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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
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Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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Am I a nag or does my partner have a problem with drink and drugs?
Q. am i nag or does my partner have a problem? im 11 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child and been with my partner on and off for 9 years. i left him last year as he drinks 5 times a week and used to take cocaine spending 150 a week on it i just couldnt ...
A. 4 October 2010: No, his behavior is not normal. He has a drink and drug problem and is trying to pretend he does not. You have to take care of yourself and your children and having them tended by a guy who's off his head on cocaine is NOT a good idea.
I'm sorr... (read in full...)
He cheated and got her pregnant; do I give him another chance?
Q. Okay. So me and my boyfriend been together for 8 months. We are very much in love and are the best things that ever happened to each other. The whole 8months of our relationship so far we've been keeping everything faithful and we trust each other. ...
A. 2 October 2010: Sweetheart, if it's his child, he doesn't have a choice. He either is a man, who steps up to his financial and parental responsibilities or he's one of those guys who gets chased by the legal system and his wages garnished to pay child support. ... (read in full...)
He cheated and got her pregnant; do I give him another chance?
Q. Okay. So me and my boyfriend been together for 8 months. We are very much in love and are the best things that ever happened to each other. The whole 8months of our relationship so far we've been keeping everything faithful and we trust each other. ...
A. 2 October 2010: She's not random. He's had sex with her twice in a year. That's not random. Random is once, then never again. Random isn't a month ago, 7 months into a relationship, after having done it once before that.
And he doesn't have much choice about bein... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to shave?
Q. Ok first question on here......lol My GF has a hairy vulva...and id prefer her to be shaven/waxed , How can i encourage her trim up? [Mod note: changed 'vagina' to 'vulva' for accuracy]...
A. 2 October 2010: Well, since you shave or wax your own genitals, surely she has some idea that you might like no hair, or at least less hair?
"My sweet, I adore giving you oral pleasure soooo much. I was wondering if I could ask you to try something for a mont... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 2 October 2010: Ha! I'm not sure I would apply the word "think" to it, interesting Freudian slip there. There's not much "think"ing going into it. More like impulsive behavior. Good luck with the hormones!... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 1 October 2010: And what if he does? I expect you're not the first woman who's had the hots for him. I wonder how big a part of his malpractice premium covers sexual harassment charges?... (read in full...)
He cheated and got her pregnant; do I give him another chance?
Q. Okay. So me and my boyfriend been together for 8 months. We are very much in love and are the best things that ever happened to each other. The whole 8months of our relationship so far we've been keeping everything faithful and we trust each other. ...
A. 1 October 2010: And how did I forget problem number 4? Alcohol. He has a major issue with alcohol. ... (read in full...)
He cheated and got her pregnant; do I give him another chance?
Q. Okay. So me and my boyfriend been together for 8 months. We are very much in love and are the best things that ever happened to each other. The whole 8months of our relationship so far we've been keeping everything faithful and we trust each other. ...
A. 1 October 2010: This is an 8 month relationship, is that right? If you were my friend, I'd be advising you cut him loose, for several reasons.
One, he's a cheater.
Two, he's a liar.
Three, he's prepared to try to get out of his responsibilities as a parent.
Put... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 1 October 2010: And why have an affair in the first place?... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 1 October 2010: And that ended, how?... (read in full...)
How does one go about asking out a teacher?
Q. First of all, I'm not a self obssessed idiot, and i know when people are flirting. I want to be with someone who is intelligent, funny and pretty, there is only person who is like that that i want to be with like that. I think she likes me too, she...
A. 1 October 2010: One waits until one is no longer a student at that school before attempting to ask one's teacher out. One realizes that one's feelings may cause the wreck of a career, jail time and unhappiness all around. That's what someone who is not ... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 1 October 2010: Have you had much practice with extramarital affairs?... (read in full...)
He's leaving the wife!
Q. My man is in a loveless marriage, and he's leaving his wife very soon. We've talked at length about this and he just doesn't want to be there anymore. He's not moving in with me, but finding his own place. I know when the shit hits the fan it...
