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I like my oldest step brother but my mum told me not to fool around with him!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *upid penguin2 writes:

I'm getting 2 step brothers and I'm sorta starting to like the oldest one, B.he's the same age as me and about a month ago he wanted to fool around but I stopped it cause my mom had a chat with me saying it was wrong to fool around with each other and do things that weren't bro and sis like. So like I said I stopped it but now I find my self starting to be attracted to him cause I hadn't when he wanted to fool around and now I do, well you get picture. Back to subject: I don't no if he still likes me tht way and I don't no what to do and we both live in the same house except I only see him every other weekend cause then I'm with my dad nd I never see him during the week.

PLEASE. HELP. ?????

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A male reader, CommandoDude United States +, writes (3 September 2010):

CommandoDude agony auntFirst of all, it's ridiculous to be expected to 'keep away' from a relationship with a sibling, in law or not. It's your lives, nobody gets to dictate who either of you should or should not see.

However, you're young, and you're both teenagers. Teen romances are notorious for failure. If you're going to do anything with him, you should be prepared to deal with him if things go sour. It would be prudent to take things slow if you do though, even if he appears to like you, you should be sure he is serious. Being a teenage boy, it is questionable whether he is looking at you, or your body.

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A female reader, OhGetReal United States +, writes (10 August 2010):

OhGetReal agony auntIt's time you learn that certain things and certain people are out of bounds, off limits, and you have to just respect that and don't go there.

You are brother and sister now by marriage and you are both living at home with one of each of your parents. Your parents have entered into a contract of marriage and the result is this new blended family. Bringing everyone together under one roof can be a challenge for them to pull off successfully and without trauma largely due to the conduct of the KIDS involved. You may not like it or feel that you had any say in the matter, but this boy is now your Brother. Families do not fool around inside the family whether blood related or not. That is not what a Family is for.

Don't be a jerk and rock the boat by disregarding those rules and contracts and agreements by fooling around with your step brother, he needs to be called out on his behavior of asking you to do that. My guess is he is a little sh*t disturber and he is less than happy about the new living situation.

If you all try to work together and be there for each other as family it will be just fine. If you don't respect these familial boundaries then there is going to be drama and pain for all, and that is just not right, it isn't fair and it's playing really dirty.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2010):

DrPsych agony auntTo be honest, this boy interests you because he appears to like you and it is convenient with him moving in. Although it is not illegal, many people would see it as not very moral since you are in a sibling-like relationship. Moreover, teen romance usually lasts about five minutes. Unlikely random boys in the community, you would have to see this lad over the breakfast table for years to come. It may put a strain on the relationship of your mother and her new partner too.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 August 2010):

Honeypie agony auntSorry honey, but a step-brother should be out of limits. Any guy can break your heart, but you don't HAVE to live with any of those guys.

YOUR mom is right.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Cerberus, is right, and so is your mother, he is your step brother, this is just a mess waiting to happen.

Think 2 or 3 months time, you have a row, and fall out, You can't just cut him out your life and forget about him he's there and in your life part of your family, he might not be blood, but he is still your brother.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

It is likely that if you fool around with him your feelings will get much much stronger. That is just how women work. The probability that the relationship would last is very small. Very very very small! Therefore, if you fool around with him you will likely end up living with the boy that hurt you. I can not think of a worse hell than to have to face the person you want at breakfast, watch them leave on dates, and hand them the phone when the next girl comes along. It may be hard to resist, but really what you are resisting is pain. My advice is focus on any other boy and to try to see this boy as your brother.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

You weren't attracted to him but now you are because you've been told you can't have him. You have to just ignore your feelings and not do anything.

Your mom told you it's not allowed and she's right. He's your step brother and fooling around with him could have devastating consequences for your entire family and could possibly break it apart. It would create unneeded drama in your house and if things got messy between you too then the whole family would dragged into it.

There are plenty of boys around your age, if you want to fool around with someone go for one of them.

Stay away from your brother and don't fool around with him. He may not be your blood brother but it's very possible that he will always be part of your life, if your mom and his dad grow old together. You need him as a brother and not a lover in that circumstance. We have a phrase here in Ireland that fits perfectly here 'Don't sh*t on your own doorstep' because you're the one who has to face the mess and clean it up.

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A female reader, xholsx United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2010):

This is always a differcult situation, however people do get married to there step siblings.If you feel it is right you must try it however dont do anything if you think it will ruin your relationship and would be awkward living in the same house as him. Good luck x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Suppose the reason your mum had a chat with you about this is because if you do fool around and one of you gets their heart broken then it will make being all of you being one big happy family more difficult. Plus, you live together so there is also a temptation there of sleeping together - bet you mum and step dad and dad currently wouldn't like your boyfriend sleeping over, never mind moving potential fool around buddy in form of step bro into the house for your lusty needs. I know its seems mean but i suppose she is only looking out for you. If you really like your new step bro and want to act on those feelinsg then i say be honest and open about it - court each with parental knowledge and under parental rules. That way - even if you ignore their desire for you to be ONLY sibling like, you'll still be giving them some comfort in the fact you are playing by the rules e.g. if dating, no going into each others' bedrooms alone or being left alone in house alone etc.

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