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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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My friends want to move abroad without their young-adult children
Q. Am interested what you think of this situation. Some friends of min are bith 52, and have 2 kids: girl of 18 and boy of 20. The parents want to emigrate from england to spain on a permanent basis. The kids dont want to go with them. But the p...
A. 18 February 2014: My cousin and his wife moved out of their house the same month as their youngest turned 18. They literally went to a cabin in the woods, so there was no way the kids could come with them. It seemed to me at the time (my kids were still toddlers) ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my ex from harassing me? He wants me back, yet his actions are distressing me
Q. my ex boyfriend wont leave me alone. ever since he broke up with me, he has been getting into trouble, showing up in all of my classes, and he even asked my best friend out. we only dated for about a month, and even though i told him that i don't...
A. 14 February 2014: Wouldn't it be better to face whatever punishment your parents would give you than to face his continued bullying?
Have you considered speaking to someone at the school? A guidance counsellor or a teacher you have a good relationship with? N... (read in full...)
I promised my Mom I would get her a new house someday but now I don't want to!
Q. I promised my mom I would get her a house someday and now, she wants one. She just got re-married and he was bankrupt. She needs me for the credit etc. But I don't want to. I only meant that I'd save up to get her a house when I was able but now, I ...
A. 10 February 2014: Your mother needs to accept the consequences of her decisions and stand on her own two feet. You need to begin to establish your seperate, independent life. Allowing them to use your good credit could have disastrous consequences for you that ... (read in full...)
I suspect that my sister's problems are due to alcohol but don't know how to confirm this
Q. How do you tell if someone is an alcoholic? I've looked up a few websites, but they all have questions to diagnose yourself as having a problem with alcohol, not another person. This may seem like a silly question, but my sister lives on the oth...
A. 9 February 2014: It's a fair question. It's hardly unheard of for isolated, lonely people to turn to drinking. But as another poster pointed out, what you describe could just as easily be depression. Or it might just be that she prefers to be, and be left, alone. ... (read in full...)
Everyone has accepted us as a couple, except my dad! How do I get him to come around?
Q. hey guys, just need some advice. so, me and my boyfriend have been going out for some time now, and earlier this year in january we decided we wanted to tell our families. so we did. er1ryone accepted it. but there's just one person who didnt and ...
A. 5 February 2014: Give it time.
My daughter was 14 when she fell for a guy two years older. I had a huge problem with it. Over time I discovered that he was a real quality guy. My first hint was when a huge bouquet of roses showed up for their six-month annivers... (read in full...)
Is it normal for his friends to insult a guy who puts his Bf first?
Q. Is it normal behaviour for a man to insult their friends for putting their girlfriends first? My best friend goes out with my boyfriend's best friend, and the other day the two guys started talking about going to Amsterdam for a lads weekend. ...
A. 2 February 2014: Perfectly normal trash talk. Nothing to get excited about.... (read in full...)
Stepmother issue: I want to reconnect with my Dad, just my Dad and I. Am I being unreasonable? Honest opinions please
Q. I spoke to my dad the other day on the phone for the first time in a while. I've never lived with him and he has recently married his long-term girlfriend, who I have never got on with. When I was younger and obligated to stay with him occasion...
A. 2 February 2014: You are NOT being unreasonable. The appropriate attitude for your father to take is to want to see you, to be part of your life, on whatever terms make you feel comfortable and wanting to be with him. A proper man would put his kids first. He ... (read in full...)
If I make him dinner do I have to include meat?
Q. This is really, I guess, a question about etiquette. I am a vegetarian and the guy that I am seeing is not. He's been doing a lot for me lately and I want to try and return the favor, so I said I would cook him dinner one night soon. My issue is, if ...
A. 25 January 2014: First, are you a vegetarian by preference or conviction? That is, do you avoid meat because you feel physically better that way, or is it because you have ethical concerns? If you are opposed to meat on principle, then you're sending the wrong ... (read in full...)
I quit drinking and now my friend is acting weird and I feel uncomfortable.
Q. Dear all, This is not a relationship problem, rather a freindship related problem. Your views would be much appreciated. Not too long ago I gave up alcohol for good for various reasons, such as I used to binge drink, drink to drown my sorrows...
A. 24 January 2014: Congratulations on a very positive life-style change. It can't be easy. I hope you're getting good support -- perhaps from an AA sponsor?
What you're discovering is how central drinking was to your socializing. The fact that your 'friend'... (read in full...)
Oral sex doesn't make him hard?
Q. why cant my man get hard even when he is down eating me ?...
A. 19 January 2014: It's a question of age. When a guy is a teenager the mere thought of something erotic can get him hard and keep him that way. Let alone doing something erotic like that. Sadly as one ages the plumbing doesn't work the way it used to. You can be ... (read in full...)
