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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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My husband had an "email affair" (maybe more?) and not sure I'll ever get over it...
Q. This happened a few years ago but there are times it comes back to haunt me. My husband had an 'emotional' affair. This all started happening when our kids were 6 and 2. He always talked about "Kim" at work...she's so nice, blah, blah. I always ...
A. 12 May 2006: If you were looking around in his emails I would say you definatly didnt trust him deep in your mind somewhere was always a nagging doubt - thinking he wouldnt do this was what you wanted to believe on the surface.
I think you need to comfront... (read in full...)
Anyone got any advice for me and my long-distance lover?
Q. Hi all, To anyone reading, thanks for taking the time, and sorry for the long rambling nature but it all relates to the situation... But can anyone tell me what the situation is here? Last year i was wandering through a chatroom, not som...
A. 2 February 2006: You are welcome. I would be wary of dating somebody else purely to preserve yourself. A) you wont be really into it and it wouldnt be fair on that other person b) the problem is your fear becomes a self-fufilling prophercy, if she sees you dating ... (read in full...)
Should I stay (with him) or should I go (and leave him)?
Q. My current boyfriend is going to be emigrating to australia in august this year, as i have no trade or enough money i cannot go. Ive got a choice whether to stay with him untill he goes or leave him now both of which i will get hurt. i dont know ...
A. 2 February 2006: Is he emigrating permanently? Has even the prospect of maintaining the relationship been mentioned? In the long run, and I am not sure on the technacalites of this, but it may be possible for him to bring you over as his partner. Without knowing the ... (read in full...)
Have no friends and worried I'll be lonely when this relationship ends... But is it worth it?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost 4 yrs and everything seems to not be working anymore. I dont have any friends and he is my only one, I sometimes feel that if he leaves me I will be alone for the rest of my life. The thing is that no matter ...
A. 2 February 2006: There seems to be alot going on here. First things first, you need to focus on you which is something that your partner seems very adept at doing with himself. On the plus side, you seem to have plenty of avenues which you can go down and meet new ... (read in full...)
She's set me a challenge to "proove" how much I love her!? How?
Q. this is a weird situation. me and my girlfriends breakup seems like its become inevitable. like 3 weeks ago me and her got into a big arguement. at a party, so we were both kinda drunk. after that we made up. but now she says that i told her that i ...
A. 2 February 2006: I think some kind of gesture and a pretty grand one is called for here. She is looking to be reassured about the depth of your feelings for her and to do that you will really need to push the boat out. Show you have made the effort for her and to ... (read in full...)
Anyone got any advice for me and my long-distance lover?
Q. Hi all, To anyone reading, thanks for taking the time, and sorry for the long rambling nature but it all relates to the situation... But can anyone tell me what the situation is here? Last year i was wandering through a chatroom, not som...
A. 1 February 2006: Hiya :). No need to apologise for the length, as you say it was justified. And yes, it is a complicated situation.
I think you meeting changed the level of emotional investment that you have in the relationship and that is the root cause of your ... (read in full...)
Does she still have feelings for me and should we start seeing each other again?
Q. I was seeing this girl for a few months. She turned round to me one day saying that she just wanted to be friends because she had feeling for her ex boyfriend. Although she said she still had feelings for me as well and like us equally. I ended up ...
A. 1 February 2006: Proceed with caution I would say. This girl seems very confused at the moment about who and what she wants. As such I would be reluctant to ask her now about her feelings about her ex.
I would say that the best thing that you can do is build a ... (read in full...)
I'm too sensitive and over-emotional! I'm not the person, I used to be and I dont like the person that I've become.
Q. I need some urgent advice, I'm too emotional for my own good, I'm too sensitive,and get hurt easily, or offended, dependin on the situation, there are days where I'm fine and any critisim i take well because i makes me improve myself, but lately ...
A. 1 February 2006: First you have to cut yourself some slack. Self-hatred will only make you feel worse. Maybe things arebad right now but you have already pretty much stated this isnt the normal you so allow yourself to err a little and say 'i dont like this, fine, I ... (read in full...)
How do i get someone to like me for what I am?
