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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Should I do a threesome with him???
Q. I've been dating someone 4 months now and I have developed deep feelings for him. We aren't in a relationship right now because we both agreed to start off as friends and just go with the flow. He treats me right and we spend a lot of time together. ...
A. 26 January 2009: Then it becomes a slightly more finely balanced descision but the main thing is i think you are scared because your feelings for this guy are deeper, deeper than his by the sounds it...id still be cautious xx... (read in full...)
Should I do a threesome with him???
Q. I've been dating someone 4 months now and I have developed deep feelings for him. We aren't in a relationship right now because we both agreed to start off as friends and just go with the flow. He treats me right and we spend a lot of time together. ...
A. 26 January 2009: Hmmm it's a tricky one but I see it most likely backfiring. My view of threesomes etc is that they probably should only be entertained when the relationship is well-established enough to cope with the emotions such a thing is going to provoke; ie, ... (read in full...)
Lost my parents trust
Q. How do i get my mum and dad to trust me again?? Im having trouble with my mum and dad as they dont trust me for a simple reason i went out and got drunk and did some silly things and now they dont trust me they havent for about 6-7 months and its ...
A. 25 January 2009: Your welcome :)x have you sat down with them and tried to discuss it....? Just in a rational way and say look I know what I did was wrong but I really want to go out again...at first you might have to accept being back by a certain time etc....but ... (read in full...)
My married dad seems to be falling for my best friends single mom
Q. i think my dad is falling in love with my best friends mum. my mum and dad are married and they have me and my brother and sister. my dad seems to be getting really close to my best friends mum she is single and only has one child. they have so much ...
A. 25 January 2009: I have to be honest with you and say you dont have much evidence of anything other than a close friendship here. My main feeling is that you should only be concerned if you spot signs that your Mum and Dad's relationship is rocky; are they fighting ... (read in full...)
I can't believe I went out with this guy!
Q. I went out on a date with someone I would never find attractive. Now I just feel gross. Is this a cry for help? Temporary insanity? Boredom? What if I the guy I like finds out? What do I tell him?...
A. 25 January 2009: You are just experimenting with different types. Maybe you have been burnt by your usual 'type' and fancied a change. Maybe you were just bored and fancied the variety. Obviously you didnt enjoy the experience; just be straight down the line and say ... (read in full...)
Lost my parents trust
Q. How do i get my mum and dad to trust me again?? Im having trouble with my mum and dad as they dont trust me for a simple reason i went out and got drunk and did some silly things and now they dont trust me they havent for about 6-7 months and its ...
A. 25 January 2009: Trust generally takes time to earn back and generally apologies dont figure in earning it back. Earning trust back is more about what you actually do as opposed to what you actually say. What you actually have to do is show you can go out, not get ... (read in full...)
How can I find a bf who wont just use me for sex??
Q. All I want is a boyfriend that will stick around and not just use me for sex. It always happens to me, I don't know whether its the people I choose or whether its me. I know I could be a good girlfriend and I would treat someone so well, but I ...
A. 25 January 2009: My personal feeling on this one is that the problem is more who you are choosing not so much yourself. One thing that you could do to seperate the wheat from the chafe so to speak is take things a little slower I feel; make sure you are getting to ... (read in full...)
Is my husband lying or my sister?
Q. I really dont know where to begin other than I suspected my husband had feelings for my sister and thought maybe she felt the same way. One night many years ago they held back whilst walking home and my instincts told me something was not right. ...
A. 24 January 2009: Just as an addition my honest impartial impression is your sister is telling *more* of the truth but still not the entirity...... (read in full...)
Is my husband lying or my sister?
Q. I really dont know where to begin other than I suspected my husband had feelings for my sister and thought maybe she felt the same way. One night many years ago they held back whilst walking home and my instincts told me something was not right. ...
A. 24 January 2009: Its ok :). That still doesnt ring true to me because you dont lose somebody because they leave a country. Besides, if thats right she should have told you then before she left and thus fought tooth and claw to *keep* you with her....all that strikes ... (read in full...)
