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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
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This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
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This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
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Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
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Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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I'm in love with my solicitor's daughter!
Q. I have the biggest problem ever !!! Who could be the worst person to fall in love with?? Your solicitors daughter maybe ! Oh please someone help... this really isnt good... and whats worse, my solicitor is trying to get me work at the same place h...
A. 16 April 2010: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-too-much-of-this-other-girlhelp.html
My answer to both your questions is there. Take care!... (read in full...)
Thinking too much of this other girl..help!
Q. dear cupid, i have been with my partner for nearly two years now. i met her just before and fell in love with her straight away but recently a girl that has been missing from my life for 7 years now, because i moved home, has started to contact ...
A. 16 April 2010: So you've been with your partner since you were 15. You're falling for this girl you haven't seen since you were 10. You have a solicitor because you've committed armed robbery and you are falling for your solicitor's daughter as well.
My. My my m... (read in full...)
The ex boyfriend and all the problems
Q. MOD NOTE: 3 posts all combined together. First off, i have been dating and trying to keep busy. Was with my ex for 3 and a half years..it was petty stuff i think that broke us apart.. fighting over things i regret.. no one cheated.. we did hav...
A. 16 April 2010: "2nd post: My ex-boyfriend and my sister text constantly. This really bugs me."
?????... (read in full...)
Why does he send his ex vids of us having sex?
Q. Why does my boyfriend do this? He is still in close contact with his ex. They had a long distance relationship for 3 years and they still talk and text pretty regular. I know he sometimes sends her vids and pics of US having sex or...he does thi...
A. 16 April 2010: My question to you, is why do you let him do it? If it bothers you, not to mention the absolute invasion of privacy, why tolerate it for one more second?
He and his stuff would be on the curb if he had been my guy. *Poof* Gone, just like that. The ... (read in full...)
Causes and treatments for psychological impotence?
Q. What is the treatment and the causes of psychological impotence? I'm 47, and few years ago I lost my sex drive and my erections. Suddenly. Went to doctors,but they have no idea,what is going on, as Im not sick. All tests are normal.. My marriage is ...
A. 16 April 2010: Your testorone levels were normal?... (read in full...)
Nasty comments after my brothers death.
Q. When my brother passed away, an ex-friend from childhood came with her family to the funeral home. She gave me a hug and then said, "I'd say let's get together but I'm moving out of the country- so oh well!" with an evil smirk on her face. (Inside ...
A. 16 April 2010: The bully wins the moment you allow him to. In this case, allowing this type of negative thought and allowing her to get to you for this long is a 'win' in her column.
You were vulnerable, you were hurting. Allow yourself the chance to grieve and ... (read in full...)
The ex boyfriend and all the problems
Q. MOD NOTE: 3 posts all combined together. First off, i have been dating and trying to keep busy. Was with my ex for 3 and a half years..it was petty stuff i think that broke us apart.. fighting over things i regret.. no one cheated.. we did hav...
A. 16 April 2010: If your sister is still texting your ex and it bothered you then and bothers you now, how can you say in the first post that it was over "petty" stuff? This is stuff that hasn't been resolved yet.
It seems that he and your sister were friends firs... (read in full...)
Can you have periods but not ovulate??
Q. hi all, i just have a quick question cant get any sense from gp. if you have periods, irregular ones and have ovulation pains you must be able to get pregnant right periods equal ovulation, ovulation equals ability to concieve??? or not??? please ...
A. 16 April 2010: Right, it is a little confusing.
Your ovary pops out an egg, this is ovulation. The normal path is it is then taken into the Fallopian tube, heads down that way to the uterus, where it is either fertilized, or if it is not, it gets expelled with... (read in full...)
Is he in love with me but afraid to let me know?
Q. [Mod note: please follow up by adding the link to your previous question] Ok, guys almost a year ago I posted a question about this guy that I met and he was straight. Well, its been about 7 months since ive talked to him and I recently cont...
A. 16 April 2010: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-used-to-talk-every-day-and-now.html
Was this the previous question to which you were referring?
Okay, I have to say that based on the information you have provided that this guy does not sound as though h... (read in full...)
Thinking too much of this other girl..help!
Q. dear cupid, i have been with my partner for nearly two years now. i met her just before and fell in love with her straight away but recently a girl that has been missing from my life for 7 years now, because i moved home, has started to contact ...
A. 16 April 2010: Is this the solicitor's daughter? My head is spinning. How old are you and your partner? Who is the solicitor? Who is this other woman? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-in-love-with-my-solicitors-daughter.html
This is very confusing. Could yo... (read in full...)
Am I having a nervous breakdown?
