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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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I feel so insecure and like nobody. How can I stop feeling this way?
Q. I have been in my relationship with my boyfriend for two years. I feel so insecure when I am with him and I hate feeling this way. I would llke it if you could help me stop being this way. It makes me feel like I'm nobody....
A. 20 February 2006: I think that I would need to know a little more about why you feel this way before I can comment properly. Has it always been this way or is it a recent development. Has something happened to make you feel this way? Do you feel unloved and ... (read in full...)
What activities can we do together, how can I maintain his interest?
Q. A guy and I have been seeing each other on a friends basis since January. I have little experience of guys, and the guy I am seeing is quite shy. I don’t know how to start and keep a conversation flowing with him at times. What subjects can I ...
A. 19 February 2006: Just to point out the below reply is from the original author of the question and has been verified as such. Sorry for any confusion caused. ... (read in full...)
I am still grieving over losing my dad and now my husband refuses to talk to me!
Q. Please help. My husband refuses to talk to me. It all started last week when he was offered a new job. He waited until coming to bed at midnight to say "I can't believe you haven't even said well done for getting a new job" I was so taken aback and ...
A. 19 February 2006: To me he sounds very emotionally drained and that is the reason he is being like this. Emotional energy is very much like physical energy; it isn't infinite and when it runs down we feel snappy and we snap at the closest things to hand. He has ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to get back together and I couldnt live without her but i am under so much stress right now!
Q. Im not quite sure how to out this but I have a very stressful life due to my parents and my lousy brother. On top of that my grandma's just died not even a week apart and it is a very stressful time. Before all of this i had been dating a girl she...
A. 19 February 2006: There is an awful lot going on here and it seems to me that it is all becoming jumbled. You are going through alot and are bound to feel alot of different emotions and maybe even confused. The stress is coming from everything piling up ontop of you. ... (read in full...)
I overstepped the boundaries of her trust. Can we repair what we had?
Q. We dated for 4 months before things ended. After we broke up she treated me like dirt even though I didn't do anything wrong. She is separated from her husband in jail and considering a divorce. She has two kids one with him and one from an affai...
A. 16 February 2006: I presume that you wrote the letter in retaliation for how she was with you. You are right, you did break her trust. On the other hand assuming your judgement of her actions is fair she also has things to answer for. I think you have alot of sorting ... (read in full...)
My husband is so uninvolved in my life and I've fallen for someone else. Am I unreasonable?
Q. Dear Cupid I am 31 years old my husband is 55 (we met when I was 18). We have a 3 year old son and have been together for 13 years. We have been living in his home town until our child was born then we moved away to my home and he fell into dee...
A. 16 February 2006: My honest answer would be yes and no. On one level it is hard to tell because you don't mention what the cause of his depression is. Seemingly it has been the move away from his home town. Do you visit or have any opportunities to visit? Were things ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on a younger co-worker but we've both already involved...
Q. Could this be love? - I am so confused - I have a crush on a younger guy I've been work with for the past few months. However I am happily married and he is involved in a relationship too. On my part, I know there is no future between us and it's ...
A. 16 February 2006: Obviously you are very close to this guy and there is no harm in shareing a friendship. I wonder however if there is anything you feel missing in your marriage. Do you feel slightly unwanted and undesired? Maybe rather than thinking of letting go ... (read in full...)
How do you know when you're not being paranoid in a relationship?
Q. I have been with my partner for nearly seven months and I feel very insecure about the relationship. I spoke to him recently and told him that I didn't feel desired like I ought to and that he has become very complacent about the relationship. I ...
A. 14 February 2006: There is an old saying; just because you are paranoid doesn't they are not out to get you. I wonder if that applies here. Obviously I would say that your unhappiness has some grounds in reality. If you feel so unappreciated it is good that you took ... (read in full...)
Why do I end up with the wrong guys? Am I not good gf material?
Q. I am a 23 year old female as i have never been in a relationship before as all i have has is a few one night stands but not anyone who has liked me for me probably. I have been hurt over and over again as i throught i was in love with this guy who ...
