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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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Happily married but have a conundrum
Q. Hi all, I will try to keep this brief and simple.I am very happily married. In fact, most of the problem is I cant talk to my husband about this and I tell him everything! The crux is, I have a crush (im not worried, i simply admire him physically ...
A. 30 April 2012: You're married. You want to stay happily married, right? So you tell your husband that you have an uneasy feeling, that this guy has impure motivations. Done. Your husband will ensure that you never have anything to do with the guy again.
... (read in full...)
Please help, I feel disgusted.
Q. I feel ashamed of myself after masturbating over webcam to my friend, I found it a buzz at first, but now I feel sick of myself and hate myself for doing it. Is it normal to feel this way? Is it even normal to do it in your mid teens? I can't look ...
A. 27 April 2012: Masturbation is an intensely personal thing. It's not usually something you share with someone else -- to do so is an act of incredible trust. Hopefully your friend is worthy of that trust.
Don't feel bad that you masturbated, because that's j... (read in full...)
Is this normal for a two-week old baby?
Q. i have a two week old little girl, and she sleeps all the time, she sleeps most of the night and most of the day and never really wakes up for her bottle we have to wake her up normally , she will drink her bottle, have her nappy changed and then...
A. 27 April 2012: Some babies are like that. Has the public health nurse been around to see you yet? Or do you have an appointment with your family doctor in the near future? If you're a new parent it can be very reassuring to have a professional check things out. ... (read in full...)
Is it ethical to cut down contact from my mom?
Q. Is it ethical to cut down contact from my mom? I know that sounds like such a harsh question and probably think I'm a horrible daughter, but I can't take the stress from her!!! Whenever I see her number on called id my heart drops in my chest, and...
A. 22 April 2012: The great thing about reaching adulthood is that you now have the right to decide what relationships you will maintain. If you decide that your mother is a source of negative energy in your life, it's entirely your right to limit (or terminate) ... (read in full...)
Am I being overly sensitive because he wants to go to a strip club with his friends?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, i'm 48 he's 50.... we have a good relationship now, but it's been up and down over the years. I work hard staying in shape, looking good and pleasing him sexually. The other night he brought up that he ...
A. 22 April 2012: OK, it's been a bunch of years since I've been in a strip club. But it's also been a bunch of years since I've worked with younger guys.
I don't know what kind of work your husband does, but it's easily possible that it makes sense for him to b... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 22 April 2012: Yes, of course guys know what it's like. Most all of us have gone through it.
I'm not suggesting you go to the bar to pick someone up. Hardly.
What does work is talking to a girl who is in a class with you. If you're in university, you'r... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 22 April 2012: In some ways it’s not surprising that the unlimited availability of porn is leading to guys in your situation. Going after a girl is scary for lots of us. And if you’ve never done it before, well, it’s easy to think that you can see all the risk ... (read in full...)
How can I lessen the huge amount of anger towards my father and the woman he had an affair with?
Q. Hi, i'm 15 years old, and recently discovered my dad is having an affair. I HATE HIM! How the fuck could he do this to my mom and our family! I found out when my mom found out, and my parents don't believe in hiding things from me and my siblings. ...
A. 16 April 2012: Good for you. And good for your mom! It sounds like you are on the road to healing. It's sure to to be a long road, but you've made wonderful first steps.
... (read in full...)
Should I try to date my 4th cousin again when we are older?
Q. Okay so. I am in love with someone who happens to be my 4th cousin. We had been friends for years prior, but then we kind of lost contact. We "met again" at his high school when I was there to play in his school's band. After that, we talked and ...
A. 15 April 2012: There are two issues here. First, your families may have a problem with it. You say his side was getting "curious" -- were they worried about the age difference, or more particularly your very young age at the time? Or is it the cousin issue? If ... (read in full...)
Recently I've become fearful that I would cheat if I were in a relationship!
