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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Any tips for a girl to regain her mojo?
Q. Hi. I'm an 18 year old who lives with her partner. The problem is i've completely lost my sex drive. Any tips or advice to help? It would be very appreciated as i am beginning to think that this is it x x x...
A. 16 January 2006: Ye i think so. Hopefully it will get both of you in the mood and you will bounce off each other. It sounds like just the thing you need to rediscover the joys of it all :)and it will carry on getting better from there. Hope it all goes well for you. ... (read in full...)
We moved to Florida because we thought it would help, but my wife now hates everything about her life!
Q. We have been married for 6 years and we have a 5 year old daughter. This is my 2nd marriage and my wife's 3rd marriage. Our ages are 42 for myself and my wife is 38. The first 5 years of our marriage was simply put was outstanding! This past yea...
A. 16 January 2006: I really found this one tricky to answer because your wife's change seems to be without cause. The big question this situation poses is what caused her to change? If you knew that then you might be able to find a solution to her problems.
Norma... (read in full...)
I want to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with my boyfriend. Any suggestions?
Q. Hi, I wanted to know how a lot of you other guys in relationships are able to ahve meaningful conversations and I mostly wnat to know what types of questions to ask yourthe person you're dating to really see what kind of character they have. I find ...
A. 16 January 2006: Maybe one way in for you would be to start with something 'lite' and move on to depth. For example you say you talk about tv shows. Instread of talking about the shows talk in depth about the chracters, their motivations, their actions, whether you ... (read in full...)
What the hell is it with these hungarians and their hatred of jazz?
Q. with regaurds to this girl at my work, reminder she keeps smileing at me and going red every time we chat as she is hungarain girl, i just got in from work but i asked her if she wanted to go to a jazz club beacause she likes jazz and she said " i ...
A. 16 January 2006: Okay, find out why she can't would be the first thing I would do. What to do next depends on the answer to that question. If she is otherwise engaged that night wait a bit, strike up more conversations with her and then ask her out again after a ... (read in full...)
I'm worried he has gotten engaged to me for the wrong reasons...
Q. hi i know a lot of people out there are going to be saying how stupid i am, but i really hope someone, anyone, can give me some advice please!! ive been going out with my partner now for 4 months, and we got engaged over christmas (i can already h...
A. 16 January 2006: First off, dont berate yourself. You are not stupid and I am totally sure that allot of people do the same in a similar position.
When we enter new relationships or at the relative beginning of one both parties often carry the baggage of the past... (read in full...)
Any tips for a girl to regain her mojo?
Q. Hi. I'm an 18 year old who lives with her partner. The problem is i've completely lost my sex drive. Any tips or advice to help? It would be very appreciated as i am beginning to think that this is it x x x...
A. 16 January 2006: Not sure if you want a male perspective here but oh well here i am *blushes*. People who read what i write elsewhere will begin to think i answer generiacally but i dont, honest. Varity, Varity, Varity is what I would advise. I am not sure how long ... (read in full...)
Afraid my friend may ask me out and ruin our friendship... What should I do?
Q. I have just found out recently a guy friend of mine bubba likes me more than a friend. We always flirt in between classes but it is harmless. I like him to, its kind of been a secret. but right now isnt really a good time for me to have another ...
A. 16 January 2006: Welli pretty much agree with Sweetie Pie except you might be able to network that sentiment back to him via your friends if you so prefer. Just restrict it to saying you are not ready to date but that you think highly of him. That way he can hold ... (read in full...)
When she smiles and me and goes red, does that mean she's interested?
Q. Hi, There's a girl at my work and she is Polish, a very nice girl and she smiles at people. But when I talk to her, she smiles more at me and goes red. Is she trying to tell me somthing, as I'm not sure....
A. 16 January 2006: Sounds like she is blushing which may speak of some hidden affection. Try paying her a compliement. Allot of people blush when they receive a compliment but it is my experience they blush harder when they receive one from somebody who has caught ... (read in full...)
Seems like he's drifting away... Is he sick of me?