A. 14 February 2006: You kind of answer your own question here. I dont think the problem is with you as a person at all. You say that you 'always end up with the wrong guys' which kind of indicates that if there is a problem then it's with the type of guy you look for. ... (read in full...)
Do good girls really finish last???
Q. I asked about whether my partner cared when he went out and didn't come home till 3am in the morning, drunk. I had gone home because of not feeling well and hoped he would be at least a little concerned and come home a little earlier. This didn't ...
A. 11 February 2006: I have to confess I can relate to this post. No you shouldn't 'become selfish' even if you could. Your senstive, caring side is part of who you are and its part that although you might slightly resent it for the pain it brings you sometimes you ... (read in full...)
My bf and I are clebrating our 1st anniversary soon..what should I get him?
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to be celebrating our year anniversary next month. I'm not quite sure what to get him. I want it to be something special of the year we just spent together. Something that means something and he'll always remember the ...
A. 11 February 2006: This is a hard question to answer because I dont know either yourself or your bf and what makes you tic. In general I would think carefully about your partnership and what makes you special. Also what makes your bf special to you and maybe buy ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had a text relationship with someone else, but didn't have the guts to tell me about it. Should I trust him in future?
Q. I have been in a relationship for nearly a year. I have not long discovered that my b.f had cheated on me, didn't sleep with her though. Supposed to of met her a few times. At that point I didn't see him hardly through the week, twice if I was ...
A. 11 February 2006: It's gonna be hard and take time. I would say both you and he need to recognise that. Seemingly he does realise that he is going to have to work at this as you say his behaviour is much better.
I would say that you need to give yourself time for... (read in full...)
We split and I got with his friend but now I find I still have feelings for them both...
Q. I was going out with this guy for a year and a half. My feelings eventually changed and i broke up with him. He was really hurt and got suicidal and stuff for like a month. During this month i had been spending a lot of time with my friend.. who is ...
A. 11 February 2006: Sadly you have do have to make a decision. I say sadly because I for one would not doubt that your feelings for both parties are totally genuine and I dont see any way for you to avoid hurting somebody you really care about. You may think that blunt ... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust me after I admitted to cheating with an ex, and it makes me think we might break up!
Q. My bf and I have been together for 2 years and 6 months. We got together at a young age; I was 16, he was 17 and have been in a relationship ever since. This wasnt my first relationship but it was his. Everything was great until I admitted to ch...
A. 9 February 2006: I notice that you say there is hitting involved. If that is the case then I feel that you need to do something about this question urgently. All you are doing is hurting each other. I can tell that you love this guy very much and deeply regret what ... (read in full...)
My girl chats online and calls me "her flatmate" to other guys... And then there's her night away!
Q. How to find out if girlfriend is cheating without upsetting her??I worried about my girlfriend. I recnetly found out that she has been chatting to lots of men online and always refers to as a flatmate when in fact we are a couple who live together. ...
A. 9 February 2006: I can totally understand why this would worry you more because it is quite common that people try and compensate with being lovey-dovey after they have done something they feel guilty about.
Maybe this will be controversial and not what you want... (read in full...)
Crushed that he dumped me... But now he's not sure. Should I meet him?
Q. I am a 35 year old mother of three and have been seeing a guy for the past ten months, we never argued i got on great with his family. A few days ago he said we werer on different paths and we should end it. I am crushed it was such a shock. ...
A. 8 February 2006: I wonder what happended to cause this. Were you talking about making more commitment? Without knowing the full facts it does seem a bit out the blue but something has obviously happened that has confused him. Even if you weren't talking about more ... (read in full...)
Where is the line between what I should be telling my boyfriend and what I should keep to myself?
Q. What are some things you should keep to yourself and what are things you should tell your boyfriend? Isn't there a fine line? Boyfriends shouldn't be therapists, but shouldn't yout trust them enough to tell them your inner thoughts and feelings? I'm ...
A. 8 February 2006: I kind of agree with the above post. Often I find my partners have opened up to me very quickly but I am well aware that is one of the oddeties of my personality and my ex's. In the long-term your b/f might become a bit like your threpist but only ... (read in full...)
