A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He was single when I met him but his ex has been particually nasty as she was annoyed he had moved on. She told me he had premature ejaculation when he was with her, but doesn't have it with me because he doesn't fancy me enough. Now I know she is just trying to upset me, but the thing is, I am worried she might be right. Because in the last week, he has had a problem cumming. I spoke to him about it and he said sometimes he cums too quick and sometimes he cannot at all. I am finding it quite upsetting, obviously I do not feel adequate enough when he can't come and starting thinking stupid things like 'oh if he was having sex with her i bet he could come' or 'i've probably put on weight and thas why he can't come', Anyway its not a problem cumming totally as alot of the time he comes relativly quick and that doesn't bother me but sometimes he can't at all and we just have to 'give up'.Any advice..? or has anybody heard of this before?Thank you xxx
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ejaculation, his ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 To hell with what this stupid ex-girlfriend says! You should show more maturity.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 January 2010):
 It's more common than people expect. And it's almost certainly not about you. There's a good article on it on the BBC website of all places! Here's the link:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sex_and_sexual_health/probs_difficultyejaculating.shtml
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Thank you for your replies, just to clarify as it may have come accross differently, I do not talk to his ex or anyone else about his/our sexual issues. The ex actually shouted this across a bar to me when I happened to be in the same place as her. I have never had a proper conversation with her, and don't want to! But I don't think i made that clear. i think you're right the more it crops up as a problem the worse it will get. Thing is, it definitely knocks a girls self esteem...! x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 January 2010):
The reason he's having this problem is because he is a normal man. Do you orgasm in exactly the same way after exactly the same time during sex?
If not, why does she?
He's also probably a bit stressed since you and his Ex seem to have been chatting about your sex lives with him and comparing notes on his performance.
How would you feel if your nasty ex and him had a chat about how you were in bed? I'm sure he'd say "he only said this and it's just rubbish... I love you the way you are." But you would go insane what else he said and if he was hiding anything because it was really bad and possibly true.
The way to get over this is just to ignore it and concentrate on having a good time. The more you bring it up, the worse it will get.
He's with you because he finds you sexy. Why on earth would he be going out with you if he didn't look at you and get a thrill over what you do to him? Unless he's in a wheel chair and you're the best that he could do, then accept he's with you because he wants you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 January 2010):
Just relax. This is something that just happens. Women aren't the only ones who cant always climax. It happens to guys as well sometimes (though not as often). Your boyfriend was honest with you. Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. It has nothing to do with you at all. Just make sure you're both relaxed, and don't stress about it.
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A
female
reader, missSamanthamary  +, writes (15 January 2010):
well ive never been with some one whos slept with someone else , nbut my boyfriend weve been together for a year as well, he sometimes has that problem so i dont think u should be offened by it , i talked to my sisters when it happened to me cause i felt like it was my fault and thay all said its happened to them to even some of my friends have had it happen . i dont think its ur fault at all and u shouldnt feel less about it at all , guys are guys and sometimes that just happenes
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