Q. My boyfriend and me have been dating for almost 4 months. He's my escape from everything! But lately he's changed, he used to call me all the time. Not anymore, he used to say the sweetest things. Nope nothin'. I loved spending every waking moment, ...
A. 16 January 2006: Maybe this could be a natural cooling off from the first flushes or maybe there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. From what you have written there does not seem to be any underlying problems. Everybody needs space outside the ... (read in full...)
Settle for the guy I have (who has no prospects) or look for my first love (who I never slept with)... ?
Q. Dear Cupid, Hello I'm 25 no kids not married and live w/ parents and I am a hairstylist. I've been in an 8 yr. w/ my current boyfriend he's wonderful he's so sweet! But has a low paying FT job and no career education other than high sch...
A. 15 January 2006: There is allot of stuff here that needs clarifying. For example, you said that you have been calling your first b/f but not whether you have actually made contact or not. I am kind of assuming you haven't. What has caused you to question this after ... (read in full...)
Why does this guy I went out with act all weird?
Q. I am 14, I went out with this guy for like a month about 6 months ago. He is 16. He broke up with me because he said I was too shy and didn't talk to people enough. He said he didn't like my friends because they weren't cool enough. He is real ...
A. 15 January 2006: Maybe a little jealousy. You obviously have really come out of yourself since you dated and now he is maybe wondering at what he threw away. If he had any concern for you he would have worked with you and you would have developed as you have done ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is dull and nothing to brag about, and we haven't even been having sex that long! Please help!
Q. im going out with a boy iv been with him for 2 months and a bit n we have started having sex but after a couple of days its gone dull and dnt seem like nothing please help!...
A. 15 January 2006: This isn't a good sign. Are you doing the same thing all the time or mixing it up? If you are doing the same thing then I would suggest mixing it up. Does the same person take the lead all the time? If so maybe you could change that. Look to ... (read in full...)
We've been friends for 18 years, but she is everything that I want in a girlfriend! Should I tell her?
Q. I have been friends with a girl for nearly 18 years and about mid last year I noticed that I would get excited when I heard from her and was going to catch up with her. From then on I have thought that maybe my feelings for her have changed and well ...
A. 15 January 2006: I would say that you should 'play it by ear'. She is going through allot right now. Obviously she will look to as her friend for support at this time. You need to be there for her. It is entirely possible that shes not ready for another big ... (read in full...)
She said that dating me would ruin our friendship! Why did she make this excuse?
Q. this girl i asked out turned me down because she said it would ruin our friendship, is that true or did she just not want to go out with me?...
A. 15 January 2006: It's hard to tell but it is often the case that people don't want to risk complicating a friendship by becoming lovers. It's also the case that friends are often not looked upon as potential lovers. I wouldn't take this too harshly. Friendships can ... (read in full...)
Once a cheat always a cheat?
Q. is the saying once a cheat always a cheat true?...
A. 15 January 2006: I would say no. Nothing so absoloute can always be true. I would say if a tendency is there then it mite make somebody predisposed to do it again which isnt the same thing as saying it definatly will happen. ... (read in full...)
Another guy tried to chat me up at the local and I feel guilty, like I should tell my boyfriend!
Q. I have been seeing a guy for 12 months and I love him very much, though he never says he loves me. We get on very well, other than he is not very affectionate. The other night in the local pub another man chatted me up and I gave him my phone nu...
A. 14 January 2006: I think you need to tackle the root cause of your dissatisfaction here which is obviously your boyfriends lack of affection. This guy obviously made you feel appreciated in a way your b/f currently does not. The key thing here is to talk to your b/f ... (read in full...)
We row and he never apologises, never comforts me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have huge rows. I can't deal with him. He completly loses it-he is so aggressive and condescending towards me. He makes me feel so worthless when he's like this. The rows start over nothing.... I get so upset. And the worse th...
A. 14 January 2006: I would say that you need to have a long hard think about whether the relationship is worth you feeling this way. To be blunt he shouldn't be making you feel that way. People will always clash and there will always be times in the heat of the moment ... (read in full...)
Am I just "settling" for my current boyfriend, or am I letting the disapproval of my friends and family get to me?
