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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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My inlaws have out stayed their welcome and my husband doesn't get it!
Q. My husbands parents live in canada, weve been together 10 years and they've only come to England once in that time (for our wedding). After the birth of our 1st child they said they were coming to see their grand daughter. They kept changing their ...
A. 8 July 2014: Sounds like a good thing you've got an ocean between you most of the time. His parents sound remarkably insensitive, and your husband clueless. Having a new mother sleep on the floor?? I wouldn't do that to my daughter in-law -- I'd be aghast at ... (read in full...)
Why does a mature woman resort to immature behavior during an argument?
Q. What kind of personality profile does this? The woman in question is in her late forties, and whenever there's a heated argument or disagreement going on, she resorts to "no contact" and shutting me off completely! She jumps to conclusions and ...
A. 2 July 2014: Everyone learns to cope differently with conflict. What you see as immature may simply be the way she's learned to deal with it. In my family growing up people went cold if you offended them, and didn't generally discuss issues, at least until the ... (read in full...)
Have you ever been called by your significant others ex-wife's name?
Q. My fiancé has called me by his ex-wife's name several times and they have been divorced for 9 years now. We have been seeing each other for four years. He even gets our vacations together mixed up. The other night he remarked, when we were ...
A. 2 July 2014: Guilty as charged. And my most recent ex was in 1981. It's not like I'm pining for her or anything, just that her name is stuck in some little crevice in my brain.
My in-laws call my sister-in-law by the wrong name all the time. They lose sle... (read in full...)
Is this the right course for me? Disabled wife, no sex for years. Now I have a platonic female friend
Q. I am a married man with a disabled wife, and I suffer from extreme caretaker's depression because of it. Recently I ran into a divorced lady of about my age, who used to be friend of my wife's (they turned out to be very non-compatible a...
A. 28 June 2014: You are describing an 'emotional affair.' While certainly understandable, it's not commendable. The fact that you've thought it through to say "...if it gets sexual, I am going to get burned" means you've considered it becomming sexual. Which ... (read in full...)
7 years in a sexless marriage. Is it wrong to ask my wife if I can get sex somewhere else?
Q. I am a 53 yr male with what I would call a good sex drive and I have been in a sexless marriage now for about 7 yrs medical issues.We have been together for 23yrs I love my wife very much and we have a great relationship but I afraid this could do ...
A. 26 June 2014: "Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife to live together after God’s ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her? Comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her ... (read in full...)
Etiquette for sex and periods??
Q. I have recently got a new boyfriend, everything's going well, but I have a question so looking for some advice for people in the same situation. We have a lot of sex, which is great, I'm loving it, especially after having none for a good few years...
A. 26 June 2014: My wife was always way more conscious of it than I was, but understands that it doesn't bother me. She would warn me if I was unknowingly going to do something that would make a mess, but that's about it. If he's aware that you're on your period ... (read in full...)
Got drunk and made out with a guy and now things are awkward
Q. Hi there I'm a 16 year old girl and last weekend it was my friends field party. I got really drunk and ended up getting left with a boy (from my year) who I didn't know very well. He made me feel really special and held me gently and kissed me (with ...
A. 25 June 2014: Something very similar happened to me, although I was a bit younger than you. I was at a party with there was quite a bit of alcohol available. There was a girl I scarcely knew, but we ended up cuddling for quite a while in full view of everyone. ... (read in full...)
My long time friend is drinking herself into oblivion ...
Q. Hi everybody. This is a touchy subject. My close friend of nearly 40 years is an alcoholic. I met her through my husband at the age of 17, his best friend was dating her. We went out as a four some regularly, she was my bridesmaid and v...
A. 22 June 2014: A good place to start would be to chat with these folks:
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
You have to understand, though, that you can't save her. As they say, she has to hit rock bottom, recognize it, and open her mind to alternatives. And for som... (read in full...)
Was the choice I made cowardly or sensible?
Q. A few nights ago, I took my girlfriend out to eat. It was about 1:30 in the morning when we left home, and yes there are restaurants open at that time. I've never personally been to the place but my friend recommend it with high praise. We were on ...
A. 18 June 2014: I think you made a prudent choice. Yes it's more likely that he wasn't going to do you any harm, and maybe one on one you could have taken him. But you had someone else's welfare to consider, and there was a legitimate chance that he was (a) up to ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about seeing my ex again. Should I not go?
Q. At the beginning of the year, I broke up with my gf of 3.5 years because we weren't compatible for marriage. I haven't seen or spoken with her since. Unfortunately, I'm still very much in love her and I haven't been able to get her off my mind. ...