Q. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I can't face doing anything, I haven't been going to uni, and in fact, I find it incredibly difficult to do the most simple tasks, like wash up or even have a shower. I am dissinterested in everythi...
A. 16 April 2010: Please consult your doctor or the university's student crisis center. This question is beyond the scope of our aunts here. I wish you well.... (read in full...)
My love for a colleague is stopping me from being productive at work!
Q. im hopelessly in love with someone at work, unfortunately he sees me as a friend only. we share an office, meaning we spend 12 hours everyday in the same room. i kinda asked him if we could date and he made it clear to me that he sees me as a fri...
A. 16 April 2010: I would say that you were indeed unprofessional in asking your colleague on a date. I really think this is just an infatuation, as you don't really know him well enough to be truly in love. It is a deep crush, so keep in mind it is a fantasy on your ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my solicitor's daughter!
Q. I have the biggest problem ever !!! Who could be the worst person to fall in love with?? Your solicitors daughter maybe ! Oh please someone help... this really isnt good... and whats worse, my solicitor is trying to get me work at the same place h...
A. 16 April 2010: How old are you? And how is it that you know this solicitor?... (read in full...)
Sick of this pain in the neck!
Q. Hi, i cant actually remember when this problem first started but ive had enough of the pain. Ive always had problems with my neck, it does crack if its really that stiff which isnt painful but im forever moving my neck from side to side because its ...
A. 15 April 2010: Go find a good yoga teacher. Strong, flexible muscles and proper alignment in posture will help you. One tip I've learned and it's a bit hard to describe but I'll give it a go here.
Most people hunch forward and pull their shoulders forward. I want... (read in full...)
What is your take on this love letter?
Q. XXX is to protect my ex's name, and mine. Please tell me of the tone of the letter, and the idea of the ballet tix. I am asking of as many people's feedback as possible. ----- Dear XXXX, I ask you to read these words with an open mind and he...
A. 14 April 2010: Excellent update. I do hope this goes well for you!... (read in full...)
Is it fair to say that if she won't do it for me, I won't do it for her?
Q. my girlfriend had a lot of sex before she got with me. She was well known for giving blow jobs. We have been together a year and she won't give me one. When I asked her to do it she refused. She said that when she was younger she did it ...
A. 14 April 2010: "She was well known for giving blow jobs." Poor girl never had a chance; the expectation is that whatever she's done in her life, she's going to continue to do.
I don't condone her giving blowjobs to every popular guy, but I think this is more comm... (read in full...)
What is your take on this love letter?
Q. XXX is to protect my ex's name, and mine. Please tell me of the tone of the letter, and the idea of the ballet tix. I am asking of as many people's feedback as possible. ----- Dear XXXX, I ask you to read these words with an open mind and he...
A. 14 April 2010: Eyes has a really good question here. All this effort and energy could go right down the tubes if you haven't taken care of this issue.... (read in full...)
Why did he betray me in front of the judge?
Q. Im going to clarify my question. me and the "Kid" went to court and yes he is my boyfriend still. and when they asked me if i had any contact with him since the previous court date, i told them no, then he told them that i was lying and that i wrote ...
A. 14 April 2010: I believe bad things--legal bad things--happen to people who lie under oath in court to judges. It is called "perjury" and sometimes people go to prison just for that, even if they aren't guilty of anything else.
If you are a juvenile, the same... (read in full...)
Is he cheating on my friend?
Q. my mate has been texting a guy she used to like a lot until yesterday! they were getting on really well. she went on his a social site page to write on his wall and tell him that he cudnt text her til later that night because she woz busy. when she ...
A. 14 April 2010: You're welcome. I know she has a good friend in you and I expect you'll help her. I just want to remind you that texting isn't really the basis of a relationship. Face-to-face, actual time spent with the person is how you get to know someone. It's ... (read in full...)
What did she mean with this comment?
Q. I have known his girl for about a year we talk on the phone or text each from time to time. I thought I would take it to the next level, so, jokingly I asked her "How come someone like you does not have a boyfriend"? Her answer to me was "I don't ...
A. 14 April 2010: Taking it to the next level usually means you ask someone out, instead of making potentially misconstrued comments like the one you did.
Let's see, she could be a lesbian, she could have been involved in a disastrous relationship, she may be in t... (read in full...)
Did my past infidelities cause my wife's cervical cancer. This guilt is eating me alive! Help!
Q. I am married and have been unfaithful to my wife through out our whole marriage, and not with the same girl. I always used protection because I did not want to be responsible for an STD. I have changed and now I am a new man thanks to my religion I ...