He seems to be waffling on whether we should break up, or whether it was a "personal problem", What do I do?
Q. Hello I need help. I have just split with my boyfriend of five months and the separation is killing me. Since the beginning of the year he has had loads of personal problems following the death of his grandfather, his dad hit him over Christmas a...
A. 8 February 2006: I think he is in a very confusing place right now and that is what is causing his confusion over how he feels about you. You may no longer have been on his mind but that didnt mean that his feelings for you vanished, they may merely have been buried ... (read in full...)
He seems to be waffling on whether we should break up, or whether it was a "personal problem", What do I do?
Q. Hello I need help. I have just split with my boyfriend of five months and the separation is killing me. Since the beginning of the year he has had loads of personal problems following the death of his grandfather, his dad hit him over Christmas a...
A. 8 February 2006: I think he is in a very confusing place right now and that is what is causing his confusion over how he feels about you. You may no longer have been on his mind but that didnt mean that his feelings for you vanished, they may merely have been buried ... (read in full...)
I have a current bf but the ex wants me back. Shoulf I do what makes me happy?
Q. I have been in my current serious relationship for over a year and a half and i do care about my partner but recently my ex whom i still have strong feelings for has asked me back (We split up because he was going away to university). I'm confused. ...
A. 8 February 2006: To be blunt I cant see any way in which nobody will get hurt. Sorry. But when choices of these types are involved somebody is always going to be rejected and so get hurt.As a decent, caring person you obviously dont want to hurt anybody but sadly ... (read in full...)
Guys opinions wanted... Do you think that guys like a virgin? Or not?
Q. This question is more of a female wanting male opinions ( but all are welcome!). What do you think if a girl is a virgin? Would you less/more interested in her? What if she was a virgin but wanted to lose her virginity to you? My friends and I are ...
A. 8 February 2006: Speaking personally it wouldnt make an awful lot of difference to how I viewed a girl if she said she was a virgin. If anything it might make respect that girl more and more interested in her. Anybody who keeps there virginity, sometimes in a social ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says not to bother getting him a valentines day gift...
Q. my boyfriend doesn't want to recieve a valentine's day gift because he says i'm getting the worst attitude ever even though i get up every morning at 4:30 to make his lunch for work i get home from college and have to clean the house cook for him ...
A. 7 February 2006: Well from this post i think it is debateable who has the attitude problem. Part of you seems to know that this most likely isn't your fault. You do seem to do an awful lot for him and I am wondering what you get in return. I think you two need to ... (read in full...)
I am gutted that my girlfriend told all my friends in the pub that I was "average" in bed... !
Q. we was in the local pub a few days ago, and my girlfriend told all are friends that i was average in bed! she says she loves me more than anything! i just dont know what to do i love her too but i cant foget about what she said, and now i'm to w...
A. 7 February 2006: I think you need to tell her how what happened made you feel and you two need to talk about it. The worse thing you can do is let this thing fester because if you do you run the risk it will grow out of all proportion and cause the relationship ... (read in full...)
We were a great couple for a year, then the little arguments drove us apart!
Q. Right well I dunno where to start... I was with my girlfiend for 17 months. For the first year we was fine. Nothing could faze us. It was us against the world, so to speak. Everyone that knew us thought we were a great couple and we could go the d...
A. 7 February 2006: I was left wondering what the cause of the arguments were here. They may have been silly little things but things that come to the surface in 'silly' ways often reveal a much more underlying serious issue. First thing I would say is that you need to ... (read in full...)
My best boy mate is interested, but I don't want to betray my best girl mate by going out with him!
Q. My 2 best friends in the whole world happened to get together about 4 months ago and recently split. And my boy best friend told people he has confusing feelings about me, stuff that makes his stomach jump - now I don't know what to do cause I care ...
A. 6 February 2006: You say here that they split recently. The first thing I would do is allow this situation some time to settle down. I think that you possibly have alot of confused feelings between the three of you and you all need some time to work them out.
... (read in full...)
Major crush on a close friend! If I tell him, I'm afraid that will break up our group...
Q. Hi This year I have gotten into a really close group of friends. It consists of me, two other girls and two guys. We spend most of our time at school together, but I have a problem. I have a huge crush on one of the guys, I just can't get him out ...