A. 1 October 2010: I think Eyes is trying to point out that technically, as he hasn't left his wife, he's still a married man. He's not even legally separated at this point. Have you considered that you might be worrying about the wrong thing just now?
You're worr... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 1 October 2010: I hate to ask, but are you seeing him for out of control hormones? :/
Sounds to me like you are fairly freshly back on the market and perhaps need to focus on what is best for you, rather than what is stimulating, if you know what I mean. Roll... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 1 October 2010: I guess if he's a faithful guy, he'll wish you well and give you a goodbye hug and then leave it be. It depends on his character, doesn't it?
If he's not a faithful guy, then maybe he'd get your number and find a way to sneak off with you some... (read in full...)
Wife taking 24 condoms on holiday when she is going with 3 other women.
Q. hi my wife and i have funny kind of marrage (i think we have been married a lot of years) yes i know how many 30. each year she and 3 old (well same age girlfriends go away on holiday for a week. this year they are going on a crusie and i was...
A. 1 October 2010: I have to say that if I had packed condoms for a trip, my husband would certainly ask me what the hell was going on. Why would a faithful spouse need condoms?
Are there things about your marriage that would explain things? Are you in an open marr... (read in full...)
Do you always have a thing for the guy that took your virginity?
Q. Wanted to ask a question toward the women, because i think it happens to them more than guys. Do you always have a thing for the guy that took your virginity?...
A. 1 October 2010: "A thing" as in fond memories, or as in we'd abandon the current guy for the first guy?
Things didn't work out for me and my first. Do I want him back? No. Do I miss him? No. Do thoughts of him enter my mind during intimate time? No. Do I fant... (read in full...)
Dating or not?
Q. Ok so me and this girl are getting really close. By that i mean, we flirt alot and go do stuff together and stuff like that, but she hasnt officially said we're dating. Im not sure whether to ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend or if i should ...
A. 1 October 2010: Why don't you just tell her you like her? Maybe ask her what her parents say about her having a boyfriend, then you could say that you'd be willing to interview for the job of 'boyfriend'. Make it light and fun so if she doesn't react the way you ... (read in full...)
I had a lumpectomy, what do guys think of that?
Q. I had a lumpectomy 1-1/2 years ago and now one breast is about a cup size smaller and somewhat distorted. Partly I'm okay with it because I think of it as a symbol of life. Another part of me is feeling nervous that a guy would be turned off when ...
A. 1 October 2010: I think if you have developed a relationship with the guy and he's there because he likes YOU, not just your body, I'll bet you will have no problems. Very few of us get through life without scars, dings, physical changes, saggy bits, wrinkles, what ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with my teacher!
Q. I am so confused and lost. I had a huge crush on my teacher last year! Like borderline obsessive. He was so sweet and kind to me, and we were around eachother in a close environment. These feelings just kept growing and growing. They got out of ...
A. 1 October 2010: Please take yourself to the mental health clinic that your college has, this sounds like you have some obsessive/compulsive disorder issues and will probably benefit from some professional counseling, therapy, possibly even medication.
A... (read in full...)
Me n my girlfriend caught kissing by her parents
Q. Ok i have a problem n i hope i really get a positive solution, i was walking my girlfriend home n for some unlucky reason her mom saw us kissing n holding hands. Now iam afraid i might lose her n i don't want that n neither does she. I know her ...
A. 1 October 2010: Are you really 18? This sounds like a much younger person asking this question.
If you are dating a girl, you should of course know her parents. Suggest that she introduce you and you do your very best to show what a nice person you are, how much... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 30 September 2010: Ah, then you are looking for drama. Okay, well, then, by all means, go for it. Just be prepared for a 'no' and for amused sideways looks from his office staff. And maybe you should wait until he gets to the bottom of the 'issues' so you don't have ... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 30 September 2010: My doctor is built like a wrestler, all muscles and strong. I get a hug too, I'm a nice person, he's a nice person. He's married, so am I. There's nothing else there but good wishes.
"Does he like me?" It sounds so much like the question that a high... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 30 September 2010: Um, if he's your psychiatrist, he knows exactly what's going on in your head.