Dreams of sex with another man
Q. Hello, My wife says she sometimes will dream of having sex with another man, is this normal? She says she enjoys it while in the dream, but afterwards feels guilty and sad for having dreamed that....
A. 24 January 2009: To the extent it's normal to act out our fantasys and our subconscious emotions to a degree in dreams I would say yes. Some dreams are crazy and some are meaningful which is probably going to contradict what others are saying to a degree. However, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt him at all I just am not happy in the relationship and I'm torn on whether or not to end it.
Q. Heya so I am 16 and have been going out with my boyfriend for around 3 months. Recently I have not been feeling the 'feelings' I used to towards him and we have been having multiple fights as well. It's very on and of. The thing is, is that when i ...
A. 24 January 2009: This is quite a tangle and no mistake. On the one hand I wouldnt stay in a relationship I am unhappy in and feel I am not ready for on the other you have to be honest with yourself and say yes, of course it will change the group dynamics. There will ... (read in full...)
I feel used.
Q. Hello, I have a minor question, regarding a problem with my friend. Just this afternoon I have had a message off her on msn, which I am currently ignoring, because I feel like I have been used. The situ is this. At Xmas, just gone I went to her...
A. 24 January 2009: I'm inclined to agree with your friends and your first feeling is that you are being used. However, I have to ask if this is a repeating pattern of behaviour or it is this one incidence. I can think of at least one good and not entirely selfish ... (read in full...)
Is my husband lying or my sister?
Q. I really dont know where to begin other than I suspected my husband had feelings for my sister and thought maybe she felt the same way. One night many years ago they held back whilst walking home and my instincts told me something was not right. ...
A. 24 January 2009: This is tricky one because either could be lying for other motives; I have to say though to be perfectly honest this is one of those things you can anylyse from every angle and produce a case either way but I would give your casting vote to your gut ... (read in full...)
Pretty girls.
Q. When a pretty girl wakes up next to you in the morning and her face doesn't look so pretty and her hair's a mess, does it bother you boys? or if she's always doing her make-up does it make her seem insecure? curiosity...
A. 22 January 2009: Errr no because if I wake-up next to a person its because I want to be with that person for who they are and err I guess it might seem a bit that way...you should be comfortable to show the person you with all your sides :)... (read in full...)
What does "wearing your heart on your sleeve" mean?
Q. Hey there Am justing getting to know a guy off the internet and he seems really lovely and funny. We were talking about relationships etc and he says he seems to get trampled on cos he wears his heart on his sleeve... what does that exactly mea...
A. 22 January 2009: Literally taken it means hes open with his feelings and in this case he feels that has lead to him getting hurt. As well as what Pippi said it might be his way of telling you he has had some bad experiences; it doesnt necessarily mean he's needy ... (read in full...)
My own mum makes me feel unwanted and depressed...
Q. Hi, sorry but this is a little long. I'm realy wanting some advice as I'm feeling like I'm going out of my mind at the moment. I'm 21 years old and I still live at home with my parents. The thing is they both drink a lot. To get to the point...
A. 21 January 2009: Get out of there; please for the sake of your own sanity and the damage this will do you. Normally I would suggest trying to talk things through but the first thing that needs to happen is that your parents need to sort out their own lives because ... (read in full...)
Is this considered cheating?
Q. I went on my bf of 1 years my space account and saw that a girl emailed him something called a hubby appliction. On it he said that he wants to have sex with her, kiss her and stuff like that. He has never met this girl and she lives across the ...
A. 21 January 2009: I tend to have to come down on the side of saying its not cheating but its a bit cheeky. Purely and simply it's not cheating because thought-crime doesnt exist and isnt something that we generally hold to be punishable. He didnt do anything and ... (read in full...)
COKE problem!
Q. Hi, I don't really know who to talk to about this... and not sure whether I am being too harsh or not and I would like to know a reasonable fair way to deal with my scenario. In a nutshell I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. He is a...
