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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 4 April 2012: Good for you! You've done the right thing.... (read in full...)
I don't want my children going where I can't get them back!
Q. Hi, I could do with some advice. My ex husband and I have been seperated for almost 4 years. We have 2 beautiful children together and things are now much friendlier than they were when we first split. My husbands long term girlfriend ( ...
A. 28 November 2011: You say you're separated -- so there's been no divorce, and no legal custody agreement? You might want to speak to a solicitor about this. I have to think that under these circumstances would need to have these details worked out so that it's ... (read in full...)
How can I get a good paying job in the US or Canada?
Q. Can anyone help me to get a job in the US or CANADA. i didnt study much so i can do any job as long as it pays well. please help me? thanx...
A. 27 November 2011: Canadian immigration works on a points system. Points are gained for things like education. If you didn't study much and don't have skills that are in short supply in Canada, your chances are poor.
... (read in full...)
We can never plan anything but his ex can!
Q. I have a really small question that is out of my depth so wanted ppls opinions please! My fella and I have been together 4 months. He has children with his ex and we have made sure that everything stays exactly the same (ie..he takes them footb...
A. 24 November 2011: Guys in his situation often carry around a lot of guilt over what divorce does to kids. So he's bending over backward. I understand that you must find it frustrating, but I suspect it's unlikely to change any time soon.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date my 5th cousin?
Q. ok is it wrong for me to be dating my 5th cousin.i told my mom and she says that is my choice of who i date but is it wrong?...
A. 23 November 2011: Good grief, it's not wrong.
The number before 'cousin' tells you how far back you have to go to find a common blood connection. First cousin means grandparent, second cousin means great-grandparent, and so on. I doubt one in a thousand people c... (read in full...)
What was this - friends with a little bit of benefits?
Q. I have a question about friends with benefits (FWB). My wife and I watched the movie 'Friends with Benefits' about 2 weeks ago. This past weekend we were at some of our friends home, and the topic of this movie came up. I just casually said, yep, ...
A. 22 November 2011: Definitely FWB. And definitely something you don't spill to people in her life. Aunt Honesty is right -- this is a time for an apology gift.... (read in full...)
After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 21 November 2011: Wow, that gal at the office -- what a piece of work! You said at one point that your skills are highly portable. It might just be timely to get a CV out there circulating and get away from this poisonous individual. Playing games with someone, ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I want to wait till marriage to have sex now!
Q. I'm 19, going on 20, and my boyfriend is 20. Now, I'm the kind of girl that always believed in the "no sex before marriage" rule, and pretty much raised to believe sex is a taboo thing that is only for married couples, to make babies. But recently ...
A. 20 November 2011: You haven’t said how long you two have been together, and you haven’t told us about prior relationships. You haven’t told us whether you think he is “the one” and that you think you can make a life together.
You two have basically done ‘eve... (read in full...)
How do I wear this sexy nurse's uniform for my husband?
Q. Okay, so I just bought a really sexy nurses costume and I had to keep reminding myself that I have the confidence to even buy it. My question is, How can wear it for my husband,and not look like a total idiot?...
A. 20 November 2011: I assume that he told you this was a fantasy of his? So you're doing something special for him?
If he's told you about a fantasy, then pick up on what he's said and go with it. If you can do that, and know that he's into it, you won't look lik... (read in full...)
Does his email sound genuine?
Q. I met this guy online and I really like him. -I am aware from the very beginning that he is trying to finish his PhD dissertation, and I know it can get very stressful. He used to write me about twice every week, but lately he just does it once ...
A. 20 November 2011: I don't know if you've ever tried to complete a dissertation, but it's a stunningly difficult thing to do. If you're sure about his bona fides, then yes, it's a completely believable response. ... (read in full...)
My husband's mother wants to move in with us and I want a life!
Q. my husbands mothers husband just passed. she is 55 and he was 84, with money. they were married 4 years. so now she wants to move in with us. no one asked me how i felt. i love her with all my heart, but i didnt sign up for this. i know it sounds ...
