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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Can one be in love with two people at the same time, as my gf claims? What should I do?
Q. hi i've been dating my girlfriend for six weeks, we met on the internet, we both got on really well, and love each other, we were talking about honesty and trusting each other being a big thing in an relationship, she told me by text the next day ...
A. 8 March 2008: Well since people are distinct individuals I would say that yes you can, it is possible to love many people at any given time; society in general however only permits you to be in a relationship with one at a time. What we have here is most likely a ... (read in full...)
I keep breaking up with my boyfriend, getting back together, breaking up. It is a merry go round!
Q. i keep getting back with my ex and after a few days i either get bored,or find something in his behaviour that annoys me,and i tell him to break up..and later,i regret it and do the same!how can i stop this???...
A. 7 March 2008: Well first you have to make a final descision on what you want because this merry-go-round isnt fair on your ex for one. It sounds to me in all honesty that you maybe not ready for a committed relationship, which is perfectly natural, or else care ... (read in full...)
I'm insanely jealous and annoyed to see him with someone else, although we never dated! How to forget him?
Q. Question.. How do you get over someone? This is someone I could only be 'friends' with due to that individual's circumstances, however now he's moved on and we don't have contact and never see eachother out or anything. At the time I really li...
A. 6 March 2008: You have to recognise that part of the reason that you got over this is that you never really had a chance to try if that makes sense so the feelings you had are unresolved and have no closure. I dont know what prevented him being with you but sadly ... (read in full...)
Should I take a leap of faith for someone who doesn't want to commit?
Q. Help - should I take a leap of faith for someone who doesn't want to commit? I've been dating someone for half a year and he's moving 6 hours away for work. He did not ask me to go along with him but when I asked if he would like me to be there with ...
A. 6 March 2008: Well it's definatly a gamble. 6 months can seem a long time but I am not awfully sure it's marriage time; as to living together it could be said pretty much the same thing that 6 months is a relatively short span of time under normal circumstances. ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel like I'm going to lose my girl?
Q. Tell me why I feel like cheating on my girl all the time and why do I feel like I'm gonna lose my girl to my mates or her exes and I keep pushing her away, I haven't cheated up to this date but I keep feeling like I should. Tell me why I keep ...
A. 6 March 2008: The other two answers are bang on the money. You have insecurity issues which have either come from a past relationship experience or some other cause in your past. You want to cheat because you feel unsure of what you have and think the best way to ... (read in full...)
I'm lost here...is she dating ME or HIM?
Q. ok here goes. My gf and I have recently got back together (I'm 17 she's 16)(about a week ago) (she lives about 100 miles away) after being broke up for more than a year. I love her more than anything....and always have. And she claims the same for ...
A. 6 March 2008: This is a tricky one as I can see why you doubt your gf's word but on the other hand she maybe right in saying that she is only hesitant because she doesnt want to lose the friend. A subtext might be that while they are not going out she maybe ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to stay with him when he goes into the army...
Q. My boyfriend wants me 2 stay with him while he goes to the army but the thing is... I can wait and I really do love him, I will just miss him so much... He wants to be with me forever all my mates say they think he really does love me but I'm just ...
A. 6 March 2008: I agree that you need to tell him how you are feeling; there is nothing wrong with that and it is necessary. As the other poster also said you do need to sit down and seriously think things through; this isn't going to be easy but it is possible. I ... (read in full...)
Is this a long time to have gone without having sex? I feel... distinct.
Q. I'm uncertain about something. I've gone without sex for 10 months and I'm starting to feel a LOT of withdrawal. Feels like I'm the only person on the planet that isn't having it. It got me thinking... is 10 months a long time to go without...
A. 6 March 2008: A month over 2 years here...its not that everybody else is getting it and you aint, its that your awareness of things is enhanced by your lack of it...as is your awareness of the sexual conotations of innocent things....... (read in full...)
Deeply concerned...
Q. I am so confused, I have been dating this guy for a year now and I don't know his parents or where he lives. When I ask he says he and his parents are not close and he would rather not drag me into his mess, he has met my family, we go out to ...
A. 5 March 2008: Well its pretty obvious why you would feel that and while nobody on here is in a postion to say he definatly is for sure; from an outsiders perspective it certainly seems possible. It is perhaps worth noting at this point that what he is or isnt ... (read in full...)
Could we make this relationship work?
Q. I like this boy, who added me on myspace. We've gotton really close and we always talk online and text each other but the trouble is he lives too far away. He says he likes me and everything and is willing to make it work. but i'm confused. ...
A. 5 March 2008: Yes you can but it will be hard work is the not so short answer. You have to be really willing to work hard at it because it's obviously not like normal relationships in the sense that not all the things you do normally can take place. You have to ... (read in full...)