The show is over before it even begins! Any tips on handling this problem?
Q. We are both virgins, happy relationship, ready to have sex. Care about each other a lot, he's lovely. Everything else - oral, manual, foreplay - is great. But when we go to have sex, he cums immediately. Like, within a split second of going to ...
A. 10 January 2014: At his age he should be good to go again quite quickly. And he will last longer the second time (and longer still the third). ... (read in full...)
Do most guys like performing oral sex on women?
Q. Hi Everyone, I'm hoping you can provide me with some insight here! I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he almost never goes down on me. In the 10 months we've been sexually active, he's gone down on me maybe 5 times. I can't figure ou...
A. 7 January 2014: I can't recall every discussing this with a guy who said he didn't like it, but that's hardly representative. Everyone's different. If he knows you like it and he's not taking the initiative then you can assume he doesn't care for it for whatever ... (read in full...)
What happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas!
Q. my wife and i have been together for almost 3 years and have been married almost 1 year. we have had our fair share of bumps and bruises. 2 months ago, i broke a promise to her by going to a strip club with my friends on my birthday. i have been ...
A. 3 January 2014: I think the place to start is to decide if you can ever get back to where you were before. Do you still love her? Can you imagine ever trusting her again? Individual counselling might be helpful. If you were married in a religious setting and ... (read in full...)
What problems could happen if we did become older parents
Q. Me and my husband both want children; we're young professionals, aged 29 and 32, and we've been married for 2 years now. We're middle-class, own a Citroen and a Lexus, and our own house, and are fairly wealthy by local standards. I'm Italian-English ...
A. 2 January 2014: My father started a second family in his early 50s. When those kids were young he was a marvelous father, revelling in the little things like giving them baths and reading bedtime stories, and with great patience learned over long years of ... (read in full...)
Ex-wife running my down to our kids and they're treating me disrespectfully
Q. I have been going through a tough time as of late I am married for a second time and my ex wife is married as well. Recently she started running me down to my two oldest kids my oldest daughter lives out of state and I talk to her as often as I can ...
A. 27 December 2013: So what changed recently? Is your ex angry about alimony or something else to do with the divorce? It seems unlikely that this behaviour would start out of the blue.
As for your son, I don't know what kind of relationship you had with him in t... (read in full...)
He was shaking when we made out?
Q. So recently I have had a threesome, it's the second time with the same guy. Well this time my bf was in the shower when he came round so as had be arranged we started to make out, but while we were making out he started shaking almost like he was ...
A. 10 December 2013: I have had that happen -- being so turned on that you start shaking. So it could be a good thing.... (read in full...)
My mother's been ill and I don't know how I'd cope without her
Q. hi everyone, i just wanted to ask a question. my mother is just getting over breast cancer. she got chemo and is doin ok now. but this happening to her has really struck a cord with me. its like it brought to light how easily she cud be taken from ...
A. 4 December 2013: It's natural to have these questions run through your mind when a parent has a serious illness. We don't know what the future will bring. Your mother could have decades more. I'll bet that if you talk to her about this she'll tell you that she ... (read in full...)
Aunt died a year ago on the 11th due to cancer, now I'm being tested for it. Advice?
Q. Hello my aunts and uncles! I really could do with a tad of advice as I am slightly worried. I do not expect any medical advice and only wish for some support and general opinions. My aunt died a y...
A. 3 December 2013: OK hun, deep breath. I can understand how scared you must be. But keep in mind what you said yourself -- A.L.L. is vanishingly rare. Odds are that you don't have it. Fretting between now and the time that you get the test results won't do any ... (read in full...)
My husband and I are more like friends than a married couple. Why does this bother other people?
Q. How to deal with society ? The story is that my husband and I became more friends than a married couple. Sex is long not in a picture, which doesn't seem to bother any of us. It's not like it's gone forever, sometimes we do it when get tipsy or...
A. 3 December 2013: It's nobody's business but yours how you make your marriage work. Sounds to me like you've got an arrangement that works for both of you. Better than splitting up. Personally the older I get the less I care what other people think. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
I'm 29. How can I have a grandfather in my life if my own have died? Am I asking too much? Or is there another way to fill this void?
Q. Hey guys, This is a question about a family relationship. I'm new to this site but I don't imagine it's ever been asked before. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I need advice about this desire of mine. Is there any way to make my wish come tru...
A. 2 December 2013: My mother's father died well before I was born; my father's father and I overlapped six or seven years but he wasn't particularly approachable. My wife's grandparents, though, were still active and alert when I met them, and remained so for another ... (read in full...)
I have an unhealthy relationship with both of my parents. How can I deal with this?
