A
female
age
30-35,
*kh
writes:i started talking to this guy over the summer and he is arabic. and i cant tell if hes using me for my greencard. im 18 and hes 22. he respects me and he treats me good. over the summer he asked me to get engaged but its just between me and him right now. i know his family and i used to see him everyday over the summer, i came back to the U.S. and he calls me almost everyday and I talk to him all the time. I asked him why he is rushing into everything because he always says he wants me to be his wife. i want him too but im just trying to figure out if hes using me. when i asked him why hes rushing he said because he wants me but he also said that hes not rushing it and the reason why it might seem it is was because of that. he said we should build our future. i remember he once said hes always wanted to go to america but he told me that he doesnt want the citizenship. my family knows hes a good guy but they were telling me that you never know maybe a guy will use you for your citizenship and that theres so many girls where he lives so why would he choose u, what makes u so special and they said because im american. so i dont know if hes using for later? but I always wonder why he chose to engage me so fast when I only knew him for 2 months.
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female
reader, jkh +, writes (28 October 2009):
jkh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok so he wants to get engaged not next year but the year after. he said we need to be next to eachother so we can have more experience. oh and im arabic too but i was born and raised here. he is trying to come here and to finish college here. his parents dont want him to be marrried until hes 27 or 26. I told him if we get married that I wont give him the citizenship and at first he was kind off sad when I told him that and he said how could you think im like that and he said i dont care about it and that he doesnt even want it, so i dont know :/
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): Almost certainly yes.
I was very friendly at school with a half arabic kid and he told me at the college we went to, which has a large international student population, that all most all of the foreign kids had proposed to some American girl.
My wife who went to the same university but at a different time told when that when she was there she had been proposed to by foreign nationals three times. One told her upfront that its was a marriage of convenience and that he need to stay to get into a good dental school. Another told her if he had to go back he would become a bomb maker in Palestine. Good grief.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 I was in a very similar situation to you some 6 years ago. Friends and family told me my husband was a visa-hunter looking for a UK passport by marrying me. Having said that, all these years later after all his immigration settlement visa was sorted out, he is still here and we have a great little boy together. I was worn down by other people at the time and did get him to sign a prenuptual agreement to make sure he didn't rob me blind if he did run off into the hills with his new passport. By all means be cautious and you are very young to be getting married - I would say marry him if you are 100% sure but if not, live with him for a while to make sure you are able to get on and make each other happy. If he is visa-hunting then he will lose interest and find another target. It is my understanding that after marriage you have to meet a number of immigration tests over a couple of years to prove you are living together etc and it is not a sham. Therefore if his intentions are visa-related, he will have looked into all this before hand and maybe considered less complicated routes to residence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): if you think that is the reason then you should let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): I would be leery because of the urgency. It could be that he wants citizenship. I do not know your background, but even if he really does love you, you might have the challenge of trying to work around two very different cultural backgrounds. That might not be apparent when you are first excited and dating somebody new, but once the relationship gets more serious, then these issues will come out and have to be discussed. I would second the advice of the other poster that you should ask him to come here and just date for a period of time, so that 1) you will find out if it is just about citizenship, 2) you will really get to know each other and what the expectations are in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): There is an easy way to find out. Tell him to come to the USA and get a job so you to can date for a while. If he comes here and works, he must obtain a green card. If he says he can not or will not. Then you have your answer.
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