It seems as if I'm payiing all the bills. How do I move forward without resentment?
Q. My fiancé just got a job after collecting unemployement for 6 months, he is working for 12/ hr and barley pulling 40 hrs a week. We have 5 kind between us and i feel like I am shouldering everything. He smoked over 2 packs a day and I cant afford ...
A. 5 March 2008: Well I kinda agree with the other answer...do you mean $12 per hour? If so that doesn't seem like a bad wage at all to me though I am not really aware of the US labour market/cost of living so I could be totally wrong. If I remember rightly isn't ... (read in full...)
How long does it take for me to wait until she is ready for a serious relationship?
Q. I met this girl online. This girl moved back to my area after a rocky divorce. We met for lunch on the first date. On the second date we went to the beach and had fun. She told me that she is shy about going further down to a serious relationship ...
A. 5 March 2008: How long is a piece of string? A: As long as you want it to be....
It is pretty much the same thing here; you simply can't put a time scale on how long it will take somebody to heal from a bad relationship experience and sometimes the scars ne... (read in full...)
Sex education in schools...we need to know more of the basics.
Q. It's really strange, how I noticed when I went to school, they always tip-toe around the idea of sex and reproduction in general. The education system seems to be under the impression that the less teachers talk about it, the less we know, the less ...
A. 2 March 2008: Originally when I moderated this article I have to say I was impressed. It makes some very relevant points and points that needed to be taken note of; for sex you could read drugs or any other contentious issue which schools have taken over the ... (read in full...)
Are my feelings so strong for my ex because it was my first relationship??
Q. Me and my ex-boyfriend have been split for about a year and a bit but i still have real bad feelings for him and i have had 2 serious relaionships since him which lasted 2 months. Now i'm in a relationship and we are nearly in our 10th month bu...
A. 2 March 2008: I think it is most likely because it was your first relationship; there is always a special place in our heart for a first love, the first person to stir those feelings in us.
Having said that it seems your current relationship is quite serious,... (read in full...)
I disclose so much about myself to random people, that they become my enemies.
Q. I disclose so much about myself to friends that it turns out they become my enemy and I stop talking to them. Whenever I have any issue, firstly it shows on my face and I discuss about it with every single person so much that everyone feels pity for ...
A. 2 March 2008: Well it seems to me that you have intimacy and trust issues; now there is little indication in what you write here where they could come from but it would be a bad experience in the past that has left it's mark on you. The first thing is to to get ... (read in full...)
Do I risk my childrens' sake by returning to my abusive ex whom I still love?
Q. Last october i got out of a 8yr relationship 18months of it i was married....my husband was violent towards me...he could be the most wounderful man and also be very nasty...i walked out in last year not looking back...i have managed to set up my ...
A. 2 March 2008: Yes you do deserve to be happy and you do need to protect your children and that is why you must take a stand against this man, although that is going to be hard and you are going to be afraid that is the only thing you can do. First thing I would ... (read in full...)
My friends want me to buy stuff for them...or else they say they will spread rumours about me.
Q. I took my friends to our vacation villa last summer, after that they kept me asking to buy things for them. Once i refused and they threatend to spread rumours about me, so i had to keep on buying them stuff, what should i do??...
A. 2 March 2008: I agree with LJ totally, these people are not your friends, hard that maybe to admit they are just using you to get things. There are people out there who will value you for who you are and not take advantage of you like this and you need to find ... (read in full...)
I am cheating on my partner with somebody who is more appreciative of me, but I would prefer to rekindle my old relation!
Q. help, i have been with my fiance almost 6 years now things have been slowly going down hill since we bought a house together 2 years ago, only have sex once every 4 months there is no passion anymore she cant even have a good kiss,we argue alot and ...
A. 1 March 2008: I think you know what the next step is but you don't want to admit it to your self. If you don't want to cheat then there are only two options; end your affair or end your current relationship. Sometimes things just weren't meant to be and that ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be wary of this new relationship or am I just being over cautious?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. I just wanted to know if my thoughts on the relationship are normal... I am really, really into him. When I am with him, I can't get enough of him. But I am also wary. Sometimes the littlest...
A. 1 March 2008: No it is not, nothing is and much though we may wish it otherwise that is how life is. It is good you are getting stronger, that means you are heading in the right direction. Good luck :)... (read in full...)
He leaves on Sunday to go to another state, how can I show my interest in him before he goes?
Q. I guy I had a crush on when I was in high school just got back from two years in Australia. When I saw him again after so long I just kept thinking, "I just might have to marry this man." Problem, I'm terribly shy and clam up like a shell whe...