I notice you didn't answer the question about whether he's available or not. So I assume not. I guess you're just going to have to decide what's more important, your crus... (read in full...)
My girlfriend had sex with another guy because of me!! What do I do?
Q. I was with my girlfriend for almost 1 1/2 years, i got real drunk, some girl jus had 100% intention on doing everything with me, i barely spoke to her the entire night. I still dont know to this day why i followed her up to her room. We had sex. My ...
A. 30 September 2010: For heaven's sake, don't fight with the guy, that's a ridiculous way of handling the situation. It's not about him, anyway. This is about you and your major mistake and her ridiculous retaliation.
I think you should take a break and stop blam... (read in full...)
I think my doctor likes me
Q. I think my Doctor likes me. i know I like him. He gives me a hug.. and our visits last like an hour. How would i know for sure?...
A. 30 September 2010: You would have to not be his patient, I think. Perhaps say, "I need to change doctors as I find myself attracted to you." Then be sure he has your number and contact information, go find yourself another doctor and wait to see if he contacts you. If ... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to shave?
Q. Ok first question on here......lol My GF has a hairy vulva...and id prefer her to be shaven/waxed , How can i encourage her trim up? [Mod note: changed 'vagina' to 'vulva' for accuracy]...
A. 30 September 2010: I agree with person12345, since your subtle hints aren't working, maybe it's time to speak plainly. Tell her that the hair is really off-putting for you for oral sex because of the way it bunches in your mouth. You aren't asking her to shave it all ... (read in full...)
I want out, I don't love my husband
Q. I've been married for 2 years and I got to the point where I don't know if i love my husband anymore...we were a couple for 2 years before we got married, long distance relationship, since then we've had lots of problems. He's jelous, immature, he's ...
A. 30 September 2010: Belisha, please see a divorce attorney today to look over those papers. Get all your ducks in a row. Plan!
If he is physically abusive, emotionally cheating and verbally abusive and controlling, he's not a good bet for a husband. Get out, and get ... (read in full...)
I am not sure how to tell my parents about my 10 years older than me boyfriend
Q. Okay this is going to sound odd at first but im 19 and my bf is 29. I will be 20 next month. He just turned 29. I am not one for age if its reasonable like this....but how am I suppose to tell my parents? I dont want them to judge me or him....
A. 29 September 2010: Do they even know you have a boyfriend? You don't have to tell them his age right off the bat. Just introduce him and let them get to know him, so they can see what it is you fell in love with. Then you can tell them how old he is, once he's won ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex but my heart starts beating so fast I feel like I'm going to die!
Q. I think I have problem and I always been shy to talk about it but I can’t keep it inside me anymore I need help... I am 23 years old and I really want to have baby so badly but the big problem is I can’t have sex I am virgin. I have been trying...
A. 29 September 2010: It sounds like you are having panic attacks. This isn't uncommon, some people have panic attacks before flying, for example, or before medical procedures. There is medication that can control the physical symptoms you are describing and that should ... (read in full...)
I told my online boyfriend's wife about us but he came back to me anyways!
Q. I had an online affair for almost 5 yrs with a 69 yrs old married man. We did not meet personally but had a huge fight for he plays with women in net and flirt and he had a gf where he met personally here in the Philippines. A year ago we had ...
A. 29 September 2010: May I ask why you went back with a guy who won't ever leave his wife and family? Why are you wasting the best years of your life on a guy who isn't available? At age 69, this guy isn't going to be another 20 years. You have maybe, what, 4-5 years ... (read in full...)
Is it fair to eject people from your life who don't mind their own business?
Q. I know that no-one's perfect, but I have lost a lot of friends lately because I can't stand people who stick their nose in my business. They try to manipulate me. Is it fair to eject people from your life who can't mind their own business? I kn...
A. 29 September 2010: It would be easier if you learned to fend off the questions, rather than grow angry at people.
"Thanks for asking but I prefer to keep that private."
"Wow, you certainly have some questions, do you mind if I ask you some first?"
"Ah, you know I'm... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to shave?