A. 20 November 2011: She was married for four years, to a guy almost 30 years older, with money? OK, you could give us details that might tug at heartstrings, but in the absence of that, I doubt that she's so devestated that she'll have trouble getting on with her ... (read in full...)
She's great, but I'm not so sure about her son
Q. I am a 40 year old male and I have been dating a wonderful woman for the just over 2 years now. She is divorced and has a 15 year old son from a previous relationship, not her marriage. The father of the 15 year old boy is not in the picture at ...
A. 17 November 2011: You’re being confronted by one of the toughest relationship challenges out there. Coming into a home with a teen is difficult at the best of times. In this case, where his father isn’t on the scene and his mother has divorced another guy, the kid ... (read in full...)
A little primer on women and sex...
Q. A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
A. 17 November 2011: Tisha, what an outstanding article. Where was that in 1981 when I would really have benefitted?? Good discussion about the question of the ‘peak’. I’m going to have to weigh in on 18 for guys. That’s based upon one weekend that summer where I ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to take care of kids, I don't think they're cute, I don't like them or know what to do with them, and I don't want one, ever.
Q. Today I was talking with my mom, and my sister, who joined in, and they said it was wierd that I have no maternal instinct. Every woman in my family, and even a lot of men LOVE babies and kids, whenever there's a baby around, everyone coos over it, ...
A. 15 November 2011: Be true to yourself. Not everyone wants a child, wants to be a parent. If you're sure that how you are, then not having a child, not becomming a parent, is a great service. Far better to be true to yourself than to be in a child's life when that ... (read in full...)
How do I end a relationship with a woman who uses and threatens me?
Q. i am in love with this girl who is using me. i know it but still I let her get away with it. she cheats on me and lies so much but i am done with all this. she has many problems and i was the only one there for her time after time but i am done. on...
A. 15 November 2011: The threat the last time you broke up is worrisome. Do you have any idea what she meant? Think through what she could do to make you 'sorry' first and prepare defenses as necessary.
Does she have a key to your home? Make sure you change t... (read in full...)
On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 14 November 2011: Your first obligation is to your children. Particularly in a case where their father is out of the picture, they are relying on you and only you to protect them and keep them in a situation where they feel safe and loved. That's not what you're ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain how people who divorce can still remain "close friends"?
Q. OK, probably people are gonna think I'm too rigid and old fashioned, but I honestly don't get how two people who get divorced can remain "close friends." I mean, when I have broken up with someone, it was because we had terrible conflicts where ...
A. 13 November 2011: I have a cousin who married but later realized that he was gay. They parted friends (no children involved), and have remained good friends for 30 some years since. So I've seen that it's possible, albeit uncommon.
If both sides realize they mad... (read in full...)
He's my 6th cousin. Not close indeed. My mother still objects. Could we be together?
Q. Okay, so I had went to a cousins funeral back in 2008.. Arrived back home and checked my myspace (back before I had facebook) I had an email from a guy saying here's my number I saw you at the funeral and thought you were cute.. Long story shor...
A. 12 November 2011: If you know that you're related then someone has done a ton of work on your family tree, because that's an amazingly distant relationship.
The number on 'n' cousin means how far back you have to go to find the common blood-ancestor. A first co... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to have any interest in sex?
Q. 20. Never interested in sex never feel like it dont care about it. Is this normal?...
A. 11 November 2011: It's unusual but hardly unheard of. You'd get more helpful input if you ruled out some other things. Are you healthy? Have you had experiences in your past that might put you off sex, such as abuse? Did your upbringing give you experiences that ... (read in full...)
Should I wait until my boyfriend returns from Afghanistan to break up with him?
Q. Hey everyone, Quick back story: My boyfriend is in the Marines and he is currently deployed to Afghanistan. We've been together for a year and a half and had been friends about 5 years before we started dating. The problem: I started a ...
