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I'm woried that anal sex on my bf might turn him gay!

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, *nappeciatied writes:

I am a young lady thats enjoys anal sex every once and a while. I also like to perform anal sex on my guy( it turns me on in a weird and powerful way). However,it seems that he really enjoys it now. B4 he did for my benifit.I used to have to begg for months. he would participate maybe 4 or 5 times a year. Now he puts himself in volnerable positions for easy access. he doesnt refuse as much. He allows me to dildo him like once a week now. Is this something that I should be worried about? I am not trying to turn him out or anything and I hope he isnt gay or nothing. Should I be worried, or gratefull that he enjoys anal sex now?

View related questions: anal sex, dildo

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015):

I think you will be fine, I love anal paly with my wife, it just feels good. its the only way I have ever had multiple orgasams.

oh and no way you can turn him gay

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A male reader, itsnotmyproblem United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2010):

dont worry, theres not a switch up there that you've accidently flicked on. if you dont like doing it let your boyfriend know.be gentle though as if you have been doing it for a while he may not like the fact you havent told him already. or make it a once a month treat for him. if he has a problem with this, ask him why he likes a dildo up his ass so much. that should shut him up.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010):

you cannot turn gay. its not a choice,either you are or your not.

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A female reader, myfuture United States +, writes (23 March 2010):

Anal sex will not make him gay. But, just keep in mind that anal sex is the riskiest type of intercourse and puts you at a MUCH GREATER risk for STD's because it tears the tissue around your anal area. Even though you can't get pregnant that way... make sure to always use protection.

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A female reader, unappeciatied United States +, writes (23 March 2010):

unappeciatied is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, I dont really think that he is gay. However I do think that he enjoys it a little more than he should. He loves having anal sex with me, an he enjoys me "dildo-ing" him. I just dont want him to ever leave me for a guy, then its would be all my fault. If he did confess and admit that he wants to be with men, then my relationship is over. I like it the way it used to be, every once and a while.I do love him, I would just admire his honesty and respect his choices.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2010):

It will not turn him gay at all.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (23 March 2010):

Yos agony auntIt's all good. It won't turn him gay. Personally I think quite a few guys (including plenty of straight ones) are into this but most are ashamed to ask, or even ashamed to admit it to themselves. It can be very pleasurable for a man to have his prostate stimulated... which is up there. It's also quite refreshing to not have to play the male / dominant role all the time... another perfectly healthy thing in my opinion. I'd just count yourself lucky you like doing it and he likes you doing it to him.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (23 March 2010):

Frank B Kermit agony auntEnjoying anal stimulation does not equal being gay.

However, I think what might be really bothering you is that he is regularly taking on the vulnerable submissive position in sex. Once in a while is was an exciting change...however, now you might be starting to resent having to be the more dominant aggressor in sex.

This happens more often than not with women that want to penetrate the men they are with. Exciting to try something new, but when he starts to enjoy it, it starts to be a turn off for her, because she ends up hating being with a submissive male.

Do I think he is gay? No.

I do think you are starting to think he is gay, because you are starting to feel less attracted to him for becoming too submissive during sex.

-Frank

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010):

If you both really enjoy it (it sounds like you do) there's nothing to worry about. There's no overt evidence that he's gay in the sense of wanting sex with other men, it's YOU he's having sex with. It seems he did this initially for YOUR benefit, you had to beg him and it was a huge step for him, something he did to please you. Anal is pretty sore the first few times before you get used to it, so it obviously took a bit of getting adjusted to.

It does seem that he's now got a taste for it, being dildoed every week and 'puts himself in volnerable positions for easy access. he doesnt refuse'

Brilliant. He loves it. So the only issue here is, you're worried he might be secretly gay. The only way to find out about this is to ask him (if he's embarrassed about this, he might be more inclined to answer honestly at a time when his defences are down: you dildo-ing him, for example). If he is, would you be upset about this or find it a turn-on? Would it be a deal-breaker and a threat to your relationship, or is it something you could live with?

I'd also say be careful about how you ask him. Something like a gently teasing 'be honest with me, would you like a man's c**k in there?' would be more appropriate than 'look here, are you queer or what?'

If you genuinely 'hope he isn't gay', then you need to be prepared for the fact that he COULD be...and if he's not, then there's no worries!

Hope it works out, keep us posted

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (23 March 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntMany will disagree, but there is no connection between enjoying a certain sex act with a woman, and being attracted sexually to a man. You haven't changed his sexual orientation, you have just opened him up to a new experience. One that he is not likely to be talking about to anyone but you. All in all that is a good thing.

FA

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A female reader, natmarie United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2010):

natmarie agony auntJust because he enjoys anal sex - it does not men he likes men and is gay!! You could broach the subject and see what he says, but tread carefully, as you do not want to offend him. Nat Marie x

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