Q. how do i get someone to like me for what i am?...
A. 1 February 2006: Be yourself and be confident in who you are. Accept yourself for who you are and others will accept you and start liking you for who you are. Even if you make mistakes or do something wrong accept that as a natural part of growing and learning. ... (read in full...)
I still have feelings for my ex who is the Mother of my sons. But I'm married now to someone else!
Q. My Xwife and i were married at a young age. We were married for six years and together maybe 2 yrs of the six.Currently we have been divorced for 9 years and I am currently married to another for 8yrs.I am not happy in my marriage and find that I ...
A. 1 February 2006: I would advise some caution here. Having feelings for ex's is common and to a degree natural, especially if she is the mother of your son's. That will always give you something special in common.
You don't mention your feelings for your current ... (read in full...)
What does she mean "The energy differance between us is bothering her"... ?
Q. I guess I know the answer to this question but am looking for a second oppion... My girfriend of almost 4 years has left me with the departing lines of "The energy differance between us is bothering her" and the latest is "She needs space." We met ...
A. 26 January 2006: Well this is a hard one. I am a little puzzled by the 'energy difference' comment but wonder if this means or you think it means that she wants to devote her time and energy to her daughter. If this is so then I think the best thing you can do is ... (read in full...)
My husband had an "email affair" (maybe more?) and not sure I'll ever get over it...
Q. This happened a few years ago but there are times it comes back to haunt me. My husband had an 'emotional' affair. This all started happening when our kids were 6 and 2. He always talked about "Kim" at work...she's so nice, blah, blah. I always ...
A. 25 January 2006: I agree that you shouldn't torture yourself over this. You have been the model wife and if you torture yourself it will only make you feel worse. I am glad you are considering counselling and hope it helps and hope that he has the decency to support ... (read in full...)
How do I go about getting my gf back or should I wait this out?
Q. Hey, well i have gotten a question answered already. It has worked out pretty good so far. Me and my girlfriend broke up probably two weeks ago. "We" decided to be friends. We both go to the same church, so we see each other a lot. When i do see her ...
A. 25 January 2006: In answer to this i would say little things that remind her of your feelings. Pay her compliments, for example. The good thing about something like that is although it may make her feel a little awkward she can't really refuse a compliment without ... (read in full...)
Why can't she see I'm sorry for my lies... ?
Q. hi there..... me and my gf are going through a tricky patch i have been seeing her for 8 months now and love her dearly and want to be with her so much i am 29 she is 21, recently i lied about a job i lost and money to her which caused her pain and ...
A. 25 January 2006: She probably can see you are sorry but is having a hard time decideing whether she can trust you again. Sadly in periods of confusion the advice of those close around us does carry extra weight and significance but there is little you can do about ... (read in full...)
Any idea what his reaction will be about my age-lie?
Q. I'm a 17 year old female in a relationship with a 26 year old male. The problem is, I lied about my age. My birthday is in March. I will be 18. He thinks I will be 19. Its only a years difference. It could be worse... but I'm just terrified to tell ...
A. 25 January 2006: I understand your motivation for lying however the problem with any lie is that they tend to sow discord and mistrust in a relationship no matter how small or understandable. Be prepared for having to win his trust back after this eventually comes ... (read in full...)
Been chatting to a nice guy online... But how will he see past my "size" when we meet?
Q. Hi all..okies... i have recently been chattin to a really nice guy who i met on the internet via my holiday discussion board. Since we have been chattin for the last few weeks we've discovered that we have loads in common. The trouble is we seem ...
A. 25 January 2006: One of the virtues of meeting online is that you often get to know the person before you know what they look like. Thus you avoid the snap judgments that people make based on looks if, for example, you happen to meet in a club.
I don't know if ... (read in full...)
I know she likes me but I'm having a hard time asking her out! Advice, please
Q. This girl I know likes me, and shes knows that i know about it and I like her to...but i cant ask her out and i dont know if its because of my ex girlfriend? but i'm just confused about it?????...
A. 25 January 2006: I am unclear as to why your ex would be an obstacle here and so I am a little wary of proceeding with too much advice. In general I would say that if you are lacking in confidence then maybe you should get a fw of your friends together for a night ... (read in full...)
Dating 14 months and when I ask him for sex and he rejects me! Is this normal?