A. 29 February 2008: I think you should be blunt in so far as you speak from the heart; sit him down, speak your heart and see how he reacts...it might then be appropiate for the hug but I would refrain from that until you have said your piece...... (read in full...)
He leaves on Sunday to go to another state, how can I show my interest in him before he goes?
Q. I guy I had a crush on when I was in high school just got back from two years in Australia. When I saw him again after so long I just kept thinking, "I just might have to marry this man." Problem, I'm terribly shy and clam up like a shell whe...
A. 28 February 2008: It's now or never and I think that if you dont at least say something then you are always going to regret it. The biggest motivation should be that if you dont say something now he may well never know how you feel.
Go with what LJ says but you ... (read in full...)
How can I get motivated and get my life back?
Q. I'm sixteen years old and for the past six months been smoking cigarettes and weed regularly.I haven't been getting much exercise and have gained a lot of weight, lost motivation to finish getting my high school diploma and been depressed. I also ...
A. 28 February 2008: Well the other advice here is all good stuff but you really need to get to the bottom of what led to this downward spiral. Without anything else to go on here I would have to say it is most likely this relationship.
Obviously your experien... (read in full...)
I think this is highly inappropriate behavior from a married woman...should I confront her??
Q. My wife and I have been married for a about a year and a half. We dated for three years prior to that and we have a one year old son. She found an old crush on myspace and they have been talking regularly. I've logged into her myspace account and ...
A. 27 February 2008: I think so to leaving it at that...given what you written here, what do you have to gain by bringing it out, realistically...sure you will get to vent some of your emotions which might make you feel a bit better in the short term but will it achieve ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him what happened at the party or forget about it??
Q. I went to a party and got realy wasted with my freinds boyfreind i dont remember anything but i do remember waking up next to him with both my pants and underwear on backwards yea i know its wierd but he never said anything so i left without him ...
A. 27 February 2008: Agreed with oldersister mostly accept I would add that you really need to find out for your emotional well being too. If you dont find out then I think this will eat away at you and ruin your friendship from within. I know you must be worried that ... (read in full...)
I think this is highly inappropriate behavior from a married woman...should I confront her??
Q. My wife and I have been married for a about a year and a half. We dated for three years prior to that and we have a one year old son. She found an old crush on myspace and they have been talking regularly. I've logged into her myspace account and ...
A. 27 February 2008: Well I think other people have pretty much covered it...my concern about a confrontation was that she would be alienated further. Having said that, and I think this has been said elsewhere, the question arises that if things are so great why did you ... (read in full...)
I think this is highly inappropriate behavior from a married woman...should I confront her??
Q. My wife and I have been married for a about a year and a half. We dated for three years prior to that and we have a one year old son. She found an old crush on myspace and they have been talking regularly. I've logged into her myspace account and ...
A. 27 February 2008: Well you are right, this is wrong but then again so is violating her privacy and going through her emails and two wrongs dont make a right. Sooo...you could confront her but you run the very real risk that you will alienate her by violating her ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend being selfish, to complain about her financial efforts whereas I am unemployed?
Q. ive been with my girlfriend for 2 yrs and she has supported me financially as ive been unemployed, i spend most of my time on the computer because i can chat to the women on there they understand me far better than my girlfriend does, although we ...
A. 27 February 2008: Annalisa has it about spot-on...you need to sit down and talk but there has to be some give and take in a relationship and she may well feel shes doing alot more of the giving right now and it seems to me she has some justification in feeling that ... (read in full...)
We rowed like we never have before after his ex called...was I so wrong in what I said??
Q. Please help me. When I first met my boyfriend I'd known of him for 6 years, working together in a mental health hospital. I had originally asked him out over email before I left my job. Then after I'd been seeing him for 3 months, I found out that...
A. 26 February 2008: I dont think you were necessarily wrong as excessive. I can understand his position vis a vie the bills and it is excessive to say that amounts to a desire to get back with her. However, your feeling that this maybe the case was no doubt prompted by ... (read in full...)
Pornography and relationships
Q. As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
A. 26 February 2008: How can drugs not affect the people around you, unless you live in a bubble?? You are actually making a stronger case for porn being cheating saying it is about seduction and the 'pleasures of sex'. I appreciate that you enjoy this with your partner ... (read in full...)
Pornography and relationships
Q. As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
A. 26 February 2008: Hiya Angel :),
Ok...but the sex is part of a narrative which is not about sex per se...thus it is not the point of the movie to sexually stimulate you, it is telling a stroy which sex is a part of where as of course with porn sex is the whole po... (read in full...)
Pornography and relationships
Q. As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
A. 25 February 2008: I dont think I did come and say it was out and out cheating but it is worth making a couple of points in reply to Devilish Angel..
1) A sex scene in a movie is part of a wider story, to compare the two is to compare chalk and cheese. The whole po... (read in full...)