Q. Hey all, I've been dealing with this problem for a very long time and I would like some advice. This is going to be really long but I'm in desperate need for advice asap. Thank you all. I am 18 years old and my parents have been divorced since I...
A. 28 November 2013: I’m sorry your parents have fallen down on the job so badly. Society tells us that we should expect a Norman Rockwell family, when the reality all too often falls short. That can leave us badly conflicted – we’re supposed to love and cherish our ... (read in full...)
His questions are making me uncomfortable -- am I just being paranoid?
Q. Why do I feel this way about him? Am I being paranoid? I've been seeing this guy my friends husband set me up with. They say good things about him all the time and he seems nice so far. I starting a well paid job in a few months and h...
A. 24 November 2013: The most charitable interpretation I can give his questions is that he's socially awkward and really doesn't undertand basic manners. It's no one's business how much you earn -- certainly not somebody you've just started seeing. What good reason ... (read in full...)
Mom found out I'm no longer a virgin and all hell has broken loose! I don't regard myself as a sl*t, but she now certainly makes me feel like one.
Q. I'm a 27yr female, a doctor in her fellowship in Mexico. I was virgin till I turned 25, I decided to have sex with my then 6month boyfriend who's still withe me (three years now). We are in a steady and serious relationship, even considering ...
A. 22 November 2013: I have to think that the only really consoling answers you will get will come from other people from highly traditional societies. I’m not one of them.
Your mother should have figured out that you weren’t a completely traditional girl once you... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my mother's illness?
Q. My mother recently fell ill un-expectedly 3months ago and it has all just hit me all at once in the last few days and I feel really low at the moment and don't know how to deal with it. Any ideas? Thanks for reading. ...
A. 20 November 2013: I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. One of the things that really sucks about growing up is that we have to deal with the realization that our parents are indeed mortal. My mother suffered ill health for at least the last 15 years of her ... (read in full...)
She says she's really in love with me, but I'm not quite there yet
Q. Hi guys, need some advice on the L WORD term My girlfriend and I have been together for just over a month and she told me she really likes me in the beginning which was great as I really liked her too. Now she has told me she is practically fall...
A. 20 November 2013: Been there. I had a girl use the L word on a first date. Should have scared me off but I was too young and stupid.
Just be honest. Tell her that you don't want to say it until you're sure, and that it takes you a while to be sure.... (read in full...)
Guy I messed around with won't leave me alone and friends won't respect my privacy
Q. I have been friends with "Lisa" since preschool and "Angela" since seventh grade. I was the "good" one of the group, mostly because I had REALLY strict parents (as in, we were only allowed to watch Christian shows/listen to Christian music. We ...
A. 19 November 2013: You're in a rotten situation. I suppose that even if you told your parents who the 'real you' was they wouldn't accept it. So the dilemma -- do you play by their rules and get your degree? Or do you assert yourself as an adult and move out on ... (read in full...)
What advice would you give to your 20 year old self
Q. What advice would you give to your 20 year old self? Financial, relationship and just general life information you wish you had known. My biggest fear is wasting my life, I think about this daily. I constantly feel like I should be doing/...
A. 18 November 2013: Have faith that things usually work out for the best, so don't be so fearful. Don't discount the future so drastically, because you find yourself there sooner than you think. Listen to the nagging doubts about your relationship -- by the time it ... (read in full...)
Rooming situation is destroying me
Q. Help! I am stuck in a roommate situation with a former best friend, but living with her has made literally everything she does annoying. We bonded at first about being high strung people back in high school. But she is diagnosed OCD and thus say...
A. 15 November 2013: She sounds like someone who is indeed very stressful to live with. Are you in school? Any chance your parents could bail you out by paying for a room in the university residence? I wouldn't want my daughter to jeopardize a year of school because ... (read in full...)
Does reading books improve personality and boost confidence? Which books should I read?
Q. hey i am 17 and i am from india and i am a college student well i told you all previously that i am shy and feel nervous to talk to girls and i don't have confidence . So basically my brother is opposite of me he is smart he has confidence and girls ...
A. 14 November 2013: Yes, reading is excellent in many ways -- books can broaden the mind, improve your writing, and yes, give you topics of conversation. Only read books if you're interested in the subject -- forcing yourself to plough through "War and Peace" only ... (read in full...)
Could someone give me a little pep talk or something about how I am not a bad person for cutting her out of my life?
Q. Am I a bad person for cutting off an ex who wants to remain friends? My ex of 7 years (we mutually broke up 3 years ago) won't stop contacting me out of the eventhough I am now married and she is engaged. What is really confusing is that she was emot...
