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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi popeye, it sounds like you have managed to overcome your RJ in a very successful and positive manner. I certainly know no one WANTS to feel RJ or suffer from it; it is not a conscious choice. I guess though that your example and that of other ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi idea, I'm sorry I've just seen your comment here. If you have a question, it's a good idea to post it on the site here: http://www.dearcupid.org/ask
Otherwise, just take a look around and scroll through the questions in various categories. You ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 28 July 2011: Thanks for the new additions to the thread, I really think this is a good way for these topics to be covered in a respectful manner. I often see anons posting such bitter and angry words, using the words 'slut' and 'whore' and would invite them to ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 July 2011: I just HAD to copy/paste this answer to another thread. It was a personal distillation by an anon poster as she struggled to come to terms with her boyfriend's RJ. I really like how she breaks it down into concrete chunks so we examine each piece of ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 14 January 2011: Hi somewhatdamaged, it sounds to me as though you should seek counseling immediately if you are having suicidal thoughts. I would recommend that you see your physician and get an appropriate referral immediately. There are treatment modalities ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 December 2010: You're welcome! Thank Yos and other aunts who came before you and made me realize I did not know how to help. So here's the safe place to discuss it. I'm delighted to have been of help to you. A real day-brightener!
Best wishes to you and your girl... (read in full...)
We are both 14, had a miscarriage. Should we try again to have a baby?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both 14 and are madly in love. weve been together for about a year now and had protected sex a few months ago. she ended up having a miscarriage and that made us both completely sad. :( We love eachother alot and wanna have ...
A. 31 August 2010: What did the doctor say after the miscarriage? Was it a good idea to try again? Is her body ready for it? What kind of risks does the baby face being born to a high-risk category mother?
What did your parents say, as they are still responsible for ... (read in full...)
Pregnant and afraid of what everyone is going to think
Q. heyyah im 15 and im pregnant but the father or my parents dont know anything about it and im scared of what they all might say...im scared of the father leaving me on my own to raise the baby and im scared that my parents might not want anythin to ...
A. 30 August 2010: If you are going to keep the baby, you need to get pre-natal care NOW! You need to make sure your diet is giving the baby everything it will need and what else you can do to keep it healthy. Missing some basic nutrients now could wind up with an ... (read in full...)
She wants to lose her virginity to me but I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her because of her past!
Q. hello im with this girl i know through internet..we been together for 2 years but we still havent met since we live far away. anyway i know everything about her and her past is actually haunting me..she didnt do much but just the idea that some oth...
A. 30 August 2010: Actually, since you are having doubts, I think it's probably best to put this LDR to rest. If she's meeting you to lose her virginity but you don't think you can stay with her, then you are adding to her 'past' as you have no intention of being her ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't see sex as important, says its just sex
Q. hi Again Having already written to you in October 2009 about my realtionship with my partner as being very nice but no sex/love making, playing; fondling and the rest. Although I have tried to get to the bottom of it all through talking and moan...
A. 30 August 2010: I had another thought for you. As he doesn't think sex is important, you could propose that you go to an open relationship, where you are each free to pursue sexual partners outside your partnership. This way, you won't technically be cheating, as ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't see sex as important, says its just sex
Q. hi Again Having already written to you in October 2009 about my realtionship with my partner as being very nice but no sex/love making, playing; fondling and the rest. Although I have tried to get to the bottom of it all through talking and moan...
A. 30 August 2010: Hi Kath, maybe HE doesn't feel the need, but you do, and I guess the question for you is this: why are you so reluctant to turn the relationship into what it really is, a friendship?
You've had sex once in a year, he won't discuss it, he won't take... (read in full...)
Why do all the men in my life turn to porn?
Q. LONG story short: My boyfriend is great and I love him dearly. But (there's always a but, right?) I found porn on my computer and now I'm having trust issues. I confronted him and he has stopped (for 8 months now). I just can't quit thinking ab...
A. 30 August 2010: This thread has been tidied of some posts in which aunts were targeting each other. I simply do not have enough time to edit the posts and leave the advice in the answer; I apologize to the OP for this.
This thread is also being closed; if the OP w... (read in full...)
