. Thank you all in advance for your thoughts. My wife and I have been working hard on our relationship over the past several months. If you have read my prior two post you will have a pretty good understanding of things. Basically tonight my wife...
A. 15 June 2012: "... can't figure out why her parents never said anything."
Because as a parent you're constantly having to figure out when to speak up and when to let things work themselves out. In this instance, you could speak up to let the child know tha... (read in full...)
Why is everything conditional in this marriage to her? Am I way too forgiving?
Q. Firstly, a big thankyou to the agony aunts who helped me through some past difficult times :) I can bring some good news. I'm still married (I'll get to that in a bit) and my work situation has improved so much. I went through a rocky period of ...
A. 12 June 2012: You will receive the treatment you accept. You've shared quite a bit with us over the course of several questions and follow-ups. There seems to be nothing new -- how she's treating you now is pretty much what you were describing six months ago. ... (read in full...)
Do I put up or shut up?
Q. Hi, guys. i will try keep this short but i really would like some advice. I have been living with my partner for 3 years been together for 4. He has 2 children from a previous marraige that spend a lot of time with us. We take them on holidays. Buy ...
A. 10 June 2012: This would be a deal-breaker for me. I understand that divorced, non-custodial parents want to be the good-guy, which means not making any waves. But there has to be a happy medium. Of course his children will always come first, but that does not ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my father that I lost my virginity?
Q. im 16 and i recently lost my v card to my bf (17) of 3 months. the thing is that i live with my dad and step mom and me and my dad have always been so close n i tell him everything! i feel so guilty for not telln him! and i know its stupid its just ...
A. 10 June 2012: Hon, it's your call. There are some people who have that kind of relationship with their parents, but tbh it's awfully rare. Is there some reason (other than obligation) that you want to tell him? It was a good experience, you're glad you did it, ... (read in full...)
He said porn was better than me, now he finishes too quickly with me!
Q. Hi all, got quite a long story to tell and i want your advice. I'm 25 and when I met my boyfriend he was a virgin, he's 36. Well, he has been masturbating to visuals for nearly 20 years. I entered into a relationship with him not really thinking ...
A. 9 June 2012: Daisy_Daisy makes excellent points. A 36 year-old virgin who hasn't taken a vow of celibacy is certainly going to find himself beguilded by porn, and will 'learn' all sorts of things that will get in the way when he interacts with a real woman. ... (read in full...)
My bf wants me to sell my house.
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 years now. I was in the process of building a house when we got together and have been in it for 1.5 years. My bf still lives at home with his mom and dad. (we are both 28). Lately he has been talking about the idea of ...
A. 9 June 2012: I'm assuming that he doesn't have the money to buy a house of his own, so he needs the equity in your home to get what he wants, right? Which in turn rules out you renting out your place and buying where he wants to be.
OK, the relation... (read in full...)
I don't want to go on a family vacation
Q. my husband's family (parents, brothers, sisters) are going on a family vacation. For weeks during discussions, we decided on Hawaiian cruise or similar. They had me email cruise info and contact our employment to get off work. Instead, without ...
A. 6 June 2012: So, you can go, or not go.
Not going is a reasonable thing, but it means that you be upfront with your husband. Perhaps you don't care to be so up front.
So, you go, but you don't have appropriate clothing, so you stay in the lodge taking car... (read in full...)
My best friend got me pregnant, and my husband is threatening to leave. Should I keep the baby?
Q. I'm 30 years old and I have been married for nearly 7 years. I love my husband very much but I do believe you can love two people at once. I am also in love with my best friend- occasionally, when we hang out, we have sex. We know it is wrong and I ...
A. 6 June 2012: Did your husband know what your relationship was with this friend? In other words, is the news that you're pregnant a complete shock, or an unexpected by-product of a relationship that your husband had accepted and condoned.
If you husband ... (read in full...)
Will money eventually come between us?
Q. My girlfriend and I were friends for awhile before we started dating. We've been together for 6 months now and things couldn't be better. She was born into a wealthy family and has inherited a lot of money. I'm an average office worker and make a ...
A. 5 June 2012: I've been there. Maybe not to the same degree, but I do know where you're coming from.
I grew up poor. When I was in university I had the whole term budgeted down to the dime. Could never buy more than a few dollars of gas at a time, could ne... (read in full...)
I slept with him because I like him, and because he seemed unhappy about being a virgin, and he somehow makes me feel that I "made" him do something that he did not want to!
Q. I am friends with a guy. We started as friends, then we kind of dated and kissed a bit but at that time I was emotionally involved in something else (that could just not happen) and from what he told me later he is scared of relationships, but at t...
A. 5 June 2012: You did nothing wrong. He behaved poorly -- I wonder if he's even aware of how badly he handled the situation. At best you're left with a friendship with a socially awkward individual. At worst, he's somehow confused or perhaps feeling guilty ... (read in full...)
Can my relationship with my mom ever be good?
Q. Hi and thank you all for taking the time to read.....I dont know where else to turn and I feel torn I know there are 2 sides of this story but here is my point of view..... my parents divorced when i was very young.....we were living in my mom's ...
A. 4 June 2012: We have expectations of what our parents should be. In a perfect world our mothers support us, nurture us, take our side, and lead us be example. Sadly in many families that ideal doesn't happen. When a parent proves themself to be unworthy we ... (read in full...)
Does this constitute sexual trauma or am I overreacting?