Q. Hello DC, So I have something that I've been thinking about a lot recently. So at the moment I'm a single 20 year old guy. Not bothered by being single as at sometimes I'm glad of it, others not. But I recently became a little fearful at the t...
A. 13 April 2012: You're thinking too much.
If you find the right girl you're not going to cheat.
If you're with the wrong girl, you'll be open to someone else.
Clear as mud, no?
... (read in full...)
How can I lessen the huge amount of anger towards my father and the woman he had an affair with?
Q. Hi, i'm 15 years old, and recently discovered my dad is having an affair. I HATE HIM! How the fuck could he do this to my mom and our family! I found out when my mom found out, and my parents don't believe in hiding things from me and my siblings. ...
A. 13 April 2012: Wow, you sound like me.
My parents split when I was maybe 12. I had no idea that there was ‘another woman’. I don’t really think ‘another woman’ was necessary, because my parents’ marriage wasn’t very good. They fought lots, threw thin... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want to spend money on our baby's needs,
Q. Little by little, my husband is not wanting to buy what our 10 week old daughter needs. It started with batteries for her swing, then wipes(he restricts how many I can use), then formula(he gets mad at her if she doesn't drink it all, and sometimes ...
A. 12 April 2012: He restricts the number of wipes???? Has he ever had to change a diaper? Has he ever seen diaper rash?
I can only assume that he feels that he's lost control, and this is he way of trying to get it back. I hope this is his first child, so that ... (read in full...)
How to deal with this bully?
Q. I don't know how to write this.. soo sorry if it doesn't make much sense.. There is this girl that I have been having problems with since the beginning of the school year, I am in grade 9. First year of highschool... it's been pretty tough, th...
A. 12 April 2012: Have you checked out the Kids Help Phone website? There's a whole section on bullying:
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/InfoBooth/Bullying.aspx
If you're not comfortable speaking to them on the phone you can also post messages on the ... (read in full...)
Who is right, me or my wife? And what advice do we give our friends?
Q. I searched the internet for advice sites, and I ended up here. We (my wife and I) have a question. We have some friends who are a little younger than us (mid 20's). They are engaged to be married. The Guy has an apartment, and the Girl moved back ...
A. 11 April 2012: I have to confess this is a new one for me. Throwing out any physical reminders of the past? That seems, frankly, insecure. Past relationships made us all the people we are today. It’s a part of you, of your wife, your friends. You carry with ... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to have sex with another man, but he doesn't want to watch, he just wants me to tell him about it. What is this called?
Q. Can someone please tell me... " my husband wants me to have sex with another man, he does not want to watch but he wants me to tell him about it" What is this called? ...
A. 10 April 2012: I googled "cuckhold" and found this link which might be of interest to you:
http://psychology-forum.com/general-psychology-forum/psychology-of-a-cuckold/?PHPSESSID=3e7b1c63cd5375b274c755827082b581... (read in full...)
Is my wife testing me? My sister in law is way too flirty. My wife wants me to get on better with this woman.
Q. My wife has family in San Diego that we visit sometimes and over the past few years, on and off, her sister, who is also married, has been flirty with me. There have been instances where she has "accidentally" exposed herself, talked to me about ...
A. 8 April 2012: I hate playing games, but if it's forced on you you gotta cope. Sounds like you're holding your end up fine.... (read in full...)
Being with me isn't what's right for him, but encouraging him to move on hurts
Q. I lost my husband just over 2 years ago. A young man befriended us during his illness, and took care of me after his death. He came round every evening.He listened to me, made me laugh. He started flirting with me a bit - then more. I couldn't ...
A. 7 April 2012: Thank you for the update. I'm glad for you that they're treating you well, even if their relationship isn't perfect.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
A question for men: How do you feel about pregnancy?
Q. I need some honest opinions for men out there...what goes through your mind when your woman tells you she's pregnant? And how do you feel about her as pregnancy progresses? Do you still find her physically attractive? Do you start to become ...