A. 18 June 2014: I don't know that I'm particularly objective as I had something similar happen, with my first love. We had a shared commitment some months after we broke up, and I decided to "be adult" and invite her out for coffee afterward. I was still very in ... (read in full...)
Men, how much do you notice and/or care about saggy breasts?
Q. I'm very close to moving to the next stage of a relationships and getting physical with a man who I have been seeing. I am quite worried though about my breasts which are quite saggy after having fed four children. So honestly men, how much do ...
A. 16 June 2014:
“Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy.”
? Robert A. Heinlein ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf's outlook on ever or never having children normal?
Q. So my boyfriend loves kids, and he's so cute playing with them etc. however we've talked and he's on the fence about actually having kids. He's absolutely fine with having them if I want em but he just can't see where people find the time for it. ...
A. 27 May 2014: I was always on the fence about having kids. I knew we would do it "sometime", but I was always more comfortable with "sometime" being later rather than sooner. My wife, knowing that it would take me forever to figure it out and went off the pill ... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jVMTydhx1Y... (read in full...)
We had a great relationship, but there's his ex, the porn, the depression -- did I do something wrong?
Q. I have never used a site like this before but I really need clear level headed advice on this, I feel so blocked up I cannot tell what I feel anymore.. I am going to try to make this very short.. basically in 2011 I got with my boyfriend, I tho...
A. 23 May 2014: Acknowledging that we only have your side of things, I don't honestly see what you could have done wrong. You really have fallen for him if you are worried that he might look for other girls when he gets his head on straight.
He didn't go in to... (read in full...)
Should I tell my neighbour I had sex with his wife
Q. The other night I was having beers with a few mates, on my back deck .Being a single male there is always people at my house they come and go as they please pretty relax and social atmosphere My neighbour came over with a drink as her husband ...
A. 20 May 2014: You quite rightly feel guilty. You think you'll feel better if you confess -- you'll hand some of your pain over to him. Not so fast. You've already wronged him by screwing his wife. Don't compound it by "confessing". Carry the guilt all by ... (read in full...)
What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or bi curious
Q. What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or at least bi curious? Then they say there are studies to back it up. Maybe so, but studies still cannot speak for every woman in the world. Or men for that matter. It's total bul...
A. 16 May 2014: Nonsense. Or, as others have suggested, wishful thinking. If there was ever someone who was 100% straight it's my wife.... (read in full...)
I'm so sick and tired of being leeched off of.
Q. Here's the situation. I use to live alone in a two bedroom apartment. One room for me to sleep, use computer, hang out, etc. The other room was my workout room with all my weights, benchs, punching bag, etc. I enjoyed the solitary lifestyle. My own ...
A. 14 May 2014: You have two choices. Risk being seen as the bad guy, or suck it up and keep paying indefinitely. They can only leech off you if you let them. Tell them that you were prepared to help them for a month or two, so it's now past time that they look ... (read in full...)
What does proposing mean for a man?
Q. Hi agony uncles What does a proposal mean to you? What is it like to propose to your longtime girlfriend, if she was waiting for it for a long time and sent A LOT of hints? Do you want to surprise her with the question even she is really expe...
A. 11 May 2014: I have to think she knew it was coming -- we'd been dating for more than four years and we were planning to relocate together. However, I did try to make it a surprise. Took her to the mountains on a pretext, had reservations at a fancy French ... (read in full...)
Guys ... Have you ever seen a woman and been so turned on that you felt the need to go and relieve yourself?
Q. A question for the guys ... Have you ever seen a woman and been so turned on that you felt the need to go and relieve yourself .... I ask because my bf said he did this before we were together . He saw a very sexy woman one day out and said he went ...
A. 4 May 2014: Not since I was 14. For an adult that's not normal at all.... (read in full...)
How to socialize while keeping family stuff private?
Q. I have a big problem separating my private life from my social life. And it is seriously effecting me now. I dint have social phobia in a classic way, but my family life is so full of pain and shame and grief, that basically I'm unable to meet with ...
A. 3 May 2014: You say that your son has caused a scandal, so it sounds like you expect your daughter's boyfriend's parents will be aware of the situation, if not the details. If the parents are polite they won't bring it up. If for some reason it is brought up ... (read in full...)
1st pregnancy and I'm a little nervous! How will I know if water breaks?
Q. hi all agony aunts just a question. I am on my 1st pregnancy and so a little clueless about things. im only 28 weeks pregnant but a scan 2 days ago shown that my lil baby was already lying with her head downwards as if she was preparing to be ...
