A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, im not sure where t start, i have been with this guy for 4 years and we have 2 kids together. i love this man with everything i have. well we live in his home town and my home town is 1200 miles away where all my family and friends live. i dont work i stay home all day and take care of the kids, house, animal,ect. well every now and then i get a lil depressed cause i have only seen my family and friend 1 time in the past 3 years. i have no friends here besides his family and another couple that we hang out with every now and then. he tells me that im not allowed to talk to certain people on the phone computer, ect people thathe dont even know he has never been to meet my family or nothing. when he comes home and if i dont have the house cleaned or i tell him we need things from the store im a bitch i swear if i had a penny for everytime he called me a bitch or other names i could be a billionaire. no lie... everytime we fight he runs to his mom tell them im trying to take the kids and leave and so on. i have no body here to help me whatshould i do should i stay in the situation?? he tells me that 4 years and 2 kids isnt good enough for him to marry me?? really am i just wasteing my time ??please help me out. good or badadvice im not picky just need help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): It sounds like you are a prisoner in his house. Do NOT allow anyone to treat you this way. You say he calls you many names how will you feel if you stay with him and he starts calling your children names also? He is very abusive verbally, emotionally and mentally. Get out now! No one has the right to tell you who you can talk to. How can you even consider marrying someone like this? If not for yourself then for your childrens sake get out. Go back home to your family where you have the support that you and your children need. You and your children deserve better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I agree that you are suffering from emotional abuse....the fact that you say you love him with everything you've got is also partly because he is breaking your heart and your spirit and you just feel everything a 100 times more deeply. This is not how love is supposed to feel, healthy relationships don't hurt like this all of the time.
I know it seems like an impossible situation right now with your kids and all, but I think you will be much better off getting out of the relationship, and you may need some family help to do that, so discuss it with them and be honest like you were here.
I am sorry that things are not working out. There is a light at the end of this, though, you are young, you aren't married and it won't be as difficult to leave. You can start over and never settle for this type of relationship again. You deserve so much better and so do your children.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 I think you do need help because you are in a situation of domestic violence. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse, it can be emotional, financial and verbal abuse too. Bringing up children in such an environment is detrimental to their emotional well-being as they will grow up thinking it is 'ok' to do this. You seem really miserable in your current situation so why not go home for a 'holiday' for a while to see your family. If he doesn't want to come along, that is fine. It will give you time to think about things and to put everything into perspective. You can also look around in your local community for domestic violence services who can help you if you decide to leave.
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A
female
reader, some gurl  +, writes (19 August 2009):
Why you want to marry him at the first place!!!if i was married to such person i will get divorce and take the kids..thank god you are not.. and put an end to such an unhealthy relation!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Sorry to hear of your problems with your boyfriend. I agree that he sounds as though he has some issues. I'm worried for you that he is so domineering and treats you so badly.
Please take a look at this checklist: http://www.familyshelterservice.org/assess.html and be honest with yourself about how many of these boxes you can check.
Also, I have another useful link, how to figure out if you're dating a loser. There are tips as to how to cope with such a relationship and even though you are far from home, there should be help available locally for you.
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171 [you have to copy/paste that url, the link doesn't complete because of the question mark in the middle]
If you have tried to work with him on the issues you have in the relationship, and he just calls you a bitch, well, I think you're going to get nowhere with this man. Don't you deserve to be treated well? Don't your children deserve to grow up with a healthy, happy mother? Think about that.
I wish you good luck.
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A
female
reader, Rosy +, writes (19 August 2009):
This is abuse! Leave and take your kids with you RIGHT NOW! Go back to your family and let that son of a b*tch run back to that b*tch...he a mammas boy! She clearly didnt raise him right if he thinks its acceptable to treat women this way! Its good he wont marry you so you can have a lucky escape!
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