She won't swallow!! Help!
Q. How after 5 years of great sex do I get my girlfriend to swallow? I return the faver to her in every way..oral sex, anal licking, she dose not like oral sex on her but she lets me preform it on her every so often and enjoys it most of the time. She ...
A. 29 August 2010: This question has been asked in the past. I answered here as well, and I think it might be worth a try for you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-is-afraid-to-swallow-what-can.html
Be thankful you get oral sex. Some guys don't get that.
... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 27 August 2010: Your feelings are your feelings and none of us are going to tell you you're not experiencing them. But we will tell you that you don't act on all your feelings, and in this case, acting on them could destroy a man's career, his livelihood and would ... (read in full...)
He was found with an STD,I was not. I don't know how this happened?
Q. I don't know it this has been discussed before but if anyone can help. I am on vacation right now with my family and recently, my boyfriend revealed to me that he has been tested and found out with gonorrhea. I was very furious, I had been just ou...
A. 27 August 2010: One more thought. You could really crystallize his reaction by telling him your doctor wants to see his lab results.... (read in full...)
It hurts to feel I'm good enough for sex and nothing else
Q. I've been friends with a guy since school but we lost contact. We recently got back in contact over a year ago, decided to meet up and it was really nice. After that we started talking quite frequently, we met up again one evening for a drink and ...
A. 27 August 2010: You know what? You don't need this crap. You don't need some crude, rude and stupid dude disrespecting and upsetting you. I would very cheerfully and thoroughly cut him off. Cut contact and if you eventually do run into him again, tell him "oh yeah, ... (read in full...)
He was found with an STD,I was not. I don't know how this happened?
Q. I don't know it this has been discussed before but if anyone can help. I am on vacation right now with my family and recently, my boyfriend revealed to me that he has been tested and found out with gonorrhea. I was very furious, I had been just ou...
A. 27 August 2010: I have to say that I think Q has this one pretty well sorted, sorry. http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/gonorrhea The symptoms usually show up in 2 to 10 days. Yes it can go undetected for a longer time, and if you were negative, then ... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: I'd leave it in the realm of 'what if'--something to think about and not act on. The reason being that what you expect of him, he's not going to reciprocate. Or to put it another way, you're going to be disappointed by whatever he feels, because it ... (read in full...)
My mother doesn't like my husband!
Q. I am a 31 year old, married, mom of two. My problem is that my mother has never liked my husband. Case and point. She is visiting and my husband is helping me in the kitchen. I don't know about everyone else, but for us, "help in the kitchen" ...
A. 26 August 2010: Do you think it's possible she feels shut-out by the obvious physical affection he has for you? I mean, maybe you should say instead, me and my hubby are going into the kitchen and fool around a little while I cook. Maybe you should give us some ... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: Dear Cupid,
I am a 35 year old maths teacher and every year, I seem to have a student or two fall in love with me. It is getting to be a problem for my career, as I love teaching but these days, one whiff of improper conduct and that could be the ... (read in full...)
Will taking 12 diabetes pills have any affect on me long term?
Q. hey, basically about a month ago i took 12 diabetes pills, (they were my grandmas coz she has diabetes, mum was going to chuck them) i didnt take them to kill myself, just to be sick because id eaten too much that day and wanted everything out of my ...
A. 26 August 2010: It might. From webmd.com:
Side Effects of Oral Diabetes Drugs
Side effects of first- and second-generation sulfonylureas include:
Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)
Upset stomach
Skin rash or itching
Weight gain
Side effects for biguanide me... (read in full...)
Do Gorgeous Women only date Equally Gorgeous men?
Q. Question... Whats the secret to getting a really beautiful woman? You know the type you run into every now and again that make your heart stop and fill your veins with ice water? Is there a secret method for attracting these higher echelon b...
A. 26 August 2010: Helps if the pedestal to which you refer is attached to a high-end automobile pointed at the summer beach house.... (read in full...)
I want to lose weight to get back with my ex!
Q. what are the best ways to make yourself vomit and how fast does it make you skinnier? because i want to get back with my ex and im just way to fat. so i need help and i think vomitting is the fastest way. ...