A. 5 February 2006: Maybe the girl you told who is part of this group has a little insider knowledge? Have you asked her if he ever talks to her about you? If you are having problems decideing here maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask your friend within the group to try and ... (read in full...)
Crush on my instructor... but we're both women!
Q. Hi I'm an 18 year-old girl and I've got a problem that has probably been discussed countless times before - I have the hugest, most overpowering crush on a female teacher :( She inspires me so much - she is passionate about her subject which i ...
A. 5 February 2006: To move on I would look at the qualaties you admire in this women and look for them in others. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be cared for. You must not see this as a bad thing, its just who you are. We all have needs and they are not just ... (read in full...)
One minute she loved me then she had no feelings for me...what can I do?
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend recently. She asked me to marry her and I said I was not ready but I loved her. She then said she needed time to think and broke almost all contact with me suddenly, talking once a week for about half an hour. She ...
A. 5 February 2006: I am wondering how old you both are reading this. It is possible that her friends are influencing her. If she is young they may be telling her that she is too young to settle down and she maybe feeling a little that way.
Something seems to have ... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend...
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am falling in love with my best friend. We are both girls. Every time she looks at me my heart goes fast and i blush. I love her as a m8 and i wish she were my girlfriend as well. Rumours went round that she was a lesbian ...
A. 4 February 2006: I have to largely concur with the other writer here. Of course its possible she isn't a lesbian but is bi-sexual. Internal conflicts and fears over admitting sexual orientation can in cases like this make things harder, they are an extra pressure to ... (read in full...)
My friend has a history of being used by men... Now she's saying her online guy is coming to live with her!
Q. Hi, I'm very worried about my friend of 5 years. She has recently started talking to someone on the internet and plans to have him come down to where she lives and stay with her. She is 24 and he is 17 and he says he loves her and wants to spend the ...
A. 3 February 2006: I would pretty much agree with what has been said above. She is 24 and ultimately make her own choices. I have been burnt more than a few times in online things and I know what it is like. Often you do feel that you know that person alot better than ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like me enough to ask me out, so he says. But he has a history of changing his mind...
Q. There's this guy, he's 16 and so am I. We've flirted and hung out and stuff and people said he liked me. So like 3 months go by with nothing more than this, so my friend asks him what he thinks about me and this is how he replies: "this a a really ...
A. 3 February 2006: Well I would say that the answer to that depends on whether he will overcome his insecurities and there isn't an awful lot you can do to that. It seems that on some level he is aware of this hence the remark about not wanting to keep you hanging on. ... (read in full...)
Are we friends? Are we something more? I want him to make up his mind!
Q. I need help! I have been seeing the same guy for about 6 months now. We fool around, hang out and have a great time together. But he keeps changing his mind about our relationship. One minute we're just friends, the next minute he is telling ...
A. 3 February 2006: I think you have to be prepared to confront this guy. 6 months is a long time and it is simply not fair on you for him to carry on this way without making some kind of descision. Obviously you don't want to lose what you have
so try to avoid maki... (read in full...)
Why does he insist on retaining ties with so many of his ex-girlfriends?
Q. I am in dire need of advice. My boyfriend is 19 years older than me and we get along great...the majority of the time. I am having a lot of issues right now with him and his need to speak to his exes or any girl for that matter. He is a...
A. 3 February 2006: Well you are not crazy. One of the problems here is that you do need to cut yourself some slack. It is only natural that you feel this way because this is a high degree of involvement with one's exs. And i say that as a man who does keep in touch ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in sex all the time, but I never pressure my boyfriends into it. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. Hi I'm 21 years old, and I masturbate almost every day. I don't have a boyfriend, but it seems like I am always horny. A couple of guys I have dated don't want to be with me because they say I'm "too much" in the sex department. What gives? I...
A. 3 February 2006: Alot of guys would love to have a GF like you. Although you have a high sex drive it obviously doesn't control your behaviour to the point where you pressure them. I think what you are dealing with in all honesty is your ex's insecurities which you ... (read in full...)