A. 11 November 2011: My heart fell when I saw the first few lines of your post. I hate the thought of a guy serving overseas getting news of a breakup. I only have an inkling of what it's like over there, but it ain't pretty. And holy crap, 22 and on his third ... (read in full...)
Almost 40 and still clueless...
Q. At my age, I should probably know the answers to these questions, but being so close to the situation has clouded my judgment and muddied the water... please be patient with me while I try to explain the situation... I married young, and after...
A. 11 November 2011: Thank you for letting us know you found some of the input helpful. Best wishes as you move through this.... (read in full...)
How do I ask girls I'm dating to do things to my bum?
Q. This is a super embarrassing question, but here goes: my old girlfriend hada bit of an ass fetish. She used to do things to my bum all the time, and loved it when I did it to her too. Wither her mouth, fingers, sometimes even a dildo. I thought this ...
A. 8 November 2011: "Asking is too embarrassing"????
Sorry, you shouldn't be doing anything you're not prepared to talk about. And you definitely should be talking about that stuff before doing it. Wait until you're in a serious, committed relationship, when a d... (read in full...)
Almost 40 and still clueless...
Q. At my age, I should probably know the answers to these questions, but being so close to the situation has clouded my judgment and muddied the water... please be patient with me while I try to explain the situation... I married young, and after...
A. 8 November 2011: You're not stupid. You have a kind heart, which makes you value friendship and put friends first. And can leave you open to being hurt. When you're in the middle of something like this it's hard to have perspective.
Intentionally or not he's... (read in full...)
Does anyone else ever wish they were a young child again?
Q. Anyone ever wish they could go back to being a young child?.i often wish that .do i need counselling or would you say its normal to think like that ?...
A. 8 November 2011: Unless you're going to extremes -- spending too much time wishing for something that can't happen so that you're not getting important things done in your life -- then no, you don't need counselling. It can be comforting to remember a time when ... (read in full...)
In a rut, feeling alone and need someone to talk to
Q. Hey everyone, I apologize as this may be a bit long. Just a bit of info, I'm a 19 year old girl in a relationship with my bf for just about 9 months. I'm not really sure if this is a relationship question or what, but I really feel as if I have no ...
A. 8 November 2011: We all hit ruts from time to time, and you're right -- having someone to talk to can be a huge help. Depending upon where you live, there may be a free help line like this one http://www.distresscentre.com/
I called these folks years ago, and... (read in full...)
Poll: What do you believe is synonymous with losing your virginity?
Q. Ok, I want to know. I randomly thought of this today, and I wanted to hear everyones opinion on this, because I'm interested in what other people think. What, in your mind, is the loss of virginity? For girls: Is it breaking your hymen? I...
A. 6 November 2011: What person12345 said.... (read in full...)
Has the society I live in changed? Is it different elsewhere? Who can tell me the negative things about using illicit drugs?
Q. are drugs normal? like, is it a part of life? is it not regarded as bad? or wrong anymore? if it ever was, i was brought up to think that the usual, dont do drugs thing, but i know my uncle blood relative is on them (anphetamine, speed) and he wa...
A. 5 November 2011: I agree with Aunt Honesty. In some circles the stigma around drug use has diminished, but it's just as bad an idea as it's always been. Bad for your health, bad for your finances, and can easily lead to a criminal record which brings a whole raft ... (read in full...)
How do I get my parents to let me spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend? And allow me to spend the night?
Q. I know this is a silly question, but I need help. My boyfriend of a year has invited me to spend Thanksgiving with his family, and of course I want to go. The problem is, my parents are kind of strict (I live at home) and I can't see them agreeing ...
A. 4 November 2011: You're of age, you're being responsible, and it's a meaningful anniversary. While I completely agree with Tennisstar, there's no reason you two can't carve out a few hours to yourselves in between your home and his. Tell your parents your going to ... (read in full...)
Wife cheated on me while we were engaged!
