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My married lover went back to his wife when he said he wouldn't!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm in love with a married man. he was thrown out of his home on several occasions. 4 out 7 times he came to live with me. so the last time he said to me he wasn't going back. he did!!! I'm so hurt over it but knows I got to move on ! please help me understand this issue

View related questions: married man, move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009):

I feel for you mine left in July. Six years of promisses and after 43 months he leaves to try and make it work. We never had a fight but his controling family wore him down

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A female reader, babymama99 United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

babymama99 agony auntHe was thrown out of the house and 4 out of 7 times he came to stay with you. Where did he stay the other 3 times? Maybe with his other mistress?

Also, the only reason he stayed with you the times that he did was because his wife kicked him out - not by choice. So when his wife allowed him back in, he went running like a dog after a bone because thats where he wants to be.

You said you know you have to move on. Don't just know it, do it. And don't be a soft place for him to land when it happens again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

I seen him today because he left some clothes at my house. I took them to him and was saying to me thank you thank you and kisses me on cheeks and we kisses as if he never left

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2009):

DrPsych agony auntYou are a grown woman. As such, you should be able to figure these things out - you had an affair with someone who was cheating on his wife. At best, he would have left her for you...and then cheated on you with someone else once he got itchy feet. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Instead of feeling like the victim here, learn from your mistake. If you want a decent respectful relationship with someone, pick a single man without complications. Sharing a man with another woman is just not a good place to be in your life...it is a win, win situation for him. He had all the control in the relationship and now he has left. I think your self esteem must not be so great if you were prepared to settle for being a mistress. It is time to take stock of the whole messy situation and remember how much pain you feel right now. That memory should influence your future relationship choices so that you demand rather more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

well it is a reality that almost all married men go back. and that thing about going back for the kids sake is just bull.

firstly you should have known better than to try and take another womans man. yes you wanted him for yourself but in reality he was never yours. please do not take him back the 8th time(?) a lot of mistresses gleefully explain that he came back to me. they are so mistaken by him coming back. he comes back for sex and because it is so easy. he knows you do not value yourself and that you would eat any story he tells you. it happens all the time and sadly it will continue. whether you take him back again is up to you, but please rememberthis. he belongs to his wife. why? because he has chosen this path.

if you really want to do the right thing , then move on. and yes you can. so many times mistresses claim that they just cannot. this is a mistaken belief. he goes back because he wants to and yes, he does have sex with his wife. please do not think that he is saving himself for you.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

rcn agony auntMarried people have marital problems. Often would rather work out problems than get a divorce. I agree with the percentage the other poster gave. If he's loving on you and married, he still has someone he's committed to. I highly recommend if you want something that is real, and lasting that you find someone who is not in this position. You need someone who's single, doesn't have a bunch of lovers and who can openly decide to commit to you. Being with someone who's married, you'll always run this risk.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (10 August 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntHere it is in a nutshell, 99% of cheating married men will always go back to their wives if they'll take the losers back. There are your odds, now what are you going to do about it?

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