A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is from "the old scjhool", who beleives giving a male (a kid)co-worker a ride home (because his car broke down), is a breech of trust and that, I, as a married woman, should not be "driving around town with men in my car". First "offense". Second, I should not have allowed the new neighbor, a man, into my apartment to borrow dishwasher soap, while my husband way at work. Also a breech of trust, according to him. How do I let him know that his old school way of thinking is just cynical and just plan self centered and fueling his insecurities? Time to re-write the text from the "old school" approach.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I think you are far more self centered than he is. Forget writing the text from the old school approach if you cant comprehend anything. If you want to live by your own ideals,then appoint a divorce lawyer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): If you want to be independant and free,then why are you still married?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Now that you tell me that he has never "consumated" you, I can tell you that Ye Olde Hubby knows he can't give you sex and quite reasonably (but incorrectly) thinks you will be getting it elsewhere, unless he unleashes the dragon, kills the neighbor, make you wear a burka... you get the point.
That's it, no old fashion, no nothing. It is called "fear of losing you". And he has very good grounds for that. Not that I'm doubting your honesty.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): See what ya saying. If he ever rescues a damsel in destress (in his old fashioned way),show him what a modern woman you are by congratulating him for showing concern when his blond female co worker was stranded,(no one said blond bimbo)and giving her a ride home. When the 21 year old brunette chick (no one said hoe) a few doors away suddenly turns up needing milk and sugar and he invites her in,being the modern woman you are,tell him he didnt even have to mention it to you,because as a team you are now the nu skool couple that everyone is aspiring to be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Re: Husband is "Old School". Let me fill in the blanks...first of all, my husband and I have only been married for 4 years! together for six. We have no intamacy (impodent)and have never consumated this marriage. I love him with all my heart. Trust? I have given him no reason to think otherwise. I will not (ever) let a man control me or otherwise tell me how to live my life. Thank you quiet-echo :)
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (16 November 2010):
 quit-echo told u exactly what u should do :)
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Is this 'old school' or 'odd school'...
Frankly old-fashioned is opening doors for ladies and offering you a coat on a cold night. Telling you where you can go and who you can speak to is part of controlling behaviour. It is one step down from the full domestic violence situation where you are locked in the house and beaten for 'violations'. Your husband has some serious issues and your marriage is in trouble. It is in trouble because he doesn't trust you and thinks he can tell you what to do. He probably thinks you are too good for him and expresses this in the way he does. I think you need marriage counselling to explore these issues in a professional setting - it must be very debilitating for you to be living in such a dictatorship.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (16 November 2010):
Question: When did this begin to happen? How long have you, 51-59 year old female, been with him? If you've been married or living together or whatever for, say, 20 years, and it's only now that he says those things, then something else is the matter.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 November 2010):
 I think you need to ask your husband if he trusts you. How long have you been married? If he says he trusts you, then there is no reason that this behavior should be seen for anything other than what it is, harmless. He's not living in 1910, and he had better realize that. Please stand up for yourself. What you did was polite, not inappropriate.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 November 2010):
 I think your husband is controlling in an almost scary way.
Has there been any breech in the trust between the two of you? Is this a new idea from him or is it just showing its ugly head now?
One thing is for him to want to keep you safe (protect you), but by telling you what you can and can not do (like you are a child) is just archaic.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 I'm not so sure that "old school" should be rewritten. I was brought up in a very laid back, permissive,multi-cultutaral invironment(born and raised in Hawaii) My father was a Texas born,Navy trained authoritarian. We clashed all the time, he was old-school; I was the new hip rock'n roll lovin' long haired hippy-wanna be. My sisters did not like being told 'how thr cow ate the cabbage either so dinner time was ulcerinducing to say the least. Mom was from L.A. the capital of "hey man that's cool,whatever." Now that I'm way too mature for my liking, I can look back throught the prism of time and see clearly that "old-school" is a realistic, moral time-proven way to live, He is the adult and in my opinion you are the rebel trying to challange the establised rythem of life. Chill, life's too short to try to make the world in your image.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 November 2010):
 I thought borrowing a cup of sugar (substitute with the dish soap scenario) is old school? Sure it's generally the female that asks but times have changed. Has anything happened in your marriage that would fuel these insecurities? Because if he's always been like this, then there's no way of changing the way he thinks.
You could approach him with a chat, we know in marriage that you have to have communication and trust. Explain yourself, you took that young man home because he needed a ride and probably lived more than walking distance from work, and you let the next door neighbor borrow dish soap because eating off dirty dishes is very unsanitary. These were random acts of kindness, and just because they involved the opposite gender doesn't mean there's any indiscretion going on. You help people because one day they'll repay you that same kindness. Their gender is irrelevant. Maybe you'll get him to see your side of the story then maybe not because he may have a hard time accepting the changing times. In that case, you're just going to have to deal with it because that is who you married.
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