Q. I've got a bit of a connundrum for you all. I'm going out with a wonderful man, though he's a dozen years older than me. He's extremely sweet. My mother doesn't approve of the age gap, of course, and though my friends haven't said anything, I can't ...
A. 14 January 2006: It seems to me that there are allot of things going on here. Is the lack of spice just sexual or does it run deeper? It seems to me that you like to be challenged a little; you don't want somebody who will just accept everything you say You say the ... (read in full...)
He wants to see if it will work with her but I'm worry that it will and I will lose the best friendship I ever had...
Q. I got involved with my best friend about 6 months ago. We have had a great relationship and got really close, when we in fact thought we were going to irritate each other! Friendship is one thing, but a relationship totally different. Only ...
A. 14 January 2006: This is indeed really complicated and it must be hard on you in ways that can't be imagined. I would say that if this relationship does work he should look for some way to at least keep your friendship alive. Hopefully she would understand that you ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to give up on their friendship but its hurting our marriage...
Q. Hello, I have a problem. My husband has friend who is a married female. They call each other several times a day and when I was away at a conference they talked often and evenmet to discuss the fact that I did not like thir friendship. He ...
A. 14 January 2006: Ok. Is there a nagging doubt in your mind as to whether this is more than friendship? Or are you scared it will become more than friendship? If the answer to either of these questions is yes then you have to recognise and ackowledge that fact and ... (read in full...)
He never told me that he was married, so I never suspected a thing! He just says he didn't want to hurt me...
Q. About a few months ago, I found out that my boyfriend is married. He doesn't live with this woman, so I never suspected anything. I was under the impression that they just had a child together. He tries to justify lying to me by saying that he ...
A. 14 January 2006: Again I agree with Ed. Did he actually purposefully lie or did he just not reveal the whole truth? There is a subtle difference. If he ommitted to tell you then this could be one of those 'road to hell paved with good intetions' things. Also, it is ... (read in full...)
Happily married for 11 year with two beautiful kids... But I am stir-crazy about the guy at work! Should I tell him?
Q. I am attracted to this guy at work. i have dreams about him and when i see him i can not help but look him over.his arms, chest,fingers,tight wranglers.and just imagine what it must be like to have him. He drives me crazy. why can i not stop ...
A. 14 January 2006: I would agree with Ed. The whole 'you can trust me' line raises my hackles a little. I would say he knows you are married and is maybe interested in having you but that is all it would be. As Ed said is it really worth it? You are obviosuly happy in ... (read in full...)
Online, we can talk for hours, but there are too many silences when we talk on the phone...
Q. I'm really really interested in this guy who is around my age. (turning 16 this year) We've been talking since New Years Eve and he's been soooo great! I've confessed that I liked him, and he did the same. It's come as far as not even eating b...
A. 14 January 2006: I pretty much agree with ed here. Find out what he likes or even better what you like in common and talk about that. Dont be afraid of silences either. Nobody can talk non-stop and even in the most flowing conversations there will be pauses for ... (read in full...)
I haven't done the things he thinks I did. Can our relationship problems be resolved?
Q. My fiancee and I recently broke apart and he has suspicions that i have been unfaithful with another family member. Although this is not the reason for the split, it has come out here, recently. He knows how i feel about marriage and vows, so how ...
A. 14 January 2006: Obviously your fiancee has some insecurities that he needs to address. I am wondering if he and the family member in question have a past. Maybe one of his past partners was unfaithful with them? Has the family member in question steped forward to ... (read in full...)
I have a bf already, but this other guy likes me and I don't want to lead him on...what should I do?
Q. Okay, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I love him very much. Last September, I met this guy in school, we had a class together and we started to become friends. A few days ago, I found out that he has feelings for me and wants ...
A. 14 January 2006: From what you say here you obviously are taking no actions that can be construed as leading him on so I wouldn't worry about that. You can't hold yourself responsible for how he feels. I would say he says it as a defence mechanism to try and protect ... (read in full...)
My gf cheated on me and we worked it out. But I keep thinking about it..so how do I get past this?