A. 30 April 2014: If you're unsure, call your midwife or a medical help line. No point wondering and worrying.
This is an amazing book -- I recommend it to everyone who is pregnant for the first time:
http://ww... (read in full...)
For the grown folks, what advice would you give to your adult child who is about to move out?
Q. Hey everyone, I just graduated from nursing school and I'm 18 years old and I got a job as a licensed practical nurse, it's feels great and I make a decent pay check :) but I'm thinking about moving out of my former guardians home because I'm not ...
A. 30 April 2014: Congratulations on graduating -- that sounds like quite the accomplishment at 18.
It's hard to imagine trying to give advice all at once, when I've been trying to spoon it out to my kids over a space of years. Yes, it is hard out there. I rememb... (read in full...)
How much does porn influence a mans expectations of how a woman should look naked?
Q. Ok please help aunts and uncles .... I'm single and ready to date again after a lengthy marriage. I have met a few guys but one really nice one and I'm pretty sure things will become physical soon I'm just a little worried thought as I know he has...
A. 30 April 2014: Agree that it depends on age and maturity. Things are different now. There are teenage boys who have seen hundreds of hours of industrial porn before they ever kiss a real girl -- it's hard to imagine that their perceptions of real relationships ... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 29 April 2014: Cindy, it was 10cc, not Lionel Ritchie. ;)... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to leave my husband.
Q. First and foremost, please do not judge me. We've all gotten into weird situations and not always made the best choices. I'm currently married, 14 years, living with my husband and 2 children. For the past 4 years or so I've been seeing another man ...
A. 28 April 2014: It sounds like you have to decide whether to stay "comfortable" or to nourish your soul. Yes it's difficult to walk away from security, particularly when kids are involved. I'm not sure that you're doing your kids any favors by staying in a "fake ... (read in full...)
Suspect she's cheating but she just gets mad if I ask. Is it time to bail?
Q. I have been married for almost 25 years. I can't honestly say I ever really loved my wife, i believe at the time I married her, being young, it was more for financial security than anything. In the early years things were okay, we had 2 sons, had ...
A. 23 April 2014: Honeypie is right. It sounds like you've both checked out of the marriage already. You won't get martyr points from anyone for staying. Check out your options, starting with an attorney.... (read in full...)
Between family and school I'm just too tired to perform like I used to
Q. I feel stupid writing this but I’ve been struggling with this for a while and I just…I don’t know what’s going on. Ever since I hit my second year at uni, my motivation has plummeted. I had (and still have) a lot of things going on at home, like my ...
A. 12 April 2014: Good for you! It's great that you're taking positive steps to seek help. That's often difficult to do, so I commend your courage.
I'm sorry to hear that you don't think the first med suggested, Paxil, is for you. Keep in mind that there ar... (read in full...)
Between family and school I'm just too tired to perform like I used to
Q. I feel stupid writing this but I’ve been struggling with this for a while and I just…I don’t know what’s going on. Ever since I hit my second year at uni, my motivation has plummeted. I had (and still have) a lot of things going on at home, like my ...
A. 10 April 2014: Your question is quite suggestive of depression. I agree with SVC, get a medical to rule out physical issues. Discuss your situation with your GP -- if they diagnose depression they will have recommendations about what to do.
You sound like you... (read in full...)
I feel so low after the abortion, how do I get out of this rut?
Q. Heya, sorry to ramble on in advance but i feel so alone. Well to start off i have recently had an abortion, and i regret it so much. Im not in a realtionship but had been sleeping with this guy on and off for two years. When i found out i wa...
A. 9 April 2014: Take a look at this thread:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-anyone-who-has-had-an-abortion-provide.html
There were some marvelously compassionate answers there.... (read in full...)
I don't want anyone but medical staff in the room during delivery!
Q. I want to be on my own when i give birth in july...i would like my husband anf family waiting but for my own personal reasons i dont want amyone in the room with me (obviousley apart from any midwives or doctors) but i know my husband really wants ...
A. 8 April 2014: Somehow during pregnancy a woman's body seems to become community property. People feel suddenly free to grope her belly, for example. Having sat through three deliveries, I can attest that it's significantly worse in the delivery room. At any ... (read in full...)
Confused on sexual orientation, little opportunity to learn
Q. Hello. I am 18 and confused about my sexual orientation. I have had boyfriends before, but they were all "accidental dating". The first one was when my friends took me to the mall, "accidentally" ran into a guy they knew, introduced us and ...
A. 7 April 2014: Growing up is tough to do at the best of times. Growing up with parents as intrusive as what you describe? Wow. I know this wasn't your question, but may I suggest you rethink school and continuing a relationship where you're dependent upon your ... (read in full...)