Oral sex with my college professor. It wasn't planned, it just happened. Should we quit it?
Q. Is this wrong? I'm 18 and ready to graduate high school, but I also have been taking college courses at a local community college. Well my one professor at the college started taking an interst in me. He never said so but I could tell. We were tal...
A. 3 February 2006: You are playing with fire here. I understand that you may feel a sexual attraction to him as an older man and there is nothing 'wrong' with that as such since it is not uncommon for younger females to be attracted to older men just as younger guys ... (read in full...)
I'm too self-conscious to be on top, and it leaves me feeling inept...
Q. Ok, I feel so stupid admitting this, but whenever I have sex with a guy, I can't go on top. It;s dumb, but I get really self conscious, and can never seem to get into it...he clearly doesn't enjoy it, and after a while my ineptitude just gets ...
A. 2 February 2006: Well I can confirm that you are not the only person who doesn't like being on top because I have had ex's exactly the same. First of all it is not 'dumb' it is just how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that. A loving, understanding man would ... (read in full...)
A female friend of my cousins' stayed at my house and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me!
Q. What Do I Do?? My girlfriend and I broke up because of many reason: (1.I look at other girls in front of her, a BAD HABIT) (2. I talk about other girls) (3. MAIN REASON - A friend of my cousins', as well as my cousins, stayed at my house for ...
A. 2 February 2006: I think you have to look at 1 and 2 as leading to 3. She most likley doesn't beleive you that nothing happened with you and this other girl because you are always talking about and obviously looking at other girls in front of her. Look at it from ... (read in full...)
Is this a good present for my boyfriend..?
Q. Hey guys, this is Sweetie Pie and as you all know I am 12 and in the sixth grade, and I was wondering if u guys could give me ur opinion on something. You see my boyfriend's birthday was the Sunday that just past and I got...
A. 2 February 2006: It seems like a cool present to me. I like the 'You Rock' thing, it conveys feeling in a good way. Not too heavy handed but just well nice. Candy is always nice although I would say that as I have a sweet tooth. Sounds lovely, I am sure he will love ... (read in full...)
Is this a good present for my boyfriend..?
Q. Hey guys, this is Sweetie Pie and as you all know I am 12 and in the sixth grade, and I was wondering if u guys could give me ur opinion on something. You see my boyfriend's birthday was the Sunday that just past and I got...
A. 2 February 2006: It seems like a cool present to me. I like the 'You Rock' thing, it conveys feeling in a good way. Not too heavy handed but just well nice. Candy is always nice although I would say that as I have a sweet tooth. Sounds lovely, I am sure he will love ... (read in full...)
Anyone got any advice for me and my long-distance lover?
Q. Hi all, To anyone reading, thanks for taking the time, and sorry for the long rambling nature but it all relates to the situation... But can anyone tell me what the situation is here? Last year i was wandering through a chatroom, not som...
A. 2 February 2006: You are welcome. I would be wary of dating somebody else purely to preserve yourself. A) you wont be really into it and it wouldnt be fair on that other person b) the problem is your fear becomes a self-fufilling prophercy, if she sees you dating ... (read in full...)
Should I stay (with him) or should I go (and leave him)?
Q. My current boyfriend is going to be emigrating to australia in august this year, as i have no trade or enough money i cannot go. Ive got a choice whether to stay with him untill he goes or leave him now both of which i will get hurt. i dont know ...
A. 2 February 2006: Is he emigrating permanently? Has even the prospect of maintaining the relationship been mentioned? In the long run, and I am not sure on the technacalites of this, but it may be possible for him to bring you over as his partner. Without knowing the ... (read in full...)
Anyone got any advice for me and my long-distance lover?
Q. Hi all, To anyone reading, thanks for taking the time, and sorry for the long rambling nature but it all relates to the situation... But can anyone tell me what the situation is here? Last year i was wandering through a chatroom, not som...
A. 1 February 2006: Hiya :). No need to apologise for the length, as you say it was justified. And yes, it is a complicated situation.
I think you meeting changed the level of emotional investment that you have in the relationship and that is the root cause of your ... (read in full...)
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