Q. hi i've been with my boyfriend for over 14 months and when i ask for sex he always rejects me and never wants to do anything! is that normal?...
A. 25 January 2006: I have to say 14 months is an awful long time to date and still not want sexual relations. However he must have his reasons. Has he given you a reason for his rejection?
It is a little hard to give you advice without knowing a little more and also... (read in full...)
Do I date my best guy friend and risk upsetting his old gf, who was a friend of mine?
Q. I think i'm in love with my best guy friend! we've been friends for ages and now that we've both been single for quite some while our friendship has started to develop into something more. However the last girlfriend he had is my ex best friend (we ...
A. 25 January 2006: Well you are not on that good terms with your ex best friend anyway. I don't know the full facts so it's hard to comment on one level but they must be ex's for a reason and also there is no indication that she wants him back. Also i get the ... (read in full...)
He has a gf but I slept with him..now I think about him all the time! What should I do?
Q. Im in love with one of my best mates, he's got a girlfreind but i know theres something missing in there relationship because we slept together. we get on so well and i just cant stop this feeling. i think about him all the time. i dont know what ...
A. 25 January 2006: This is a tricky one because there may well be something missing in there relationship but ultimately is that 'something missing' enough to make him leave her or is it enough to make him want to be with you as a partner.
Avoid interven... (read in full...)
Can I trust this guy if he's acting the single guy in my absence?
Q. I have a male friend who confessed to liking me around five years ago, at which point the feeling was not mutual. Last year I split up with my partner and met my male friend who I'd not seen in a long time. I realised how much I liked him and told ...
A. 25 January 2006: You have a difficult balancing act to perform here, between protecting yourself from being hurt but not protecting yourself so much that you end up hurt anyway. I think you definatly did the right thing telling him about this and how you are ... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex yet and I'm scared I'll do something that will ruin our relationship. Advice needed!
Q. Hey, I'm an 18 year old male with a 16 year old girlfriend. We get along great and always have a good time around each other no matter what we do. There's just one problem with our relationship. Sex. We haven't had sex or any sexual contact yet ...
A. 25 January 2006: One way around this maybe to actually talk about this rather than let things flow. Find out how she is feeling about it and if she is ready. If you just let things go naturally then in all liklihood you will come to an intense moment and you will ... (read in full...)
I really want her back...
Q. dear cupid, i spilt up with my girlfriend just before new years and it feels so wrong, we've met up a couple of times and had a great time going to the cinema and for dinner. i really want her back, i'm still so in love with her what can i do please ...
A. 25 January 2006: It is hard to give specific advice here without knowing the reason for the break-up. This is espeically true when your post intimates you have been on good terms since the split. It then becomes a bit of a mystery why you are not together. However, ... (read in full...)
He's into me! But he won't go out with me because he's mates with my ex...
Q. I'm 16 and recently found out the guy I like is into me. Thanks to you on here who offered me advice I couldn't have done it without you. =) My problem is my ex boyfriend still has feelings for me, and my new crush is really good friends with him...
A. 24 January 2006: I can tell you are a kind and caring person from this post, still being considerate of your exs feelings, it does you alot of credit as a person that you are so. However sometimes there is no easy way and you can only soften a blow not avoid ... (read in full...)
I want to help her with the sexual problems she may have...
Q. Been seeing a girl for 7 months. She told me from the outset she has a low sex drive. But I'm finding that it has become very rare now. She makes a big deal out of needing her sleep and uses this as an excuse not to see me at times. She also seems ...
A. 24 January 2006: I agree with the other post. It is in fact likely that she has had a traumatic experience in her past and this is why she is behaving this way.
I also agree that you should take sex and therefore the pressure generated off the agenda. Sexual c... (read in full...)
Why did I ask the taxi-driver to get down and dirty with me? Feel appalled!
Q. I went out the other night and got drunk. On the way home, I asked the taxi driver if he wanted to go somewhere and made it clear I wanted sex. I don't know why I did this, I wasn't attracted to the man and after I asked him and he then said yes, I ...
A. 24 January 2006: Well it is hard to say without knowing the precise nature of the trauma you have suffered but if, as I am guessing, it is relationship trauma then it maybe that, intoxicated, you may wanted to have felt wanted.
