A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im 14 years old, 15 in march.This February i had an abortion, my mom made me have an a abortion as i was too young to keep the baby, but i was too scared to tell my mom that i wanted to keep the baby.All i do now is think about what if i kept it and that i feel really bad and wish that i had not gave up my baby.What do i do know? Please help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): I feel for you! If you wanted to have the baby then should have been able to. Thats like your mom telling you kill someone, it is acctulay. If you really want a baby then wait till you get married but if you slip up then marry the guy (unless he is abusive) and have the baby! But it is too late, I wish you could stood up to your mom! Hope I helped!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): You should never let past bother you. I know it is not that easy. But try not to dwell on the past. We cant explain a lot of things that happen in our life. Some people have very hard lives that they commit suicide. Some wanna commit suicide but they dont have the courage. They feel like they are trapped in this life and they wish they were never born. They would tell you it would be better if their mothers had them aborted. Anyways I am not recommending abortion or suicide or anything. I am just saying that many things are beyond our control... so dont dwell on the past. What you have done could be a good thing for that particular baby. Why analyze it and worry abt it? Life is short. Focus on being happy and making others happy. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): woah thats some serious business you got there.
firstly, youre going to have to let you mom off the hook for reccommending an abortion. im pretty sure that she just wanted the best for you and youre future, but there may have been other reasons as to why she didnt want you to have youre baby, but youre going to have to push that aside for about the next 20 years before confronting her about it.
secondly, youre going to have to see a therapist because this will most likely affect the rest of your life. not to make you sound bad or feel bad but:
my law teacher told our class about a old woman who got an abortion when she was around your age actuallly.
everyyear on her aborted son's supposed to be birthday (i think they had a different way of performing abortions back then), she would go into a complete mental breakdown, and wouldnt stop thinking about how old he would be if she never got the abortion. our law teacher said that her friend said that her son would have been 35 years old if she had raised him instead.
unfortunately people only see what is in front of them, not what can happen down the road. From your decision of having sex to having an abortion; you have learned alot and changed youre life in an immeasurable number of ways (hopefully in a positive way.
personally i would have said to have your child and give him to an orphanage, or raise your child. if youre 14, then by the time youre 20 -21, your child would be entering grade 1 of elementry school.
so make sure you complete this list to hopefully move on:
- Talk to your doctor about it, and ask him to refer you to a psychiatrist
- Talk to the psychiatrist
- *******Ask your mom if she ever had an abortion, and talk to her about what happened and your experience and how you feel
Becareful with the one above, it may possibly be dangerous
(Stupid CSI) but consider it and talk with the psychiatrist
- Join an activity to get your mind off of it; art, exercise, try for a matrial art like MMA or krav Maga
- Stop penetration intercourse as you can still get pregnant even with contraceptives:
- If you want sex, masturbate like crazy (in return for proceeding with the abortion, ask for a dildo or a sybian)
- if you want to continure with a sexual relationship with whomever, try mutual masturbation with them instead, along with oral, and focus only on foreplay, dont pass that stage
anyway i wish you the best of luck with dealing with this problem
and if you decide to have a child, adopt from youre nearest orphanage, there are litterally tons of kinds that need parents, even if they are not youre own flesh and blood (sperm & ovum)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I'm sorry this has happened and you feel this way. But please don't imagine that all would be fine and dandy if you had just kept the child.
Once you get pregnant as a teenager there is no way to avoid emotional hurt from it. Abortion, adoption, keeping the child . . . they all come with serious regrets for years into the future. It's just a question of which ones.
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A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (1 November 2009):
This is very difficult - I agree - neither your mum nor any other person should make you have an abortion if you do not agree or are not ready for one. But equally you were very young and daft to be having sex which is also wrong!
All you can do now is learn from your mistakes and grieve for your baby you lost.
Good luck for your future x
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I would say you need to ignore people who post here wanting to lecture you about your morality. I can totally understand why you might feel under pressure from your mother - I am still scared of mine at 38!!! I think there are several options you might consider. Firstly you can see your GP (without mother present) and request some specialist counselling. You should be able to talk through your feelings and emotions with someone who won't judge you. I have lost two pregnancies (miscarriages) and I know that a whirlwind of emotions can follow that. I would say if you are sexually active now, please take care so that you do not end up in the same situation. Secondly, I think you need to come to appreciate that teenage motherhood is no picnic in the park. You made a mistake in judgement by getting pregnant and you had an abortion. The key to your future is to learn from your mistake (i.e. not getting pregnant until you are old enough to cope emotionally and financially). Babies are mighty hard work especially for a single parent. You may have romantic ideas about motherhood but the reality can be different. Make a promise to yourself that when you do become a mother then you will be in a good position to look after the child and all its needs. No-one at your age can make that promise. Finish your education, use contraception if you must have a sexual relationship and learn to like yourself enough to have the confidence not to feel under pressure from other people to do anything (parents wanting abortions for you, boyfriends wanting sex from you etc). I don't think you should resent your mother because no parent wants their teenage daughter to go through the ordeal of an abortion. She recommended that course of action because she loves you and doesn't want you to ruin your life by missing out on an education, a social life and the multiple opportunities that could exist for you in the future.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Let me get this straight.
You were old enough to have sex.
You were old enough to think you could raise a child.
You were not old enough to tell mommy no.
Do you see the conflict? You agreed with your mother, because you didn't want to say no. It is easy to now blame her for forcing you.
You went with the flow, took the easy way out and by blaming your mother are avoiding to have to face the fact that you might have made a mistake or have made the choice of having an abortion yourself.
Old enough to have sex/raise a child, then old enough to stand against your mother. That you caved either proves your mother was right, or you didn't want to stand against her.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (1 November 2009):
 You really were too young to have a baby, let alone too young to be having sex! Especially unprotected sex. Think of it this way, if you weren't responsible enough to not get pregnant, then you aren't grown up enough to look after a baby. It's better this way in the sense that if you had had the baby, it would have taken the last of your childhood away from you and your mother didn't want that.
It was wrong of your mother to force you into it without considering how you feel but she was just trying to do what's best for you. If this had been me, my mother would have sent me off to a boarding school or permenant catholic camp or something! Fourteen! Think about it.
What you do now... you accept it. there's nothing you can do about it. and you avoid it happening again in future and you wait until you're old enough to have a baby that you can care for. How much of a life can a child really give to another child they have to care for? You'll make a great mum one day - if you let yourself grow up enough first. Think before you act in future and don't do anything stupid.
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