A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We also live together. About once a week, he sends out a mass texts to about ten girls. Most of them he has slept with and flirts with them. Most of these girls I have never met. To the best of my knowledge.. he has not even seen these girls in about a year. I do not understand his need to stay in touch with girls he's slept with... I understand it boosts his ego to hear how much they still care... but none of these girls are his real friends. I have asked why he does it.. and he gets all defesensive and is like "what I am not allowed to have friends?".. I just think he is being dispectful. Leave the past in the past. He has no ties to any of these girls. He thinks I am being jealous. Please help!
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Ugh. Sorry but that's really unattractive behaviour. Sounds like he just wants the attention and the ego-kick of communicating with women he knows find him (or found him) attractive. Which points to insecurity and other relationship issues.
There's no up-side to this. It's disrespectful to you, and carries a significant risk he'll end up having sex with one of them (assuming any of them still will).
I wouldn't put up with it for a moment longer. Time for you to lay down the law.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 March 2010):
If he can't see that you're unhappy about this, then he's not worth any more of your time. Of course both men and women can have friends of the opposite sex, but when it's all his ex's and he's just doing it for an ego boost, it just isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Hi. Its his phone equivalent of a little black book and i can understand you not liking it, especially if hes still sending out flirty messages to these girls. Hes hoping to keep himself in their minds so they wont forget him. Its an ego trip for him. Explain to him you have no problem with him having proper friends, you just object to him pestering ex sexual partners. They probably only reply to be polite so i shouldnt worry too much. But if he wont stop and its seriously affecting the way you feel about him then you must tell him. He might have to make a choice if he doesnt want to ruin things between you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 March 2010):
 If he cannot see that sending texts to past lovers is making you jealous and is destructive to your relationship, then he is a complete idiot.
He knows you cannot stop him. He knows that by turning it around to be 'your problem' that he can continue...and it won't stop until he finds someone he is so madly in love with and doesn't want to lose...only then will he quit.
None of this is beneficial or joyous to you.
We can sit here and surmise all the reasons he 'has' to have this in his life...but it is you that needs some comfort to know where this is going.
You have to weigh up whether you are prepared to live with it or whether you are able to let him go and find yourself a decent loyal loving fella to make you happy.
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (23 March 2010):
 If these girls were his friends then he wouldn't need to mass text them to make sure they are still around in his life, they just would be and it wouldnt matter a week, a month or a year, a real friend is there even if they're not right there.
I think this is some kind of ego boost for him and maybe he's making sure he's got some kind of backups if he found himself single again which I've known alot of people that do that.
Maybe you are being jealous but I don't think its without reason, I'm sure he wouldn't be so impressed if it was you keep sending texts to ex's to make sure they're still around.
This isn't even him replying to a text from one of them or him contacting for a reason.
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