A. 6 April 2012: Part of it depends upon the nature of the relationship, don't you think?
All I can tell you about is from my marriage. Obviously I had to deal with, and accommodate, her hormones, which were all over the place. But the whole process was amazing,... (read in full...)
I am at wits end about our friendship! advice please? I don't want to ruin our friendship
Q. I'm unsure if this would be the place for help on this matter as it's more about friends and living situations, but I thought I would give it a go. For about six months now, I've been living with a really close female friend of mine. I'll point...
A. 6 April 2012: It's intensely difficult to deal with friends and their issues. Of course you want to be there for her, of course you want to help her move on. And good guys can get really messed up in the process, which is very much what you've described.
... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity this way?
Q. I went out with this guy 3 years ago, the relationship ended pretty badly, but we perservered and stayed friends over the years, despite him going out with my best friend and the rest of my friends pretty much hating him. I'm don't have any real fee...
A. 6 April 2012: Why on earth is it important for you to lose your virginity on some sort of deadline? What makes you think that your university experience will be hindered by virginity?
Perhaps you don't value your first time just now. Perhaps you think al... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits, what do you think?
Q. Me and a friend of mine have been speaking for a little while and we got onto the question of how fun it would be to have a friends with benefits and before we knew it we were discussing actually going through with it, but i have never done ...
A. 6 April 2012: Hon, "fun in your life" can mean a whole bunch of things, a great many of which have nothing to do with sex. And a great many things that don't have the consequences (physical and emotional) that go along with sex.
Ride a roller-c... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's mum came home while we were having sex!
Q. Hey aunts and uncles! I have a quick question for the mums out there or anyone really that can help! Long story short me and my boyfriend were over heard having sex today in his house. We are both 21 so not kids! We didn't know she was hom...
A. 5 April 2012: My mother caught a g/f and me naked once -- I think I too was around 21. My mother later asked me to make sure I told the g/f that Mom didn't think any less of her and that everything was OK. I was impressed how she handled the situation!
Parti... (read in full...)
On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 4 April 2012: Good for you! You've done the right thing.... (read in full...)
My affair has gone horribly wrong!
Q. Hi, I'm in a jam. Well I'm married for 17 years and I had an affair for the first time in my marriage, I met this guy at work and fell head over heels for him but I told him from day one that I'm married and I'm not leaving my husband for no one, he ...
A. 4 April 2012: I don't know if this was your title or not, but it's certainly accurate. People have alluded to the 80s move "Fatal Attraction", and the popular phrase it spawned, "bunny boiler". Well, you're living it.
We know the 'justice system' ain't wh... (read in full...)
Being with me isn't what's right for him, but encouraging him to move on hurts
Q. I lost my husband just over 2 years ago. A young man befriended us during his illness, and took care of me after his death. He came round every evening.He listened to me, made me laugh. He started flirting with me a bit - then more. I couldn't ...
A. 29 March 2012: What you did -- recognizing that a guy in his 30s ought to have a shot at family life -- was very selfless. That was a very noble thing to do, and you are to be commended.
The best way to get over a relationship is to find a new one. And the ... (read in full...)
What are the biggest problems that most people have to deal with in a lifetime?
Q. What are the biggest problems what most people have to deal with in a lifetime? In my family we have so much problems , that it is hard for me to see, if everybody got problems like that ,or it is out of the ordinary to have them,like that . ...
A. 28 March 2012: Hon, you can't compare others' problems with your own. I could give you a list that overlaps with yours -- addiction, death, infidelity, divorce, estrangement -- but honestly that wouldn't make anything better for you. Americans grow up with the ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my brother in law that his wife wasn't a virgin when they married?
Q. I just found out something and I'm not sure if I should keep to myself. My wife is the youngest of 3 daughters. Her next oldest sister just filed for divorce and is already dating and sleeping with men even though her divorce isn't final. My ...
