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How do you touch a woman so she knows your interested without being too forward?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 March 2010)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

How does a man touch a woman to communicate interest in her without being too forward or too stiff?

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A female reader, Vicci United Kingdom +, writes (27 March 2010):

Vicci agony auntWow.

To the male poster who posted previously, who talked about expellation, i dont tink he means he wants to rape her or abuse her, i thought he just meant make contact as in meet her and date her.

Just tell her how you feel, maturely and seriously.

If people bully you for it, just shrug and laugh alond. Just have confidence in yourself.


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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010):

First of all, you are in the USA. So right off the bat you are doomed. If you make contact with an American girl who is not interested in you, and you are in school, you can expect to be expelled and have a black mark on your permanent record. You may also face civil charges in court for assault.

If you get off easy, you might just get verbally assaulted and publicly humiliated by the girl, which, if you are a white male, is perfectly acceptable in today's American society. After all, it has been open season on white american males for more than 20 years now.

Now, if you do the same thing and the girl likes you, then you will be okay.

My advice is to not make physical contact at all.

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A female reader, EbonyBlossom United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2010):

EbonyBlossom agony auntIt's not so much about what you do as for how she responds. Any physical contact can be a sign, but you gotta see if she gives it back. If she does take it up a notch. Kiss her and see if she kisses back. Give her a massage. Say 'what do you wanna do next?'

Don't just tell her without giving her the signs because she'll be taken by surprise, and don't be blunt and say 'I'm horny' because that's really shallow and off putting.

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A female reader, Vicci United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2010):

Vicci agony auntIn my opinion, theres no need to touch perfectly.


The most annoying thing for me is to not know where i stand with a boy, and i'd ar rather they'd just tell me so i can decide for myself instead of having to figure out specials signs he gives me over months.

actually, thats all i have to say. just tell her, the you can move on to other things quicker.

Anyway, i find eyecontact for a long time preeetty scary, so not too much of that, but i little lets me knoiw hes interested.

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A female reader, Gasolina Canada +, writes (23 March 2010):

Gasolina agony auntYos and Aunty BimBim have some great advice there. I would also say that intimacy has a lot to do with eye contact. A hand on the shoulder is also very nice.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (23 March 2010):

Aunty BimBim agony auntPractice the SOFTEN approach until it becomes second nature --

S smile

O open posture

F forward lean

T touch, elbow, hand upper arm etc

E eye contact

N nod

However, if you are finding remembering all the above is simply adding to your stiffness as in you are not being natural, practice just one or two. The most important would be your smile, and open posture. Practice on your friends and family as well, without telling them what you are doing

Good luck with it

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (23 March 2010):

Yos agony auntStart off by gently touching her hand when talking to her. Not for too long, but make it deliberate rather than seem like an accident, and do it at an appropriate moment (when you are feeling some warmth between you).

Try it a few times. If she touches you back soon after then you're looking good. If she doesn't return your touches, then she's not interested in you physically. It's really that simple.

You'll find the touching will naturally escalate after that: hands, arms, shoulders, etc. Bear one thing in mind: many women find being touched on the leg / knee very personal, so don't do that unless things are quite far along: it can be a major invasion of personal space / intimacy otherwise. Your touches need to feel like invitations, not impositions.

The main thing is to show interest in her, focus on her etc when in groups, but don't over-do it. Too keen is a turn-off, whilst 'interested yet not necessarily available' is a turn-on. Difficult balance to get, but you'll know it when you find it.

If you're interested, here's a nice article on the subject, more from a research perspective than a 'pick-up guide' one (which tend to be horribly misogynistic and manipulative:

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