A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, i was with my ex since for 6 years, and has broken up for 8 months. he is the one who wanted to break up, and after he asked for a break up, i did all the normal reactions, i begged, tried to convince him to get back togehter, ran up to his office to get an explanation, to a point, where he starts yelling at me and tell me that he simply wants to try to be with other type of girls. the thing is, he decides to break up over one night. the day before the break up, he was all normal, but we were fighting because of a suspected cheating, then the next day he said he had enough of me calling him at work all the time, nagging too much.i begged to get back together for around two weeks, then i flew off to another country. partly to get over this relationship, and partly for studies. in the next four months, we kept in touch, we email and have phone calls. mostly it is me that email and call him, but he tends to reply once to every ten emails i sent him. then i flew back last month, we met and have dinner, everything was going well during dinner. after dinner, we walk around, and everything also went well.then i have to fly away to start another semester. and the same thing occur, i emailed him ten times before he email back once. but he misses less calls and is very willing to chat.i want to get back together with him. i recently stopped all contacts with him, because i feel i am losing myself again. and i have told him more than one time that if he wants to get back together, i am willing to give it another try, and he didn't respond, so i thought i have done my part. i am not sure if there is any chance of getting back together with him. i am willing to work to get back together, if there is a chance. but if there is none, then i have to get him out of my life by all means.thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): thanks guys. seems like i don't really have a choice. but reading the comments really helped. now whenever i wanted to contact him, i would come to this page. thanks.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Hi.
I agree with other notes: you have thrown away your dignity and given him power and reason over the break up.
You need to place distance between you and him to amplify what it is like when you are gone.
I have been through the same thing this year since I was unexpectedly, sort of, dumped in April - I maintained basic communication for two months then total silence for another two with no improvement. Point being, if the other half is determined to cool, or freeze, the relationship, then there is little or nothing for the other half to do. Get away from it to build back your own power. Then you will be better positioned to win him back or move on...
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (18 August 2010):
 You say you did all the 'normal' reactions to being dumped...you didn't, chasing after him is neither dignified nor effective. You have just got to leave him alone full-stop. He is not interested. When men are interested then they let you know by calling you, replying to your emails and arranging dates. He has made it clear that he wasn't happy in the relationship. By your own admission you were already fighting about cheating - this suggests a lack of trust and no mutual respect between you. The relationship wasn't going to be and you have to move on (which means leaving him alone). By chasing after him (or anyone else for that matter) you give the impression of being a doormat who will accept any treatment just to have a boyfriend. It leaves you wide-open to being abused and disrespected in the future if you don't address your approach to relationships. You obviously have ambition and some degree of pride to be studying. You need to transfer that to your interpersonal life. Instead of begging him to carry on with the relationship, have a talk to yourself along the lines of...I won't settle for half-measures with someone who is not that interested, I will wait for a nice man to come into my life who doesn't fight and wants to be with me. Single life isn't so bad in the meantime.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Stop calling him so much. Maybe space the time out between emails, he sounds like a busy man.
No offense but you seem too desperate and that might scare him off a little because it makes you seem kind of a like a maniac. Again, I don't mean to be insulting, I'm just telling you what I think he might be thinking.
If you're patient, you have all the chance in the world of getting back together.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (18 August 2010):
 It sounds like he was scared off because you got too clingy. Hes now got you exactly where he wants you to be chasing him.
If you do get back together, just back off only see him once a week, dont call other than to arrange a date and dont email often maybe a few times a week.
Take time in replying to his emails, calls etc...
Giving him more time to think may bring him back.
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