A. 20 January 2009: Hmmm well obviously what is making you mad is that he has promised this to you and failed to deliver. Is it possible your bf is addicted? If so then he needs help and he needs to realise it fast; you shouldnt feel bad, you can still be with a group ... (read in full...)
Funeral fears!
Q. My girlfriend wants me to go to her dad's funeral (he was 42) with her. Don't wrong me I want to support but I can't handle the whole death thing. I can't even go a funeral home without feeling dizzy I'm worried if I tell her no she'll get even more ...
A. 20 January 2009: I think you should go for her and for yourself. I dont know why because there simply isnt enough detail here but death obviously scares you for some reason and facing your fears could be beneficial to you as well as being there and supporting her. ... (read in full...)
I am having a really hard time getting over her. What's your opinions?
Q. Hello I was dating a girl for 2 months and everything was going great, until x-mas when she stopped putting effort into our relationship right after a trip to where she resently moved from. Then she stopped telling me about what was going on and...
A. 18 January 2009: You are having a hard-time because shes given you no closure. She's essentially said you have done everything right but she's chucking you anyway. It sounds to me like shes not overly sure of what she wants either and possibly even didnt want to end ... (read in full...)
He's emotionally abusive, and physically as well. He's manipulative, controlling, and a very angry person.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship with each other for almost four years now. I am 17 and he is almost 18. I do love him, and he says that he loves me. Things have been going sour for awhile now. I'm confused, and would ...
A. 18 January 2009: In short; chuck him. I know you love him but this relationship is very bad for the both of you and you are clearly recognise that; you are not weak, you are strong. Incidentally, you will feel much stronger when you do actually get around to ... (read in full...)
I'm having a very difficult time with LDR
Q. I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend who's 22 for nearly 6 months now. We have a great relationship, we're both very affectionate, loving and caring towards one another and we make each other laugh, in fact ive never been so happy in a ...
A. 18 January 2009: You are already doing the first things I would suggest in terms of talking and texting. The thing is my gut feeling is it wont effect your relationship as such; more effect your wider life.
You have to try (and yes I do know from personal... (read in full...)
Am I being too forgiving??
Q. I am wondering if I am being too nice by accepting my bf's apology? We are both 20 years old and have been going out for about 3 months. From when I first met him, I had a really good gut feeling about him, I felt he was genuine and the real thi...
A. 18 January 2009: Well I think your POV is totally legitmate as opposed to his; as your rightly say it does literally take two minutes if that to send a txt even if its just to say hello back, he's ok and he's out 'txt you later' kind of thing. That is the bare ... (read in full...)
Why does my mum keep hitting me?
Q. I love my mum, but she has been really stressed at work and my dad has been ill. She has started hitting me almost every night really hard. I'm covered in bruises and don't know what to do. She never hits my twin brother or my sister and I don't ...
A. 18 January 2009: Incidentally, if you are the eldest it's possible she sees something of herself in you; she needs help too but the only way she is going to get that is if you make a stand now. ... (read in full...)
Why does my mum keep hitting me?
Q. I love my mum, but she has been really stressed at work and my dad has been ill. She has started hitting me almost every night really hard. I'm covered in bruises and don't know what to do. She never hits my twin brother or my sister and I don't ...
A. 18 January 2009: I agree with the above comment. This is systimatic abuse by any other name and its simply not on because the deepest scars will be in your mind. You need to seek help urgenlty; either you need to talk to a trusted relative or a service like ... (read in full...)
What is your opinion??? Is it too late???
Q. Hi I was going out with a guy for 10 months and we really connected and I know I fell for him. However, out of the blue, he said he did'nt think he could have a loving relationship with me but had also said that I lit his fire and made he feel goo...
A. 18 January 2009: It seems unlikely to me you did anything wrong. There are a couple of things here; he hasnt got closure from his previous relationship and he started to have feelings for you. Now falling for somebody else is a final act of closure; an admission its ... (read in full...)
