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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I can count only say 2-3 pals who I truly like overall and can say they are fairly good friends. But lately I feel like I am more of a friend to them than they are to me. I tend to overextend myself- sending them cards, giving them tiny gifts, listening to them when they cry about boys, etc. There was a death in my family and it seemed like they didn't really care. I have been having some friend troubles too, but they seem to dismiss it and tell me that I need to focus on myself and not other people. I feel hurt because I keep giving and giving and getting nothing in return. I don't want to become mean and withdraw from them completely, but I just can't keep on going on with things if they're not supportive as well. I don't like change or new things, so meeting new people is tough for me. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 November 2009):
 I think most people go through a stage of friendships like yours. I personally attract 'needy' people as friends who like to receive help in their hour of need, but are not so forthcoming when it comes down to returning the favour. Sometimes it is ok, 'a friend in need...' and all that. However, if the imbalance in the friendship is that bad then it really is time to retreat and find some new friends who are better suited to your needs. You don't have to abandon the existing friends but stop servicing the friendship so much with gifts and 'making an effort' to see if they stick around afterwards.
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