A. 26 August 2010: Ah yes, vomiting as weightloss aid. Hm. Let's look at that a minute.
Your tooth enamel will wear down because of the hydrochloric acid brought up from the stomach. So your teeth will look horrible. Not attractive. Also dryness in the mouth whic... (read in full...)
Do Gorgeous Women only date Equally Gorgeous men?
Q. Question... Whats the secret to getting a really beautiful woman? You know the type you run into every now and again that make your heart stop and fill your veins with ice water? Is there a secret method for attracting these higher echelon b...
A. 26 August 2010: You seem to think that beautiful women are all alike, that they will all respond to the same type of approach. That's a rather simplistic view of them. Some will be lovely, warm, bright and sincere. Others will be stand-offish, mean and snobby. Your ... (read in full...)
Have a big penis and don't know where to put it.
Q. Im a 20 year old guy who has kind of a wierd problem or dilema. The problem is that I have an above average size penis(8 inches long and almost 6 inches around(its true, Im not kidding)) and I just have no place to put it in my pants. Sometimes ...
A. 26 August 2010: I'll tell you something funny about this. Men are more likely to check out your 'package' than women. Yep, men, being the visually-driven creatures that they are, men are the ones who are going to be looking at your crotch. Women tend to look at ... (read in full...)
How do I to get friends wives to go topless too?
Q. I asked my wife to try to go topless in our hot tub in front of two other couples - and she did! It was our plan for me to say something as a joke, like, "house rules, everyone has to go topless". And then my wife was to say OK, and hopefully the ...
A. 25 August 2010: I'll tell you what the conversations were like on those drives home.
She: Boy, THAT was uncomfortable. I could not wait to get out of that hot tub.
He: Yeah, she really spiced it up, didn't she? Not bad boobs for a woman her age.
She: Do y... (read in full...)
How do I to get friends wives to go topless too?
Q. I asked my wife to try to go topless in our hot tub in front of two other couples - and she did! It was our plan for me to say something as a joke, like, "house rules, everyone has to go topless". And then my wife was to say OK, and hopefully the ...
A. 25 August 2010: God, the thought of sitting in a hot tub with some drooling guy insisting I take my top off is enough to make me upchuck. Yuck. If anyone pulled a stunt like that with me, that would have been the end of our socializing, for sure.
Go find a nudi... (read in full...)
LDR: what's the point?
Q. I would like to know something, as it's always seemed highly absurd to me, and nonsense, what is the point of being in a Long distance relationship??? I mean, you cant touch the person, right? which means you cant hold them, kiss them, fuck them, ...
A. 25 August 2010: I'll tell you that I married my LDR boyfriend. We just celebrated our 16th anniversary. It worked because we got to know each other in person and over the phone. We'd spend time together at least once a month and talked every night. I knew his ... (read in full...)
I want to be with my male cousin again but he said he doesn't want to do it again, how can I make him more comfortable?
Q. hey guys, I am 17 yo old and Bi-curious. A while ago my cousin and I masturbated together and this included doing it for each other. I thought it was great and at the time he enjoyed himself too. However, it has been some time since we did thi...
A. 25 August 2010: He doesn't want to do it anymore. So is there some reason you don't respect that? You sound selfish, actually, focused on the physical sensations rather than on the fact he's not comfortable doing this. Having an orgasm doesn't mean you are happy ... (read in full...)
Should I help pay for my new stepdaughter's college?
Q. I am a male in the USA in my 40's. I plan on getting married again in a few months. I have 2 young sons age 9 and 6. I pay support for them and see them 3 times a week. One child likes my GF the other one does not. She also does not get along with ...
A. 25 August 2010: In a word: run.... (read in full...)
I'm so frustrated because I can't insert a tampon!
Q. I am getting so frustrated. I usually get my period at the end of every month. And its near the end of the month now and the first day of school is tomorrow. I want to wear tampons instead of pads because when I wear pads its so obvious and its just ...
A. 24 August 2010: It took me two years to figure out how to use a tampon. I would NOT recommend using it when you are not menstruating. The dry material against your sensitive tissue will HURT, as it is pushed in or out.
Wait until you have a very heavy flow. I foun... (read in full...)