A. 27 March 2012: This is very much not your business. Nothing will be gained by your sticking your nose in, and quite a bit could be lost. Forget that you ever heard this information.... (read in full...)
I think we're 3 or 4th cousins, should we just date?
Q. Okay, I've met a female that I find to be heaven sent and she has made it evident that she feels the same way about me. The problem is that we both have recently discovered that we have some kin in common. Apparently her Grandfather is my ...
A. 26 March 2012: My guess is that she's your fourth cousin, given that the common blood link is your great, great grandparents. This is absolutely nothing to worry about. Go for it!... (read in full...)
Tattoos and Relationships
Q. Beware The L-I-N-K Of (L)ove and (INK) By Frank Kermit, Relationships While at a coffee shop a few weeks ago, I met a tattoo artist. He had his son’s name tattooed on his hand, and being the ever-inquisitive one, I asked him about his profession...
A. 26 March 2012: I'm just old school. Or just old. My formative years were the 70s, and in those days the only people who had tattoos pretty much were bikers. For me, quality people don't have tats. Oh, I know that things have changed, that it's only fossils ... (read in full...)
Question for the guys: Why do married men flirt?
Q. I have a question from you guys. Why married men flirt? They want to get in to your pants? They want to add just a little flavor to their day? Or to see if they are still capable of attracting someone? So what is it? Why I am always a target, ok I ...
A. 24 March 2012: I wonder if you're taking things a bit too seriously. I respond to people the way they project. If I walk into an office and the receptionist is happy and open, I'll be happy and open back. I suppose it could be taken as flirting, but really it ... (read in full...)
We had sex for the first time then he told me about all the other girls he had
Q. Hes been with a lot of other girls, and I want to be the last one. We just had sex for the first time, and when he was taking me home he started talking about all the other girls hes had. It made me feel really bad, but i didnt tell him cause I know ...
A. 24 March 2012: Aw hon, I understand that you want to be the ‘last one.’ Of course you do, and no doubt he made you think that it was possible. A quality guy would never tell you about other girls he’s ‘had’. And a quality guy would never get mad about you ... (read in full...)
Guys: would you date a girl if you knew she had done nude modelling?
Q. I have been modeling for an online lingerie site. I was approached by a porn site for nude modeling... The money they offered was amazing! I told them I would NEVER do photos with a man or another woman... Guys: Would you date a girl if you knew...
A. 23 March 2012: If a girl had posed nude for an art class? Most guys could deal with that. But photos for a porn site? That's a whole different animal. There's no control over how the photos could be used. The pic might be part of the banner ad for the site -- ... (read in full...)
My wife is matron of honor, and the best man is her ex!
Q. My wife and I have a question about weddings and what to do. My wife has this very good friend. After me, I guess you could say she was her 2nd best friend. She's getting married this summer. She asked my wife to be her matron of honor. My wi...
A. 23 March 2012: Sorry, I don't agree with your approach. You wife is either in or out. Trying to be half there is not only unfair to the bride, but it raises public questions about why the matron of honour would behave that way. I assume you don't want to ... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage after 27 years, how can I change this hopeless situation?
Q. Im not sure how can I stay in this marriage. It's a shame, but now it is now, 100% sexless. After 27 years. The sad thing is that he used to be very sexual and now he never even looks at me. He has problems getting an erection long time ago, but ...
A. 22 March 2012: You say there was no medical reason for his ED -- are you sure? A thorough physical exam of an older man with that complaint should include testing hormone levels -- something a doc is unlikely to do if he's not been made aware of the issue. So -- ... (read in full...)
How can I cover up a hickey on my breast?
Q. I am 21 and I am in a relationship with the most amazing man in the world. We have been together for 9 years (we were in the same class when we were 12)and now live together at his parents house while we save for our own place. Anyway, last night ...
A. 13 March 2012: Can you get an new bathing suit that covers more?... (read in full...)
I want to leave abusive spouse but don't want to end up in a shelter!