A. 14 April 2010: Actually, HPV IS a sexually transmitted infection. It does increase the risk of cervical cancer in both men and women. Your behavior may well have been the contributory cause of your wife's cancer, it's not possible to let you off the hook for ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating on my friend?
Q. my mate has been texting a guy she used to like a lot until yesterday! they were getting on really well. she went on his a social site page to write on his wall and tell him that he cudnt text her til later that night because she woz busy. when she ...
A. 13 April 2010: Okay, I am trying to understand the situation here. This texting etiquette is very confusing.
So you have a girl friend, who likes a guy. Let's call them Sally and Bill, just so I can keep it straight. Sally has never actually met Bill in real life... (read in full...)
I want to leave my husband for my secret boyfriend, but am afraid my family will be angry
Q. I am in such a difficult situation that I am feeling really desperate with nobody to talk to about it. I have been married for 11 years and have been unhappy for the majority of it - although I have tried to dig in and keep going trying and hoping ...
A. 12 April 2010: Pssst! LoveGirl! This question is 2 1/2 years old....... (read in full...)
We've only dated for 7 weeks and he's asking me to move to his country
Q. Hi my boyfriend from another country asked me if I would go there with him. We have only been dating for 7 weeks and he says he is falling in love with me. I told him that I was flattered but not just to jerk my chain cause he just met me and how ...
A. 12 April 2010: Different cultures have different expectations and views about how things work. You may be having a misunderstanding based on that. I think you should both do some research and learn how your individual approaches differ--don't forget talking to ... (read in full...)
I am 14, my FWB also 14, could he have been abused?
Q. so im not sure what to think, my fwbs (friend with beniffets) he is a player, and i didnt mean to get involed with someone like him, but now i am. and as times gone on, ive realized it not enough for him, he can never get enough. its scary, he has ...
A. 11 April 2010: It's a little scary how little control you seem to have over your own life, how badly hurt you could get and you don't seem to realize it.
You didn't mean to get involved yet here you are. There's a reason age of consent laws are in place. They are ... (read in full...)
Is this classed as rape?
Q. if a male is 17 and a female is 15 and they have sex and get pregnant, is it rape?...
A. 10 April 2010: Depends on the state. You'll have to look it up.
http://www.hhs.gov/opa/pubs/statutory-rape-state-laws.pdf
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Why did he forward an email to his son to me?
Q. My married online BF of 4 yrs and I had a big fight and I ended my relationship with him. Worst of all, his son and wife knew about my illicit affair with him, an emotional affair, and for the past 6 months we don't have communication. Yesterday...
A. 10 April 2010: It probably was an accident. It could also be his wife in his account waiting to see if you'll take the bait and then she can pounce.
I'd stay far far away from him. He's married, he was an online-only relationship anyway. I think the real ques... (read in full...)
Paranoid of him leaving driving me to unreasonable anxiety.
Q. hello, me and my boyfriend have only been together for 3 months; and i have been with him every single day from the first day we went out. I find myself so complete when im with him, and when i leave him or he leaves me i get all upset and break ...
A. 10 April 2010: Wow, you sound like you are going to suffocate this boy, drive him away with your neediness. You get upset and break down when you aren't with him? This is very dramatic and rather sad.
Are other things in your life okay? Your family? Have you suff... (read in full...)
Is the sex the cause of this?
Q. I had sex Jan 21-25, Jan 27 I had my period for 6days. I finihed Feb 2. Its now April 9 and i havent started my period since then, I took a home pregancy test yesterday it came out negative, Im always tired everyday; I eat, sleep, wake up, eat then...
A. 10 April 2010: Honestly only your doctor should tell you what's wrong with you. We'd just be guessing and you might have something more serious going on. I hope you find out and everything's okay. Take care.... (read in full...)
Was he just comforting me or does he have feelings me?
Q. Mod note: OP's own title Hello. I went out with some mates afew weeks back and the events of that night left me rather confused, and happy. My friends have told me in the past they think this guy likes me but hes to shy to say it. Theres just that...
A. 10 April 2010: There might be something more there. He certainly sounds like a guy who took a lot of care with a drunk, erratic young lady.
The problem with the shy, quiet types is that they stay quiet and shy. You could try putting yourself in his path again and ... (read in full...)
Yeast infection now complicated because period started
Q. Hey everyone, lets say my name is Cindy. Ok so i had this bad smelling itching problem down in my private part and i went to the doctor and turns out i have a vaginal yeast infection. The doctor gave me some tubes of cream that i had to stick in my ...
A. 10 April 2010: Those tubes of cream should have come with a package insert that would tell you the answer to your question. If you don't know, call the doctor's office and ask to speak with the nurse.