What is her motive behind the question she asked?
Q. After knowing each other plutonically for more than a year, my girlfriend and I have become intimately involved and have lived together now for a month and a half. Things are wonderful, but I was a bit taken aback when she suddenly asked me how many ...
A. 24 August 2010: The funny thing is I would think this would have come up BEFORE you moved in together. "I've had lovers in my past, of course. Why do you ask?"
... (read in full...)
I need some tips on loosing weight!
Q. I'm very uncomfortable with my body, my bf however loves it. He says he loves the curves. But, I'd like to find a good medium...lose some weight and get fitter w/o losing some curves :) So I thought ok, let me lose 20 pounds. I've done research but ...
A. 24 August 2010: Move more, eat less. Pretty basic. Park further from the store or your office and walk more steps. Don't use the elevators or escalators anymore, take the stairs. Do pushups on your kitchen counter when you are waiting for something in the microwave ... (read in full...)
Is my penis size good?
Q. hi, i am 15 and have a 6 inch penis with a 5 inch girth, is this good?...
A. 24 August 2010: It's fine. Don't worry!
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-penis-a-normal-size-for-a.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-the-average-penis-size-for-a.html
You'll notice that the vast majority of the posters on these threads are ... (read in full...)
My friend is on birth control and I'm not sure she's using it correctly!
Q. My friend and I both went to the public clinic about three months ago to start on Birth Control. I went on the Nuvaring, she's on the Evra patch. She's very sexually active with her boyfriend, and we are very open and honest about this kind ...
A. 24 August 2010: I think she's just following the instructions. I looked at the website and it says you apply it weekly for 3 weeks then go patchless for one. So stop worrying.
She is not, of course, protected against STIs. And neither are you. Just remember that... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my boss!
Q. i fancy my manager at work, hes 10 years older than me, hes married though, we flirt alot and when we go out for drinks we get quite touchy feeling, i know he wont leave his wife, and i wouldnt want him to but i really want to have sex with hi...
A. 24 August 2010: Easy. Develop a hearing problem at work. When he comes over and says something flirty, say, "WHAT? I didn't catch what you said?" Make him repeat himself over and over again. That will get old for him quickly. Make sure you draw enough attention ... (read in full...)
Over 65 and my wife no longer wants sex
Q. My wife has no more interest in sex. When I ask her what the problem is? She just says that she has lost all interest in sex. My question is, If I have sex with another woman would that be cheating? P.S. We are both over 65....
A. 24 August 2010: The one to ask about having sex outside the marriage is your wife. We will have our own opinions, but the one whose take on it matters is her.
She should be evaluated for depression, overall physical condition, hormones, basically a thorough look... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is still hurting after sex !
Q. Me and my girlfriend were both virgin's but after 8 months of being together decided to have sex for the first time. I've read in articles that sex can hurt first time for her but we have had sex numerous times now and she is still hurting ...
A. 24 August 2010: Has she been to the doctor for an exam? She may have an infection or something physically wrong with her.... (read in full...)
How can I get her to see he's not Mr. Perfect? I get bad vibes.
Q. SO, My best friend has a new boyfriend, I don't know him too well and... neither does she. They knew eachother for a day then decided they like eachother. I don't like this guy. He has been known to hurt girls in the past and be a total jerk, he's a ...
A. 24 August 2010: You do nothing. If she knows he's cheated and she wants to stay, she's a big girl now, right? Seeing as you are 18-21, wouldn't she be in that age bracket too? So let her learn her own lessons in life. You can't fix things for other people, alas. ... (read in full...)
If I swim will it get all the left over sperm out of me?
Q. Hi. I'm just very curious. I just had sex with my bf few weeks ago.A day after having sex, i went swimming for hours.Can this actually helps to wash away those sperm left inside me? ...
A. 23 August 2010: Oh dear. Oh dear, no, sweetheart, if you swim all week, that will not wash the sperm out. It doesn't work that way. Some of the semen (the fluid that holds the sperm) will run out on its own, but those determined little sperm have collected up there ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant?