Q. Hi agony aunts, I'm in need of some help. I am married with three children and I am living with a physically and emotionally abusive spouse. He has cheated on me in the past several times and he said he would change but he has not. I want to leave ...
A. 9 March 2012: You could start by calling a domestic violence hotline. They can help you clarify your options.
This link discusses some national resources:
http://www.lfcc.on.ca/ralinks.html
Depending where you are in the country there will likely be... (read in full...)
Does anyone have experience with moving away for work?
Q. I'd love to work away somewhere, either in another part of the UK, or abroad, but i feel scared about doing it, as i have never lived away from home before. Should i go for it, or should i just try to find a job close to home since i am nervous ...
A. 6 March 2012: Oh my, that question brings back memories. When I finished university the part of the country I lived in was basically in an economic depression. No jobs to be had at all. But the government was hiring. I got a job in the capital, 2,500 miles ... (read in full...)
Do you answer questions honestly even if you think it maybe about YOU or YOUR situation?
Q. Me again...I have an over active mind! Lol! Here goes... Have you ever read a Dear Cupid question and thought either:- A)OMG its about you and your situation? Or ... B)You know the person who asked it? AND...if either...did it affe...
A. 1 March 2012: I did ask a question once about a situation and the person concerned found it (damn Google anyway). However, the "anon" option is there for a reason. If I'm at all concerned, I don't hesitate to use it.... (read in full...)
Do you remember how/why you found Dear Cupid and did it help?
Q. Not a dating/relationship question as such, but just curious...Do you remember why/how you came across Dear Cupid and do you take that into account when answering questions? E.G. When you tell someone to move on/dump their partner, do you ...
A. 28 February 2012: I was bored one night and surfed for Ann Landers and Dear Abby and ended up finding DC. Saw some questions that I thought I could make a meaningful contribution to. I was surprised when some of those OPs affirmed that I'd helped them, which was ... (read in full...)
Is it a myth or truth that you see loved ones before you pass away?
Q. My uncle was recently diagnosed with bowel cancer after prolonged suffering brushing the problem under the carpet hoping it would go away he is 70 yrs old and had always lead an active life style he had surgery last week to remove it tonight i ...
A. 28 February 2012: I'm sorry you're being confronted with this difficult situation. It's terribly difficult seeing a loved one in such a state, not being able to help, and worrying that you will lose them.
What he said may well have been a side effect of the medi... (read in full...)
My sons are angry and think I am a bad mother when all I tried to do was give them a good life
Q. I have just had a very heated conversation with my teenage sons aged 17 and nearly 20. Both them feel they have had terrible childhoods because I use to smack them and threaten them with implements when they were younger and according to them also ...
A. 27 February 2012: Parenting is an intensely difficult thing to do. Being a single parent is that much harder. Personally I don’t think the verdict on our success as parents can be rendered until our children become parents themselves. That’s the point at which ... (read in full...)
Is my wife testing me? My sister in law is way too flirty. My wife wants me to get on better with this woman.
Q. My wife has family in San Diego that we visit sometimes and over the past few years, on and off, her sister, who is also married, has been flirty with me. There have been instances where she has "accidentally" exposed herself, talked to me about ...
A. 16 January 2012: If your wife is testing you, it doesn't sound like it's that tough a test. You don't like the sister and you're on to her game. So -- under no circumstances are you ever alone with the sister. ... (read in full...)
On the verge of buying a house with a miserly man who only tolerates my children
Q. Scared. My second marriage begun disasterously my second Husband refused to bond with my children lied cheated and left me when I lost my job with his baby and my two other children to fend for ourselves financially and otherwise. My Son who is 9 ...
A. 14 November 2011: Your first obligation is to your children. Particularly in a case where their father is out of the picture, they are relying on you and only you to protect them and keep them in a situation where they feel safe and loved. That's not what you're ... (read in full...)
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