I think your past may well inform y... (read in full...)
He blows hot and cold...what does this mean?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a 36 year old Divorcee for almost a year. We both agreed to take things slowly from the beginning and that's definitely how it worked best for the first few months. He has 3 kids ages 8, 10 and 12 who I haven't ...
A. 24 January 2006: Ok, he seems very reluctant for you to meet the kids which is understandable on the grounds it is a big thing. He is probably scared on various levels, that introducing the kids will complicate things between you two as it is an added pressure. If, ... (read in full...)
How best to stalk this guy down?
Q. i like this guy who works behind a bar. i went in there once to use the loo and spotted him.ive asked my friends to go in some nite 4 a drink but they hate the place! i would be to embarassed to go in on my own so what should i do?....i cant 4get ...
A. 24 January 2006: Maybe than suggesting this place as the venue for a night out you could suggest it is the meeting place or the starting place for a night out.At least if you make that clear then they know they are not spending the whole night there. Failing that ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I can't stop thinking about this girl...
Q. I am a 31 year old female married with a 5 year old daughter. I am only married because I wanted a child and because of family pressure. I love my husband very much but more as a friend and not a lover. I have known for a very long time that I am ...
A. 24 January 2006: I really feel for you here because you are almost in double-bind (lose,lose) situation. Does your husband feel the same as you, in love but as a friend? Or does he love you completely? If the answer is the former there may be some scope for ... (read in full...)
Am I fighting a losing battle with my commitment phobic girlfriend?
Q. hi there, i don't know what is going on with my girlfriend and i. i have been in a relationship with a wonderful girl for just over 8 months now, at first everything was so good and we laughed and had the best time but over the last few months s...
A. 24 January 2006: Well it is possible you are not generating all the pressure here. From what you say it is likely that she is maybe thinking along the same tracks as you, in terms of thinking where the relaionship is going, and by doing this she is generating ... (read in full...)
My husband had an "email affair" (maybe more?) and not sure I'll ever get over it...
Q. This happened a few years ago but there are times it comes back to haunt me. My husband had an 'emotional' affair. This all started happening when our kids were 6 and 2. He always talked about "Kim" at work...she's so nice, blah, blah. I always ...
A. 24 January 2006: Well it is totally understandable in my eyes that you are not able to get over this. He told you allot of lies and if he is continuing to conceal his relationship with this women, even if it is in fact purely via e-mail, then it is debateable ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to get over him...
Q. Im 16 and my boyfreind was 18 we were together for a year and 2 monthes but it was quickly ended in one fight. we've argued before and this wasnt even the worst. that night another girl instantly falls in love out of nowhere and wants to spend the ...
A. 23 January 2006: I am sorry for your pain. To lose somebody so obviously special to you and the hopes and dreams that are tied to them is a hard thing. First you have to believe in yourself. Yes it hurts now and may for a little time yet but it will get better. It ... (read in full...)
An eye for an eye... ?
Q. I'm having heavy petting sessions with a married associate of my ex-husband's. They are okay associates. My ex and I are working on reconciliation in regards to our relationship. What troubles me is that I enjoy the other guy's company both ...
A. 23 January 2006: Well as I understand it you are still technically single and so at least you are not cheating. You may be 'working on reconcilliation' but until you are reconciled, in my eyes, you are still single and this constitutes exploration of other options. ... (read in full...)
It kinda feels wrong that he's cheating on her to be with me! Is it?
Q. ok so I really like this guy alot and he likes me alot too..problem is he wont get rid of his girlfriend...he tells me that he tried to end it with her..but she wont let him go...so really he is cheating on her with me...i dont no what to do it ...
A. 23 January 2006: If he is in a committed relationship then you really cant get round the fact that he is cheating. Obviously she doesn't know he is seeing somebody else, if she did she would most likely let go very rapidly. If he is worried about her emotional ... (read in full...)
What caused the sudden change in attitude and attention?
Q. Recently I started dating a man who stopped by just about every day. After I had surgery, he was stopping in to check on me. We went to dinner almost every night for a week. He stayed over a few nights... then bam- one day he seemed different. He ...