I would do as the doctor prescribed and use a pad, as a tamp... (read in full...)
Single, involved with a married man and know its going nowhere
Q. I am single and seeing a married man who is my colleague (from different department) of 2 years for more than a year now. We are professionals from the same country and working in a foreign country. At the beginning we were just friends. We hung out ...
A. 10 April 2010: I just read your question and your last sentence about being very depressed and 'not want to leave a life' has me VERY concerned. You need to seek counseling immediately if you are that depressed that those kinds of thoughts are going through your ... (read in full...)
How can I find happiness again?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. As with most relationships, it was absolutely PERFECT in the beginning. Then we found some astoundishing incompatibilities between us which caused problems with jealousy and trust. But we fought to ...
A. 10 April 2010: Great answer, Miamine! What she said.
So what have you done to treat this diagnosed depression? It just doesn't go away without some kind of effort--treatment, therapy, medication.
Part of the problem with depression is that the same brain (a... (read in full...)
How do I get my dad to realize that my stepmother is the problem too?
Q. hiya, two years ago my dad got re-married and i HATE her. i've written about her before but then it wasn't so bad. she doesn't do anything to me but her even BEING there is awful. i have told my dad this many times but he always takes HER side. sa...
A. 10 April 2010: I sorry Ticki, but I have a feeling that your Dad is trying very hard to hold this fragile family together. You sound very angry and upset but your rage is misplaced. Save this page and read it about 5 years from now. You'll see I was right then.
Y... (read in full...)
Should I let him finger me?
Q. hi umm i need help this boy wants to finger mii weve recently dated nd recently brokeup...now he wants to finger mii but im reallly scared can u guys/girls help mii...
A. 10 April 2010: Why did you break up in the first place? It sounds like a terrible idea to let a guy do something like if you're scared. I think I would say, "thanks, but no thanks. Byeeeee" to him if I were you. (By the way, it's spelled "me" not "mii") Don't get ... (read in full...)
No vibrator... how can I improvise?
Q. How can I get a vibrator without ordering it off line and where can I get one that cost less that 20 bucks? What else can I use if i dont have a vibrator or dildo?...
A. 10 April 2010: Look for handheld massagers in stores like Kmart, Target or at larger drugstores.... (read in full...)
We are going on holidays next month, ..but I don't know if I even want to be with him.
Q. i have bn with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months now and since the start it just seemed doomed!! i recently found out he woz payin to watch girls pleasure themselves on the net, something he has bn doin with previous gfs but they just never found ...
A. 10 April 2010: A control freak who accuses you of cheating? And one who spends money to watch live girls on porn video feeds? And hidden accounts on adult sites? Um, he sounds like a dreadful boyfriend. Are you sure you want more of this kind of control and doubt? ... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I can tell my mum I have got my first period.
Q. hi, im 13 and yesturday morning, i had blood in my knickers, which im sure was my first period. at first i panicked, but then i calmed my self down and used tissue. i dont feel i can talk to my mum about it just yet, but im worried that it will get ...
A. 9 April 2010: Definitely tell your Mum now. She knows how old you are and she knows what you're going through. It's funny, I told my mom when I started and it turned out she'd bought supplies for me just in case only that week! Isn't that a bit more than a ... (read in full...)
I need good advice, how do I get over loving my teacher?
Q. Okaii,so most of you already know from my last question that I am in love with my teacher,but believe me I wish I wasn't,not because of him but because we can't be together 'obviously',even though I really wish we could,so my last question was "how ...
A. 9 April 2010: To join in the plea for writing well, I know that teens write in the way you describe, Jaii, they do it here in the US as well. I have some teen friends on FB (daughters of friends) so I see the exchanges they have. I have to admit, it can be funny ... (read in full...)
LDR making me sad how do I make it a healthy relationship?
Q. I've been in this long distance association for 1 long year now. We met through internet but we're incredibly connected. We like each other a lot and we care for each other. I first fell in love with him and asked him out, But he turned me not. It'...
A. 9 April 2010: I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but this man does not 'truly love you'. You would not be living in doubt and sadness, because he would have done what was necessary to be with you.
I think you are living in a fantasy of what could be, rather than... (read in full...)
I'm about to get caught out for lying to my girlfriend.
Q. I'm going to make this short, Recently I told my girlfriend I've been going to Painting class when I have really been drinking with my friends and just doing guy stuff, Anyhow She wants too see some of my work, Well I cant paint at all, I See this ...
A. 9 April 2010: What should you do? Tell the truth. ... (read in full...)
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