A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After being verbally beaten down - and occasionally physically attacked - I have nothing left except for a hollow-feeling body. After one year of being accused of being a wh*re, a liar, and a cheater I am, I finally started to fight back and there were times that I would shout after being asked the same question more than three times (did I cheat on him, what guy did I look at, he can play games to, who do I think I am, etc) and because I raised my voice, he raised his fist and told me that I provoked him and that him hitting me or throwing objects at me (enough to break my nose once and cause bruising all over my legs) and therefore he was not at fault.I know it is my fault for staying with him. I really, really, really, have nowhere to go or anyone to speak to because I have this sick addiction to him where I feel like I have to have him in my Life - he's convinced me that I need him in my Life. I guess my question is, is the raising of my voice after one year of his accusations undeserved? Is that a legitimate reason for his physical attacks?
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female
reader, Jedi_Mistress +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Just because you love him doesn't mean that he has a right to hit you, ever. You have a right to have an opinion and you also have a right to disagree or raise your voice from time to time.
As well don't ever think you don't have anywhere to go. You do. Even if it's to a church to ask for help, or to be put in contact with an organization for battered women or a women's shelter.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 October 2009):
No. Nothing ever warrents being hit. Get out of this now, before he kills you.
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A
female
reader, happyhippo85 +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Nothing warrants a physical attack.
PERIOD
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 October 2009):
 YOu think you have no place to go because abusive relationships bring you down to a point where you feel life is pretty hopeless. You are not 'addicted' to him, just lacking the self esteem to get out. However, if you have written this post, you recognise the problem which is the first step to overcoming it. You need to search around in your community for counselling services for women who are victimised by domestic violence. It may empower you to leave him. If you stay, there is every risk that things will escalate to an even more serious nature. He tells you it is ok to physically assault you because it justifies it to himself in his mind. You should treat him like he has a sickness - but not feel sorry for him because of it. Unless you get out it sends him a message that it is ok to physically abuse people. If you leave then maybe he will face up to his personal issues and seek professional help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): you do have other places to go...the phone book should have listings for womens shelter. Your local dhs and health clinics have posters up with a number to call...do what auntie tisha says and check the links offered. No one can rescue but yourself...please make the choice to escape. No one deserves to be abused or belittled or bullied. You do not deserve it. You are not the one at fault here. Good luck sweetheart, keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 October 2009):
 No. He is not justified to physically attack you because you raise your voice. The problem for you is that your thinking has been skewed by this relationship. He is a manipulator, a thug and he is not going to get "better."
Even if you keep your voice low and creep around like a little mouse, he is not going to stop.
You DO have options, you are NOT his prisoner. Once you recognize that, you are 95% of the way to being safe.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/love-shouldnt-hurt-signs-of-abusive-behaviour.html
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171 (you'll have to copy/paste that link, it gets interrupted by the question mark in the middle)
This next link is the one you really need to look at. You can call the number provided to discuss your situation and see what a trained counselor thinks. Please visit the site and call the number. http://www.ndvh.org/
You deserve better than to be an insanely jealous man's punching bag. Please help yourself keep you safe.
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A
male
reader, passion1123  +, writes (26 October 2009):
YesObviously NO and u know that and let me tell u why u have placed such a question here.U want to save ur little world..u wanna find a way..The solution is --none.Leave him thats it; thats that.I or others r not going to come to ur home and make u leave it.U gotta do it urself and urself only..
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