Am I right to be wary of this new relationship or am I just being over cautious?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. I just wanted to know if my thoughts on the relationship are normal... I am really, really into him. When I am with him, I can't get enough of him. But I am also wary. Sometimes the littlest...
A. 24 February 2008: I think your thoughts are normal in so much as that you have obviously had some bad experiences in the past and those kind of things tend to leave a mark which lasts. However, in the context of the current relationship there doesnt seem to be, from ... (read in full...)
Why do I play games with nice guys? Am I lesbian?
Q. Hi. I am a bisexual female. I think I am totally turning lesbian. how do I tell my family. I liked a guy. I played mind games with him because he was honest with me.Why do I play games with certain guys.Probably because he is nice.Maybe it is ...
A. 23 February 2008: You play mind games because you can and if it is with nice guys you know deep down you can also get away with it. I think there is some substance to what hello1 is saying; you are doing this not just to keep guys at a distance but as a way of ... (read in full...)
Torn between my bf and my friend....is he saying it because he still likes me??
Q. Ok in desperate need of help. Ive been going out with A for about 1 month now. I met him through a friend we both share, B. B used to like me when we first met, but i only saw him as a frend, so i told him that and he said he was ok. He tried...
A. 22 February 2008: Good luck...lets us know how it goes :)... (read in full...)
Why won't he stand up for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year; we are very happy. I know he will be faithful to me and always be there. But, he has a major flaw : He never stands up for me. There is a nasty girl, who just has it in for me - and i have done ...
A. 21 February 2008: I would go with Annalisa pretty much. It sounds to me like he simply does not want to be involved in your conflict with his friend but to me the bottom line is an honest assesment of who stands where...if you have done nothing to deserve this ... (read in full...)
Many times I want to ignore my best friend, as I need my space - but I am afraid to do so as she has suicidal tendencies. How do I handle this?
Q. my best friend has been a pretty big bitch lately. i love her, but she just doesnt get me anymore. thing is, i cant stop being friends with her, because i know she is suicidal. and i know that when we get into fights shit happens. i dont want he...
A. 21 February 2008: You are not a bad best friend at all. She is obviously depending on you and that is a tough spot to be in for anybody at any age. You have to remember that there is only so much you can do, your friend does need help quite urgently; whether that be ... (read in full...)
Torn between my bf and my friend....is he saying it because he still likes me??
Q. Ok in desperate need of help. Ive been going out with A for about 1 month now. I met him through a friend we both share, B. B used to like me when we first met, but i only saw him as a frend, so i told him that and he said he was ok. He tried...
A. 21 February 2008: Every guy says they are good with the ladies, especially to other guys, it's a male pride 'alpha male' thing, if thats the case then maybe your only course of action is to speak to A but make sure you don't come across as being the advocate of B's ... (read in full...)
Torn between my bf and my friend....is he saying it because he still likes me??
Q. Ok in desperate need of help. Ive been going out with A for about 1 month now. I met him through a friend we both share, B. B used to like me when we first met, but i only saw him as a frend, so i told him that and he said he was ok. He tried...
A. 21 February 2008: You want him to validate himself and not be the the person who did what he did...or what B said he did...is there any chance of you finding out from somebody else what went on??... (read in full...)
Torn between my bf and my friend....is he saying it because he still likes me??
Q. Ok in desperate need of help. Ive been going out with A for about 1 month now. I met him through a friend we both share, B. B used to like me when we first met, but i only saw him as a frend, so i told him that and he said he was ok. He tried...
A. 20 February 2008: I am going to disagree with the previous post a little. I have to say that loving somebody *does not* to me mean that you stand on that person's side regardless or it does not, at least, oblige you too as the previous poster implies. You have the ... (read in full...)
I really love him and don't want to loose him but don't want to be his lifetime girlfriend.
Q. I'm 21, almost 22. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We had been friends for 5 years before we started dating. I'm at the point in my life where I am ready to get married and have a family. I keep seeing my friends get married or engaged ...
A. 20 February 2008: I think you should definatly give him time. His main fear right now is that he will end up travelling the same road as his parents and that will take time and reassurence from you to overcome. Drop the topic for the moment but try and make things as ... (read in full...)
She says it wasn't cheating because they weren't formally back together. Is she right??
Q. Is this considered cheating? My friend and his girlfriend were going through a tough time, and decided to take a break...the break literally lasted a day and they were back hugging and kissing and everything...then one late night, she looks at him a...
A. 20 February 2008: Yes and no. Now on other break questions i've said that getting with somebody on a break isn't cheating but this case is different. She behaved in a manner where it was reasonable for him to assume that they were back together. Sooooo although she ... (read in full...)
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