Q. For two years - from the time I was 17 to 19 - I was involved with a man 20 years older than me. It was strictly an online relationship and I never saw him in person. Six months ago I finally saw him for what he was and dumped him, and haven't ...
A. 3 June 2012: Yes, I think sexual trauma is an appropriate term. Check out this site -- I think you might find it helpful:
http://www.rainn.org... (read in full...)
Does alcohol really make men lose their erection?
Q. Ok, does alcohol have that much affect on guys performance? Never had a bloke keep going soft on me before, ever. He said he has some viagra that he sometimes uses for when he's been drinking, but we didn't use it this time. I have had guys take ...
A. 2 June 2012: You can generally get away with it when you're young, but by middle age alcohol is definely not a guys friend in the bedroom. It absolutely gets in the way. If he can perform sober, then it could very well be the drink and not you that's the ... (read in full...)
Guys, how would you feel if an old flame sent you a message on facebook?
Q. This is a question for the guys.. how would you feel if an old flame sent you a message on facebook? just to ask if they had the right person? (am pretty sure it is the right person) Would it be a shock to see an ex after 17 years? I sent a messag...
A. 2 June 2012: To be honest, that's one of the reasons I haven't signed up for FB. By and large I've stayed in touch with the people I wanted to, and am wary of the potential for contact with others.
There are all sorts of possibilities with your situatio... (read in full...)
How do I tell my mom that I'm pregnant at 14?
Q. I'm 14 yrs old. Me and my bf had sex awhile ago and I just found out im pregnant. A couple ppl know and he knows. I need help on how to tell my mom. Im scared that if I do then she will never trust me ever again and kick me out the house and never ...
A. 31 May 2012: I have two daughters who are now a bit older than you. When thinking about how I would react if one of them got pregnant, I asked myself what was the worst thing that could happen. Well, the worst is death. After that serious injury or illness. ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't mind my moans but it embarrasses me later!
Q. When I orgasm from having sex with my man, I cant help but moan quite loud. I know he likes it but it kind of embaresses me when I think about it afterwards. So Ive tried to stop it but I just cant. I also dig my nails into him so hard that Ive ...
A. 29 May 2012: You are giving him a huge ego boost. Sincere noises are amazing positive and immediate feedback -- you're telling him in no uncertain terms that what he's doing is working for you. It just doesn't get any better than that.... (read in full...)
What type of porn would he like?
Q. my partner and I both enjoy watching porn but we don't do it together, I know what I like but would like to know what most men would like to watch. Due to him being a tight arse and refusing to get a new phone where he could view and download ...
A. 23 May 2012: Not only is it a highly individual thing, it changes over time. Probably the smartest thing is to go to a site that has 'something for everyone' -- a couple of dozen categories that he can pick and choose from depending upon his mood.... (read in full...)
Why couldn't I get Mr. Happy to be happy?
Q. Ok, so hopefully i won't get too much stick for this... I have been seeing my girlfriend for 5 weeks, she is smoking hot and we sleep together everyday, sometimes 2, 3 times a day. I have never had a problem getting turned on and she loves it how...
A. 23 May 2012: Two or three times a day for five weeks, and then you had a couple of minutes of non-performance? LOL -- you SO have nothing to worry about. It happens.... (read in full...)
How can I move to Canada?
Q. Hi, I live in pakistan but I have a girlfriend that lives in Canada. I want to move to Canada but I am only a 19 so it is difficult to find a way to come here. Is there anyway I can move to Canada without being sponsored, or having a high enough i...
A. 22 May 2012: Canadian immigration works on a points system. You get points for things like higher education, particular skills, etc. Check out this site:
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/index.asp... (read in full...)
How to deal with a toxic mother?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, I am in a situation, which I'm unsure how to deal with and wondered if anybody who has any experience of this, could offer any advice? It's very complicated and the details go back years, but I'll try to keep it to th...
A. 7 May 2012: Society presents us an ideal of a loving family where mothers put their children first. The pressure to honour our mothers is so overwhelming that we hesitate to recognize the toxic ones even when the evidence is undeniable. So we allow ourselves ... (read in full...)
How would my taking drugs affect my unborn child?
Q. MOD NOTE: This is being posted but you REALLY need to talk to a health professional. We are not doctors on DC. I was two weeks late for my period so I took a pregnancy test today and found out I am pregnant. About 3 weeks ago I went out with my...
A. 3 May 2012: I was surprised that I didn't find much while searching for info for you. This excerpt has information that was consistent with my first thought:
h... (read in full...)
My life is perfect, so why am I so terribly sad?
Q. (This may be long.) Hi, I'm sorry this isn't a relationship question, I just really hope that somebody can help me in some way, shape or form. (Also, please don't let the fact that I'm a teenager bring a judgement that I'm some reckless good for ...
A. 3 May 2012: I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. Growing up and learning about life is never easy, and it sounds like you’ve had more than your share of things to deal with. Fifteen is a difficult age for almost everyone, even without having to deal ... (read in full...)
Happily married but have a conundrum
Q. Hi all, I will try to keep this brief and simple.I am very happily married. In fact, most of the problem is I cant talk to my husband about this and I tell him everything! The crux is, I have a crush (im not worried, i simply admire him physically ...
A. 30 April 2012: You're married. You want to stay happily married, right? So you tell your husband that you have an uneasy feeling, that this guy has impure motivations. Done. Your husband will ensure that you never have anything to do with the guy again.
... (read in full...)
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