Q. I don't know what to do. I just found out from one of my wife's girlfriends that she cheated on me while we were engaged. We just got married 1 1/2 years ago. While we were engaged, I applied for and got a great job, I had to travel a few times in...
A. 3 November 2011: You are in a tough spot with this. If you're engaged, then you have reason to expect that she won't fool around with another guy, whether or not it went all the way to intercourse. What you're feeling is completely understandable.
You haven't ... (read in full...)
What do I take my father in law's comments to mean?
Q. I recently told my father-in-law (in a state of despair and hurt and expecting some empathy) about his son's (my husband) cheating on me with different women. Father-in-law's response was that I was not the only woman to have been hurt. Does his ...
A. 2 November 2011: My first guess is that your upbringing gave you different expectations from your husband's family. You expected comfort and empathy, and got something quite different. From your parents you had an expectation of fidelity. It rather sounds like ... (read in full...)
I really need a male's perspective on this question...
Q. This has been bothering me for months now... I am in a great relationship with this guy for almost 6 months now ( we are both in our 30's) and we are very happy together. We were on our first vacation together and it had been only 2 months that ...
A. 31 October 2011: This is why sensible guys don't volunteer anything about what's going through their heads. Yes, such fantasies are common. Most guys know that the vast majority of women aren't interested, so they never mention them. It is possible, as others have ... (read in full...)
Is my proposed celibacy solution workable? And any tips on helping me get over this intense amount of regret/shame?
Q. I am 15 years old. I have given two guys bjs, and I am soooo ashamed. I regret all of it, and i feel sick whenever i think about it. I feel like i am a bad kid. However, I am in a relationship right now (although he says he doesn't care about phys...
A. 30 October 2011: Kiddo, we live and learn. You feel like things you have done were mistakes. Fair enough – we all make mistakes. So learn from them. You’re not a bad kid, you’re a human being on a journey. Don’t let mistakes paralyze you, but instead accept ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend made a comment about my small breasts and now I don't want to go near him
Q. Hi guys! I need help from you to build my self-confidence. I have a lovely bf and we are planning our future together. However, our sex life is a complete disaster... I run away from him every time he want to get closer to me. The issue is my ...
A. 30 October 2011: Let’s put this a different way. Have you ever said anything, offhand, that didn’t have any real significance? Of course you have. We all have.
You picked up on this one comment that happened to hit a nerve, and you can’t let go. Turn it arou... (read in full...)
Mom knows! Isn't she in the wrong for listening to my B/f and I 'dirty talk'on Facebook?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a while, and we're sexually active. We're both 16, it's legal, I'm on the pill and we use condoms. Until today, neither of us had issues with our parents because we just hadn't told them. Today, my mom saw that ...
A. 30 October 2011: It’s a huge issue for many parents to find their babies have grown up and become sexually active. We know it’s going to happen at some point, but often we hope it’s later rather than sooner. The horror of the idea can overwhelm the knowledge that ... (read in full...)
Should I confront her husband and let him know what his wife has been doing with me for the last 2 years, or let nature take its course?
Q. well , where do i start , was working with this girl for a couple of years , we became the best of friends , would talk about every thing and any thing , she is married , im single , and has kids , i knew all this before any thing had happened , ...
A. 26 October 2011: It is not your place to confront her husband. I guarantee you that you will lose her if you do. She has been having the best of both worlds and doesn't want anything to change.
Look, married people having affairs seldom leave their spouses,... (read in full...)
Drunk party made me spill my secrets in front of my bestfriend! Help?
Q. Well first of all yes i know i am underage but hey just thought id have abit of fun it isn't like i do it all the time so please do not lecture me about drinking i know the effects and what i am about to say i did bring it upon myself. ...
A. 25 October 2011: OK, you've done all the mea culpas, so I won't beat you up for drinking -- it'd be fairly hypocritical anyway as I did the same as you. So -- welcome to the world of 'morning after' regrets. Sucks, doesn't it?