My b/f can be quite hostile
Q. i have a small problem that is tearing my relationship apart, i have been with my boyfriend nearly 6months and we love each other, really clicked from day one. the problem lies with one of my close male friends who ive recently been back in tou...
A. 17 January 2009: He is obviously insecure to my mind. He sees this guy as a threat to him and your relationship and that is why he is being like he is; what you have to do is actually talk to him about it and probably provide some reassurance too.
He shouldn'... (read in full...)
A day in the mind of an attention addict
Q. A Day in the Mind of an Attention Addict It's morning, and time to put on my make up, fix my hair, and wear a new outfit. I'm thinking about the female friend I'll see today who'll comment on how nice it is and I feel an adrenaline rush, Now I'...
A. 18 September 2008: I suspect you rather answer your own question...why is a drug addict addicted to drugs? It's the high, the rush...i'm not a great one for chemistry but we already know that things like sex induce positive chemical responses from the brain so I would ... (read in full...)
I have just started college and am working at the time so I am constantly tired and feel depressed!
Q. hey im really depressed in life at the moment i have just started college and am working so i am constantly tired. my boyfriend has just gone back to uni and i wont be seeing him in a while. also his best mate commented his facebook a coup...
A. 18 September 2008: I think there are loads of different issues here so lets tackle them one at a time.
1) You are burning yourself out with the work. Make time for yourself, for rest breaks and to recharge your batteries. These are just as neccessary as actually... (read in full...)
I have just started college and am working at the time so I am constantly tired and feel depressed!
Q. hey im really depressed in life at the moment i have just started college and am working so i am constantly tired. my boyfriend has just gone back to uni and i wont be seeing him in a while. also his best mate commented his facebook a coup...
A. 18 September 2008: I think there are loads of different issues here so lets tackle them one at a time.
1) You are burning yourself out with the work. Make time for yourself, for rest breaks and to recharge your batteries. These are just as neccessary as actually... (read in full...)
We both still want each other but there are reasons we had to break up. Will I ever get over him?
Q. I split up with the man I am completely in love with at Easter, and am having problems getting over him. I still think about him pretty much every second of every day and can't imagine things getting better. What makes it worse it that I know he ...
A. 17 September 2008: Of course, the obvious question is what are the reasons? You can't get over him because it was an unclean break and the feelings are still there and you are right things probably wont get better because even when the pain of seperation has faded you ... (read in full...)
Does love involve belonging to your partner?
Q. I would like an opinion here... Would you say that love involves belonging to someone else? In soul/heart? In body?...
A. 17 September 2008: Not belonging as such unless you like putting it that way. In general terms I would say yes it does involve a commitment of all the things that you mention. Obviously for most people it includes faithfullness in all those aspects. I think being ... (read in full...)
I don't want to go out with him anymore, but I'm afraid he'll do something bad to himslef.
Q. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. He is 14 and smokes about 15 cigarettes a day. His dad is an alcholic and beats him reguarly. Every time I see him he has more bruises. He has also tried to commit suicide by taking overdoses. But him an...
A. 17 September 2008: I'm assuming your age isnt accurate here. Errr its tricky, it's going to hit him hard no matter how you do it; how gentle you are etc etc. One tip might be try and drop hints to mutual friends and create a support network that will be there for him ... (read in full...)
I don't know where to start seeking help about my bf's problems. Please read and advise?
Q. I'm writing to ask for some advice, I don't know if this is the right place to go but I don't know where to start. It's to do with my boyfriend, Jack. I'll give a summary of why we're looking for help. Jack grew up in a pretty unstable upb...
A. 16 September 2008: This is a tricky one because the basic question you are asking is where do you draw the line and the answer will be different for everybody. You obviously love this guy deeply and are torn. Can I be bold and say I think ALOT more than counselling is ... (read in full...)
After hearing bad news, my boyfriend put his foot through the TV set. It scared me and I don't know what to do now.