A. 13 November 2013: Couldn't agree more with CMMP. You owe her nothing. You're married now, and all your attention and energy should be reserved for your wife. A successful adult has people in his life who lift him up, not people who bring him down. Cutting her out ... (read in full...)
How much does the family need to know about my relationship with a second cousin?
Q. When I was younger, my second cousin and I were involved in a physical relationship. When I was 11 and she was 10, we would play doctor and we also started making at that age. When we were older (I was 14 and she was 13), we started having sex. This ...
A. 13 November 2013: You haven't said that their reaction will dictate whether or not you date, so I'd just tell them the same way you'd tell them about any girl. I would not, however, tell them that you'd been having a physical relationship over the years. That's ... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: My teen years are quite distant, but the memories are still vibrant. I was one of those teens who valued my privacy to the point of obsession. I can't imagine sharing anything that went on with my parents. Not a first kiss, not a first (or ... (read in full...)
Any kind words or bits of advice on surviving this breakup?
Q. Hey guys. I'm an regular aunt on this page. I'm in need of some help and kind words myself at this moment. My gf broke up with me a couple of days ago and I'm hurting really badly. She has serious anxiety and has difficulty separating one is...
A. 6 November 2013: I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. I can't improve on what Honeypie's told you. You've done something very difficult and very healthy for yourself by sticking to your guns. Take time to grieve the relationship. Know that in the future you can ... (read in full...)
Don't be afraid to walk away when you know things are wrong. Never let someone undermine who you are!
Q. As we all know, being in a relationship isn't easy. It can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to be in love, but falling out of love or the break up of a relationship can also be one of the most painful experiences in life. ...
A. 4 November 2013: I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation. You're right -- most people will cling to the known, to the sure thing, even when it's not meeting their needs, even after they're tried everything. It takes great courage to move on. Moreso when ... (read in full...)
Is dripping in sweat normal when you both have sex together??
Q. My boyfriend and I are dripping in sweat when we have sex together. I mean, it is as if somebody sprayed a hose on both of us. Dripping wet in tons and tons of sweat!! Lol Is this NORMAL at all? And... we usually fog up all the windows ...
A. 3 November 2013: Good for you. Only in my memories.... (read in full...)
Do guys care if a woman looks crappy after having sex?
Q. Question. Do guys get turned off when a girl looks like a great, big mess after having sex? She starts out looking killer but then her hair looks like this big frizzy mop from hell, mascara smudged all over her face... Etc. How do guys feel...
A. 2 November 2013: The expression "just fucked look" is not an insult. ;)... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's adult son is driving me to despair!
Q. My boyfriend is in his 45 and we have been very hapoy for 12 months. We had plans to rent our places and to buy a place together. Then his 20 year son moved back in with him. Everything has changed. My 24 year old son has moved out and is very happy ...
A. 31 October 2013: I do try to cut young people like this some slack -- it's not their fault that they were badly raised. At some point though they have to realize that there's a problem and work at improving themselves. Otherwise how can they succeed in the ... (read in full...)
When Will the Rose Colored Glasses Come Off?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my son cutting his friends and family out of his life because of a new gf. The verdict was just to give it time and he would come around. Now, here we are, with something that is even more perplexing ...
A. 28 October 2013: All I can do is sympathize. My 20 year old daughter is with a guy whom I consider to be wholly unsuitable. It's been going on for more than a year. All I can do is make sure she knows the door is open.... (read in full...)
Is a friend's ex really off limits forever?
Q. I'll just go straight to the question. What is so wrong in dating my friend's ex-girlfriend. I mean they are no longer together for 2years now. We both want to go for it,i can bet on that but its just as if we should never cross. She has been my ...
A. 28 October 2013: Ask your friend if he's OK with it. If he says he is, then go for it. If he says no, then you have to choose between him and her. ... (read in full...)
No closure because of the way things ended, and my mother making it worse
Q. Hi all, any advice given will be appreciated greatly. I had been with my boyfriend for nearly four years, (four years in December). Most of those years were happy, loving years. However around 10 months ago MY feelings started to change. I ju...
A. 28 October 2013: I'm not sure what you need by the way of closure with him. It sounds like, over time, everything was said to make it clear that it wasn't working. You told him you'd lost the feeling, you both tried again, you told him it wasn't working. Seems to ... (read in full...)
My parents abandoned me and now they are asking me for help! Please help me deal with the anger?
Q. I have a little issue - I was raised by my grandmother because I am the 1st born child and both my parents remarried after I was born. I never really had much contact with both of them growing up and actually thought my grandma was my mother until I ...
A. 24 October 2013: You are entitled to your anger. Don't feel guilty about it, own it. You are where you are today despite these people. When they ask you for money, "get a job" is a perfectly reasonable response.... (read in full...)
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