Q. Hi, I have been seeing my girlfriend now for 6 months and I really love her, however about a month and a half into the relationship she cheated on me when I went away for a week. She promised never to do this again and I do believe her but ...
A. 14 January 2006: Well i would say the first thing is to give yourself time to get over this. It is only natural that it will take time before your trust is fully restored and beating yourself up over it will aggrevate how you are feeling. You are right to resisit ... (read in full...)
My recently-"out" boyfriend had sex with a female friend twice in one night! Would he do it again?
Q. I'm gay and my boyfriend and I have been together now for almost three months. He was in the closet until a little over a year ago and in high school he dated girls to keep appearances up and had sex with one or two of them. He grew up in a chu...
A. 14 January 2006: Yes everybody else is right and i am horribly wrong, he didnt cheat. Kind of changes what i would say. He does seem to be bi-sexual but he is with you now. Talk to him about it and I am sure he will give you the reassurence you need. I got kind of ... (read in full...)
He talks to me for 2 minutes, then goes chat to people online until the early hours of the morning! Is he still interested?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and everything is going great except we don't seem to talk as much as we used to and recently its getting me down. we're currently in a long distance relationship as we are both at uni but while he seems ...
A. 14 January 2006: I am unclear as to whether he is chatting to people online when you are actually together or apart. If it is when you are together that is bad, worse than if you are actually apart while he was doing the net thing. If it is when you are together ... (read in full...)
I've experimented with my sexuality and regretted it. I think I'm straight, but how do I explain my past to a girlfriend?
Q. A few questions here...tried to make it as short as possible. I'm a 19 year old male in college. I remember all throughout high school questioning my sexuality. Early on I thought I was gay because I only liked guys. By graduation, though, I noticed ...
A. 14 January 2006: Id always aim for honesty cause i suspect if you weren't it would nag away at you from the inside. By definition experiements don't always produce pleaseing results, at least you had the bottle to experiment in that sense where as allot wouldn't. I ... (read in full...)
I kept secrets and lied to my gf so she dumped me! I can't bear to be without her..what can I do?
Q. My situation is that when I was 18 I went to medical school – I had always wanted to be a doctor. However I lived at the time alone with my mom and I am an only child. I basically found living away from home difficult – but I tried to stick out the ...
A. 14 January 2006: I like to think there is always hope especially in a case like this. Yes you lied but you didn't do it malisciously and obviously your feelings for this women are true. I would say the main factor in her decideing to end it is she can no longer cope ... (read in full...)
I want to be with him all the time...how can I stop being so needy? Advice needed.
Q. I've never been in a serious relationship before and I finally found that special guy. We met around Halloween last year and we are very serious. We just got to the point where we exchanged keys to each other's apartments. He has a job with the ...
A. 14 January 2006: If you find the answer to this one let me know!! I know how it can be to be needy in a relationship. First things first, dont beat yourself up over it. I hate that side to me too but it's part of who you are for better or for worse.
My personal... (read in full...)
He's got a girlfriend and loves me like a sister... But I want more!
Q. ok my best friend has a brother who i started liking very soon after i met both of them. ive liked him for about 4 years now, and its gotten to the point that i know him pretty well, and he says he loves me "like a sister". he currently has a ...
A. 14 January 2006: It sounds like you have taken the first step in recognising that you will never be with him as a lover. Beyond that i would say you should treasure his affection and know that it is something that will always be there and not be subject to the ... (read in full...)
My recently-"out" boyfriend had sex with a female friend twice in one night! Would he do it again?
Q. I'm gay and my boyfriend and I have been together now for almost three months. He was in the closet until a little over a year ago and in high school he dated girls to keep appearances up and had sex with one or two of them. He grew up in a chu...
A. 14 January 2006: Well from what i can see you do have a right to feel weird. Whatever the sexual orientation I would tend to view what your boyfriend did as cheating. Although I am straight, I have had a bi-sexual female partner. Joking aside about the typical male ... (read in full...)
Does this mean there is a chance?
Q. i have posted a couple of questions on here with some great advice coming back. so thanks to everyone who has helped. just wanted to ask the females really(but the males are quite welcome) that if you say to your ex that you still love them alot and ...