Q. Ok first question on here......lol My GF has a hairy vulva...and id prefer her to be shaven/waxed , How can i encourage her trim up? [Mod note: changed 'vagina' to 'vulva' for accuracy]...
A. 29 September 2010: Easy! Shave or wax your own genitals! Then tell her you like less hair rather than more, and are conducting an experiment. Then after a week, if you aren't scratching and covered with red lumps, I'm sure you'll be a great ambassador for shaving or ... (read in full...)
Any tips for first time sex for a guy who suffers from premature ejaculation?
Q. Hey everyone I suffer from premature ejaculation and me and my girlfriend will be having sex for the first time in a few weeks so i was wondered if you all could help. I was wondered with the stop start technique how long should i wait...
A. 29 September 2010: Sorry, but if it's your first time, you aren't going to last long, is my guess. But it's okay! You're not some circus performer, okay? You're a guy with the girl he loves and there's nothing to keep you from having some more practice!
Tell her you ... (read in full...)
Is his demeanor and arousal a weakness or strengh?
Q. If a guy gets a hard on when he's sitting with a girl and they are currently just friends (neither appears more attractive than the other), yet he continues talking like he doesn't need anything from her (not needy)...... Does she feel she has power ...
A. 29 September 2010: If she likes him, it might be okay. If she's not attracted to him, it's not going to be a turn on.
The power play idea is a masculine thing. You'll have to change your filter if you want to understand her.
Here's what's going through her head.
[... (read in full...)
Confused about why fiance needs to go OUT without me!
Q. hi everyone me and my partner are engaged and have been together for almost two years. we do have lots of fun together and our sex life is usually pretty good. the problem starts when he declares he wants to go out drinking and to the clubs in the...
A. 29 September 2010: I agree with dirtball that it sounds very bad. I hate to suggest this but perhaps you could ask one of your male friends to follow him and his buddies as they go out one night, to see what they are up to.
And may I add, there's nothing stopping you ... (read in full...)
Failing at school and love... help!
Q. I'm 16 and I am failing at school and love. I want to be a muscian, im not too bothered about financial success, and the fact is that I'd rather ride my moped down to the beach and jam with my friends than go to school. But everyone thinks that i ...
A. 29 September 2010: Pete Townsend had people willing to buy his music. There are thousands of people who want to be rock stars. Only a very few make it.
He also had parents who were professional musicians and had some background in that industry. He suffers from hear... (read in full...)
Should I shave to have my first pap smear?
Q. Ok, I know this is a really stupid question but I'm going for my first pap smear soon and I was wondering if I should be clean shaven or neatly trimmed down there. Any advice? I'm kind of nervous about this.....
A. 29 September 2010: No, shaving isn't necessary. You sound nervous. Here's a link that will help you know what to expect.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/womens-health/pelvic-exam-4306.htm
"There are some simple steps you can take to prepare for your... (read in full...)
How to achieve orgasm with a long thin penis?
Q. Well, I have two men. One of them turns me on because he knows how to make sex and plus his penis is the right size and it's thick, but with him all is about sex. My other man is very romantic and he takes all the time kissing and touching me, but ...
A. 29 September 2010: Um, what do you normally do to reach orgasm?... (read in full...)
Failing at school and love... help!
Q. I'm 16 and I am failing at school and love. I want to be a muscian, im not too bothered about financial success, and the fact is that I'd rather ride my moped down to the beach and jam with my friends than go to school. But everyone thinks that i ...
A. 29 September 2010: Fordyboy just gave you the best advice you'll ever hear. Listen to him.
I can look around my town and see what happens to guys like you. They grow up and mow our lawns, or lay down the asphalt on the road. They get stuck with very few job opti... (read in full...)
I'm baffled why he didn't want to have sex with me...
Q. Okay, I'm looking for a male perspective really, but women feel free to answer too. I'm 21 and out clubbing every weekend, my eldest brother too does exactly the same and we regularly end the night together. He always brings his best mate out wi...
A. 29 September 2010: What Cerberus said.
And if you like this guy, think there might be something more, please slow down, relax and just enjoy getting to know him. No pressure for sex or anything, okay? Chill, girl!... (read in full...)
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