A. 23 January 2006: It seems to me that there could be a combination of factors here which may have changed his behaviour. Guilt over his daughters suffering being the most obvious I would say. He maybe freaked out on two counts. Scared of getting hurnt himself and ... (read in full...)
The relationship could have come out of a soap-opera storyline... Am I a lovefool?
Q. im an 18 yr old who's been seeing a guy 16yrs my senior for almost 3yrs. i love him with all my heart but our relationship is begining to take its toll on me for many reasons and i don't know if i should stay or go? i know it sounds like a st...
A. 23 January 2006: There is alot going on here. I think that when you are making this descision you have to be aware that things are not going to suddenly become easier over night. Indeed the prognosis for the foreseable future is of more hardship ahead with no ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel weird about the way my guy talks about the girls he coaches. Is there more than meets the eye?
Q. Hello, here is my problem: it might not even be a problem, but I need opinions. This guy I'm dating (we are kind of in the stage where we haven't official decided if we are bf/gf, but most likely) is also a basketball coach for girls ages 13/14. We ...
A. 22 January 2006: I would say you do have to proceed gingerly with this one. It is highly likely he will be offended if this isnt handled carefully. It may well be that he feels parental/brotherly to these girls and is thus protective and the way he talks about them ... (read in full...)
Was wanting to be my online "pal" the same as being interested in me?
Q. Hi. There is this guy who I have guessed and he has shown he likes me. Only he is 1 year and a half younger and I was in a relationship at the time I met him. And he did not know until he saw me and my boyfriend really close once. I recently...
A. 22 January 2006: Well it is possible he liked you alot and seeing you with your boyfriend at the time hurt him and he is now trying to remain a little detached so as not to get hurt. I think the key thing here is to build up the rapport you once had again.
This ... (read in full...)
We both like him but don't know if I should date him...
Q. my friend and i have liked the same boy for over 4 years now, and at one time last year i really felt i had fallen in love with him. we fancied each other but i refused to do anything because i felt awful on my friend. now, the boy and i fancy each ...
A. 22 January 2006: I would suggest that the first thing you should do would be to tell your friend how things are and see how things go from there. I know that this sounds a bit odd but you maybe surprised the response you get, especially if she recognises that ... (read in full...)
He broke off with me for talking to his friends! Now I just want to find a way to move on with life...
Q. Well you see, I'm 15 years old and I fell in love with a guy named Daniel about a year ago. He was my everything and still is. He hurt me a lot but I hurt him a lot too. Recently, he broke up with me for the stupidest reason in the world!! (B/c I t...
A. 22 January 2006: I can only agree with your assesment of his reason for breaking up with you. I can't quite see from what you write here how you hurt him. To be honest from what you have said here it seems much more likely that you are torturing yourself but in ... (read in full...)
We know each others pasts and want advice to help us forget and deal with it...
Q. how can two adults re-married that are completely in love allow our sexual pasts to infect, haunt and disturb our thoughts? We both acknowledge that the past is the past and we cant do a thing to change it. But being open as we are, we have given ...
A. 22 January 2006: I don't think its a question of making those thoughts 'go away' as such because the more you try and to make them the more persistant they will come. Rather than trying to banish these memories i think what you have to do is accept them as past.
... (read in full...)
He rejected me so should I reject him too?
Q. Can you picture this scene... My boyfriend and I have had a stressful week with work and stuff. Today, I suggest making love in the shower and he is up for this idea. He needs me to wash him anyway because he's got an injury. Anyway, he get...
A. 21 January 2006: Speaking as a red-blooded male the answer is yes, I would jump at that. I can understand why you are hacked off. I would suggest that it would be ok to refuse next time he wants it but don't just do it point blank. If he asks why explain why and how ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has settled into life at our uni so wonderfully that it's taken a chunk out of our relationship...
Q. Hi, This isn't something I'd normally do, but then I guess its not a usual situation for me to be in either. My girlfriend and I had been in a happy relationship for almost 3 years. We started seeing each other when we were both at school; I'm a ye...
A. 21 January 2006: I think it is possible. Obviously your g/f has had a quite a radical change of perspective and her head must be spinning with all the exciting things going on around her. One thing as big as that can often knock us out of kilter on everything and ... (read in full...)
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