A. 14 January 2006: I would say there is a chance but i have heard the distinction made (including by my own current partner) between being 'in love' and 'loving' somebody. From what i can see the disction boils down to active (in love and in relationship) and passive ... (read in full...)
I helped her out... So should I *ask* her out!?
Q. I am 25, shy and a virgin. I feel I would like to ask a female co-worker out but unsure if she has any interest in me at all. My crush started when she dropped papers on the floor and I helped her pick them up - a few weeks later I dropped so...
A. 13 January 2006: Rather than going straight for the juglar maybe you could build your confidence by striking up a conversation with her. Make it about anything, music, tv, food, drink, news. If you can try and find a common interest and talk about that. Build from ... (read in full...)
Married for 15 years but have a schoolgirl-like crush on a younger colleague... Is this cheating?
Q. I have been married for 15 years to my highschool sweetheart and have a great marriage and we have to small kids under 7. I love him with all my heart and could not imagine a life with out him. But, there is a guy who I work with alot and I had a ...
A. 13 January 2006: Thankfully thought-crime doesn't exist in society. I prefer to narrow the definition of cheating to an actual action. Your heart is obviously with your husband which is good. Our primal urges are different things to the stirrings of our soul. ... (read in full...)
We flirted, danced and drank together, but then he started with someone else! Should I make him jealous?
Q. I really like this guy from my college course. We get on so well, always laughing and joking together! We went out as a college group and I got pretty close to him on a night out. After a few drinks and we were dancing pretty close and I think he...
A. 13 January 2006: It sounds like there was a good chance he did fancy you.Maybe he still does, who knows. I am unclear if he knew this girl before or it was someone he met on the night out. Seems to me that he met her on the night out which might at least indicate to ... (read in full...)
We want to have sex...are condoms enough to prevent pregnancy?
Q. Basically I'm 18 and having my first relationship but my mum keeps calling me a slut and saying that she just knows I'll end up pregnant. I'm very upset because I love my b/f so much and he's so kind and sweet and now I feel like I'm going to have ...
A. 13 January 2006: I actually googled this. Condom failure rates are typically quoted at somewhere between 2-3% which means they are 97-98% effective. Looking at those statistics realistically the chances of becoming pregant, assuming the condom is properly used ... (read in full...)
If a husband has cheats more then once, will he do it again?
Q. Dear cupid,if a husband has cheated on me more then once, will he do it again?...
A. 13 January 2006: I would say the odds tend to say yes. Sorry. Obviously there are serious underlying problems and his failure to communicate them to you is bad on his part. If you are serious about saving the relationship then you should prehaps confront him and try ... (read in full...)
I am lusting after my "brother-in-law" and am terrified he knows it! Any suggestions on what I should do?
Q. I am lusting after my "brother-in-law" and am terrified he knows it. I have been with my boyfriend for several years so I am a part of the family. I have been lusting after my boyfriend's brother for some time and am afraid he can see it. I a...
A. 13 January 2006: Well i would say that the chances are that nobody else knows. I would imagine you are feeling some guilt over this and that is the trigger for your fear that everybody knows. If you want to protend then the best option i would say is to try and ... (read in full...)
He wants me to stay but I could go to university...what do I do?
Q. Please help, my boyfriend and I have been planning to go to University together for over a year, we're now accepted to the same university and looking for houses, and yesterday he told me he's not going and wants me to stay with him, I know I will ...
A. 13 January 2006: The consensus here is that you should go. I agree. Why can he not still move but find work in the area? As you were planning to move together anyway this plan does not change an awful lot and go's allot of the way to addressing the problems of his ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in the relationship with the cute "sex-girl" who had an affair?
Q. My Girlfriend of 7 years confessed to me she was in love with another man and was in a relationship with him for 6 months. She said she was not getting all that she needed from me. That I was all physical, but not spiritual and intelectual enough! ...
A. 13 January 2006: Well i kind of agree here. It is more likely that she opened her eyes to you fully. Obviously she felt there was a deficency in your relationship and dishoneslty looked to fill that gap. Here she failed to communicate and that is a huge failing on ... (read in full...)
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