My advice -- leave it as water un... (read in full...)
Honest opinions: Are all boys like this over oral sex or is he out of order?
Q. hi, have been with my bf for 5 years. we are both 26. we keep on having the same arguement ALL the time its regarding oral sex and we he nearly finished our relationship over it a couple of weeks ago. bjs are really important to him but i re...
A. 18 October 2011: He is out of order.
You gave him a gift. If someone gave you a gift that you didn't love, you would still be at least polite, even if not effusive.
Moreover, one of the things in a successful relationship is being more polite to your partner ... (read in full...)
I told him about my past, he went silent and now wont speak to me until he has 'forgiven me'!
Q. I need some help. When I was 12, i was quite badly raped and beaten to within an inch of my life (I was in ICU for the following 2/3 months afterwards.) I did not open up to anyway and I still remain that way (like, i will jump if anyone touches me, ...
A. 17 October 2011: About the most positive thing I can say is that you have learned that he does not have the maturity to deal with your experience, and that it's better to have found that out now rather than when you have even more invested in the relationship. I'm ... (read in full...)
My estranged mother's funeral....the worst situation I will ever allow myself to be in...
Q. I had not spoken to my parents or their families for some years. To cut a long story short - I spoke out about being abused as a child by my father and they all took my father's side - my ex husband and his family included??? I was cut out from ...
A. 15 October 2011: Well done! There are few things as wonderful as putting something you've been dreading behind you.... (read in full...)
Aunts and Uncles help me please on your marriage statistics? I want to ensure my marriage succeeds.
Q. This is a question for the aunts (male and female) who are currently, or have been, married. How long before marriage did you know your spouse? How long were the two of you a couple? Are you happy with how long you waited to take that step, sorry...
A. 15 October 2011: We knew each other maybe two years before we started dating, dated for five years, lived together a year, then got married. Just had our 23rd anniversary. Wouldn't change anything.... (read in full...)
Do men generally avoid a woman who has experienced sexual abuse in her past?
Q. Hello Everyone. I understand the moment anyone who mentions sexual abuse o/r abuse of any kind screams a red flag, but do men usually avoid women how have experienced abuse? Would you place a stigma on her as being emotionally unstable and avoi...
A. 14 October 2011: The first answer was awesome, and I'm not sure how much I have to add. But a friend married a girl who seemed to have issues. It wasn't until, frankly, too late in the relationship that he learned she'd been abused. That explained a lot of ... (read in full...)
With my depression and with my wife being so distant. I just want to end this marriage...
Q. I have been married for 5 years. The wife is OCD, and Has a lot of anxiety. Mostly with people. Which made me pull away from a lot of my friends because the relationship was new, and good. I wanted to be just with her, and no one else. But her lack ...
A. 14 October 2011: You recognize that you're depressed -- that's a good start. You mention that you've been seeing a counsellor -- that's great, but have you seen a doctor? I have to think that making major life decisions, like leaving your marriage, while you are ... (read in full...)
My estranged mother's funeral....the worst situation I will ever allow myself to be in...
Q. I had not spoken to my parents or their families for some years. To cut a long story short - I spoke out about being abused as a child by my father and they all took my father's side - my ex husband and his family included??? I was cut out from ...
A. 12 October 2011: I'm sorry for your loss, and for the torment that you continue to be exposed to.
You have learned that no one from your past life is going to be there to support you. That's incredibly difficult; as wrong as it is, though, it's the world you live... (read in full...)
After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 26 May 2011: Hmmm -- things slowed down after six months. You'd hardly be the first guy on whom "bait and switch" was pulled. I'll throw out some possibilities for you to chew on:
1.) She never really cared for sex, but was doing what was necessary to get ... (read in full...)
After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 25 May 2011: I'm going off your follow-up rather than anything others have posted. You'd had two different issues -- difficulties with your wife, and the possibility of something with a co-worker. Well, the latter is truly out of the picture, which is probably ... (read in full...)
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