Q. Dear Cupid, So exactly one week ago i had sex for the first time, it was August 12, 2010. My partner had a condom and i dont think it had a hole on it, he ejaculated inside of me and pulled out right after. I was suppost to get my period a few days...
A. 22 August 2010: The only way to know for sure if you are pregnant or not is to take a test. Condoms aren't 100% perfect contraception, some women do get pregnant using them.
From the plannedparenthood.org site: "Like all birth control methods, condoms are more effe... (read in full...)
Why does my wife go out with the girls all the time?
Q. [ModNote:OPs own title] My wife and I are in our mid-40's and have been married for many years. For all this time, I have always felt at the center of her world. We would have to move cities every now and then for work, start new careers, make new ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm a little older than your wife and have a lot of friends her age. Thing is, she's probably just finding her 'me' time and enjoys hanging out with her girlfriends. I'm not going to tackle the drunk thing at the moment.
But my guess is she's fina... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 20 August 2010: This actually kind of illustrates one of the things I wrote in the original post:
"BUT, it must be respectful of the aunt holding a differing viewpoint. You must keep in mind that you may disagree with another aunt, but keep it cordial. If you can'... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: "It is the main theme in hetero porn nowadays for the man to be degrading to the woman."
Um, does this mean that you've been watching loads of hetero porn? And could you be more specific about what 'degrading' means to you?
"I'm saying I do in fa... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't love me, he misses me, does this mean he loves me?
Q. My x says he doesnt loves me any more but still misses me. Does it mean he still loves me?...
A. 20 August 2010: If he says he doesn't love you anymore, take that as his real feelings. It sounds as though he's being honest, and you are wishing very very hard for the opposite to be true. Wishing doesn't make things real. Sorry, life can be awful that way. Good ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says my vagina is loose and that he does not feel a thing... what can I do? How do I fix it?
Q. I have not cheated why does my vagina feel loose... my boyfriend thinks that I've cheated... before he even mentioned it, I have been noticing a diffrence with our sex life... when we have sex my vagina has no tightness to it.. I try and ...
A. 20 August 2010: Just to point out some anatomical truths here, I copied/pasted this from http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/ask-dr-cullins/cullins-sex-5209.htm
Here are five possibilities:
1. Women's vaginas are less elastic when they are not sex... (read in full...)
In love with a virgin but he cant be with me because I am not a virgin!
Q. So i am about to be 20 years old in month, during my freshman year i met this guy who was out of the ordinary. Hes 22 years old, and hes a virgin for religious reasons. But yet hes messed around with girls, including myself. We are in a ...
A. 20 August 2010: So he does engage in sexual activity, he just doesn't do intercourse? Interesting rationalization on his part. His penis presumably is stimulated? Manual and/or oral stimulation?
If he's fooling around sexually and has done everything but inte... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 9 August 2010: @Stonemason, thanks for posting. No, your situation wasn't one of the ones I was referring to. I've been on DC for a while now and the situation I see again and again is the man who posts that he's just found out his wife wasn't a virgin, or that ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 31 July 2010: PM, thank you so much for contributing that good insight about the loss of trust issue. This is definitely something that people have to work through and it's not made easier by unspoken assumptions. I hope that anyone reading this has a good think ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 27 July 2010: @Serpico, no problem. If you don't think that this will be helpful to anyone, there's no need for you to link here.
It's like Q just said, we have seen post after post turn into unhelpful and possibly hurtful debate, rather than focusing on the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Q and Miamine, you both understand what it is I'm trying to create here, thank you both for your help and input and insight! It is much appreciated.... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: "a person deserves the chance to choose, say one partner was a molester ten years ago wouldnt you want to know the whole deal so that what ever consequences that come from it, it was your choice?"
I agree that a person deserves to know whether the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Some good posts on this thread about the topic: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-forget-about-my-wifes-past.html
... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: "what if the partner lies before marriage about sexual past?" Good question! What if that happens? What should the question be back to the one who lied?
"Why is it we always come up excuse that they must have had a good reason for lien to there part... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: Just to add to the original article, when I first read posts about people troubled by their partners' sexual pasts, I had the same initial reaction as many people. That is "get over it, that was long ago and doesn't have any bearing on your ... (read in full...)
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