Men: is this a real belief?
Q. Question for the gentlemen only please :) This doesn't actually relate to me as such, but it's something that I heard and thought was ridiculous. I was talking to my male friend and we were discussing girlfriends and things and I ask...
A. 7 April 2014: Nonsense.... (read in full...)
I get no sense of acceptance from my church
Q. Hi, my question is regards to church, I have attended the same church since I was a child and I'm now in 20s but I have always felt like I was the outsider! Every little detail of me at some point has been commented on, my family who don't attend ...
A. 30 March 2014: You haven't told us what country you live in, which makes it a bit harder to advise you. In most western countries today there is a wide range of practice in Christianity -- from the traditional "you will go to hell" congregation that you describe ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of giving the baby up for adoption but getting no support
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm having a kid soon, and I was wondering what the cons of adoption are. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I nearly had an abortion, but was convinced not to follow through by my mother and friends. Now that I mention adoption...
A. 26 March 2014: I don't know if adding a male voice to the chorus will help, but I commend you for thinking the way you are. Yes of course there are single mothers who do a great job. That doesn't mean it's the right choice for YOU. You seriously considered ... (read in full...)
How could a FWB be any good with a virgin?
Q. I want to understand how an earth this is even possible for a guy to be attracted to and why? I've never, ever understood it! This guy I know, we've been talking for months and we've been out about three times and he asked if I wanted to be friends ...
A. 22 March 2014: I can't tell you how much experience is over-rated. Experience is nothing compared with enthusiasm, with really letting go and getting into the moment. You've done 'everything but' so it's not like you're some 'never been kissed' kid anyway. If ... (read in full...)
I am not allowed in his best friend's house and have to sit in the car!
Q. Hello everyone I need some advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. And we live together. But living together isn’t the problem. The problem is his mom and his best friend don’t like me at all. I’ve met the only once and ...
A. 15 March 2014: Good grief, you're pondering marriage while he treats you, literally, like a dog??
I think the other answers are on the right track. Even if not, what you do in a committed relationship is put the person you love FIRST. If a friend couldn't... (read in full...)
I've changed but her father doesn't believe it
Q. How do I prove to my girl friends father I'm not a bad guy. We have been dating for about three months and have pretty much had to hide it from for parents because they hate me. Yes, I have done somethings wrong in the past but I have changed....
A. 14 March 2014: I have two daughters. One of them has a boyfriend I don't care for at all.
What you need to understand is that our daughters are princesses. We would risk our lives to protect them. The only guy who could (maybe) be good enough for her would be... (read in full...)
Need a place to turn in a marriage where I feel like I have no choice
Q. My stepdaughter has always been a source of problems, particularly when it comes to her relationship with her mother: whatever stepdaughter wants, stepdaughter gets. Over the near 17 years of my marriage I've been mostly able to afford these ext...
A. 12 March 2014: First of all, I completely get the 'going along to get along' sentiment. That said, being passive and accommodating becomes the expected behaviour and you find yourself trapped. If you were going to do something about it, the time was 17 years ... (read in full...)
Feelings of guilt over new relationship
Q. I am a 62 year old retired professional man, and I was widowed a little over two years ago. My late wife and I were married for 32 years, essentially we had a 'good' marriage, and I have one grown up son. Seven months ago (August 2013) I met in s...
A. 5 March 2014: I’m so sorry for your loss. What a profound change you’ve had to come to terms with. How marvelous you’ve found someone with whom to carry on the journey!
If your marriage vows were like mine, you committed until “death do you part.” Sadly it h... (read in full...)
Single Mum - I want to tell her 'I Love You' but I'm scared.
Q. I thought this sort of thing would get easier, but it doesn't! I'm 47 and disabled following a stroke, but always carry on. I started chatting to a wonderful girl about a month ago and we have met. My wife of 18 years died last year but she'd w...
A. 2 March 2014: Sometimes those nagging doubts are our best friend.
You're probably still grieving your wife. On top of that emotion, you're feeling that oh so intoxicating sensation of new love for the first time in 20 or more years. Those are two things t... (read in full...)
My friends want to move abroad without their young-adult children
Q. Am interested what you think of this situation. Some friends of min are bith 52, and have 2 kids: girl of 18 and boy of 20. The parents want to emigrate from england to spain on a permanent basis. The kids dont want to go with them. But the p...
A. 18 February 2014: My cousin and his wife moved out of their house the same month as their youngest turned 18. They literally went to a cabin in the woods, so there was no way the kids could come with them. It seemed to me at the time (my kids were still toddlers) ... (read in full...)
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