Q. Hi. I have been dating this boy for a while. I live with him in this cute little apartment in suburban Ohio. Recently he found out his little sister has cancer and when he found out he got so upset he put his foot through our TV. I love him ver...
A. 16 September 2008: No you shouldnt unless he has shown other signs he might be violently inclined. Hearing that news is bound to put anybody under stress and though it was an extreme reaction that is easy for us all to say; if it was our kith and kin we might be ... (read in full...)
I'm sure she's playing games with me. Does this mean she is interested? How do you play mind games with a woman?
Q. How do you play along to mind games with a woman? I've browsed this site and have seen that women like playing games and now I want to do the same on this girl who I'm pretty sure is playing games on me. I really like her, and sometimes s...
A. 16 September 2008: Either shes confused or she just likes the attention and thus just gives you just enough to keep you hanging on. I wouldnt like to go down on either side conclusively on what you have written here. More detail needed. Does she go cold when others ... (read in full...)
I used to really love him and feel attracted to him, but now I feel that all I want to concentrate on is to study and get good grades -Why
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. I’ve always had minor doubts about the relationship, thinking in general that it could only last till I go off to university, and I’ve heard much advice that long distance doesn’t work. Plus my ...
A. 16 September 2008: I dont think there is anything really wrong with you; you are driven to succeed and that is not a character flaw as long as you dont ride over others to get there. Obviously you are frustrated by him and you are growing up; maybe even apart but it ... (read in full...)
We can sleep with other people although we are married... to each other! What does this mean? Are we over?
Q. why would my husband be okay with me sleeping with other men? We have talked about an open marriage, but i can not wrap my head around this one? i am not emotionally stable to say the least. Why would i be okay with him having sex with others ...
A. 16 September 2008: I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the most likely explanation for this attitude is that he wants to legitimise his own behaviour whether he has already or would merely like too. This holds true if this is a sudden change especially. It doesn't ... (read in full...)
Is my ex jealous that I'm interested in someone else or does he genuinly want us back?
Q. ok im not too sure how to put this question but i will have a go. about 5 months ago me and my ex split up but we`re still really close. ive recently been showing intrest in another guy and me any my ex hasnt been as close, all of a sudden my ex to...
A. 16 September 2008: I may agree with Sister about your ex. He could be trying to mark territory. Maybe he was possessive while you were together? I am afraid possessive personalities tend not to relinquish control even when the relationship ends. I am not so sure i ... (read in full...)
We're in a long distance relationship, she kissed another guy, can I still trust her?
Q. hi, ive never done anything like this before, but i need some advice and cant turn to my friends for it. im 22 years old and ive lived in the north east of england all my life, and i started dating a girl over 10 months ago, who was originally f...
A. 16 September 2008: I would go with the consensus on this one just to be boring. She's human, she made mistakes but at this time and from what you have said you do have a strong relationship and they were just that; mistakes. They also appear to be honest ones as well. ... (read in full...)
He's depressed and won't seek help, I feel all I do is take care of what he needs while he neglects me. I think I want to end it but how?
Q. I'm a divorced 48 yr old in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 50 and he is depressed constantly and won't tell the Dr or get on medication for it. He seems so up and down, you never know how he'll be. He never remembers my birthday (not in 4 ...
A. 16 September 2008: I agree with Emily in a way but shes being a little harsh. Brow-beating him probably wont work,it will make him retreat further, it never does on me when i'm a bit blue; what I am looking for is positive encouragement so a bit of carrot and stick is ... (read in full...)
He's depressed and won't seek help, I feel all I do is take care of what he needs while he neglects me. I think I want to end it but how?
Q. I'm a divorced 48 yr old in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 50 and he is depressed constantly and won't tell the Dr or get on medication for it. He seems so up and down, you never know how he'll be. He never remembers my birthday (not in 4 ...
A. 16 September 2008: Anon makes some very good points. One of the side effects of especially severe depression is a seeming self-absorbtion. It's not a not caring its more a withdrawal and cocoon like defensive mechanism the mind employs to protect itself. He is seeming ... (read in full...)
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